What does Christmas look like in a household with a sixth grader and twelfth grader? 

One child says he believes in his parents more than Santa. Out of habit, he did track Santa starting sharp at noon. The more grown up child expressed utter disappointment at the TJ Max brown paper bag sitting under the tree. “What Santa has already delivered the presents? That too in a brown bag like this?” He still wants all the works – the anticipation, the surprise, the wrapped presents, the cookie baking, and all our little traditions. He softened after gently being reminded that it is from us, Santa will come with his goodies later at night. 

Alright then, in the name of family time, I am being invited for a game of foosball, which will test my non-existing hand-eye coordination and in which I will be gloriously defeated before I get a grasp for what’s going on.  

Merry Christmas and wishing you all things warm and cozy on this occasion. 

A prompt from Gretchen Rubin. Try This at Home: Consider creating a five-senses portrait of your holidays. Identify the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touch of all the things and experiences you associate with this time. What would you put on your list?

Sight: 

• The twinkling string lights hanging by my friends’ windows… it’s not precisely bordering around the window frame rather hung around lightly. Gives it a character! 
• The stackable snowman by our Christmas tree. Every single year we take it, Ram grabs it with excitement, “This is my favorite part about setting the Christmas tree, setting the snowman”
• Our ornament collection – the Hallmark loot that we have collected over the years as well as holiday decorations and ornaments made by kids. 
• The new gigantic star in our town center. Celebrations cannot get anymore tangible than that! 
• Donation boxes everywhere – for clothes, toys, outwear, foot pantry
• Holiday cards from friends 
• Traffic jams
• Long lines at the store

Sounds:

• Sunday night football on TV
• Ram playing Santa’s coming to town on guitar
• Christmas songs just about everywhere
• This song is a family favorite – I have been naughty for christmas.
• The bells of the Salvation Army collecting change
• Holiday sale announcements at the store

Tastes:

• Salted caramel hot cocoa
• Moist buttery flavorful pastries that my friend bakes
• Did I say peppermint hot cocoa..? 
• Hearty soups 
• Plum cakes
• Cranberry oorugai and chutney 

Smell: 

• Balsam wreath
• Cinnamon 
• Pumpkin spices

Touch: 

• That extra dose of physical togetherness by virtue by being indoors

What’s on your list… share with me, won’t you?

Happy Thursday one and all. What made you happy this week? 

• The story of my dad’s friend visiting my parents warmed my heart. Truly, at the end of the day, it is these connections, relationships and friendships that nourish us!
• Low on energy, low on time, low on groceries, I was rummaging the refrigerator for something that would come to my rescue for tonight’s dinner. Lo, behold, there was a jar of frozen channa that I had saved for days like today. Freezing leftovers is one of my favorite hacks. 
• Long live the genius that came up with the idea of salted caramel hot cocoa at Traders’ Joe. Tastes heaven on earth! 
• The sparkle and twinkle of holiday lights and decorations at home, on the street, just about everywhere. 

Tudlu for now!

If you think about it, letting go is the first lesson you learn as a parent. If you are a biological mom, by birthing a baby, you are literally letting go of a being that has physically inhabited your body. Then you let go of that very intimate experience of breastfeeding your child. That’s just the beginning. With every milestone, you let go some more. The first time your baby walks, the first time you drop him off at daycare, the first playdate, the first sleepover, the first time he refuses to co-sleep with you… and every time your heart flutters a little, an instinct that wants to grab your child and safely tuck him in your pocket at the departing moment. But you let go anyway. 

The greatest gift a parent can give to a child is these acts of letting go. It’s in these acts that your precious one finds the space to grow up and become his own person. Sometimes soaring high up in the sky. Sometimes stumbling, falling, and scraping his knees. And then he uncovers his true strength and finds the courage to stand up on his feet again on his own… isn’t that achingly beautiful…? 

I close my eyes and hold Hari and Ram in my heart. Being their mom has been the honor and blessing of my life. G.R.A.T.I.T.U.D.E.  to the powers above.

To those of you that followed my journey this month, thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

Today was a relay race of activities for Ram. 

After his after-school club, Ram and I had to dash off to collect wreaths to be delivered for scouts fundraising. This is our first time doing it, and we were not quite sure what to expect. We loaded 34 wreaths and headed home to tie the bows to the wreaths before they could be delivered.  The cold weather, and the dark night did not help. Nor the fact that we had to deliver the wreath to houses on a busy street. To that add time crunch. It was quite the evening! 

I was done with that run but not poor Ram though.  He had to go to his guitar lesson, come back home for dinner and then do the second run with his dad. The evening was relentless. I did offer to deliver on his behalf while he was at guitar lesson but the child refused. “No mom, it’s my job. It’s for my scouts activity. I should be the one to deliver.”  I slightly hinted on taking a shortcut. “Ram, it’s ok, you can hand out the bow, you don’t need to tie it” He would not budge. “No mom, I want to tie the bow because that is good customer service and I want them to buy from me next year, so I want to do a good job.” 

He made it. Proud of Ram for doing his job with integrity. Grateful that the child has a moral compass and work ethics that anchor him .

______________________________

Yesterday was my last parent teacher conference for Hari. Just the other day, I was reading his KG PTO conference in my blog post. 16 years have passed by in the blink of an eye. I asked his teachers, what is your advice for Hari as he is planning for the next phase in his academics?

• Continue to self advocate and making connections that he can lean on
• Make the most out of what’s remaining of high school. Do not be so focused on what it is to come that you miss out on the fun part of the senior year.
• Remember, which college you get into does not define you. You define you. 
• If you have survived your current high school, you are going to survive any college experience

Grateful to live in a town with an excellent school system and a school with wonderful educators who have given a solid foundation for Hari’s academic pursuits. Grateful for a child who lapped it all up and gave it his best shot.

When you are born and raised in one country, and live as an adult in another country, it can be a mixed bag. Some days you feel like you belong to both places but on other days, you feel like an outsider in both countries. 

One big reason we feel like we belong here is because raising kids has exposed us to traditions and practices that we are not familiar with. We write letters to Tooth Fairies. We carve pumpkins. We set up Christmas trees. The kids go for sleepovers.  We also go the extra mile to weave in bits and pieces of traditions that we grew up with and create our own. Storytelling for Krishna Jeyanthi, artwork for Ganesh Chathurthi, bakshanam for Diwali. 

All in all, in the process of raising kids, grateful for the opportunity to embrace a culture that I did not grow up in and reimagine traditions that I grew up with.

Drafted yesterday but I didn’t quite realize that I had not published it.

We are watching The Mysterious Benedict Society as I type this post. I know it sounds shallow but I am thankful for all the TV shows that we get to watch as a family. We love it and derive immense joy out of the shared experience. 

Even amongst the four of us, we have special shows that we watch with specific members of the household. Da and I watch Manifest. Hari and I are currently watching Blockbuster. Da and Ram have a wide selection – Lego Masters, Star Trek, Pokémon, Dragon Prince and what not. 

Although we are staring at the screen, somehow there is a bonding coming out of the experience. I didn’t get that until recently. At some point, Hari and I were watching Brooklyn 99. I lost interest in it after a couple of seasons and would often take to multi-tasking. Hari would get upset by it and I didn’t understand why till Da took off during the finale of Manifest. It’s not like the show was any less exciting if he was not around but it was not quite fulfilling without his company. It’s our thing. It was as though a part of the package was missing.

Gratitude for the lesson learnt. Silly time pass or otherwise, if it’s an “our” thing, I have learnt to treat that experience with sanctity.

If there is one thing that has seen me grow as a parent, it has to be teaching Tamizh to my kids. 

I enrolled Hari in Tamizh for all the right reasons. What I thought was, he would learn the language and I would use it as an opportunity to learn with him. What happened in reality was, Tamizh did not find a place in my list of priorities and I ended up getting stressed out and taking it out on the poor child. I feel terrible at my immaturity but I didn’t know better. Hari coped well despite limited support from our end due to our unfamiliarity with the written word. He would absorb every single word that was uttered in Tamizh class, would ask for extra help from his teacher and would give it his all. It’s not like he loved the language but he was driven, committed and wanted to complete what he had taken. Gold star to this child! 

With Ram, at least we should have changed course and enrolled him in Hindi. But somehow we never learnt our lesson. He is learning Tamizh. I have not become any better at the language but I am acutely aware of my blind spots. Ram and I have set out our own goals, which definitely does not involve acing the tests. I am brutally honest with him, “Ram, we cannot wing Tamizh at the last minute. We have to work on it every day. This is a hard subject for us but if we do work on it, we will get better at it.” He understands. But understanding is not the same as doing it. There are all sorts of temptations and distractions when we sit down to study – the widest of yawns, the need to make frequent bathroom visits, the need to catch up with regular school conversations etc. All I want to do in that moment is run as far away as possible from this pursuit… thankfully, I am aware of this impulse.  I am able to take a step back and collect myself. I ground myself in the present moment, toss everything else aside and sit with him. This is the one and only time he needs support from me. So I give it to him. 

I don’t think I will ever learn Tamizh through my children. However, the pursuit of Tamizh has taught me to be a little more patient and present as a parent. Gratitude to the language for this gift of a lifetime. Gratitude to Hari for being a real trooper and showing the power of hard work.. Gratitude to Ram for his willingness to give it a shot.

After a two year break, we got together with our neighbors for Thanksgiving dinner. Kids who were in middle school and high school when we first started this tradition, sat with us as working adults tonight. I am thankful that when we started the email around getting together this year, we got enthusiastic responses, each family bringing their “ususals”. It warmed my heart because we have done this long enough to know what the usuals are. I am thankful that for Hari and Ram this has been a tradition growing up.