Tag: introspection

An ‘E’ for an ‘E’

Posted on by sidraowens

When we are born, it’s all about us; our needs, our comfort, our sleep.  Human babies have needs and they usually have their needs met by screaming their heads off, when they’re not met.  Most people know this and I have mentioned it in past posts.

As we grow, one of the various roles of our parents is to teach us empathy.  Empathy is defined as the feeling that you understand and share another person’s experiences and emotions.  I have taken the time to include the definition because many people behave as if they have no idea what this word is, what it means or how it is shown….  But I digress.

As we get older, we should learn that our own individual wants and needs are not all that matters in the world.  We are not the center of the universe and all does not revolve around us.  This is how you can learn to show love for you parents and family, and feel sadness for their ills and misfortunes.  This, in turn, leads you to be able to comfort those around you.  These emotions can then extend to people outside your social and familial circle, allowing you to feel the pain of strangers in your own city, your own country and even abroad.

These feelings of empathy can lead one to charity work, wanting to help the disabled, the less fortunate, the sick and the destitute.  It could lead to participation in professions that aid others; doctors, nurses, teachers.

Empathy can lead other to give money out of their pocket, or food out of their kitchen, because sometimes money and food can run out just days before the next pay day.  And rather than let another go hungry, people will give of themselves.  Empathy allows you to identify with the misfortune of others, whether physical, mental, emotional or financial, because you understand that just a single flip of the cosmic coin and you might find yourself in the same position.

Unfortunately, empathy in our society is on the decline, a sharp and fast decline.  It is rapidly being replaced by entitlement.  Entitlement has a couple of definitions, but the one that I am focusing on is, the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.  There is a growing number of people in our society, who identifies with this definition.  It is deeply associated with instant gratification.  As children, we have no real sense of time.  A child asks for a treat and mom says, in 20 minutes.  Two minutes pass, and the child asks for it again.  The child is reminded that 20 minutes hasn’t passed and they need to wait.  Five more minutes pass and the child asks again.  Having no sense of time, they don’t understand having to wait.  The patience of waiting comes over time with proper instruction.

The problem is that teenagers and adults that are well past this stage of development, exhibit the same behavior.  Not because they have no sense of time, but because they want what they want, when they want it and feel that they should not have to wait for anything, just because they’re them.  They think that they are better or special.  They think that their plights, problems and desires come ahead of everyone else’s.  This sense of entitlement leads to a complete and total lack of empathy.  They don’t know what it’s like to be sick without insurance, so the idea of needing public assistance for medical care is ludicrous.  It’s costing them.  They have never been disabled or associated with anyone with disabilities, so they don’t care for programs to help them.  They’ve never been persecuted because of their race, sex or age, so they go so far as to believe that these things never happen, just because it has never happened to them.

Apathy is the bedfellow of entitlement and it is eating away at the conscience of society.  It is a bigger problem than racism, classism, sexism, terrorism and money in the political system.  It is a bigger problem, because if people don’t give a damn about other people, they are liable to do anything to them without remorse.  We see it all the time.  A kid gets drunk, gets in a car and runs over people on the side of the road, killing them.  He gets house arrest and even after a light sentence, he breaks his probation and tries to flee the country.  His life is more important than the lives he took.  A police officer pepper sprays peaceful protesters and ends up suing for emotional trauma.  The supposed Democratic Party sabotages the campaign of one of their own; one who cared for the rights of all people, rich, working and poor, in favor of someone who has the interests of those who already have enough over those who barely have anything.

Empathy has always been a rather ethereal, wispy concept, sometimes slipping right through the fingers, but from time to time in the history of our country, we, as a society, have been able to grip it firmly and lift each other up; but it was never easy.  It took hard work and sacrifice, pain and death.  But now, empathy can’t even be seen floating on the winds.  More often than not, we are every man for themselves and to hell with the rest.

So…

What can we do?

Well, we could just be better, but that takes effort that the apathetic and entitled don’t want to exert.  So, it’s up to us who give a damn, to be mindful and vigilant and take every opportunity to inspire a change in our world; one conversation, one phone call, one post; one vote at a time.  Taking these strides may change things from the smallest interaction between you and a co-worker to the world stage which governs our society.  Close your eyes and for once, picture yourself in someone else’s shoes.  Train yourself, as we should train our children; like we used to train our children, to be patient, understanding and kind.  Bullying children turn into bullying adults; but adults can choose to be better, they just have to want it be better.

Let’s Lift Each Other.

Posted on by sidraowens

It’s difficult to conquer negativity.  Some people, seemingly, lead charmed lives; where they are able to achieve anything they want to, almost since the day they are born, because they are fortunate enough to be equipped with an excellent support system that cheers them and encourages them no matter what they want to do.

This is a rarity.

A more common situation in our culture is one of constant naysaying from those who are too afraid or too ashamed to attempt a goal that is outside of the box.  In 2016, we regularly refer to those people as haters.  “Don’t be hatin’” is more than just a semi-comical catch phrase from a TV show, it needs to be the mantra for the human species.  We instill in each other a need to hold others back and the reasoning for it, vary in their ridiculousness.  You can’t because you’re too old… you’re too young… you’re too fat…  you’re the wrong color…  our kind don’t do that kind of thing…  you can’t because you’re you.  Some people are bombarded with this kind of vitriol from the time they enter school and even before.

This world consists of all type of people who respond in a variety of ways to unending and unnecessary derision.  Those who suffer this treatment rarely get out from under it, allowing it to cloud and mar their future, until it truly is too late for them to accomplish all of the secret wishes they kept close to their hearts.

Then there are those who step in front of the freight train of fortune.  No, they don’t win the lottery; they aren’t left millions by some long lost relative and they don’t get a NFL, MLB or NBA contract.  They meet people.  They meet kind-hearted, sometimes like-minded people, that allow them to experience what it feels like to be accepted for who they are, not ostracized because of it.   They meet people, who understand where they’re coming from, or try to, and lift them up; showing them that they are okay despite their failures or flaws.  They let them know that they can do what they put their minds to.

There are tons of people broken by needless hating and plenty of people who can help mend, with care and support.  Support comes in so many facets.  It can be a hug, a conversation, it could money or it could me sharing the joy and talents of others with the world.

I have not been blogging on WordPress for very long, but I have been overjoyed at the kind words that my efforts have received.  I find that many of us are working towards the same goal of self-betterment and sharing our discoveries with as many as possible.  I wish that all who read these words would help me to lift up and support those, who truly wish well for those who don’t mean anyone any harm.

https://comparativereasoning.wordpress.com

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCe3xsp_I7DwrTP-MoBJaa9w

Listed above are the WordPress blog site and the brand new Youtube channel for Comparative Reasoning.  These sites give down to earth and reasonable insight to complex social, political and economic issues that maybe too tiring for some to face or too daunting to understand.  They come from the point of view of someone who thinks all should live well and be happy, who would rather, if toiling and suffering was not the standard protocol for 99% of the humans on this planet.  Even beyond that, they have content to lighten one’s load and bring a smile through comedy or sentiment.  Take the time to stop by these steadily expanding areas and maybe experience a point of view different than your own.  Growth in this journey that we call life is the ultimate goal.

 

 

 

Positivity and Pain

Posted on by sidraowens

I often speak about what we, as humans, can do to better ourselves, because I think that self-evolution is the final goal, or in my opinion, I think it should be.  But the duality of life makes it hard to be positive.  It makes it hard to rise above and evolve.

The duality of life I speak of, is between positivity and pain.

Humans seem to be hardwired to either distribute pain or absorb it.  The tiniest slight, wrong, betrayal or even disagreement, is internalized and tagged for future use.  Whether that use, is to lash out at others, or just for a reason to hurt later on.  Hurt and pain burrows into our beings like chiggers; latching on like a tick, and holding on for dear life, gnawing and hurting, just waiting for the opportunity the regurgitate its venom into our systems to poison us all over again.

There’s rarely an antidote.  Sometimes, it seems there is not enough warmth, honesty or love to flush our systems clean.  That hurt and pain travels through us, encapsulated, waiting for the proper conditions to release; throwing us right back into the origins of that pain, whether it were two days ago or two decades ago.

Let us not forget distributing pain.  There are no lack of practitioners of this fine art; whether they do so as a side effect of their own burrowing pain, or if their reasoning is just the sheer joy of hurting others.  This all leads to why?  Why must we hurt others intentionally and why must we hold on to the hurt for so long and so desperately? It makes us fearful, sometimes paranoid and halts our evolution; deadening out mental, emotional, social and even financial progress.

Why can’t positivity root itself so deeply into our minds and hearts?

Kind, uplifting words, warm feelings, pleasant memories…  They never stay.  They drift through our lives, like transcended spirits floating through the aether, or like the florets of a dandelion, dancing effortlessly on the wind, just out of our grasp.

Wisps of joy constantly swallowed in a tsunami of anger and misery.  Sometimes pain and anger are so pervasive that happiness is seen as unnatural, suspicious or just plain annoying.

One answer is that some people are more hard wired to internalize pain than others.  Others will be hurt brutally and open their hearts to be damaged all over again.  Striving to fall somewhere in the middle is always good.  Don’t open yourself up to be the eternal victim, but do not be so guarded that you cannot trust or experience joy.

I was feeling kind of aggravated and low when I initiated this post several days ago.  And although the emotions driving its creation have faded, the point of it still rings true.  Our long lives are really short; some shorter than others; as bad as the wrongs of the past hurt, they should not dictate your future.  Now, I am not saying to let go of every transgression, and live and let live; what I am saying is hold on to the positive memories stronger.  Let those happy feelings etch themselves in your psyche and create pathways of joy and positivity.  Let them rise up and be the peaks of your daily existence, while the pain flows silently in the valleys.  Quiet and with little influence over the now.

 

Hello again.

Posted on by sidraowens

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything.  Mainly because I have diverted all of my mental energy to other projects.  Of course, my life long project, which is my family and then the novel that I’m writing.

When I started this blog, I decided to not make it exceedingly personal, but to give my thoughts on different issues we all face.  My goal was to be positive and uplifting, but as any living being well knows, being positive all the time, is quite and undertaking. And some days, you just don’t have anything nice to say.  But that’s ok.  Really it is.  Just recognize that you’re glum or that all your knee jerk responses are negative; and don’t shower them on everyone else.  As long as you don’t have anything along the lines of clinical depression going on, you will surely bounce back, unaided.  Maybe, a little rest and sunshine to recharge the ethereal cells of positivity.

I have progressed a little and realized that these blogs have been personal all along.  They are a glimpse into the facets of my own thought processes.  And in laying those processes out this way, it has allowed me to think more critically about myself.  It has made me more aware of the genetically pre-disposed personality pitfalls that maybe around and aide me in not only accepting their presence, but avoiding them as well.

With all that being said, I will probably make a few posts today and tomorrow, because I suddenly have things to share.

Take It Easy

Posted on by sidraowens

It’s usually easier for me to fight this off than it is for some; but…  There is a fair amount of guilt and feelings of failure associated with being a writer.  For all of you writers out there, this is not a news flash.  When you have a nine to five job, if you want to keep it, you have to get up and be there every day, and you already know what is expected of you; you already know all of the goals you have to meet on a daily basis.

But writing is a self- driven passion.  There is no task master constantly whipping you to perform.  There is no one to report to, but yourself.  So often times if you don’t write every day, guilt can start to weasel in.  You feel bad for not creating.  You feel bad for you leaving your characters in the lurch; twiddling their thumbs, awaiting the author’s return so that they can be sentient and alive once again.

This is the time when we need to take a breath and be honest with ourselves as writers.  Whatever it is that drives creativity will not always flow unimpeded.  Those who are able to devote themselves completely to their craft without distraction are a lucky few, while the rest of us have to go to a nine to five job, we have to do the laundry, raise our families and even tend to ourselves; which can easily fall by the way side, if we aren’t careful.

Just like anything of merit, it takes times for characters and stories to grow and develop.  It also may be a matter of the writer fixing what ails them, whether it is lack of sleep (Which I often suffer from); doubts in one’s abilities; being pulled in multiple directions or even actual medical problems, like illness or depression.

The key is to cut yourself some slack.  Being excessively hard on yourself isn’t going to make your imagination any more accessible, as a matter of fact, it will most likely drop another road block in your creative process.  Instead of fretting, be systematic.  As a writer, naturally, you are able to look within to decipher things about yourself; to delve into past and present emotions, in order to bring your characters to life; use that same introspection to self-diagnose what is keeping your creativity at bay, and treating or remedying that as much as possible.  Sometimes, it may be a matter of getting some sleep, or sometimes it may take more, but at least getting to the root of the problem will put you on the path to a resolution.

Life is never simple.  And neither is writing, so don’t expect it to be.  Take it easy.  Don’t let your ample imagination get away from you.  The passion and desire will return, we just need to work on ourselves as eagerly as we work on our characters.

 

Curious or Judgmental?

Posted on by sidraowens

Have you ever stood in line at the grocery store, waiting for your turn to check out, and you find yourself looking at the purchases of the people in front of you, as well as behind you?

Over the years, I’ve done this countless times.  And subconsciously I wonder to myself, what might be going on in their lives based on what they’ve placed on the conveyor belt.

I’ve placed pasta, with hamburger and tomato sauce and had the cashier comment that I must be cooking spaghetti.  Of course, they were right.  But I mean, going one step further.  When you watch the person in front of you placed five 24 packs of beer in the conveyor belt; one can assume that they are about to throw a helluva a party.  Well, you hope they are anyway.

Or if you see someone place a package of arugula with bean sprouts and olive oil with balsamic vinegar on the belt; and one may think, “Damn, they’re really healthy.”  Then you start examining your own purchases attempting to gauge what’s wrong with you, and why you aren’t buying healthy, organic food?

Now.  Let’s flip the script.  You’re standing in line behind a husband and wife with a family of four children and one and half carts full of food.  Ranging from cereal to fruit to potato chips to meat; everything one might need to feed a growing family of four.  When it’s time for them to pay, the wife pulls out an EBT card (food stamps is the more widely recognized name).  What do some of us do?  You blow out of your nose and fold your arms; and think back on Bill Clinton and his welfare queen references or how everyone is living off your dime; and you attempt to ignore them until they are fully checked out and gone.

Or you look behind you and see a guy buying a forty ounce of Old English in the middle of the day; and you think, “Damn you gettin’ started early?”

My point is that most of us fall into one of these categories.  I think its human nature to be curious and judgmental; very quick to compare someone else’s life or someone else’s plight to our own.  But…  we need to stop it.  Me included.  Looking at a few items on a conveyor belt is not the gateway into someone’s soul.  And if you’re really mad about a large family using food stamps, their $500 to $700 a month is nothing compared to what the tax payer’s gift over to companies like Exxon and BP, in corporate welfare.  At least for the family, you know the children are eating.  Hell, all we get from Exxon is an increase in gas price.

Just don’t judge.  Don’t judge the EBT family, the healthy buyer, the forty ounce purchaser or yourself.  We are all just people, doing the best we can in this tumultuous, painful and rewarding journey that is life.  So have some arugula and a forty and relax.  We’re only on this planet for just a moment.  Enjoy it.

Resist Mendacity

Posted on by sidraowens

Life is a doubled edge sword.  Always sharp and prime to cut thy enemies or cut thy self.  The duality of life can confuse people; make the world far more confusing and make it even harder to come out clean on the other side.  And in truth, life is set up that way from the moment that we emerge into the world.  Humans are born helpless, completely dependent on the adults of the species for our care, nourishment and survival.  From the time of infancy, being alive is a selfish endeavor.  We are not born and up on our feet to run with the herd in less than an hour.  It takes us years, tens of years to become self-sufficient, and independent of our parents.  In the meantime, there are 1000s of lessons to learn and one of the first, we learn is selfishness.  As an infant, if we have a need we cry, or scream and cry to gain the attention of our caretakers, so that we can be fed; so that we can be changed when we are soiled; to be cared for when we are sick.  But as time progresses, we gain the ability of higher communication and speech, and it is truly up to our caretakers to teach us empathy; to ween us away the self- destructing and society destructing habits of selfishness.  There lies the problem.  Either that lesson is never taught or never learned, which leads us to many of the problems we experience as a society today.

You said it yourself. Mendacity is a system we live in.

This leads me to mendacity.  I first learned this word when I watched “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof,” as a child.  As I got older I began to learn that mendacity truly is the system in which we live.  It is pervasive and infectious.  And it stems in a large part from selfishness and a complete inability to have empathy for those around you.  Those who are usually most selfish, are those who have rarely wanted for anything, never suffered anything and never experienced loss.  Unfortunately, it takes deprivation in life to build true character.  Those who have character, are often verbally, mentally and emotionally assaulted by those who lack it.  These selfish and characterless people go beyond lacking empathy, but easily delve into the realm of deceit, duplicity and lies, just to achieve what they want.  It is far easier than face to face discussion or either confrontation.  There is too much fear and shame for them to take the stand up avenue and address issues directly.  It’s easier to lie and slither around the issue; it’s more advantageous to take the bribe and not face those who suffer as a result.  It’s simpler to turn one’s back or shut one’s eyes than to be honest with yourself and the people around you.

This leads me back to that double edge sword I mentioned in the beginning.  What are the truly straight forward, honest people supposed to do?  Those who choose the path of deceit always get what they want, whether it’s manipulating to get the job they want, taking bribes the get the money they want or sabotaging just to deny someone access; so what do we do?  One is tempted to abandon dignity and self-respect, and join the mendacious; spinning a web of lies and reaping the result.  But the question that leaves is, how will you feel inside?  Hollow?  Empty?  What is the point of having everything you want, if there is nothing left of your soul?.  There’s no point at all.  The alternative is long, painful and fraught with setbacks.  The alternative is to maintain one’s integrity and like the little engine that could, continue to chug along; spreading your goodheartedness.  But not in hopes that you will be rewarded; but… just because.  Just because it is the right thing to do.  Just because you feel warm inside when you share yourself, your money, your joy with another, and in turn make their lives better.  And the truth of the matter is that for the truly selfless, there are rewards.  Now, often times they will not be gifted with a golden parachute straight from Wall Street; the rewards are smaller, but far more fulfilling with a sense of wellness and accomplishment that anyone can be happy with as they follow this journey of life to its end.

Sad to say, we all must live with the unpleasant odor of mendacity that seems to hover around every sentient being, but the trick is not to let it infect you and change your motivations.  Selfishness, true selfishness, is usually around every corner waiting to tempt us; and we’re human, so being selfish is going to happen.  But it’s best if it’s the exception and not the rule.  When it comes to dealing with the deceitful individuals that we must interact with every day, keep your eyes open and your soul positive; that way you can see who they are, but they will never know it.

Extremism and Escalation

Posted on by sidraowens

When I was a child, I never heard the story of Chicken Little; but I was introduced to it once I was older.  And I found it quite ridiculous.  An acorn hits Chicken Little on the head and she is immediately convinced that the sky is falling.  Then she runs, like a chicken with her head cut off to tell the lion about it, and she doesn’t even know where he lives.  Henny Penny and Ducky Lucky get on board with her deduction that the sky is falling without a shred of evidence, and when Foxey Loxey sees these three dumb fowl coming his way; he instantly has an easy meal.

Now, this is just a brief summary of Chicken Little, and I advise all of you to find this story and give it a read.  It expresses several points and I will try to touch on a couple of them.

The first one is extremism.  I am not talking about political extremism or religious extremism.  I mean social and emotional extremism.  Here’s an example.

Person A: I love you very much, but there are some issues of respect that we need to address.  You seem to not think very much of my time, or the things that I need to do day to day.  I understand that you need help, but I have things I need to take care of on a daily basis as well.

Person B: Oh!  So I’m not important to you!  You don’t wanna help me!  You don’t love me anymore!  Fine then!  You don’t even have to deal with me ever again!

As you can see, Person B’s response to Person A’s statement is completely off the mark.  This is what I mean by extremism.  Instead of listening or reading the words being said or written, they take the things that offend them the most and run with it; usually running the wrong way, much like Chicken Little.  Just because something hits you on the head doesn’t mean it’s raining.  There is a profound lack of flexibility and pragmatism in our society; which has been garnered by a growth in self-entitlement.  There are many in society, who absolutely must have everything their own way and if they do not, then all is lost and not only will they throw a tantrum; they will lash out at the messenger and ignore the true message.

The next point I want to touch on is escalation.  This is another aspect of our society that is falling to the way side.  In relation to the example above, I am going to continue it to let you know exactly how it might proceed.

Person A:  I didn’t say anything like that!  You’re blowing this out of proportion!

Person B:  No, I’m not!  You just said you don’t have time to help me!  So fuck you!

Person A:  See you’re making it all about you!  I’m just trying to explain how I can’t put my life on hold for your every daily need!  But since you’re being so unreasonable, fuck you, too!  I’m better off!

Do you see how that original back and forth escalated into full scale warfare.  Shots fired and returned.  When our emotions are involved, it’s hard not to be reactionary.  The first hurtful thing that comes across our bow, and we want to fire back harder, stronger and doing as much damage as possible.  And of course, the target wants to respond in kind.  When situations like this rev up, it can be next to impossible slow them down.  It takes a self-awareness, and understanding that communication is being sacrificed due to hurt feelings; and that for the moment personal offenses and damaged egos have to be put aside for the proper delivery and receipt of the message.  This is hard.  It’s hard to do, and it takes time.  De-escalating a worsening situation can be very difficult without a third party present to sort through emotions and keep everyone on track.  If you’re ever about to engage in a potentially explosive situation or conversation, consider bringing a long a benign, impartial third party to prevent world war five from breaking out.  Maybe by doing this, one can observe how that third party manages the situation and you can start using the same tools to gain a positive result.

The key to de-escalation is very simple.  Ask questions.  All you have to do is ask questions to peel back the layers of a situation to gain a higher understanding of all points of view.  If this can occur, it can usually diffuse a volatile situation and everyone involved will be wiser and better for it.  Let’s use Chicken Little for example.  When a frantic Chicken Little runs up to Henny Penny and says, “The sky is falling, I must tell the lion.”  Henny Penny asks, “How do you know?”  And Chicken Little answers, “It hit me on the head, so I know it must be so.”  At this point, Henny Penny is as just alarmed and agrees to run around with her.  Now, if Henny Penny had asked a few more questions, like, where did it fall on you;  what did it look like;  or can you take me to where it happened; they might have avoided becoming Foxey Loxey’s dinner in the end.

De-escalation can be the key to individual survival, but we, as a society, have been sacrificing it for gut reactions, fear-driven instincts, ego and instant vengeance.  We need to stop being afraid and communicate with each other.  Listen to each other.  If parents listened to children, imagine the wisdom that could be conveyed during the teenage years.  If politicians listened to constituents, imagine the nation that could evolve and prosper.  If police listened to citizens, imagine the lives that could be saved.  The problems of extremism and escalation are systemic; visible in politics, visible socially and visible in families; but it isn’t beyond solving.  All we have to do is be flexible, be calm and communicate.