SYW

Here are Cee’s questions for the week.

Complete this sentence: I’m looking forward to….

I was going to say I am looking forward to spring. So Da and I don’t have to co-ordinate car parking in the driveway (we have a small driveway and we are not allowed to park on the street). So we don’t have to budget 10 mins for bundling up instead of just wearing flip flops and stepping out of the door. So I don’t have to jump through hoops for making curd/yogurt at home… But you know what, winter comes with its share of joys too. Yeah, I would happily give up the bitter cold weather any day but winter is also a time when we get more family time, relatively less chauffering around, and generally we are focused on getting through our daily routine without distractions. Every season, every phase, every age comes with its pros and cons. You can’t just have the rose without the thorns. So I am just happy to be in the now, soaking in what the present moment has to offer.

What is your favorite comfort snack food?

Tangy spicy Bhelpuri! I simply love love the contrasting and complimenting flavors. Not just snack, I could have it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. All day, every day. Ok, I am exaggerating but you get the drift, right?

What was one of your first moneymaking jobs (other than babysitting or newspaper delivery)?

In the US, I worked as a photocopier in my graduate school. I also worked as a weekend guard for an art classroom. I was so thrilled that I could earn a little something and pay for my train tickets. How much I wish that this was an option back home?

What inspired you or what did you appreciate this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination. I appreciated how much dance has enriched my life as I practiced yesterday. I know a lot of people think bharatanatyam is age bound, that you stop dancing after a certain age. It is one of the best things that you can do to build your physical strength and to stay mentally agile. It is the most intensive cardio workout and interval training that one could practice. Mentally, it is constantly challenging you. To build muscle memory, to embrace stillness in the midst of action, to keep all your senses alert, to internalize the repetitions and stay in control… truly, it’s a gift that keeps giving, especially when you do it for yourself.

Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows by Balli Kaur Jaswal

The title is intriguing, isn’t it? Makes you want to dig deeper, isn’t it?

A small set of Punjabi widows are coaxed into signing up for a creative writing class led by Nikki, the 22 year old protagonist of this novel. The catch is majority of them do not know to write the english alphabets let alone taking a stab at creative writing in english. But who said one needs to know to read and write to be a creative story teller? So what was originally a creative writing class evolves into a creative story telling class. On the surface, these women seem to be timid, conformists, and gossip mongers but the erotic tales that they spin shatter the stereotypes, and unleash the unfamiliar and unexpected sides of their personality and personal lives. Through these storytelling session , not only the widows but also Nikki find their voices, their place in the society, and break free from the shackles that society imposes on them.

This is a story of immigrant acceptance and assimilation, of identity differences between first and second generation immigrants, of complicated sibling and parent relationships, and of a small neglected and written off subgroup of the Punjabi community in a suburb of London. Most of all, it is a story of women empowerment and finding the courage to be the change you want.

I found the side stories of this novel a little distracting and a tad Bollywoodish but it was a small price to pay for a novel that was at its core funny and thought provoking. Grab this book, it is worth a read.

Little Moments

I thought I would restart the weekly Little Moments post starting this week. Let’s see what extraordinary moments stand out in this ordinary week.

Ram has lost his upper two middle teeth. I feel a rush of affection every time I see the gaping hole in this upper row teeth. It adds an extra sparkle to his twinkling eyes.
A trip to Hot Breads. Treated myself to a bhel and brought home paneer puffs and chocolate truffle cakes for the boys.
Working in the home office next to Hari. He doing his thing and I doing my thing. Love our presence with each other.
Trying Calm meditation audio this week with Ram. I do find the background sounds very distracting and mildly annoying but thrilled to explore something new.
Hot hot pongal made by my neighbor. Relished every bite of it.
Worked on my LinkedIn profile. Needs further clean up but god knows how long I have been procrastinating. Overcoming that inertia was a small win.

Share Your World catch up

Just catching up on Cee’s questions for this week and last. Thank you Cee.

Do you prefer a bath or shower? Shower, and I write that writhing in guilt because of all the water that gets wasted. Having grown up in a place with water scarcity and seeing people struggle to get water for basic needs, should have taught me to be less wasteful and more mindful with the use of water. Not really, unfortunately.

What do you do to make a living or during the day? If you are retired what mostly occupies your day? Or if you are a student what are you studying? I provide escalation support on customer inquiries on existing standard analytical solutions and tend to create collaterals for new analytical solutions.

Is there a stuffed animal in your bedroom? Nope! Why would I want one when the cuddliest little person walks into our bedroom at the strike of midnight every night to cosy up.

What inspired you or what did you appreciate this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination. “Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” by Ann Taylor inspired me last week.

SYW – week of Jan. 01

What one word describes you best? The word that I would use to describe myself is work-in-progress. Learning, growing and evolving – that’s the whole point, isn’t it?

What is set as the background on your computer? A lady running in the beach. It’s a standard preinstalled background from Lenovo. I don’t personalize my gadgets as much at all because they carry nothing more than functional value to me. And I am lazy!

If you have been to a foreign country name those you have been too? I guess I could say Canada. Otherwise pretty much layover during international flights.

What inspired you or what did you appreciate this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination. I appreciated the slowing down over the holidays. Staying productive and relaxed at the same time.

Musings

I have been off from work over the past two weeks. I have been checking social media but not as frequently. I have not watched anything on Netflix. I expected not to miss work but not missing social media or watching T.V. is a nice surprise.
All four of us have been hanging out together for the past week or so doing nothing in particular. I am going to miss the lazy mornings, deadline-free, commitment-free, chauffeuring-free days. Not to mention the brats.
I am only exaggerating a little when I say, if you were to stand outside our house for some time right now, you will be a human popsicle. It is minus four degree Fahrenheit tonight. The low temperatures have been hovering at that range for the past one week and is expected to remain so for the next one week. On the plus side, it’s going to feel warm and toasty when we hit freezing point. It’s all relative!
New year does give a nice opportunity to reconnect with folks that I normally don’t keep in touch with under the guise of being busy. Spending the last day of the previous year and the first year of the new year catching up with friends and family is something I so look forward to.

Word of the Year

How did I do? Is it worth continuing with the word of the year? Is it a meaningful exercise?

I did ok with Mindfulness although I forgot it was THE word a few times. Setting intentions in the beginning of the year did unintentionally influence my everyday actions. I am able to sense tension, tightness and panic when things don’t go my way. I don’t become zen or calm about the situation right away. But I have learnt that the place to start is relaxing my jaws and facial muscles. Paying attention to that tactical action, settles me a bit even when there is restlessness raging within. I talk myself into getting some alone time and engage in some productive work so I am not being disruptive to the ones around me. It works a few times even if not always. I have also learnt to drift back to sleeping when I wake up in the morning. This is worth a mention because it is part of my effort to not to be a slave to my To Do or routine.

Mindfulness like Discipline and Detox (my Word for the prior years) is a lifelong practice. So this year was just the beginning. I did not move mountains or boil the ocean but I have made incremental progress as a person. So I see value in pursuing this practice.

For this year, I am choosing the word “Us”. Hari has five to six years with us before he takes full responsibility for himself. There are so many interesting things to do with him. There are so many things that he needs guidance on. I want to be fully present for him in this critical phase of growing up. Ram is still young and he needs me differently. I want to do all the things that I enjoy doing with him – reading, cooking, playing, coloring and what not. And with Da, I will be a little nicer, kinder and compassionate instead of using him as my punching bag. As rudimentary all these aspects sound to you or may come naturally to many of the moms that I know of, they are hard for me. I tend to oversee these finer aspects as there are so many things I want to dip my tips in.

While the “Us” does not preclude my parents, siblings and families, I am doing pretty ok on that front, which is why I am narrowing the focus to the immediate concentric circle around me.

This does not mean I will abandon pursuits outside home. Far from it, I want to do my bit, so they are not going away. But I will be deliberate about what I take on and make sure that I balance between what gives me intrinsic and extrinsic joys. I missed out on reading, writing, cooking experiments, and connecting with friends this year and I hope to pick up the slackness there. I will strive to be more consistent with eating clean and healthy and working out.

These are the intentions I am setting for the year. What are yours?

2017 – the year that was

There is pin drop silence in the house. Strike that, I can hear Da snoring his heart away. I can also hear some footsteps headed towards the bathroom, a sign that one child is up for the day. My tummy weighs like a ton of bricks from all the food indulgence last night. It was a cosy gathering. We met, we ate, we laughed and we dispersed with a full stomach and a light heart.

I have a couple of hours before the intensity of the day sets in. A time that I am carving out to reflect on the year that is coming to a close. As I look back on the year that has gone by, these are things that are at the top of my mind.

My paternal grandma, Andu patti, passed away in April. She had a really difficult end of life, with dementia wreaking havoc on her and the ones caring for her. Longevity means very little when it is not paired with quality of life. How our life comes to an end and when it comes to an end are not in our control; we can do all the right things and yet have an undesirable end. So taking proper care of our physical and mental health when it is in our hands seems not only responsible but also sensible.

I pushed myself to give back to the local community. I provided tactical support to a friend who stood for school committee, and played a small role in making our voices heard on a school related issue. I helped organize workshops in the local library and continue to edit the school newsletters. It was gratifying but I also realized, that they are very transactional in nature. Meaning, once it’s done, it’s done. This is an epiphany because it will help me choose where I want to spend my time and energy going forward.

I poured my heart and soul on my dance productions this year. I pushed the limits of what I can do and it was another humbling experience. There was wonder in knowing that I am capable of doing things that was challenging at the outset and there was also acceptance in knowing I come with my own limitations. Talent is something that we are born with, and we have no say in how talented we are. But striving towards our full potential is within our control; it’s not an easy path but one worth trudging on.

We renovated our house this year. We moved into this house a decade back and have worked our lifestyle around what was given to us, which worked well. The renovation gave us a chance to think about our needs and wants and how we want to customize the house to our personal preferences. For the most part, the project was enjoyable and I am proud of us for having taken the discomfort and inconveniences in stride. This project also gave me a newfound appreciation for all the details that go into the making of a house.

It feels like the outside world is filled with pain, suffering and destruction. My very liberal neighborhood was in the news for hate crime, there have been several break ins, and a life was gone too soon. This is within the short circumference of my neighborhood. Beyond that, if at all anything, the magnitude of the events happening are confusing, nerve wracking, and overwhelming. Yet, I am trying hard to not get hopeless. If we give up hope and faith, what else can we hold on to? We need to stay informed, be aware and push ourselves to do what little we can. If not anything else, be kind. I like to believe that kindness goes a long way in counter balancing the negativity around us even if we are not able to directly impact the events.

I wish you a very happy 2018. I wish you the freedom and courage to be who you want to be, relationships and friendships that matter, deliberation in thought and action, unshakable faith in your effort and values, compassion towards the self and others, grace and wisdom to handle the unknowns, bountiful little moments and happy surprises, unconditional love and acceptance, uncluttered mind, full presence and focused work, and a strong body and sound intellect. I wish you the best that life has to offer. In 2018 and always!

Christmas Eve

The second born is eager to go to bed tonight. “Santa will be here soon, let’s go to bed anna,” saying so he grabs the remote from Hari to switch the TV off. Hari is trying hard not to roll his eyes, and entices his little brother. “It’s ok Ram, we can watch one episode of King Julian. We still have time.” Da is laughing his heart out at the antics of King Julian. Truly, this grown male is such a kid at heart. His uninhibited laughter makes me happy. The Christmas tree in the living room is twinkling red, yellow, green and blue. There are handmade presents from Ram and Hari under the tree. A couple of other presents from friends are waiting to be opened as well. A long long list for Santa has been written and rewritten. Christmas carols have been playing. Cookies and brownies are ready waiting to be graced by Santa’s bite.

To those of you that celebrate, Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Slowing down

It is truly the only time of the year when things slow down on all fronts – work, volunteering, school and extracurricular activities for kids. There are no deadlines to chase, no routine to keep up. Nonetheless, there are things to do. Projects that I have been putting off citing lack of time and energy. Those need to be tackled but at least it will be on my terms. This quite time is much needed and I am immensely thankful for it.

Some random tidbits from my end.

Da and I went to the Star Wars movie. I am not a Star Wars junkie but I am hooked. I am on a mission to watch the rest of the seven movies. Talking about movies, so many ones that I would like to see. If possible, within the next week – Jumanji, Pitch Perfect, and The Greatest Showman.
Ram and I are slowly getting to our pre-summer bedtime routine. How I have missed it! It’s always tempting to give up on bedtime routine because I am totally drained by that time of the day. But once I get past that moment of weakness, the five to ten minutes of reading, meditating and tucking in give such a fitting end to the day.
There are some residual jobs left, but officially the renovation is complete. We got the inspection sign off after some hiccups. I have been spending the past few days unpacking, cleaning and arranging. I enjoy doing this kind of work, so no complaints.
This winter feels like winter with temperatures dipping, and some snow here and there. And it’s just the beginning of the season. Oh lord!
I am hardly on computer since I have been off work since last Thursday. It feels great not to be tethered to my laptop or to be distracted by random web browsing due to my distracted mind.
I decided that I will not be ambitious about what I want to accomplish during this break. I will give my all to the present and just be. I want to do a little bit of everything – work, play, travel, and chill.

Share Your World

Thank you Cee for this week’s questions.

If you could hire someone to help you, would it be with cleaning, cooking, or yard work? I hire someone for cleaning, and she has made a world of difference to my life. She takes care of the deep cleaning while I do the daily maintenance. I would prefer to do my own cooking. I can’t say I am passionate about cooking but I like the idea of knowing of what goes into the food that I feed my family. While I don’t want to admit, I do feel happy when my family devours the food that I cook. On second thoughts, perhaps a cook who would cook over the weekend would be nice change and would take some burn out from the daily cooking. Yard work has been royally ignored all this year and we certainly could use help to restore it.

If you were to move and your home came fully furnished with everything you ever wanted, list at least three things from your old house you wish to retain? I would like to take our shrine (something Da and I built when we moved to this house), our home office (again, we put a lot of thought into designing it), and all the ventilation we have post renovation.

What calms you down? Productivity calms me down. It calms me down because it reaffirms that while I cannot control what I cannot control, I can control what I can.

What inspired you or what did you appreciate this past week? I appreciated the holiday party for kids at Da’s work place. It is a low key affair where they have a ton of arts and crafts activities for children. Hari volunteered and it was endearing to see him working with other little kids, hi-fiving, guiding and cheering them. Ram loves to make things, so it was like being in a paradise for him. All in all, it was nice soaking in the holiday spirit.