Cartoon used by permission: 290067_The Trump Circus is Back In Town by Rick McKee, CagleCartoons.com
WTF AMERICA! Looks like the majority of you decided to burn it all to the ground!
Looks like you said: “Screw you” to your better angels! Let’s elect a fascist, a serial abuser, a morally corrupt being, an inept leader, a narcissist, a consummate liar, an accused rapist, a felon, a horrifically cruel wannabe dictator to be our President (at least it won’t be a woman of color married to a Jewish man)—Woo-hoo!”
Cartoon used by permission for promotion of blog: 290018_The Christian Nation Myth by Pat Byrnes PoliticalCartoons.com
WHAT WON? (1) Project 2025 and the oversight of “Christian Nationalist Evangelicals” who want to rule every aspect of our lives and give us all but one choice: their way or the highway. (2) Cruelty. (3) Sexism. (4) Racism. (5) Ignorance. (6) Lies. (7) Incompetence. (8) Chronic dysfunction. (9) Horrors yet to be determined…
Cartoon used by permission for promotion of blog: 290056_Uncle Sam Fetal Position by Ed Wexler, CagleCartoons.com
WHAT LOST? (1) The Common Good. (2) Freedom. (3) Real Christian values (poor Jesus). (4) Equality (5) Brotherly love. (6) Compassion. (7) Care and repair for the Earth (8) Peace
I’m so sorry, World. I realize that when America sneezes, the rest of the world gets a cold. I really thought that most of my American peeps were so much better than this, you know. But I was wrong. This is really who we are. I’m afraid that there may be no coming back from this permanent stain—calling what is good bad and what is bad good. At least not for a couple of decades or so, but by then so much will be lost (sorry Ukraine, sorry Gaza, sorry Taiwan, sorry Africa, sorry NATO) or irreparably damaged (the Earth’s health).
Cartoon used by permission: 290027_This Won’t Wash Off by Pat Byrnes, PoliticalCartoons.com
WHAT AM I PERSONALLY GONNA DO ABOUT IT AT 76 YEARS OLD?Sit Shiva for America’s soul.
Shiva is a Jewish mourning ritual that involves a week-long period of gathering together to grieve, heal, and accept support from others who love you and can connect with your pain. During that week, I plan to consume the book Christ in Crisis (Why We Need to Reclaim Jesus) by Jim Wallis in the hope that it will bring me some healing and much needed guidance. After the week is up, I’m going to get up on my two feet, dry my tears, and go back into the trenches to continue to fight the good fight for the common good for my grandkids and the future generations in America until I die, because as Adam Kinzinger posted today: “This isn’t forever, and after America gets a taste of what it voted for, there will likely be a massive backlash.”
Cartoon used by permission: 290023_Trump as lady Liberty by Bart van Leeuwen, PoliticalCartoons.com
WHAT MY FELLOW AMERICANS SHOULD YOU DO IF YOU CARE? First of all, do not despair! “Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning!” (Psalm 30:5) Secondly, don’t give up. When the time is right, rise up out of your mourning sack-cloth-and-ashes garments, assess your talents of influence (whether it is in your own family, school board, church-synagogue-mosque, country club, work place, local government or beyond), and return to fight the good fight of truth, love, grace, and righteousness from the ground up. Start by keeping hope alive for a better world, in spite of the fact that America just lost its fucking mind. God is not dead! It ain’t over ‘til it’s over! The world is going to need us, and we owe it to our future generations to keep fighting this MAGA, Christian Nationalist, false White gospel, Project 2025, Trumpian cult madness with our very last breath.
Cartoon used by permission: 289990_The world is holding its breath by Patrick Chappatte, globecartoon.com
Eleanor Tomczyk is a memoirist and humorist blogger renowned for her engagingly funny musings as an ex-Evangelical Conservative Christian (emphasis on the “ex”) and African-American Baby Boomer. Embarking on a new career as a storyteller at 60, she draws on her experiences in White Conservative churches. Now in her mid-70s and a wife, mother, and grandmother, Tomczyk has authored books such as Monsters’ Throwdown, Fleeing Oz, The Fetus Chronicles: Podcasts to My Fetus-self, and House of Oz Undone: A Cautionary Tale. Her multifaceted career also spans roles as a singer, actress, motivational speaker, and award-winning voice-over artist.
Want to learn more about the author? Check out: eleanortomczyk.com
Blog published by Howthehelldidienduphere? Publications LLC. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law.
Busch Gardens Howl-O Scream||Photo credit: E. Tomczyk
3 P.M. HALLOWEEN AFTERNOON
Recently, I was listening to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” as inspiration for my Halloween costume for a party I was attending that night, while I doom-scrolled various headlines on the Internet:
“LA Archdiocese record payout ($800M) shows extent of Catholic church child sex abuse cover-up.”
“John Kelly says Trump praised Hitler, is the ‘definition of fascist’ and would like to be dictator.”
“If Trump Seems Crazy Now, Imagine Him Ruling America Again.”
“Invasion of the MAGA body snatchers: How many friends have you lost to madness?”
“70% of White Evangelicals Substitute the Gospel of Christ for a Failed Reality Host.”
“There’s People Who Are Absolutely Ready to Take on a Civil War”
And then it hit me like a brick to the head: It wasn’t just Halloween that was coming soon, but it was the Presidential election that was imminently upon us!
Right about that “boooing!” moment, one of my Facebook friends (a non-Christian) texted me a picture of his neighbor’s yard which was awash with political signs:
“Democrats are Communists and Terrorists—ARE YOU?”
“The Democratic Party HATES AMERICA—DO YOU?”
“If You Vote for the Whore—the Pea Brain—the Slut—Your Special Place in Hell is Guaranteed!”
“Trump, Trump, He’s God’s Man; If He Can’t Help Us, No One Can.”
My friend said that the irony of his neighbor’s horror-show, sign-reveal is that she is a professed Born-Again Christian and appeared to be religious to the core—never missing a Sunday service, Wednesday night Bible study or a church picnic, and never missing an opportunity to “preach the Gospel” to him. He had no idea if she knew his political standing, and although she had been tolerable as a neighbor, recently she seemed to have changed—turning into a witch in neighbor’s clothing. He said: “Hey, aren’t you still a Christian? Can you help me understand how people who preach about personally knowing the God of love can be so misguided and hateful? Do you think my neighbor could be demon possessed?” Under the picture of the nasty political signs my friend wrote the following caption: “If Trump wins, will it ever be safe to come out of my house?”
Cartoon used by permission: 289490_Witches Seek Trump Recipes for Putrefying Brains by Christopher Weyant, The Boston Globe, MA
Needless to say, I was instantly saddened for poor Jesus. I grabbed a bottle of wine to calm my nerves while ruminating on the one major thread the hostile political yard signs, plus the headlines I’d previously read, had in common. A horrible thought thundered through my head—like a specter stomping on my grave: they were all about the failure of so-called Christians to promote the common good. From priests and pastors who hid and protected child abusers for decades, while their victims languished and were destroyed, to White Evangelicals who lent their support to a convicted rapist and consummate liar charged with a total of 88 felony counts and found guilty of 34 of them.
On that note, I fell into a drunken stupor as I incessantly murmured the lyrics to the Prince of Egypt soundtrack to sooth my soul: “…Elohim, God on high, can you hear your people cry? Help us now—this dark hour, DELIVER US!”
Engraving of the Hammersmith Ghost in Kirby’s Wonderful and Scientific Museum, a magazine published in 1804 [common domain use]
I don’t know how long I had been asleep, but it was pitch black outside and apparently the electricity had gone out in my house, when the doorbell rang and woke me up. It was very dark outside with an unusually heavy fog hanging in the air. I didn’t see anyone as I stepped over the threshold onto the front porch to look around, but I felt an unshakeable chill as I backed inside my house and slammed the door shut and bolted it. As I searched for a flashlight on the mantle place, a nine-foot glowing specter dressed in a white shroud appeared behind me. His head was crowned with two horns and his face sported forty large glass eyes. The frightening form loomed over me causing a blood-curdling scream to escape from my being that I swear could be heard two states over.
“Shut the fuck up, woman,” said the specter with a British accent as he stifled my screams with one of his ice-cold hands. “Let me introduce myself before you wake the dead with your insane caterwauling. I am the ghost of Hammersmith—at your service.”
“Who? What? Wait a minute, I know about the history of the Hammersmith ghost,” I said in a quivering voice. “I’m no philistine. You’re an imposter. The Hammersmith ghost did not have forty glass eyes. Where did you come from?” I stammered.
“Well, technically from a churchyard in the 1800’s but literally from the cemetery just up the street. I heard you screaming, ‘Thriller bus! Thriller bus! And I need a thrilling Halloween costume toniiight!’ Or was that Michael Jackson (my favorite jam!) singing? As to the multiple glass eyes, it’s my Halloween touch—inspired by the King of Pop. I heard both you and MJ blasting from your cottage. I must say, I got a tad confused.” At which point the Hammersmith ghost broke into MJ’s Moonwalk as he screeched out a few lines of Michael Jackson’s Thriller:
‘And no one’s gonna save you from the beast about to strike
You know it’s thriller, thriller night
You’re fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight, yeah.’
“I was chillin’ behind one of the tombstones—bored out of my shroud, if truth be known—so I thought I’d drop in to see if your wish could be my command,” said a very pleased specter over his dance moves as he grabbed his crotch in a last-ditch effort to imitate MJ. “So, here I am: your ‘thriller bus’—here to take you on a costume run of your greatest fears!”
“Oh, for Halloween sake,” I said. “I was screaming ‘DELIVER US!’ to the God of the Universe because of the evil that is about to descend upon our country and the world if Donald Trump wins the upcoming Presidential election. I admit I was also screaming my frustration about not having a costume for the Halloween party tonight while dancing to MJ’s Thriller, but I did not conjure up you. Go back to Hell or wherever you came from!”
“Ooooh,” said the ghost. “My hearing really has been damaged since my transport from jolly ol’ England. Anyway, since I’m here, let’s go shopping. I’m soooooo bored. If you don’t like the costumes you see, I promise to return you without harm. At least we’ll both have an entertaining night. Deal?”
Before, I could utter a word, the Hammersmith ghost swooped me up in his arms like the Dickens’ Ghost of Christmas Future, and before I could blink, we were off to the graveyard up the street. When we landed, I noticed that the cemetery looked like a Halloween costume boutique showcasing Christian failures against the common good. Each tombstone featured a costume more horrific than the others, starting with the duplicity of Christian hypocrites who were rabid Trump supporters, but who had covered up the abuse of thousands of children through the years by their leadership—all the while lecturing other people about how they should live.
Cartoon used by permission: 289415_Christian Sex Scandals by Pat Bagley, The Salt Lake Tribune, UT
“Oh, Hell to the no!” I said.
“What’s the problem? It is my understanding from reading a myriad of history books on Halloween, that humans wear costumes about the evil they fear the most so as to defuse the horror.”
“Do you want me to vomit all over you?” I asked as I tried to find a way out of the graveyard.
“Okay,” replied the specter moving toward another tombstone. “How about a costume that is in the form of a giant book sporting the title: Project 2025. That seems to be a pretty tame costume to me. Plus, it has been crafted by your fellow peeps—the Born-Agains—the Christian Dominionists!”
Cartoon used by permission: 289499_Project 2025 scary by Dave Granlund, PoliticalCartoons.com
“NO, NO, NO!” I screamed. “This Project 2025 shit is no laughing matter. I can’t even wear this in jest. If this actually takes hold of us as a society, we might as well kiss our freedom goodbye. Take me back home before I have a heart attack and join you in your new graveyard digs.”
“Sheesh! You’re so picky,” grumbled the Hammersmith ghost. “Uh, uh, uh… look over there at that tombstone. There’s one that’s all about ‘love.’ Right up your alley. According to Mr. Trump, he has rebranded January 6th as a ‘day of love’ and not a day or chaos, murder, and mayhem. You get to wear a January 6th rioter costume while sporting a massive cross around your neck and carrying a sign that says ‘Jesus Saves’ with a headband that is embossed with the slogan ‘Feel the Love’ as you bash out the brains of anyone who stands in the way of Donald Trump taking over America’s White House. Surely, the irony of this costume should appeal to you.”
Cartoon used by permission: 289597_REPOST- VIOLENT MOB SCENE ON JAN. 6 by Bruce Plante, PoliticalCartoons.com
I stood before the Hammersmith ghost with my arms crossed in defiance and refused to concede.
“Oh man, this is no fun; I thought you Americans had a sense of humor which is why I moved here,” said the ghost who stomped his foot in protest. “Okay, one last attempt? How about going as FEAR in the guise of twin presidential campaigners—one representing ‘truth and decency’ and the other representing ‘lies and depravity.” You should win the costume prize if you show up at the party as Kamala Harris AND Donald Trump. I would say that is rather unique. It will add a bit of mystery to the night, don’t you think? A ‘will she or won’t he’ vibe. The madness and uncertainty of it all is simply delicious!”
Cartoon used by permission: 289473_Harris and Trump neck and neck by Taylor Jones, Mount Dora, FL
“NO, NO, NO: JESUS, DELIVER ME!” I screamed, which must have done the trick because I was suddenly transported back to my house which was ablaze in lights. It had been a horrific night, but I suddenly knew what costume I was going to wear to the party: A Black woman, a Black mother and grandmother, a Black citizen who loves our democracy, and a Black Christian who still “loves me some Jesus” would go to the costume party as a voter who planned to kick Trump’s ass to the curb and make the coming election a blowout for Kamala Harris. I was confident I would win the prize.
Cartoon used by permission: 289584_Kicking Trump Out Daydream repost by Daryl Cagle, CagleCartoons.com
DEAR READER: Hope you enjoyed my Halloween story. I’m actually going to my Halloween party as a cover of my new book House of Oz Undone (a cautionary tale). It is the reimagining of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz which envisions the horror of a society that is on the verge of electing the Wicked Witch of the West as leader of Oz and forever losing its freedom and humanity. You can check it out on Amazon or wherever books are sold.
CHECK OUT WHAT OTHERS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT “HOUSE OF OZ UNDONE” by Eleanor Tomczyk:
“House of Oz Undone is a brilliant venture through today’s societal themes. Setting out to find their home, heart, brain, and courage, a group of unlikely friends dissects the political and religious chaos they encounter traveling down the Yellow Brick Road. Funny, creative, and a little crazy, this book will have readers in hysterics.” —Kathryn Dare, San Francisco Book Review
“The incredible writing of the Divine Eleanor opens hearts and minds to the true loving inclusiveness of our God and dispels the thoughts of meanness, prejudice, and worship of money and power that seems to have taken hold of so many minds In our country today…..Thank goodness for those like this dear woman who not only see so clearly what is wrong here now, but also has the talent to use her creative writing to open eyes and ears to the truth….May God Bless her and the America she seeks to help return to sanity and love….Thank You….(You will love this book!).”—Amazon Review
Cartoon used by permission: 289573_MAGA Women Will Vote For Harris by Bob Englehart, PoliticalCartoons.com
Eleanor Tomczyk is a memoirist and humorist blogger renowned for her engagingly funny musings as an ex-Evangelical Conservative Christian (emphasis on the “ex”) and African-American Baby Boomer. Embarking on a new career as a storyteller at 60, she draws on her experiences in White Conservative churches. Now in her mid-70s and a wife, mother, and grandmother, Tomczyk has authored books such as Monsters’ Throwdown, Fleeing Oz, The Fetus Chronicles: Podcasts to My Fetus-self, and House of Oz Undone: A Cautionary Tale. Her multifaceted career also spans roles as a singer, actress, motivational speaker, and award-winning voice-over artist.
Blog published by Howthehelldidienduphere? Publications LLC. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law.
Early voting started today in my state, and I went to the polling place as fast as my chubby old legs could transport me, so that I could declare my choice for our next President of the United States: Kamala Harris (“,La”). At 76 years old, I didn’t want to kick-the-bucket (it could happen) before I got a chance to vote in the second most consequential presidential election of my lifetime. Not taking any chances.
Author/Photo credit: J Tomczyk
The voting experience was exhilarating and after returning home, I got a little weepy at the awesomeness of it all, which caused me to write a letter to my three-year-old granddaughter for her to read after I’ve escaped this third planet from the sun.
THE PINK GODDESS/AUTHOR’S GRANDDAUGHTER||photo credit: CT
Dear Boo-Boo* (a.k.a., The Pink Goddess):
Today I did something monumental—today I voted to preserve your future as a woman, as a human being, as a person of color, and as an IVF miracle baby blessed by God. Hopefully, I’ll live a good long life, and you won’t need to open this letter until your mid-teens or maybe even your early twenties. After Kamala becomes our first female president of color, I plan to ask your parents if I can take you to the White House when you’re five years old (during Kamala Harris’ first of two terms—yes, Lord Jesus!) so that you can give her a huge embrace and make her acquaintance by saying: “Hello Madam President, my name is Boo-Boo*, and this is my Mema. Thank you for answering the call to save our democracy, and leave me a country where I can someday become President.” (I know you’ll speak like that at five years old, because you practically do so now at three years old—you brilliant little rock star!)
Cartoon used by permission: 288460_Kamala and Trump Melting as Wicked Witch of the West by Taylor Jones, Politicalcartoons.com
You’ll be too young at five years old for me to describe how awful things were in 2024 as our country careened toward an existential crisis from a 34-count-felon, an incessant liar, a racist, an accused rapist, and a sexist who had the worst character of the highest demon from Hell who was trying to occupy the Office of the President for the second time. (Hundreds of honorable people who had worked with him during his term as President categorically declared him unfit to serve again!) The worst part of it all is that people who claimed to be “children of God” (lovers of Jesus) had fallen under this cult-leader’s spell. He had convinced a great deal of them that he was God’s gift to our country, and that whoever voted for him would be doing God’s will, but whoever voted against him for Kamala Harris were agents of the devil. It got so bad that even your very own Mema had to write a book of protest (House of Oz Undone [a cautionary tale]) to try and wake folks up before it was too late. It still gives me chills when I reflect on those days when we almost lost our reproductive rights, our voting rights, our LGBTQ+ rights, our humanity, and our souls.
Cartoon used by permission: 288413_Trump The Weave Speech by Christopher Weyant, CagleCartoons.com
The good news is: Kamala Harris won the presidency because everybody was tired of the Liar in Chief’s lies and retrograde ideas and fear-mongering. She started out by kicking his ass in a debate performance that was bar none, and then she continued to school his sorry behind every time he spouted another lie.
Cartoon used by permission: 288433_Trump Spanked by Kamala I Saw It On TV by Ed Wexler, CagleCartoons.com
While Trump pouted and acted like a petulant teenager, Kamala Harris and her delightful running mate Tim Walz won us over by mainly being mature, kind, and intelligent adults who demonstrated that they were capable of doing the job and moving us forward as a nation.
Cartoon used by permission: 288574_Trump Hates Taylor Swift by R.J. Matson, CQ Roll Call
So, Kiddo, as you look back on history from your perch as one of the young adults who will inherit our great country someday, remember that your Mema and others like her helped our great land dodge a demonic bullet by overwhelmingly electing a woman of color who had the courage to take on a Goliath who was a convicted felon, a consummate liar, and a narcissistic bully who wanted to drag us backwards into a dystopian Hell.
(From my lips to God’s ears!)
Cartoon used by permission: 288361_Kamala Harris Trump is David Goliath by Michael de Adder, CagleCartoons.com
*Boo-Boo is a pseudonym to protect the innocent.
CHECK OUT WHAT OTHERS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT “HOUSE OF OZ UNDONE” by Eleanor Tomczyk:
“House of Oz Undone is a brilliant venture through today’s societal themes. Setting out to find their home, heart, brain, and courage, a group of unlikely friends dissects the political and religious chaos they encounter traveling down the Yellow Brick Road. Funny, creative, and a little crazy, this book will have readers in hysterics.” —Kathryn Dare, San Francisco Book Review
“The incredible writing of the Divine Eleanor opens hearts and minds to the true loving inclusiveness of our God and dispels the thoughts of meanness, prejudice, and worship of money and power that seems to have taken hold of so many minds In our country today…..Thank goodness for those like this dear woman who not only see so clearly what is wrong here now, but also has the talent to use her creative writing to open eyes and ears to the truth….May God Bless her and the America she seeks to help return to sanity and love….Thank You….(You will love this book!).”—Amazon Review
***
Eleanor Tomczyk is a memoirist and humorist blogger renowned for her engagingly funny musings as an ex-Evangelical Conservative Christian (emphasis on the “ex”) and African-American Baby Boomer. Embarking on a new career as a storyteller at 60, she draws on her experiences in White Conservative churches. Now in her mid-70s and a wife, mother, and grandmother, Tomczyk has authored books such as Monsters’ Throwdown, Fleeing Oz, The Fetus Chronicles: Podcasts to My Fetus-self, and House of Oz Undone: A Cautionary Tale. She also runs a weekly humorous political blog titled “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” Her multifaceted career also spans roles as a singer, actress, motivational speaker, and award-winning voice-over artist.
Blog published by Howthehelldidienduphere? Publications LLC. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law.
(Readers: even though I am no longer an Evangelical Conservative Christian, doesn’t mean I don’t still loves me some Jesus, and pray every day—sometimes all day long since Trump came on the scene!)
***
GOOD MOOORNNNING, LORD JESUS!
Thank you for this glorious day! I’ve been watching the Democratic National Convention all week, and I could have sworn I saw you in the audience groovin’ out to DJ Cassady’s perfectly curated roll call playlist! I could tell you were trying to keep a low profile, but the hope and joy exploding in the room was clearly a couple of your signature moves, and I know from experience that where there is hope and joy, you can’t be far off.
Anyway, the DNC is over and after walking on newfound clouds of hope and joy, I thought I’d invite you to go on a walk with me this morning for a few shout-outs of praise to you for such a glorious week and to tell you all about my worries for the future.
CARTOON USED BY PERMISSION: 287530_What’s wrong with their faces by John Darkow, Columbia Missourian
Lord Jesus, you know how I do. First, I walk 5,000 steps of my daily 10,000 step goal giving you shout-outs of praise for all the beautiful things I see in nature on the walking trail and all the blessings in my life. Then I take a load off my feet and rest a spell on a park bench dedicated to the dead wife of an old man that I’ll never know. However, I am warmed by the love he had for his lifetime partner as I rest on her park bench and gaze at the lovely magnolia tree that he planted in her honor.Then I start walking again for 2,500 steps—still overwhelmed with how much you answered my prayers during the Democratic National Convention this past week. As I start to dwell on the speeches (especially from some of Trump’s former employees and former Republicans) citing how—behind closed doors—Trump called his supporters “basement dwellers” and “disgusting people,” I saw the themes of my new book (House of Oz Undone) realized as the true character of Trump was exposed by those who once believed in him, and the scales finally fell from their eyes.
Lord Jesus, after 7,500 steps, I need to sit my sorry-behind down again—me and my bamboo walking stick that my husband got me to keep my steps steady and not face-plant on this glorious walking path at 76 years old (wouldn’t that be somethin’?).
As you know, this bench is my favorite spot to stop during my morning walks because it overlooks a glorious pond with geese, ducks, and storks feeding and playing. If ever I sense your presence, it is here in this holy place—the closest thing I come to attending church these days. It is also here that I tell you all about my troubles and worries. Today, I am worried that in spite of the triumphant week of hope and joy you gave us, that Trump’s cheating, lies, manipulation of the ballots and his militant whipping up of the MAGA/Christian Dominionists/Project 2025’ers will cause us to still lose the race to save our democracy and our country. Please help us…please add to our hope and joy enough votes that, come election day, it will be a blow-out for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz and no evil will prevail against them. Amen…amen!
CARTOON USED BY PERMISSION: 287441_US Presidential race by Paresh Nath, U.T. Independent, India
Well, Lord Jesus, I have the final 2,500 steps to finish before I arrive back home. I must say that I’m feeling pretty good, and I am not as panicked anymore—not like I was a couple of months ago when my hair was on fire! (Why do I have the sneaky suspicion that this was your plan all along: Expose Donald Trump as the hateful, lying, evil Emperor with No Clothes and continue to move America forward—in spite of our shortcomings—by electing the first woman president of color in our history, supported by a truly good man with godly character draped in your mantle of hope and joy instead of the MAGA banner of fear, hate, exclusion, and authoritarianism.) As I complete my 10,000 steps (feeling a bit smug that the old girl’s still got it!), I want to thank you for helping me lend my voice through House of Oz Undone (a cautionary tale)to be one of the many clarion calls to wake people up to your beacon of hope and joy during this monumental season. See you tomorrow morning! I love you, Lord!
CARTOON USE BY PERMISSION: 287872_No More Name Game by Christopher Weyant, The Boston Globe, MA
“House of Oz Undone is a brilliant venture through today’s societal themes. Setting out to find their home, heart, brain, and courage, a group of unlikely friends dissects the political and religious chaos they encounter traveling down the Yellow Brick Road. Funny, creative, and a little crazy, this book will have readers in hysterics.” —Kathryn Dare, San Francisco Book Review
Eleanor Tomczyk is a memoirist and humorist blogger renowned for her engagingly funny musings as an ex-Evangelical Conservative Christian (emphasis on the “ex”) and African-American Baby Boomer. Embarking on a new career as a storyteller at 60, she draws on her experiences in White Conservative churches. Now in her mid-70s and a wife, mother, and grandmother, Tomczyk has authored books such as Monsters’ Throwdown, Fleeing Oz, The Fetus Chronicles: Podcasts to My Fetus-self, and House of Oz Undone: A Cautionary Tale. She also runs a weekly humorous political blog titled “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” Her multifaceted career also spans roles as a singer, actress, motivational speaker, and award-winning voice-over artist.
Blog published by Howthehelldidienduphere? Publications LLC. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law.
Cartoon used by permission: 247093_RGB_1290.png 2020 Won’t change by John Darkow Columbia Missourian
Did anybody else lapse on their “dry-wine January resolution” already? Everybody?I thought so! It isn’t even Inauguration Day yet, and I am wishing I had planted a cannabis field in the swamp behind my house when I had the chance.
2021—what a shitshow! If I had known this year was going to set the stage for the breaking of America, I would have never started a new diet, never started a weight-training program, and never started on my fourth book. Instead, I would have jumped headlong into hedonism and let the chips fall where they may. As the Peggy Lee song says, “…if that’s all there is, my friends, then let’s keep dancing. Let’s break out the booze and have a ball, if that’s all there is.”
Cartoon used by permission: 247475_RGB_1290.png Breaking News by Pat Bagley The Salt Lake Tribune UT
It almost seems as if we hired the wrong year.
Does anyone know if 2021 came with references? I would love to interview Baby 2021, and make sure it is prepared for what is up ahead. I thought on New Year’s Eve that 2,600 American deaths a day from COVID-19 might be a gargantuan task for the little tyke to overcome, but I figured once we got our new President installed, we’d be able to make 2021 a year of recovery and healing. And then came the unthinkable, the unimaginable, the unbearable…
Cartoon used by permission: 247294_RGB_1290.png The Patriotic Terrorist by Christopher Weyant The Boston Globe MA
As I watched the insurrection unfold, I started crying. I don’t know what horrified me more: the brazen murderous hordes trying to overturn a free and fair election or that the mob was being led by White Supremacists masquerading as Evangelical Christians praying for God to bless their invasion to capture, judge, and execute the Vice President, Nancy Pelosi, and other legislators they hated while waving signs that said: “Jesus is my savior. Trump is my president,” “Jesus saves,” and “God’s Word Calls Them Out.”
These haters of liberty—these Christian Dominionists (ideology that America belongs to the Christian god, and only his approved followers are allowed to rule for now until Jesus returns)—were so rabid that one would be forgiven for thinking that the invaders might have been escapees from a mental institution. Instead, they were pastors, realtors, a Texas florist, the son of a Brooklyn judge, police officers, a professor, a firefighter, a newly elected West Virginia lawmaker, teachers, a couple of misguided Black people, and even kids.
Cartoon used by permission: 247354_RGB_1290.jpg Refile Nuremberg Cartoon Correct Spelling by Bob Englehart PoliticalCartoons com
How could the year 2021 have missed the signs from Donald Trump that he had no plans to ever concede or acknowledge the truth that he had lost? Instead, Trump sent out signals for weeks for the deplorables to come to DC and “stop the steal.” Trump’s Big Lie that the election had been stolen from him almost upended our democracy and blew up what little bit of our nerves we had left from being tormented by COVID-19. I reasoned that if this is the way 2021 started, I probably won’t survive until 2022, so I wrote 2021 a letter with a few tips on what is most important to help America triumph in this new year.
Welcome to the new year! Everybody is so glad that you’ve arrived. We could hardly wait to get rid of your predecessor. Your big brother, 2020, left us with 4 million COVID-19 deaths worldwide—400,000 of them Americans. The sane part of our country was pleased that 2020 helped us elect a new American President to lead us out of the mayhem and madness that Trump world had wrought. For that reality, most of us will be forever grateful. However, my expectation was that you, 2021, would help us ascend from the manure pile of the last four years. No offense, but you haven’t gotten off to a very good start. I realize you are young, but you need to be a multi-tasker, Little Dude, because there are dragons in the land.
Cartoon used by permission: 247115_RGB_1290.png Pressure on Baby New Year 2021 by Jeff Koterba CagleCartoons com
Also, you appear to be soooo naïve Baby 2021. I think you thought that just by electing a good and just man who was qualified to be President of the United States (Joe Biden), all would be well. And then came January 6th when a bunch of crazy people decided they weren’t going to allow Biden to become President—even if it meant killing their fellow citizens. Long after Trump is gone, the spirit of the murderous mob will still be going strong and trying to permanently change the patina of our nation. They are Hell bent on it.
Should you choose to accept being our current year Baby 2021, here is your first agenda item: You must slaughter the lead dragon.His name is Deception, and he masquerades as Truth mainly within White Evangelical churches, which acts as a cover for White Supremacy theories, Q-Anon conspiracy theories, and Christian Nationalism. The violent insurrection that happened on January 6th was led by the dragon Deception in the guise of Christianity and patriotism (Nationalism). On January 6th, Americans lost their innocence as to who we are as a democracy and who our greatest enemies are. Before Trump, many of us thought we were a multicultural nation where equality and voting were every citizen’s right, and our greatest enemies were international terrorists. Well, surprise, surprise, surprise! It looks as if the terrorists are domestic (extremely White), and they blew a shofar (Jewish religious ceremonial horn of a ram appropriated by Christians) as some White “Christian” woman sang “Peace in the name of Jesus…the blood of Jesus covering this place” before storming the Capitol
Cartoon used by permission: 247642_RGB_1290.jpg We have met the enemy by John Darkow Columbia Missourian
Baby 2021, not all the insurrectionists were Christians, but too many of them were, which meant that they had compromised the true meaning of Jesus and Christianity and were being emboldened by the Dragon of Lies. They were the super glue of Trump’s presidency and stopped hearing anyone else’s voice but Trump’s. When he said “storm the Capitol,” they replied: “Heil Trump!” It didn’t matter that they were responding to a lie. It only mattered that they were following their Dominionistic leader’s instructions to keep him in power.
Your assignment is to wake up so-called “Christian” Trumpers to the truth. Their hearts, minds, and actions should belong to Jesus who is the epitome of Truth. The truth is: Trump didn’t win the 2020 election, Trump is not God’s chosen one, Trump is a very, very bad man, Trump is a murderer (over half the COVID-19 deaths are due to his negligence), Trump has lied over 40k times, and in God’s good time, Trump’s “ass is gonna be grass” (don’t know what that means? Ask any Black person over 40). Baby 2021, do whatever is necessary to open the Christian Trump followers’ eyes. They were so tenacious at the riot because they thought they were doing God’s will, and they had no idea that they were being played by the demon Donald Trump. I have a theory that if you can open the eyes of this group to the actual truth about the Giant Orange Lie they have been following, you might have a chance in repairing our democracy this year.
Cartoon used by permission: 247438_RGB_1290.jpg Foundations of Democracy by Dave Whamond Canada PoliticalCartoons com
In the meantime, there is hope. There are better angels among us—a majority of Americans who have not swallowed the lie and won’t let the insurrectionists get away with their crimes. Yesterday those courageous better angels impeached Donald Trump for the second time. Tomorrow we remember and celebrate one of our most precious better angels who has passed on before us, but who left a legacy of truth, hope, and love: Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. That legacy will continue to be fulfilled by the election of our first Black, Indian-American, woman as Vice President, and the election (against all odds) of an extremely qualified, humble man as President who knows what truth looks like.
Eleanor Tomczyk is an author and a humorist who is an award-winning voice-over performer. In 2011, she created the blog, “How the Hell Did I End Up Here” which features mostly satirical posts that have thousands of readers around the world—although she was recently banned in Pakistan (for real!). Tomczyk’s three books were featured in a recent book festival: “Monsters’ Throwdown,” “Fleeing Oz,” and “The Fetus Chronicles—Podcasts to my Miseducated Self.” Currently in her 70s and living life like it is freakin’ golden, she is a consummate storyteller and much sought-after motivational speaker. If you don’t believe me, just ask her!
Cartoon used by permission: 247613_RGB_1290.jpg Wisdom for the Right by David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star Tucson AZ
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Cartoon used by permission: 242362_RGB_1290.png Running mate Harris by Bart van Leeuwen PoliticalCartoons com
“We need more than a victory on November 3rd, we need a mandate that proves that the past three years do not represent who we are or who we aspire to be.”—Kamala Harris, The Future VP of the United States
Needless to say, I am in love! I didn’t think it was going to matter to me which qualified woman Vice President Biden picked to be his running mate until he picked Kamala Harris. Granted it was the unveiling of an historical moment, which caused even my very White husband to choke up with tears at the possibilities, but it was also the power and hope I felt rising up in me, my daughters, and my friends as Kamala spoke when she accepted the call to action from Joe Biden. The power with which she so excellently and urgently prosecuted the zeitgeist of corruption, racism, and death against Donald Trump that he has unleashed into the lives of the people in the United States made me stand up and shout “hallelujah!” As she declared, “The case against Donald Trump and Mike Pence is open and shut,” for the first time I could see a future without Trump, and I felt sure Vice President Kamala Harris was going to help get us there.Maybe even become our first woman president.
I tried to imagine how this chapter of America’s story might be told to our children in 100 years. I wondered what kind of children’s books would be written about Kamala as future generations looked back on the dystopian country that “nasty” women like her helped save from the very brink of destruction.
A 2120 CHILDREN’S BOOK FOR VERY, VERY SMART CHILDREN
THE MARVELOUS, FANTASTIC, NASTY, ANGRY, HORRIBLE, DISRESPECTFUL, MADWOMEN WHO DESTROYED A LYING KING AND SAVED A KINGDOM by E. Tomczyk
Once upon a time, in a nation that existed a hundred years ago, there lived a people of many ethnicities and races. It was a vast land that had often see-sawed from murderously grotesque (a misshapen monster of its actual self) to outrageously sublime (the best it could be) in trying to fulfill its pledge of “…one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”
After hundreds of years of fits and starts after it was born, the majority of the people enthusiastically elected a chocolate leader who seemed to embody the promise and the hope of that great land. Unfortunately, a significant part of the vanilla people who existed within the kingdom and who considered themselves to be the most righteous and loved by God were very, very angry and plotted to make him a one-term leader. They could not see beyond his race and ethnicity and worked night and day to try to destroy him. But no matter what his enemies did, the chocolate leader was greatly loved, admired, and adored by many and led the nation to a better place for eight years.
But as in far too many stories about humans, an evil being arose on the horizon and captured the hearts and imaginations of a majority of the vanilla people (including a few of the chocolate people—I’m not going to lie), and let them establish him as King. He was a bright orange color (similar to a Cheeto), and he came to be known as “The Lying Toddler King.”
Immediately, The Lying Toddler King got on most people’s nerves—worldwide. He was crude and rude, and he lied when telling the truth would have been so much easier. Lying was his modus operandi. There are those who say he averaged 30 lies a day. Because he had never progressed beyond toddlerhood, he didn’t read, he refused to share, and he demanded to have his own way all the time.
If more knowledgeable adults and court advisors tried to correct The Lying Toddler King, he would shoot nasty words of 280 characters at them and make them very, very afraid. Most of them would tremble in terror. Whenever the Lying Toddler King threw nasty blue birds at them, reputations would be shot down, jobs would be lost, and the wounded recipients would crawl back home and hide under their beds. Once Toddler King actually hurled 200 tweets at his kingdom peeps in one day!
“Why in the ‘cuss word’* do you treat the peeps so badly?” a couple of The Lying Toddler King’s sycophants asked at the beginning of his reign. “Can’t you see that many of them love you; we just don’t think you should say racist, misogynist, perverse things to your subjects or they will become disappointed and vote you out of your toddler kingdom. Best to keep those things inside your tiny little head or you will scare people.”
“NO! NO! NOOOOO! I do what I want, you ‘cuss word’ lapdogs. Don’t you know that my people are so loyal that I can shoot anyone on 5th Avenue and no one would stop me?” boasted The Lying Toddler King.
Three years went by and The Lying Toddler King ruled with impunity (that means he never got put in a “time-out” corner for anything he did that was bad, boys and girls). But a lot of bad things began to happen on his watch. Sickness and death. Injustice and brutality. Murder and mayhem. Racism and cruelty. Destruction and pollution. It got so bad that chocolate and vanilla people joined together to remove the bad king. The women—especially the chocolate ones—had had enough! They picked a grownup vanilla man by the name of Joe Biden who, in turn, picked a chocolate running mate by the name of Kamala Devi Harris to fight The Lying Toddler King and his sycophantic side-kick whose name was Mike Pence (also a man-baby of the pasty white variety).
Kamala Devi—isn’t that an unusual name, boys and girls? It literally means: “Lotus—goddess of prosperity, good luck, and beauty, which manifests as protective womanhood that is fierce—strong enough to create new worlds but able to destroy those worlds…” Kamala was the first African-American, Asian-American woman on a major-party presidential ticket in the vast land of our story. Her mother was born in India and her father was born in Jamaica. They immigrated to America and Kamala was born in that great land.
Go figure—an immigrant and a chocolate woman as well! This was the Lying Toddler King’s worst nightmare. He immediately became frightened and confused. It was well known that his kryptonite was strong women—especially strong chocolate women. He sensed that they had the power to eat his lunch. The Lying Toddler King had a giant hissy-fit and pulled a bunch of mean and racist building blocks out of his toy chest to throw at Kamala. “She’s such a nasty woman, I tell you. NASTY, NASTY, NASTY!” wailed The Lying Toddler King. “She’s angry and horrible! I think she’s a madwoman. Did you see how disrespectful she was to Sleepy Joe? I’m surprised he even picked her as a play-date buddy. Besides, I heard she doesn’t even belong here among our vanilla people, and the rules forbid her to be one of its leaders. I heard her parents were born in ‘cuss word’-hole countries. Somebody better check that out! Where the ‘cuss word’ is my nukkie?”
The more the Lying Toddler King screamed and yelled, the more women of both chocolate and vanilla colors came together to declare their allegiance to the Biden/Kamala team because for the first time in years, they could see a better world ahead. Eighty-year-old vanilla women were sending emails to seventy-year-old chocolate women that read: “I’d almost lost hope until I heard Joe Biden picked Kamala Harris as his running mate. We just might survive, after all!” Grown chocolate and vanilla men who didn’t fear strong women were high-fiving each other. Chocolate little and big girls burst into tears because for the first time they saw someone who looked like them who was prepared to help bring down The Lying Toddler King and potentially break the most powerful glass ceiling in the land. They made T-shirts that declared: I’M A NASTY, ANGRY, HORRIBLE, DISRESPECTFUL MADWOMAN! HEAR ME ROAR, MOTHER “CUSS WORD”! The more these women roared, the more The Lying Toddler King became frightened and unglued. They became known as the NAHDMs throughout the land, and no matter how much The Lying Toddler King tried to cheat, steal, or destroy the election, in the end all the NAHDM women—chocolate and vanilla—stood united and they crushed him and removed him from the throne!
The citizens of that great nation learned their lesson and never elected a baby king to lead them again. You’ll have to read the sequel to find out whether or not they ever reached their ancestors’ vision to be an ethical and just nation, thus leaving their children a better world. In the meantime, the moral of this story, boys and girls, is never, ever underestimate a woman—especially a chocolate one.THE END
(*The use of the word “cuss” instead of actual swear words is a shameless rip-off from the director Wes Anderson, who used this brilliant mode of communication for his animated characters when filming the children’s book “Fantastic Mr. Fox” by Roald Dahl.)
Cartoon used by permission: 242301_RGB_1290.jpg Trump Reacts To Kamala by Bob Englehart PoliticalCartoons com
Eleanor Tomczyk is an author and a humorist who is an award-winning voice-over performer. In 2011, she created the blog, “How the Hell Did I End Up Here” which features mostly satirical posts that have thousands of readers around the world—although she was recently banned in Pakistan (for real!). Tomczyk’s three books were featured in a recent book festival: “Monsters’ Throwdown,” “Fleeing Oz,” and “The Fetus Chronicles—Podcasts to my Miseducated Self.” Currently in her 70s and living life like it is freakin’ golden, she is a consummate storyteller and much sought-after motivational speaker. If you don’t believe me, just ask her!
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
How The Hell Did I End Up Here? is a non-commercial entertainment and social commentary blog about the author's life and a critique of public and political personalities, published news articles, and consumer venues. Any linked-to or reblogged images contained on this website remain the property of their respective copyright owner(s), have been used by contractual permission, are displayed under the fair use doctrine, or are part of public domain.
how the hell did i end up here? 