Tag Archives: happiness

Adventures in Writing

I’m a visual person to a degree: I like things in the proverbial black and white. I like exactness, and tracking progress with precision. I like facts and figures. I like, for example, knowing that at the beginning of March, I will have increased my personal net worth by 10%, thanks to my still-in-progress budgeting and tracking system. Perhaps 10.2% or 10.3%. I do like precision.  Which is to say, I’m still in the negative thanks to a mortgage, but less so.

I’ve surpassed 9k words in the novel, perhaps a paltry number when measured against the total of a true novel, but I look to be on track to meet 10k or even 11k words this weekend, and I’m a bit proud of that. It’s progress. Not bad for someone so lacking discipline as myself, with a full-time job and attempting to contract with a possible client for web content.

With the exception of a single successful NaNoWriMo, (which was horrid in execution), the only time I’ve ever written this much on a single project was for my senior thesis.

Which reminds me, I should pull that out. I enjoyed the end result of it. I had a catchy title, I’m sure (I’ve always been fond of not-too-straight forward titles), and it focused on the power exchange information transference.  What is private versus what is secret. How they’re handled. Motivation for keeping and sharing secret and private information.

I do enjoying examining power exchanges: who benefits, who suffers.

I read once that everything is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power. I disagree: I think everything is about power.

But I digress.

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Don’t Lose It

… give it away.I heard that the other day, and it stuck with me. Don’t talk about weight as if you’re losing it. If you lose something, there’s always the chance that you’ll find it again. Talk about it like you’re giving it away, fat like second hand goods that served you well but you no longer need.

Like baggage that you’re getting rid of.

I liked that.

There was a singular moment earlier this month when I realized something spectacular: I don’t have to be fat any more.

It sounds incredibly silly, redundant, over-simple: I don’t have to be fat any more. The significance of this statement had me clutching the sides of the bed, afraid I was going to literally float off of it because I finally got it, got it, got it, and that I was so happy I thought I would literally float off the bed.

Of course, once I came down, I was hit with the horrible realization that, while I didn’t have to be fat any more, that the period of my life in which I needed to be fat is now officially over, I had a hell of a lot of work in front of me in order to not be fat.

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True Love

I swore I wouldn’t, but I did. I read the blog, curious as to see what he would write after our little tete-a-tete.

It was pretty much as I expected, but I was surprised at how much it stung, anyway, all things considered. And I had this big “thing” built up in my head about how I was right, and he was wrong, and I could prove it…blah, blah, blah…

…and as I was walking this morning, I realized that it didn’t matter. It just didn’t matter. Nothing I could say would ever change his opinion of me, or change the condition of the cats, or do anything productive whatsoever, and then the most wonderful thing happened. I let go because I realized that it just didn’t matter.

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