Tag Archives: Kids

There’s a Sulphurous Gas…

by Revis Edgewater

Tonight, we were all just sitting around in the living room. Baby J and Baby E were playing some kind of trivia game on one of their phones when the following exchange occurred.

Baby J: Name a type of pollution.

Revis: Air…water…

Mrs. Revis: The toxic fumes that come out of your sister’s ass.

The 10 year old Baby E: (laughing) Yeah, the toxic fumes coming out of my ass.

As soon as she said it, her face dropped. Her eyes were as big as they could possibly get. She tried to stop it before it came out of her mouth, but she couldn’t. Her face was as red as it could be as she braced for getting yelled at for cussing. The yelling never came, however.

Her parents were too busy laughing.

Too Much Doo Doo

by Revis Edgewater

My daughter has been on a kick lately. She’s been wanting to watch nothing except for one particular cartoon. I used to like it. Well, maybe not like it. It wasn’t bad. I used to not hate it, anyways. Now, it’s annoying as hell.

For the past couple of weeks, it’s been nothing but “Doo Doo”. For those of you who don’t know what that is, that’s what Baby E calls Scooby Doo. Although, now she also sometimes calls him “Dooby Doo”. (Feel free to insert pot joke here….) Continue reading →

Looking For Doo Doo

by Revis Edgewater

A few days ago, my mother was over at my house visiting. She was sitting on the couch with my wife, while I was sitting in a computer chair next to them. We talked for a few minutes before Baby E ran up and stopped in the middle of all of us. My daughter pointed towards the kitchen and said, “Doo doo.”

The three adults looked at each other in open confusion. We are all fluent in Baby E talk, but none of us knew what she meant by that. Doo doo isn’t a phrase that we use around here. So, I ask her, “What?”

She points to the kitchen again and repeats, “Doo doo.”

We debated amongst ourselves for a few minutes on what she could possibly be talking about, but none of us had a clue. Finally, I tell her to take me to it. Baby E grabbed my finger and led me into the kitchen. She stopped in front of one of our cabinets.

She points to the cabinet and screams, “Doo doo!”

Now, I’m even more confused. The cabinet she was pointing to is the one where we keep our chips, crackers, and other assorted munchables. Was she trying to tell me what happens after eating the contents of that cabinet?

Baby E raised her arms in the universal signal for “pick me up”. I grabbed her and lifted her up in front of the cabinet. She opened the door and pulled something out. I immediately start laughing as she hands me this…

scooby

image from walmart.com

TWO YEARS AGO

by Revis Edgewater

Two years ago, I was just a guy who didn’t really know what I was doing. Whenever something new came along, I just went with the first thing that came into my head and hoped it was right.

Now, two years later, I’m pretty much still in the same boat.

My little girl celebrated her second birthday yesterday. Looking back on the day she was born, things seem so surreal. I remember her being born, but, when I look at pictures of her from that day, I don’t remember her ever being that small. All I see is how big she is now.

She runs, jumps, climbs, and (like her mother and grandmother) falls. She talks up a storm whether there’s anyone in the room with her or not. Her laugh is a beautiful sound, even though it sounds downright evil at times.

Watching her play is never dull. She’s always doing something entertaining. If you blow bubbles for her, she’ll chase after them saying, “I got it. I got it,” over and over.

She’s also not afraid to let you know what she wants. No matter what you’re doing, if you have something in your hands, she’ll knock it out of them, grab one of your fingers and pull you to whatever it is that she wants you to do for her. If you resist her pull, she’ll start crying until you either give in or she gets bored and moves on to something new.

Even though she’s a pain in the butt sometimes, I couldn’t have asked for a better daughter than the one I have been blessed with. Baby E, Daddy loves you very much and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life doing whatever I can to make you happy.

That’s My Girl!!!

by Revis Edgewater

Whenever my daughter hears, or sees, something new, she gets a particular look on her face. It’s half confusion (because she doesn’t know what she just heard or saw) and half excitement (at discovering something new). Since she’s at an age where most things are still new to her, she gets her “new thing” look a lot. If I see her with the “new thing” look on her face, I always do the same thing. I’ll put on a big smile and, in my excited daddy voice, I’ll ask her, “What was that, honey?”

Her answer to the question depends on what the new thing was. If it was something exciting, she’ll run around giggling hysterically. If it was something that scared her, she’ll jump up into my arms. Most of the time, though, she’ll just point at whatever the new thing is and start babbling.

On Tuesday night, I was giving Baby E her bath upstairs, while Mrs. Revis was downstairs doing some laundry. She played with her toys for a while before standing up to get another one of her rubber ducks. While she was standing……she farted.

I don’t know what it was about that night, maybe it was the position of the shower curtain or the level of the water in the bathtub, but her little toot echoed. Upon hearing the echo, she got the “new thing” look on her face. I followed through on my end of the ritual by energetically asking, “What was that, honey?”

Her answer was something different. This time, an ear-to-ear grin spread out over her face as she pointed to her bottom and yelled, “BUTT!”

 

Five minutes later, my wife came upstairs to make sure I was ok because I was still laughing.

Song Story: Last Resort

by Revis Edgewater

When I did my first post about one of my song stories, I warned you that there would be some that were mundane (and probably pointless). This is one of those. I’d feel bad about telling you a story that you may not find interesting, but, hey, nobody’s forcing you to read this.

Anyways…

When Twindaddy split with the twins’ mother, he came to live with me for a while. They were around 6 at the time (Although you’d have to ask Twindaddy to find out for sure. I’m not very good at remembering things). This particular incident happened not long after he moved in. It was a time when I still had a little something to learn about what I can and can’t listen to when children are present….

The living room and the dining area of the apartment were all one big room. One day, the twins were at the dining room table doing their homework, while Twindaddy was on the couch playing Madden. My computer was situated right next to the TV, so I sat at the computer desk, manning the media player (we’d usually have our own music playing over the game because the announcers on Madden tend to be very annoying).

Our songs were selected randomly by the computer, and everything was fine….until Last Resort by Papa Roach started playing. At first, I thought nothing of it. In fact, I started singing along.

Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort

I looked over at my brother, fully expecting him to be singing along with me. Instead, he had a look of terror on his face. In the split-second I was wondering why he had that look on his face, I remembered what the next line of the song is. I practically leaped at the mouse to click on the Next button.

Suffocation, no breathing, don’t give a fu….

At this point, I always picture myself doing one of those movie “slowly opening one eye to see if the bad thing occurred” gags, although I’m pretty sure that never happened. It was more like I gave a nervous chuckle while the twins looked at me like I was crazy.

Either way, from that point on, I was a lot more careful about what was played whenever they were around.

The Further Exploits of Baby E

by Revis Edgewater

Don’t you hate those parents who do nothing but talk about their children?

Well, get ready to hate me, because that’s what I’m going to do.

  • When last you heard, Baby E was busy setting up a criminal underground with her cousin, Baby C. They’re still up to no good together, but I think they know we’re on to them. They’ve been a lot quieter since. Of course, now they’re in the stage of cutely mispronouncing each other’s names…. They’re trying to distract us from something.
  • A couple of nights ago, Baby E fell asleep in between Mrs. Revis and I while we were laying in bed. Mrs. Revis kissed her on the forehead before I picked her up to take her into her room. After I took a few steps, she started stirring. I stopped, to try to get her to go back to sleep. Baby E peeked her eyes open, looked at Mrs. Revis, waved “bye-bye”, then put her head back down on my shoulder and fell back asleep. My wife almost cried from cuteness overload.
  • Twindaddy and family came down to my house to watch the Super Bowl. The twins, for whatever reason, wanted Seattle to win (They certainly got their wish, didn’t they?). High fives are Baby E’s newest thing, so whenever Seattle did something good (which was 99% of the game), she gave high fives. The thing is, when she gives high fives, she doesn’t give them to just one or two people. She has to give them to everyone in the room. Baby E did a lot of high fiving that  night.
  • I spent a good portion of my day yesterday baby-proofing our kitchen. As I was sitting on the floor, installing the latches onto one of the cabinets, Baby E walked over and plopped down on my lap. She then grabbed the screwdriver out of my hands and tried to finish screwing the latch on herself. Mrs. Revis took pictures and immediately uploaded them to Facebook.
  • And, lastly, about a week ago, I was giving Baby E a bath. She didn’t make a plop this time. She did…. toot, however. Her toot was so loud that Mrs. Revis, who was doing homework in the next room, heard it. “Geez, Revis,” my wife said. “Do you feel better?”…..THAT’S MY GIRL!!!!!