My relation with God was holy but not spiritual. I knew I always have to knee down to Him, turn to Him, talk to Him, rely on Him when situations worsened gratuitously. No belief in Him meant fate worse then death. His existence, omnipotent, omniscient – A king i had to bow down five times a day necessarily to be in His good grace. This all was a prerequisite to His heart and i had to follow because that’s how i was brought up ; to love God and to trust him earnestly. Everyone commanded on love and trust but nobody told me How to develop the connection. What would make me spiritual. As time progressed world around me turned bolder, insanely shocking like I was supposedly believing this whole new delirium was a bagde of ethnicity around. Every one transcended to blend in the rituals of comman race. Nothing made sense when things turn chaotic or sanguine like a wrecking ball dropped with maturity to fathom this reality of survival.Still I knew i had to no matter what keep the ritual of praying because honestly at some point I saw myself mumbling for wishes ; small unsaid wishes that were baseles and absurd still i knew those unsaid words that never reached my tongue happen to accomplish in seconds like God was there jotting down what i want when i want. Little by little i saw abundance of love showered my way holstering me to feel the spirituality, his nearness, His existence. He wasn’t figment of my imagination any more .He was real closer to me than the jugular filling my head with conscious to be better like a voice answering my every query. I could feel His generosity or His anguish when I was wrong. It felt amazing like storm replaced my slow waves swiftly moving. That connection isn’t always there , it’s just that one blissful moment when you feel important, grateful and acknowledged when even odds aren’t in your favor. A moment lasting till eternity and nothing can beat that peace I know.
a touch of my saint! 