Category Archives: Journey

Foolish 101

Time flies while you’re having fun–at least, that’s what how the old saying goes.

This year marked my eighth year blogging (off and on–more off than on, I’ll admit).  I’ve changed sites several times, went on new adventures, tried having my self-hosted site (which I promptly broke!) and find myself once again, here, at the lyricalfool.wordpress.com site.

The original title, way back in 2007, was Footsteps of a Fool. There’s something about the Fool that I can’t quite let go of.  I’m still as much in love with the archetype as I’ve always been.

For so long and for so many reasons, the fool has always had negative connotations.

Whether it’s for his stupidity or silliness, his lack of vision or lack of judgment, his poor fashion sense or poor common sense, the Fool has gotten a bad rap, for sure.

And yet, there’s something more, just below the surface.

It is said that the tarot deck is the Fool’s journey, and, as all journeys do, it begins and ends with the traveler himself. In the classic Rider-Waite deck, the Fool’s order is zero. Being neither positive nor negative, the Fool strikes the balance between the two. When the tarot was a popular card game, the Fool was the trump card, operating outside the rules that governed all other cards.

When looking at the card itself, at first glance, we see a man foolishly about to step off a cliff.  Eyes opened, he appears to be taking a poor puppy with him. Poor judgment? Wanton disregard? Blatant blindness? Whatever the cause, judging by surface appearances, there’s a willful ignorance in play, a refusal to see the obvious—that he’s about to go over the cliff—or a knowing and doing anyway, even if it’s to his detriment.

But again, there’s something more, just below the surface.

His eyes are open, and he has no doubt that he’s about to step off a cliff. In fact, his rear foot is already lifting, already taking that next step.  This card is an action shot; it’s a man with a plan—not just a plan, but a plan that is advancing. He may have found himself hesitating or doubting himself in the past, but at this moment, this singular moment, he is moving.  Moving toward the great unknown, moving toward the future.

Moving in faith.

His next step is the beginning of the end, and the end of the beginning. No longer will he be on familiar footing, but rather freefalling, plunging into pure mystery. His action is determined; his end result is not. Does he meet his end on the craggy rocks below the cliff? Does he regain his footing and continue on his way until the new way is as familiar as the old only to have things change once again?

No one knows. Such is the fate of a fool.

But the Fool does not travel alone, nor does  he  travel empty handed. He brings with him a dog for company, a symbol of unconditional love and loyalty, and, as it so happens, the dog is also in motion, neither leading nor following. Excited and eager, the dog is also moving toward the unknown. In the Fool’s possessions are a flower and a small rucksack.  A balance of beauty and necessity, inspiration and practicality, the items are everything he needs for this moment. It’s an exercise in faith that everything he needs for the next moment will be provided for him.

Fearlessness. Unconventionality.  Openness. Movement. Balance. Faith.  Love and loyalty.

Thus lies the nature of the Fool.

I am, on my best days, a Fool-with-a-capital F.  Always a work in progress, a lover not a fighter (although, I am trying to break a habit of showing up for most verbal fisticuffs I’m invited to), an  embracer of adventure, She-Who-Sees-Behind-The-Mask.

My goal by blogging: To celebrate awesomesauce wherever I find it, in whatever form I find it, to discover greatness in the mundane, beauty in the intrepid, and to cry out praise for those things that really, really rock my world (See: Featured Fools). I want to examine those things I have taken for granted, celebrate small victories, liberate my inner bohemian, and live as joyfully, fearlessly, and beautimously as I possibly can.

And maybe, just maybe, one day finish that damn novel.

(Image Credit: Michael Thomas who made this awesome banner for me when I was using lyricalfool.com)

Bringing the Calm and Sharing the Peace

Today is a day of frustration. My body won’t do what I need it to do; my head won’t do what I need it to do.

It’s a day of frustration and unknowing and a good dose of fear.

My attention won’t do what I need it to do.  It’s like buckshot; I send it out with all the focus I can muster only to have it spread out, landing on shiny and unshiny alike.

I’m frustrated due to limitation, but that will pass. I’m frustrated due to seeing otherwise intelligent people lose all reason when it comes to pride.

Pride of what?

I’m frustrated with politicians and pundits acting like three year old children, unable to discuss straight-forwardly what they are for, instead, countering and insulting their opponents. I’m frustrated with people who mistake opponents for enemies and sound bites for reasoned argument.

I’m frustrated with the celebrated repetition of falsehood: you know, the bearing false witness thing. I’m frustrated with the fact that we have lost our ability to consider the source.

Not all sources are equal.

I’m frustrated that parroting what so-and-so said or such-and-such did has become an art form, and when the parrots are confronted with contradictory data, they view facts as an assault on their character.

I’m frustrated with people who have appropriated the term “family values”: where once it meant honesty, integrity, good citizenship, and compassion, it has been reduced to “one man + one woman.”

I’m frustrated with the blame-game, this activity of (insert word here)-shaming, with finger-pointing and the utter, utter lack of accountability.

I’m frustrated with people who won’t do what I need them to do–return a phone call, fill a prescription.

I’m frustrated with myself–and it’s so much easier to find frustration with other things. I can’t seem to get a single word down about a cat I miss more than I thought I would. A cat whose timing was so precise, our evolution so cosmically timed, that her going off into the woods, ostensibly to die, coincided perfectly with my first RA flare up.

I’m frustrated.

Two strange things happened this week, both involving a single word “peace.”

Continue reading Bringing the Calm and Sharing the Peace

Fabulous Friday: The Bad, the Bad but Really Good, and the Really Good Friday

“I have bad news,” I told my friend earlier this week, “news that sounds bad but is really good, and actual good news. Which do you want to hear first?”

“I’ll take the bad news first,” she said. “Let’s get it over with.”

So I told her about Jitterbug. I didn’t cry, but I did find myself saying “I’m not going to cry,” several times. After several searches through the house, including heavy furniture in rooms that haven’t been used in months, I’m convinced she managed to get under the fence. There’s a hole in the far corner of the fence, a hole I’ve plugged with large chunks of broken concrete.  The woods hosts many animals, dogs and cats and snakes and squirrels, and the dog likes to hold rather aggressive conversations with them.  She prefers that they don’t enter her territory, but she’s not above digging through to theirs.  Thus the rocks.

The wild thing, the gray, nearly tailless squatter, however, likes to push the rock through the bottom of the fence. She, who has been a climber since she was a wee thing, climbing the playpen in less than three minutes when I first brought her home, prefers to go under the fence when she returns from her adventures. She climbs to go wandering; she goes under to return.

I’m sure there’s a message there.

I didn’t think that Jitterbug could fit through the hole, but I noticed that, not only was the rocks missing, but that a bit of dirt had been dug out as well.

Plus, day five and no discernible smell in the house.  So, there’s that.

Continue reading Fabulous Friday: The Bad, the Bad but Really Good, and the Really Good Friday

Cure Fear Now

If ever there were a bumper sticker that should be made, this is it, I think.

I’ve long held the belief that fear is the antithesis of all that is good, and, as such, is the source of all that is evil. Greed, dishonesty, even violent crime and war, to me, can all be traced back to fear. Fear of not having enough, fear of not being thought of as good enough, fear of loss and lack of power.

Fear.

Yesterday was the 30th day of my 30 Day Challenge, and, wow, what a month. I lost sight of it at times, I plain didn’t want to do it at times (which was, perhaps, the most telling realization), and I succeeded far more than I wanted to at times.

Continue reading Cure Fear Now

Communication Breakdown

Despite thunderous call-response drumming in the sky yesterday morning, I decided to brave the hike alone. I bumbled around a bit Wednesday morning, listening to the radio in the sky, and finally, I decided screw it. There are far worse things than walking in the rain, and I had been looking forward to this for a week.

Give or take the rest of my life, really.

My dad has a hairline fracture in his foot, so was out of commission, much to both of our disappointments.
So, without GPS but with fully charged camera batteries, I went. It was a completely different experience this time, in part because, although I was completely alone, I really wasn’t.

I stopped and sighed at the lotus pond, my pond, I think, although it’s a bit egoistic to say that. I do think of it as my pond. Although, there’s a bit of flawed language there, something that I was pondering while actually sighing at the pond, but that will have to be a post for another day.

Suffice it to say, I do feel that it is, in a sense, my pond.

Continue reading Communication Breakdown

I’m Brilliant, No, Really, I Am

How do you know that this is the experience that you need? Because it’s the one you’re having right now.

I’m not sure where I came across that gem, but it’s something I need to keep in mind.

I was so excited Tuesday night, I could barely sleep.

I went to bed early, even tried to go to sleep early, and still couldn’t sleep. I was like a kid on Christmas Eve.

I set the alarm for oh-five-hundred. I packed toilet paper, a couple of snacks, toilet paper, water, toilet paper, a first aid kit, and toilet paper. I made sure I had comfortable shoes and good socks. I was ready to rock and roll.

I lovingly placed my phone and my camera batteries in their respective chargers. The next morning, I limited my coffee intake (and, yet still managed to squeeze a bit in), stumbled around, gathered my supplies and toilet paper, and prided myself on remembering my phone and camera in its fancy-schmancy Crown Royal bag that is being used as a camera bag.

It seemed like it took 9 years to get there, but really, it was only a 45 minute drive to the hiking trail. It’s in DeSoto National Forest, and it was definitely worth the ride.

Continue reading I’m Brilliant, No, Really, I Am

30 Day Challenge: Days 7, 8, & 9

So this challenge thing isn’t going so well.

I thought I’d do little things and be able to track my progress. If anything, I’ve regressed. (Or is it transgressed? A year later, I don’t remember the difference between transgressive and regressive sequences).

I did do something I never thought I’d do, however, and that is to make an appointment with a rape counselor. It’s next week, and I have no idea what to expect. I just know that what I’m doing simply isn’t working.  I almost feel like I’m giving up, no, I do feel that I’m giving up.  I’m still dealing with a lot of residual stuff in addition to this apathy that overwhelms me on most days.

But anyway, there it is.

On the bright side, I’m reading Aldous Huxley’s Perennial Philosophy. Fantastic stuff.

30 Day Challenge: Days 5 & 6

“One decision changes your entire reality. But that one decision you have to make again and again and again–until it becomes natural to live in such a way.”

Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth, (201).

Yesterday and today were tough days. I found myself caught up in wishing things were a certain way, that this had been done, that I had already done that. I’m aware of it, though, and I suppose that’s something.

I found out my diploma was on hold, things I had already taken care of were showing, well, not-taken care of. Rather than arguing, I just went through the steps again, and I noticed I was a bit more detached.

Well, except for about five minutes when I was sitting in the middle of the USM lobby, right next to the Financial Aid office, talking to Mike about how useless the Financial Aid officers were and how I wish the Universe had decided to grace them with personalities and a modicum of talent that exceeded their ability to sit behind a desk and be decidedly unhelpful.

Um, yeah.

Continue reading 30 Day Challenge: Days 5 & 6

30 Day Challenge: Day 4

Yesterday was a give-away day. For the majority of the day, I didn’t accomplish anything, and that’s rather disheartening.

Not so lilting a start, and yet, I seem to be acutely aware when I am procrastinating. It’s almost painful now, although, as of right now, I keep doing it despite that fact.

A couple of things, though. The Guy, having reappeared, keeps doing it, and this presents a bit of a problem. I like him, a lot. I enjoy him a lot, but his timing just sucks. Another late night again last night despite my self-promise that I’d go to bed early. I did actually wake up at 630, but I hit the snooze so many times the alarm just shut itself off.

So now, because I overslept, it really is too hot to walk. I’m not that hardcore.

Not complaints. Just observations.

Although, at 2 this morning, I did manage to fix my air conditioning thingy, and that improved my life monumentally all night long.

But it is a new day, and it is an experiment.

30 Day Challenge: Day 3

“Now you can enjoy and honor the things of this world without giving them any importance or significance they don’t have. You can participate in the dance of creation and be active without attachment to outcome and without placing unreasonable demands on the world: Fulfill me, make me happy, make me safe, tell me who I am. The world cannot give you those things, and when you no longer have such expectations, all self-created suffering comes to an end.”

Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth (226)

Monday night, during class, I realized how very often I attach expectation to things and situations. After graduation, I would have this, do that. A person who loves me would have this, do that. A good person would have this, do that.

It’s all very exhausting, really, and ultimately disappointing.

I realized that who someone or something from my perspective, is all about my perspective. I notice a pattern and assign names to qualities. I either like or dislike these qualities. Knowing very little about a person, I then fill in the gaps between them. And then, when they don’t act as if they have those qualities, I find myself hurt. Because who, having those qualities, would act in a non-quality way?

Yes, a rather major light bulb went off. I realized that I was practically living completely through people and situations. How could I possibly have time to learn to be myself when I was too busy constructing and condemning everything around me?

So Monday night, I decided to actively let go. And, boy, did two strange things happen.

Continue reading 30 Day Challenge: Day 3