Just when you know its all a smooth path woven with snow flakes underneath or bubbles of saccharine love oozing out from every corner or a gist of beaming clarity and coherence from ones who company you around, you fail to see this all goodness hides away the ugly truth. The truth that bad days swipe off every bloody good harbouring your tender heart. It doesn’t last but still it gloats, it stands supreme to last till you shriek or try to granulate your teeth, smashing them together to an extend you feel your eyes burning with flames colliding and exasperating to be out. If you let them escape, they make you feel relieved but sooner the glass of your heart isn’t going to get back once shattered into million places. Thats how a bad day leaves ; an imprint where good sounds trite.

“You know what’s like to live in constant fear?”, It’s  insurmountable ,you probably wouldn’t know what prompted it but still you become the tangible thread to it. It’s always in you, sometimes quiet to let you wander off to good thoughts but then it’s there looking eye to eye even if it’s presence is not significant ..Still it’s there without even second guessing. So you like to overcome it ? It makes you frigid from inside, ready to conquer the plight ,you think will coerce from fusion of temperaments but you damn well are weak shaking from the insides not to best you. What If this silent torment of fear will grab you by your lapel or try to make you feel a vagrant child of catastrophe? Even if it fades it won’t stop for an uncalled moment to drop that bomb of malice. The earth beneath may provide resistance but how will it help the already pulverized body some aid ? Hear the cracks in your heart,  the jostling emotions that obfuscate the thinking ; Nothing seems right in that forsaken second and it marks holes on the bright side nonetheless.

I ceased to exist
The moment I
Saddled myself with lies
Sweet mellifluous lies
Beckoning me under your skin
Slithering their way
To be pitch perfect
No grimace to crease your brow
Only niceties on face
An only herb to allure you
Sluring in a mode
Heavy-eyed with chatters
Heaps of lies weighing my heart
Bondage to fallacy
I was in love desperately
Seeking to be hostage
To your will

All railed up
Fissures knotted
Mind as a cauldron
Heated to the brim
Like a hodgepodge
No gravity in manner
Like a faint smile
Who knew it was in her
Releasing endorphins
To feel satiated
Dared to bare soiled soul
Eschewed from uniformity
The farce in eyes
May deceive distance
Not her walls of disdain
Triumphant still blowed
This time to her praise
Lasting till the purity
Of her sediments remained
Unaffected from Odium

The time lapse of 2015 still ricochets in my mind. It wasn’t one to forget easily as it easily ended with just a tick of 12:00 am.BAM! All new spirits or maybe recarnarting my soul to a visionary I had always mentally abstracted from gist of erroneous mistakes or pristine few attempts done.
What still strikes me as a doomsday is everything that is centre of my own universe. This universe that is so dutifully loyal is to me is my own perception. I own my feelings, my emotions, my thoughts, my anger, my love, my shallowness, my blunt blunders ,my views and my actions.  I can not even with bits and pieces of premonition feel what others go through or what they are suppose to feel or how are they suppose to response. They like me have their own centre of universe where their ideology and dealings are far off my league and school of thoughts. I have to accept and move on to a path where there is no room for parochial confinement but a sound mind that learns not to give a fig about whatsoever. There might be thousand of times where I might have felt out of sorts, trite in a bubble which kept influxed with being taken unrequited, unreciprocated or unheard or unvalued; it was a bubble of my own where any thoughts pertaining to be kind went unnoticed or unrecognized because it sounded novel, so rare to even have an effect. Then again like I said we all are centre of our own universe which heedless of all the things focus on what we deduce based on our owns assumptions that hold no merit and that’s how they take a root on a groundless stem of our mind which gets bitter by time not even apprehending other might have approached the matter in irrepressiblely different way.Yes,introspection for me is in an order rather then retrospecting the eerie behaviour in the wild earth.

#2016 #justthoughts!