Today in meditation I realized that I am dying a little more everyday. I started crying, accepting my own demise. I thought about my mom’s mortality. And how it’s hard for her to accept. I had a better understanding of her dilemma. I know I will be born again. She will have a different fate. For both, insecurity of the unknown.  I am ready to die now.  To let go of the hold on the old is the only way to fully embrace the new.  Maybe I will have a funeral after all. Create the space to mourn. Then throw a birth day party immediately afterwards!
I am starting to understand the whole born again Christian concept. Giving up all illusions of control and turning one’s life over to a higher power. It’s a very spiritual experience. An awakening. In Buddhism it is understood that we create our own suffering, that we don’t have control, that releasing our sense of a perceived self frees us to move through life with clarity and a feeling of inner peace. No entity up above calling the shots, guiding the process. No one down below to pull us off the path. Christians perceive the letting go as giving their lives over to God/Jesus.  Both leading down the path of surrender.  Intuitive teachings allow me to understand that the guiding force is within me. The answers are there if I just remain still and listen. Those of religions following a God, may recognize the messenger as the voice of God, as opposed to their own inner knowing. My beliefs don’t revolve around stories in history, they are more in line with psychology and the power of the subconscious. However one perceives the transformation it is all about going on faith that we will be held in the hands of the Universe and that things will unfold as they will.  The simple message being, we all just need to relax.