Prompt: What Fibs or Wannabees can you come with for these ‘Heroes’ ?
1. Who were the Dynamic Duo? Batman and Robin A billionaire with trauma and a teenager he picked up like a side quest. Together: Gotham’s most expensive father son therapy experiment.
2. Who was Peter Parker? Spider-Man (Peter Parker) Bitten by a spider. Got powers. Still couldn’t afford rent. Truly inspiring: superhuman struggle, minimum wage edition.
3. Who was Diana Prince? Wonder Woman (Diana Prince) Walked out of mythology, entered capitalism, and said… “I will solve your global conflict… but politely.”
4. Who were The Fantastic Four? Fantastic Four Four people went to space once without reading the warning label. Came back as a walking “DO NOT TOUCH THIS” sign.
5. Who was Robert Bruce Banner? Hulk (Bruce Banner) Calm scientist. Until emotions load like a 2008 computer. Then: unsubscribe from human conversation, subscribe to destruction.
6. Who was Linda Lang? Linda Lang The only person who hears “I turn into a giant rage monster” and responds… “Okay but did you drink water today?”
7. Who was Selina Kyle? Catwoman (Selina Kyle) Professional thief who steals hearts, jewels, and occasionally Batman’s entire emotional stability system.
8. Who was Kent Allard? The Shadow (Kent Allard) So committed to being mysterious he probably pays rent in fog.
9. Who was Cliff Secord? The Rocketeer (Cliff Secord) Found a jetpack and immediately skipped “responsible testing phase” and jumped straight to “historic aviation lawsuit.”
10. Who was Matt Murdock? Daredevil (Matt Murdock) Blind lawyer who fights crime at night. Which is impressive because most people can’t even find their keys in daylight.
1. Why is there a fairy on top of the Christmas Tree? Because she climbed up to fix the star, got tangled in the lights, declared it prime real estate, and is now charging rent in glitter.
2. Why is the 26th December known as Boxing Day in some countries? It’s the day when everyone emotionally boxes up their happiness, physically boxes leftovers, and mentally boxes relatives for staying too long.
3. What would be the gifts from the Three Wise Men today? Gold replaced by cryptocurrency, frankincense upgraded to artisanal essential oils, and myrrh swapped for a blue-tick verification badge.
4. What is Hogmanay? A mysterious Scottish ritual involving loud singing, emotional hugging, and pretending you understand the lyrics while holding something fermented.
5. How much is a monkey? Exactly one monkey. Exchange rates fluctuate wildly depending on bananas, mood, and whether the monkey knows maths.
6. Do crows crow? No. They conduct strategic meetings, gossip aggressively, and shout “CAW” only when they’ve judged you silently first.
7. Why do milking stools have three legs? Because the cow already has four and demanded equality in the furniture department.
8. What is meant by perfect pitch? The magical ability to sing one note so accurately that nearby dogs question their life choices.
9. Where will you find a palm tree? At the end of your arm, waving goodbye to responsibility.
10. What is rolling stock? Extremely relaxed inventory that refuses to stay still and insists on moving at its own pace.
1. Why was January chosen to be the first month of the year? Janus the two faced god cheated at drawing straws by peeking both ways. No wonder we start hungover and regretting everything.
2. Why does the Chinese New Year not start until February? The dragon zodiac committee held a late night vote after too many fireworks, and they accidentally scheduled it for February to give everyone time to recover from practicing their lion dances on ice skates.
3. What’s the point of eating black-eyed peas on New Year’s Day? They stare down evil spirits, blocking ghostly photobombs. Nature’s soul security cam, makes you dance like no one’s watching.
4. Why do we make New Year’s resolutions? Resolutions were invented by a sneaky elf who wanted humans to write wish lists mid-year, so he could steal them and sell the ideas to gym owners as “motivation contracts.”
5. What will Santa Claus be doing now that Christmas is over? Bingeing elf reality TV, auditing cookie budgets, pitching “Naughty List” to Netflix. Spoiler… we’re all on it.
6. According to tradition, in the Twelve Days of Christmas, the 1st day is Christmas, itself. So what is the 12th day known as? “Return-mageddon”, hauling back bird gifts amid post holiday mobs. Black Friday, but with turtledoves and regret.
7. Why are so many of the gifts listed in the song, The 12 Days of Christmas, birds? Ghostwritten by a vengeful mynah “bird-payback” on the Partridge Family for stealing its spotlight. Avian revenge forever.
8. What earthly event marks when an angel gets its wings? Puppies surviving baths without peeing on towels. Pet stores stock shampoo for those celestial feather fluffs.
9. What happens on the Winter Solstice? Sun’s longest coffee break, making Earth hibernate like yoga-pant bears. We bribe it back with fires and cookies.
10. How did the tradition of the Yule log originate? A burly Viking tripped over a festive log during a mead-fueled yule rave, accidentally setting it ablaze; his clan cheered so loud they made it annual tradition to burn logs and reenact the epic faceplant.
Having seen ‘those cards’ in the shops already, thoughts push on to Panto. These are characters in pantos or animated movies, but who would you nominate for the role (fictitious or real person)
Disclaimer:
These castings are entirely fictitious and created for fun. No offence or insult is intended towards any real person mentioned here. This is pure pantomime silliness, and of course not a fib!
BREAKING PANTO CAST ANNOUNCEMENT!
Roll up, roll up, for the most unhinged panto casting of the century! Forget your fairy tales, this one’s sponsored by chaos and questionable decision making.
All characters in this production are entirely fictional, exaggerated, and covered in far too much glitter. Any resemblance to real people is purely pantomime mischief, no offence, only nonsense intended!
Widow Twanky? Easy, that’s Elon Musk in drag, pitching laundry detergent on Mars.
Buttons?Prince Harry, forever lost, trying to find his place on someone else’s jacket.
Cinders? Greta Thunberg, because she’d shout at everyone until someone gave her a pumpkin powered electric carriage.
The Beast? Simon Cowell. The curse only lifts when he says something nice so basically… never.
Gru? King Charles, plotting to steal the moon but distracted by talking to his plants.
Cruella de Vil? Piers Morgan, obviously, already a master of wearing outrageous coats and making everyone hate him.
The Fairy Godmother? Gordon Ramsay. Bibbidi-Bobbidi IT’S RAW!
Abanazar? Jeff Bezos, disappearing into a magic lamp shaped exactly like a rocket.
Carabosse? Madonna, because she won’t stop casting hexes on age itself.
King Rat? Donald Trump, scurrying about, hoarding cheese, insisting it was the biggest cheese anyone has ever seen.
Hello and welcome to Fibbing Friday where I’m inviting you to be outrageous, silly, cheeky, or whatever takes your fancy (as long as you keep it family friendly). Fib your socks off when answering the ten questions set below but remember, truth is not an option, whereas having fun is.
1. Why did the chicken cross the road? 2. Why are eggs oval in shape? 3. Who said Humpty Dumpty was an egg? 4. What is fumigate? 5. What is a wuss? 6. What is a spotter? 7. What is the speed of light? 8. What is a hangover? 9. What is a grammy? 10.What is lycra?
Help me answer the questions with funny quirky witty and hilarious answers
1. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the WiFi signal was stronger there.
2. Why are eggs oval in shape?
Because circles are just eggs holding their breath
3. Who said Humpty Dumpty was an egg?
Lewis Carroll, right after an egg blinked at him first.
4. What is fumigate?
Fumigate: An emotional support fog that convinces bugs to move out.
5. What is a wuss?
A warrior who brings a helmet to a pillow fight.
6. What is a spotter?
A spotter? – The unpaid intern of gravity.
7. What is the speed of light
The speed at which gossip reaches the person you gossiped about.
8. What is a hangover
A sleepover where your dignity didn’t come home.
9. What is a grammy?
Shiny prize for people who can hit all the wrong notes perfectly on purpose.
Pieces Of My Heart 