Thanksgiving Little Moments

In this part of the world, we had a nice long thanksgiving weekend. It was much needed break from all things routine. I am very thankful for,

  • An early relaxed start to the long weekend. I took the Wednesday off and our friends arrived that afternoon. It set the right mood for the break.
  • A full house with four adults and five kids, all having their kind of fun. Late night chit chatting and movie watching, video gaming, some crafting and dancing thrown in the mix.  No expectations, no obligations. Just us being us.
  • Friends coming together to celebrate Hari, who is lucky to have uncles and aunts who bypass his parents to know what he truly wants for his special day, and buying it for him in a heartbeat.
  • Cold weather, which meant we were not tempted to step outside but spend quality time huddled together under the same roof.
  • A sickness free weekend. Didn’t want to send our little and not so little visitors with pesky germs.
  • Lots and lots of hugs, cuddles, kisses, and tenderness from twin darlings!
  • Wardrobe exchange. The clothes have had a good life doing their rounds from one child to the other.

Hope you are feeling refreshed and are getting geared up for the work week. Tudlu for now!

I Love Yous

“Amma, I love you more than you love me,” “Bye bye anna, love you so much,” “Love you appa. You are the best”

Hari and Ram are lavish when it comes to saying I love yous, and most of the time, they don’t say it lightly or for the sake of saying it. They mean it when they say it. They say it with love. They say it with gratitude. I know it because as someone at the receiving end I feel that I am loved and cherished. I offer my gratitude for the verbal expression of their affection for me.

Gratitude for journey shared

Today, my thanks goes to UL, a dear friend who I met through the blogging world several years back. Thanks to her, I have been writing everyday in the month of November for the past two years. As you age gratitude becomes a way of life, it is no longer just reserved for November or Thanksgiving. You feel it when you kiss your child, hug your husband, talk to you parents, or take a walk in the nature. But there is something special about putting your gratitude in words; you process and reflect as you write, so you experience it at greater depth.

I am also thankful to UL for sharing her learnings and journey through her blog posts. The wisdom imparted in those nuggets are in digestible form, and very tactical. You can practice them on a daily basis. I have benefitted from them immensely. Don’t take my word, check it out for yourself.

 

The Best Thanksgiving Present

Today, we are celebrating not only Thanksgiving but also our first born’s 14th birthday. I have to pinch myself nice and hard on this day every year to make sure I am not dreaming. It feels fresh, like he was born just yesterday.

I believe that each age and stage has a certain beauty, something special and unique to that phase. Teenage years are no exceptions. The drama, the rolling of the eyes, the stomping of the feet, the dismissal of whatever is being told to him… it’s cute in its own way especially when you understand that it does not come from a place of malice but from a healthy dose of rebellion and an illusion of knowing it all. A teenager is a grown up and a child at the same time. He is an extra pair of eyes and an extra set of helping hands that you can count on. He thinks on his feet, problem solves for you, comforts you, and sometimes even nudges you. Beneath all that rebellion, he is still a child who seeks for your approval and validation. “Amma do you want to watch me play trumpet,” “Do you think you can come to see me pitch.” While sleep overs are thing of the past, there is still that need to catch up at the end of the day. “So what’s up amma? Want to catch up?” There is so much you can do with your teenager – watching Sherlock Holmes, discuss politics, share life’s conundrums, be each other’s accountability partners, to name a few.

To my loving, kind, hardworking, smart, sports crazy child, a very happy b’day. Be you, stand up for yourself and for others, practice kindness at all times, work on your daily habits, always give your personal best, enjoy the journey, follow your interests, and pour your heart and soul into them. Seeing you grow up and blossom into the person you are has been a blessing that we hold very close to our hearts. Love you immensely, our precious!

 

Conversations

Recording some of conversations with little Ram that filled my heart and touched my soul. So very greatful to be at the receiving end of this sugary syrupy goodness.

  • His eyes well up as Hari and I talk about what just the two of us can do. He gets down from the car and confronts me. “Amma you do so many special things with anna. You eat out when you go to his doctor’s appointment, you go shopping with him, and after I sleep the three of you sneak up to the attic to watch TV. Tell me three things that only you and I do. I want to spend lots and lots of time with you amma. I want to have special things that only you and I do.” I wanted to list out our exclusive things except that my heart was already a pot of mush. I know I am his mommy and this is expected, still can’t take this pure unadulterated endearing expression of love for granted.
  • We are all heading back from temple and are giving feedback on what each of us need to work on. I tell Ram that he is very good at taking responsibility for making things that he wants happen but needs to improve on managing his emotions when things don’t go his way. “Use words kanna, not tears,” “I try amma but the tears won’t stop coming.” So genuine, so authentic, telling things as is without any pretense. What a privilege it is to raise little humans who are never afraid to be vulnerable.
  • Da and I were discussing extracurricular activities and unintentionally we were piling more on his plate. The child noticed and made it clear in no uncertain terms that, “Amma, I don’t like doing too many things. I want time to just relax, be lazy, and read. Can you not put me in too many activities?” Ha, very often without his knowledge the child gives instructions on how to raise him. Makes the job so much easier and abundantly joyful!
  • Sitting on his bean bag, Ram got all philosophical. “Amma, I just noticed that I have to work hard to get the things I like. For example, to get a Star Student Bear at school, I have to keep up with expected behavior. To get video game time, I have to do tamizh homework and guitar practice. If I want my room to be clean, I have to clean it up” It’s a gift to see a child grow, physically, mentally, and emotionally right under your watchful eyes!
  • Many nights Ram and I sleep in his twin mattress. He inches to me, puts his hand on top of my body, his legs on mine, and he asks for me to place my hand at the nape of his neck so he can use it as a pillow. The intensity of the day melts, all the stress evaporates, and I drift to sleep peacefully. Incredibly grateful that I have experienced this time and again.

Unplugged

The internet was down, which meant working from home was going to be a stretch. For the first half an hour, I was wrought with frustration. Some construction worker somewhere knocked the internet lines, and I was paying the price for it. I was getting back to work mode after three days of PTO and an unproductive day was the last thing I wanted.

Luckily, after the initial frustration, some sanity prevailed. I took stock of the big picture. Was it a nuisance? Yes, yes and yes! Was it going to hinder my productivity? Somewhat. Did I have alternatives? Yes, I could go two doors down the road to my friend’s place where connectivity was not an issue. Can I still avoid the drive to work? Yup. What was I complaining about then? So many things were actually going in my favor.

The lack of internet turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I was efficient on the work front. I caught up on personal emails. And best of all, I was not tempted to check emails, Facebook, WhatsApp, and Hulu. I felt less scattered, and more present.

I am thankful that for the past two days Hari and I could get our work done by hopping over to my friend’s place. I am thankful that I have the flexibility to work at my pace on the work front. If internet hiccup was the worst thing that happened to me, then I am blessed to have had a good couple of days. There are people fighting tougher battles day in and day out.

Amma (mother-in-law)

Drafted yesterday but could not post it due to internet issues at home

Hari and my mother-in-law share the same nakshatiram and tamizh birth month, so they share their star birthday. Today (Nov. 19th) is Hari’s star birthday and I have been thinking of amma, who is alive in our hearts and memories but not in flesh and blood. If you have followed this space for some time now, you would know that amma was very progressive for her generation, was light hearted, and had a zest for life that was contagious. She and my parents shared a relationship that was built on mutual respect and free of expectations; not bitterness or resentment, which is more common place in arranged marriages than you would think. Both her children, Da and Aaru, take after her in many aspects – street smarts, not making much ado about anything, and always assuming positive intent and seeing good in people. My deep gratitude to the universe for connecting our families together. I feel incredibly lucky to be married into this family.  Happy star b’day to amma and Hari.

My identity

I am a South Indian American tamizh brahmin girl. I like paruppu sadam. I love going to temple. I tear up for Jana Gana Mana. I believe in baby steps, consistent efforts, and perseverance. Kurti is my favorite attire. I admire people who are resilient and have reinvented themselves. I assume positive intent and give benefit of doubt. I am lazy, risk averse, and a procrastinator. I am afraid of heights, speed, and grand dreams. I am a self-sabotager. I need my 8 hours of sleep. Without my me time, I am not me. Allowing people to be who they are, is the best gift that oe can give to someone. Freewill is what I value the most. I practice space in togetherness., Empathy comes naturally to me. People fascinate me. I am a lifelong learner. I take comfort in inner strength, and strive for inner peace.

Independent of the different roles that I play and the pursuits and hobbies I undertake, these values and beliefs are what make me me. Much gratitude for life experiences that have helped shape my identity.

Friendsgiving

For the first past several years, may be 10 or so, a few desi families in our neighborhood get together for thanksgiving. It’s a low key potluck dinner with lots and lots of food, and some laughs and merriment. As we were seated in a circle playing board games, my heart was filled with gratitude. Buying a new house is like marriage, isn’t it?  You don’t just marry the person, but the family too. Likewise, you are just not buying a new house, but moving into a new community. We are lucky to be in a community where we feel like we belong, and are surrounded by people who care and look out for us. Much gratitude!