The aftermath of abuse is long-lasting. After bruises heal, actual and figurative, the trauma caused continues to linger. It stays with you, but not only that, it can be passed on. Passed on to children, and grandchildren. Spreading out for generations, so pervasive that an entire people, an entire race can wallow in self-hate and self- degradation and never understand why.
Take a moment listen to how the scars of abuse survive, long after the abused and the abuser have perished.
In December of 2018, my mother’s partner and a significant father figure in my life passed away. His name is Lorenzo ‘Logie’ Meachum, and he brings people together in life and in death.
This may seem out left field, but there are so many examples of things that divide us; race, politics, sex, education, money. All these issues tear people apart, but one of the things that can unite us is music.
Logie Meachum was a marine, fireman, educator, historian, storyteller and so much more, but he was also a blues musician. He sung the blues, and his music came from his heart. He had the extraordinary ability to make up lyrics on the fly, all he needed was the music and he was good to go.
His personality, like his music was infectious and once you were touched, you’d never be the same.
When you’re sitting around listening to Logie sing or listening to him regale you with a story from his colorful past, boundaries just fell away, and everyone was the same; enjoying good music, good food, an interesting ass story and most likely a drink to go along with.
I knew Logie for scarcely five years, and the impact that he had on my family and my life has been momentous.
Never have I been so struck by how one person can unify people than I was at the benefit held in his honor this past weekend.
As I sat in the corner of this large ball room, I watched as people young and old, family, friends and strangers, black and white came together to listen to the music Logie sung; listen to the stories that Logie told and raise money for his son’s that he involuntarily left behind.
The goodness of people can unite us.
I can’t say it any simpler than that.
When someone wants good for you, or does something good for you, gratitude and paying it forward unites us.
It is so easy to pay ill treatment forward.
They fucked me over so I’m going to fuck over everyone in my path.
This individual cheated on me and broke my heart, so I will destroy the heart of any potential suitor, because I am just so broken inside.
In Logie’s final years, he received some of the worse treatment by those who meant so much to him, but even that withstanding, he did not take his strife out on those around him. Instead he opted to lift up friends and strangers alike.
That is a hard way to be. It’s hard to still be good, even while being treated so poorly, but it’s something to aspire to.
My life partner, Sedrik Cannady aspires to it. He always has, even before meeting Logie. He reaches out to those who are in need to offer advice and understanding to those who may not receive it anywhere else.
Accepting of those who would normally go unaccepted.
Offering a helping hand despite so-called boundaries.
This altruism has not always brought him the gratitude that I feel he deserves, but he despite his best efforts to close himself off, to protect himself from the ill treatment he has received, when someone needs help, he wants to help.
That’s how he is.
That’s how Logie was.
And it’s what we should all aspire to be.
Give, even if you get nothing in return. That’s the best way to save all of us.
It’s sad how the best of us perishes, while the worst of us lives and thrives. They persist, continuing to spread their venom and appealing to the worst in us.
I challenge everyone and myself, to appeal to the best in us. Let’s lift each other up in words and deed.
Aspire to be better.
That way the ones that are with us can see the good of the work, and the ones we have lost will not have lived in vain.
In seventh grade, I was introduced to my first real writing class where I began learning the rules to writing prose and poetry. We had to break up into groups and have our drafts read by others in the class, and they would give you their ideas if they could focus long enough on the task at hand. I liken myself to a mountain goat standing sideways on a jagged cliff. I am quite happy standing alone, and I do not generally require the validation of a group, especially if they don’t really give a damn anyway. With that in mind, I was quietly resistant to this process. Quietly, because I didn’t have a choice in the matter. I have never enjoyed peer editing, and the absolute worst writing tool to ever be introduced to me was an outline.
Countless times I have had teachers tell me to do an outline for my essay, or do an outline for my story. They might as well have told me to speak another language. I mean . . . I knew what they wanted, but when I sat down with pencil and college rule paper with the intention of doing one . . . I would just go blank. And whatever I did manage to write down . . . look, if an outline was meant to be the bare bones of the material, then my outline was the bare bones of the bare bones.
So, instead, I would just write. I would sit down with my pencil and paper and just get started. Every time, I go with my instincts and simply just write: the ideas and creativity flow like that artificial yellow stuff they spread on popcorn at the movie theaters. (Really man, don’t eat that stuff. I’m fairly sure it ain’t butter.)
Now, here I sit, many moons later, and my conclusion thus far is . . .
GREAT WRITERS DON’T PLAN!
Rather simple, huh? But I believe this to be the gospel. When you have an idea, a strong idea, just sit down to your keyboard and the word processing software of your choice and get started. For me, the creativity just flows. As I take the time to slowly reveal the personalities of the characters, their motivations shine through and take on a life of their own. It’s like I’m a conduit, and the only reason why the story isn’t told faster is because I’m not typing fast enough.
Sometimes, it gets bothersome . . .
My characters are like, “What the fuck are you doing?”
“What?” I ask.
“We’ve got things to do. Quit with all this work shit and start typing!” they demand.
“I have to work so that I can have a roof to write under!” I bellow back to them.
“Alright then. We’ll bitch louder and louder ’til you get it done.”
In other words, a great story will not be stopped. Doing an outline equates to overthinking the thing. And then once you have this pristine little outline, what are you supposed to do then? Stick to it, I guess. But that doesn’t mesh with me because sticking to a rigidly detailed outline is not creative and being able to put fingers to keys and create a vast world with dynamic characters out of nothing is the epitome of creativity.
Plans fail! Just write. As it bubbles to the surface, get it all down. You never know what wonders may be waiting to burst past the gates if they’re not bound by a leash. You don’t try to catch lava in a cup, do you? Hell no! Volcanoes erupt unrestrained without malice or mercy, destroying everything in its path, but from that destruction, beauty will one day emerge.
Home remedies have been around forever. As time has passed with advent of so many groundbreaking and society changing medical discoveries, many of those remedies have faded into the obscurity of time.
With the addition of so many unnecessary ingredients to our water, produce, and meats that lead to so many highly debilitating and life shortening diseases, there has been a grand return to these home remedies; to lengthen and improve lives without all of the side effects. Often times, those old school remedies work better than those prescribed by your primary care physician. I am going to discuss another one of those remedies: Melaleuca alternifolia, also known as tea tree oil.
Tea tree oil does amazing things for the skin, especially irritated, damaged, dry, and itchy skin. Anecdotal evidence on the way.
Case #1:
My daughter complains that her armpit hurts. So naturally, I tell her to take of her shirt so I can take a look. When she lifts her arm, I can see that she has a landscape of fine red bumps under her armpit and down her side. Even though, she never complained about itching, I first tried applying hydrocortisone with zero result. And her complaints about pain associated with the rash, led me to consider a possible skin affection. I decided that I would apply tea tree oil to the rash before school and before bed, and if it had no improved in a few days then we would venture to the pediatrician. Within two days she was no longer complaining of pain, and two days later, the rash was gone.
Case #2:
I, like many, have adult onset acne. This means I have to be careful what type of moisturizers I put on my oily face, or else will have painful break outs. After finding an inexpensive, non-pore clogging lotion for my face, I decided to mix it with tea tree oil, after researching that the oil was good for acne. And I am so glad I did. I can mix the oil with the lotion without it feeling greasy, and my outbreaks have reduced greatly, which also means I have fewer acne scars. One step further, if I do have an outbreak, I can apply the oil directly to it, and not only will it sooth it, it will reduce the pimples lifespan.
Case 3#:
I have allergies and therefore, itchy skin and therefore, itchy ears. Terribly, incessantly itchy ears, and my poor daughter has the same affliction. So, as a short term remedy, I will drop two drops of tea tree oil in our ears, and after a couple of days it diminishing the itching and we are not constantly digging in our ears. One word of caution, dilute with a carrier oil, because tea tree oil can burn irritated skin and that causes a seven year old to resist this treatment.
Case #4:
I had my second ear piercing done years ago, but I have neglected keeping an earring in the second set of holes, so over time, they would partially close up. So, whenever I got a wild hair to wear earrings, they would hurt going in and generally be uncomfortable. One day, after acquiring a set of inexpensive stainless steel studs, I cleaned the posts, covered them in tea tree oil and slid them into my ear. Yes, it was a little painful, but the discomfort was minimal and after a day, my ears felt like I’d been wearing ear rings in them all along.
There you have it. My four anecdotal case studies displaying the healing and soothing capability of tea tree oil. I can’t live without the stuff now. I always have a bottle on hand, because you never know when your skin might act up. Please understand, I’m not saying that traditional medical solutions are wrong or obsolete; not at all. It’s just always good to have a first line of defense when something arises. A household armed with frankincense, turmeric, apple cider vinegar and now, tea tree oil will always a healthy step ahead.
I haven’t been active on WordPress for a while. After I published my book back in April (#ahavenamdistperdition), the ball, as they say, has been slowly rolling. I often find myself briefly tangled in a small conundrum. The book is written, the book is published and now…. Ahhh, I can breathe and just create more fiction.
If only it were that simple. It isn’t. The truth is, no matter how tempting one’s laurels are or how comfortable resting on them may be, none of us can afford to do so.
Being a self-published author means that I am the writer, editor, publisher, agent, fundraiser, event planner, etc, etc, etc…. (Did anyone catch the reference to “The King and I???”, anyway, I digress). At one point, I thought that the entire process of writing was ‘doing the work’, but for me, the work comes after the story is written.
And I have not been visiting my WordPress site, because I have been trying to ‘do the work’ on other fronts; not only by putting my work out there, but by putting me, my face, out there, too.
I had my first book reading back in September, and it was a wonderful experience. It is gratifying to get feedback from those outside of your immediate life circle.
So, in the spirit of ‘doing the work’, I am going to spend a little more time on WordPress. I’m hoping to post at least once a week. I think on some level I got a little discouraged; not knowing exactly how to proceed; but I’ve got it figured out now. Just keep ‘doing the work’ and figuring out other ways to ‘do the work’ and I can’t go wrong.
By now, you might be thinking, “What the hell does she mean… ‘doing the work’?” Well, nothing good is going to happen by doing nothing. One had to research the best way to accomplish whatever it is you want to accomplish, for me, it is marketing my novel and writings. Then you have to vet that research and discern what is best for you. Sometimes tips will work, sometimes they won’t. Then you have to try out what you’ve narrowed down and see what happens. If it works, great, it not; try again. Take another avenue. And if it does work… try again and still try another avenue. And remember to breathe. Don’t get bogged down and in layers of minutia. If you feel the waters getting murky, step back and breathe until you can resume your course. I think that is what I had to do by taking an extended time away from WordPress; I was taking a breather.
The succinct message that I want you all to gleam from this rambling is that I am back on WordPress. I am ‘doing the work’ and last, but not least, don’t forget to breathe.
Hmmm… breathe. I think I’ve mentioned that one before!
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-haven-amidst-perdition-sidra-owens/1126303853?ean=9781478786689
https://outskirtspress.com/sidraowens
https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/a-haven-amidst-perdition
https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Sidra_Owens_A_Haven_Amidst_Perdition?id=ATk1DwAAQBAJ
Check out my blog and website at: https://sidraowens.wordpress.com
As well as my youtube channel: The Wicked Orchard –https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGP5RkKX2lVw9ggeO-r0MAA/videos
and some of my commentaries on Comparative Reasoning
The solar eclipse took place on August 21st of this year, and as far as that cosmic event was concerned; it was both eventful and uneventful. I was able to view a total eclipse from the only vantage point available, since I was in Chapel Hill. Handfuls of people stood outside my work building, looking up at the sun, viewing the eclipse, with some good hearted people sharing their eclipse glasses with those who didn’t have any. A coworker of mine warned, as she departed for the day, that we should all look out for everyone else on the road, on the drive home. Everyone is crazy, but the eclipse has made folks a special kind of crazy.
Depositing this in the back of my mind, I ended my shift and drove home. Despite the fact that I was tired with no desire to go back out into traffic, there were still errands to run; the inevitable trip to walmart that we all take at least twice a week, so that we can all have our time and our cash sucked into oblivion. Walmart disdain aside, we travelled our normal route, my family and I to get there, and while sitting at a dead stop, at a red light, waiting to turn left; a car on the far side of the wide and extremely busy intersection, ran the light at a moderate speed. It was funny, for lack of a better term, because I saw the car coming. I saw it veer, as though it were intentionally aiming right for us. I just knew that the vehicle would realize its egregious error and correct itself, but it didn’t. The car hit us at no more than 20 miles per hour, maybe even less. We were fortunately, uninjured; shaken up, angry, scared, but alive and well. The vehicle was still functional at that moment, not even aware that it was nearing its end. As my hands began to shake, and the dismay at the incident took root immediately afterward; I had to watch, seemingly in slow motion, as the other car backed up, veered around us and sped off down the road. I would’ve felt better if they had paused to give us the finger, but no, we got none of that. No care, no assistance, no admittance, no apology, nothing. We had two very polite and helpful witnesses, but no license plate. We had a description of the vehicle, but the police didn’t arrive for another hour. The brakes just barely brought the vehicle to a stop, as we moved it off of the road, all of the coolant leaked out, along with many other vital fluids.
In NC, if no one gets the plate in a hit and run, and no one is injured, then you have to eat it. And that is what we did. We had to eat it. We had to eat the fact that even though, we could very well be getting spied on through our webcams by the NSA, there were no cameras at the intersection where the accident occurred. We had to eat the fact that a tow that would normally cost 40 or 50 bucks, cost 165 since the police called for the tow. We had to eat 35 a day storage fee, we had to eat a 70 dollar tow back to our home. We had to eat the fact that paying for all this was eating into our food money. Now how ironic is that.
Then there has to be the search for another car; having to most likely, acquire another bill. Having to deal with loan applications and credit scores, and institutions telling you that your situation may be dire, but we cannot help you to keep it from getting worse. Having to inconvenience others… That may be the most unsettling part.
On the flip side of that, this entire ordeal has reacquainted me with my good fortune. I am a believer in astrological signs, and I have read many times over the years, that Sagittarius’ are lucky. In all of my immaturity, I would always think to myself, “Luck? What the hell are they talking about? I haven’t won the lottery or nothing like that.” But in the past two years, I have looked back on my life and realized many instances where I was very fortunate. Lucky. Thankful that things had gone safely one way and not dangerously another. My fortune allowed me to continue to get to work every day, without concern or having to explain to the supervisor my “situation.” I was able to get food and supplies for my family whenever I needed it and not made to feel as though I was a burden. I was even given access to another vehicle for a very short time, and in driving it, my luck rained upon me again, when a dry rotted tire blew only a minute from home, after I just turned off of the highway, allowing me to safely navigate the monstrous V-8 home without harm or incident.
This month my partner finally began to see the monetary benefits of all of his hard work, putting himself out there despite fears and doubts. People signed up to come to my first book reading at far greater numbers than I had anticipated, google contacted me and now my novel is up on google play books and I got a couple a more sales to boot.
But on the other hand, my sciatica acted up so bad that standing still was excruciating, and I ate something, drank something or inhaled something that made my top lip swell with an allergic reaction. So for a week I scratched the inside of it with my teeth, while slathering it with vaseline until it thankfully began to rebound. And on top of that, our daughter caught a cold that she bounced back from in three days, while her father and I linger, with he even sicker than myself, but luckily my voice has cleared just in time for Saturday’s reading.
I found a car. A car I wanted. Not just something to get around. It had a price decent enough, but still, another bill. My propensity toward luckiness allowed me to be able to get this vehicle, even though I would need assistance; with the assistance seeming to be gladly offered; for future repercussions, we must stay tuned.
And despite a more than generous donation so that I would have books for my event, and despite ordering them in what I thought was a timely fashion, the books have not arrived. Hell, that haven’t even shipped yet. Messages went unreturned, chats unanswered, except to say your ticket has been resolved, we will email you with your order status, only to never do so. I did finally speak to a person but she could not answer the questions of whether my books had been printed. And even after two failed transfers, at least eight consecutive phone calls and two desperate messages, I am no closer to knowing their status.
Suffice it to say, it has been a more than interesting month. The hills and valleys have been momentous, and the Sidra of ten years ago would have shed many a tear by now, but… tears don’t move you forward, especially when living means that life happens. And I’m certainly not giving up on that. Some things you have to get through, and smile as much as you can during while learning simultaneously. I was stressed about the books last night, but that has passed. We found more clues to the ailments that plague my partner, bittersweet, but answers are answers; and our daughter got into the run club that she’s wanted to get into for a year. I promised she would. Mission accomplished, thanks very much to my fortune. I am fortunate and it cannot be measured in dollar signs. All in all, I can say that this month has been unique, and I can’t label much more than that, because it just wouldn’t be descriptive enough.
-If you have enjoyed my commentary or my short stories, then please check out my youtube channel, The Wicked Orchard; where you can listen to me read my short stories
-And don’t forget to check out Comparative Reasoning here on wordpress for written commentary on a whole hosts of topics.
-If you’d rather listen than read, definitely check out Comparative Reasoning on youtube, where you’ll hear of earful of social, economic and political commentary.
My Debut Novel is also available for purchase:
Empathy.
Do you have it? Do you know what it is? I’m willing to wager that maybe 80% of the American populous don’t know or care to know for that matter.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share feelings. It’s the ability to step outside yourself and understand what some else I’d going through.
Humans are not born with empathy. We are naturally born selfish; it relates back to instinctual self-preservation. If you want to survive, you have to think of self. But in a society where interaction with others is needed, empathy is needed as well. So it must be taught by parents, grandparents, teachers and eventually peers.
Unfortunately, our society, in this country, is not centered around aiding or understanding our fellow man. We are all suffering under the thumb of the corporate controlled Congress; who would have us all believe that the minorities, the immigrants and the terrorists are to blame for your lot in life. Meanwhile, they subjugate us with their morals, turning us into cogs in the machine rather than citizens.
The key to this country is simple. Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. The Golden rule. Empathy. It’s so simple. But it will take the further crumbling of our republic into eventual revolt and bloodshed, before empathy will re-root itself in our society.
How many of us will have to flee our home for unknown refuges, like so many others all around the world? A dark scenario, I know, but highly probable when you examine the road we are travelling.
So…
Got empathy???
I know to some this may be a small milestone, but for me, this is another step in a long journey and dream that is slowly coming true.
I have spoken to the person, who left the review, and the thing that is more gratifying than a sale, is the fact that they really enjoyed my novel. They loved the characters and went along for the ride that I created.
I want to thank her for purchasing the book and for enjoying it so much. I also want to thank anyone, in advance, who takes their time to check it out.
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-haven-amidst-perdition-sidra-owens/1126303853?ean=9781478786689
https://outskirtspress.com/sidraowens
https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/a-haven-amidst-perdition
Check out my blog and website at: https://sidraowens.wordpress.com
As well as my youtube channel: The Wicked Orchard –https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGP5RkKX2lVw9ggeO-r0MAA/videos
#ahavenamidstperdition
#thewickedorchard
#newnovel
#newauthor
#africanamericanauthor
#selfpublished
#writers
#fiction
#stories
#literaryfiction
#womensfiction
Necessity is the mother of invention.
That is an understatement.
When I realized that I could write letters, send queries, beg and plead to literary agents and publishers alike, to read my work, or I could self-publish and spend that energy promoting my already published work, I underestimated the number of roadblocks that I would be encountering.
They are numerous. The time where people were eager to take a chance on an unknown are fading if not gone. Personally, you’d think an independent bookstore; a bookstore who is fighting the good fight against franchised mega-conglomerates, would be the first to throw their hat into the ring and give a self-published author a shot. But much to my dismay, most are not. Not all but most.
So, it is my job to not only be, author, editor, and self-publisher; I must also put on the hat of event planner.
I am planning a book reading, with music and a book signing at the end. I am excited and will be updating progressively, as it nears.
I am also open to suggestions. I know that there are a lot of writers, poets and storytellers out there, and if any of you have any ideas or suggestions regarding self-promotion, I would deeply appreciate it.
I have also published my new novel on Kobo. Now it is available for purchase on Kobo as well for you avid e-readers. I’ll be placing that link along with the others links for Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Outskirts Press.
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http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-haven-amidst-perdition-sidra-owens/1126303853?ean=9781478786689
https://outskirtspress.com/sidraowens
https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/a-haven-amidst-perdition
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-If you have enjoyed my commentary or my short stories, then please check out my youtube channel, The Wicked Orchard; where you can listen to me read my short stories
-And don’t forget to check out Comparative Reasoning here on wordpress for written commentary on a whole hosts of topics.
-If you’d rather listen than read, definitely check out Comparative Reasoning on youtube, where you’ll hear of earful of social, economic and political commentary.
sidraowens.wordpress.com 