Tag Archives: exercise

Over and Over and Over

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“I should be further along than I am now.”

That was a statement I’ve said recently, echoing statements I’ve made over the years.

There’s been a gap, ever widening, between where I want to be and where I am.  Or, perhaps more accurately, what I want to do and what I do.

My publishing resume reflects that (nothing since college), my finances reflect that and, now, finally, my blood work reflects that.

I’ve always held that being fat isn’t the problem; being poor isn’t the problem.  Each is A problem, but not THE problem.

They are symptoms of bigger problems. They carry their own consequences, sure, but they are primarily symptoms.

And it’s time that I put the symptoms in check.

Tonight, I walked.  Not far, and, of course, I lost my pedometer along the way. But I walked.  With an arthritic hand and a terribly behaved dog, I put one step in front of the other before the sun went down.

Which is a whole set of accomplishments right there. Getting home from work before dark (an increasing challenge with the time change and this time of year); getting out the door rather than looking at “one more thing” on the internet; remembering to bring the doggy bag for the presents the pup always leaves on our walks.

It’s a start. And I’m moving again.

That’s something.

Also: I don’t think I’ll ever refer to take-away food as a “doggy bag” again.

Cure Fear Now

If ever there were a bumper sticker that should be made, this is it, I think.

I’ve long held the belief that fear is the antithesis of all that is good, and, as such, is the source of all that is evil. Greed, dishonesty, even violent crime and war, to me, can all be traced back to fear. Fear of not having enough, fear of not being thought of as good enough, fear of loss and lack of power.

Fear.

Yesterday was the 30th day of my 30 Day Challenge, and, wow, what a month. I lost sight of it at times, I plain didn’t want to do it at times (which was, perhaps, the most telling realization), and I succeeded far more than I wanted to at times.

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Back From Black

This morning, I had trouble getting up and walking. I was looking forward to it. I bought new shoes yesterday, and, while I tried them out yesterday evening, I was really looking forward to doing the just-woke-up walk and see how they feel.

But I couldn’t get moving. With any sort of expediency, anyway.

I drank more coffee than I should have. I piddled around here and there on the ‘net, and I took a long time to get dressed.

When I finally made it to the park, I could barely put one foot in front of the other. I wasn’t walking; I was trudging.  After having trudged about 20 minutes, though, I noticed my pace increasing. By the time I hit 30 I felt okay, and by the time I hit 40, I felt pretty damned good. ‘

I think that’s exactly how things are right now.  Post-graduation, I’m at about the 25 minute mark right now.

Okay, so I’m not officially here quite yet,

But I’m not falling all over myself avoiding things, either.

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The Light at the End of the Tunnel

I have one paper down, the Shakespearean thing that isn’t anywhere near as good as I wanted to be.

But it’s done.

I’m working on my paper that started out being about Kate Chopin (and, oddly, I haven’t written anything about her at all yet) and is now ass-deep in the exchange of information and relationship building.

It’s been eye-opening, for sure. I still have no understanding of Lacan or how that will play into it, but I am writing up a storm.

11 days, and I’ll be done, done, having walked across the stage, not losing my temper because I didn’t graduate magna cum laude (despite having the GPA, but that’s another rant for another time).

I’ll be done, done, and I never have to think about USM again. Except when I go to work there this summer. I’ve signed on to continue tutoring (at the abysmally low rate, stupid me) until I find a “real job.” While I don’t mind tutoring, I’d much rather be making a wage that is more than what I was making as a non-degreed.

But anyway.

Marie called, asked me if I remembered they were having a birthday party for me this weekend.

I didn’t.

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About Those Breasts…

I have a presentation in 7 hours (God, being up this early makes the day seem so very, very long). I’m not sure what I’ll be talking about other than iconoclasm in the classroom. (I’ve noticed a theme to my classroom presentations, and they’re usually about overthrowing outdated, tired, and ineffectual teaching methods. Hmm).

I’m supposed to have a visual aid.  I don’t have a visual aid.  I’m not sure if I will have a visual aid.

Of course, I don’t have a speech either, so I’m right on schedule.

Two weeks of actual classroom left, of papers and stress and hair pulling and screaming and then….

…and then I don’t know. I have no idea.  Ideally, I’ll be sitting on the bow of the boat, sipping iced tea, reading something horribly trashy and getting sunburnt and swimming until my limbs revolt.

Ideally.

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On Dreaming: (Orig: March 10, 2008)

I didn’t walk either Saturday or Sunday morning, something that definitely has messed with my continuity. Because I work over night on Friday and Saturday nights, unless I walk at work during my so-called “lunch break” (after 7 am when my relief comes in), I don’t have the energy to walk at all.

This morning is the first of Spring Break. I woke up early, before sunrise and ate since I’m still Fasting, and decided, with as cold and grey as it was outside, to go back to bed.

It was marvelous. I still have a to-do list a billion miles long. I still haven’t walked this morning. I still haven’t done anything on my to-do list, but I went back to bed.

And, despite all the conditions surrounding it, I did it guilt-free.

I love guilt-free stuff.

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Double Dose (Gratitude Thursday, a Day Late)

I’m back. Oh, boy, am I back.

I don’t know if I’m back to blogging as often as I had been, but I’m back, back, back.

This morning, as I was walking (and feeling incredibly ungrateful that I’ve managed to misplace my MP3 player), I realized that I hadn’t actually posted a gratitude for Thursday.

At the moment I was thinking about it, I was feeling so very good in my body as it was moving, I was feeling swept along, legs stretching, feet up and down and up and down and arms pumping. And I was feeling so grateful for movement. And the product of movement. The joy of moving is joy enough, but when I can feel with my hands my muscles coming together, strengthening, lengthening, moving.

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Don’t Lose It

… give it away.I heard that the other day, and it stuck with me. Don’t talk about weight as if you’re losing it. If you lose something, there’s always the chance that you’ll find it again. Talk about it like you’re giving it away, fat like second hand goods that served you well but you no longer need.

Like baggage that you’re getting rid of.

I liked that.

There was a singular moment earlier this month when I realized something spectacular: I don’t have to be fat any more.

It sounds incredibly silly, redundant, over-simple: I don’t have to be fat any more. The significance of this statement had me clutching the sides of the bed, afraid I was going to literally float off of it because I finally got it, got it, got it, and that I was so happy I thought I would literally float off the bed.

Of course, once I came down, I was hit with the horrible realization that, while I didn’t have to be fat any more, that the period of my life in which I needed to be fat is now officially over, I had a hell of a lot of work in front of me in order to not be fat.

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