J-Dub's Grin and Bear It

Done with work and sitting with my heating pad. I’m scrolling around because I got time to kill. I need to make better use of my time — that’s the first thing that comes to mind. But anyway, this is not about that. I see where April 10 is National Siblings Day. And I remember now in hindsight how it was started by someone who lost their brother and sister tragically in separate accidents. And the creator used her sister‘s birthday to acknowledge her grief. Now that doesn’t mean it’s the only thing I’m thinking about — like there’s lots of stuff — exciting stuff about to happen— like Artemis is landing. I mean, how freaking cool is that? Rhetorical —because I mean come on — it goes without saying that the Artemis landing is flipping cool. Alrighty well my pain is off the charts and I’m not sure exactly what that’s all about. Anyway the heating pad is tamping it down a tad. I had a really good day at work. I was busy and I got stuff done. We had been in conference during the week so it was kind of a whirling dervish. I actually went out twice at night like the old days. I love being in community with my coworkers.

This is what stream looks like folks.

Lots of good memories on FB but I only shared one. A throwback picture of Pony and Lulu. Siblings separated by 9 1/2 years yet still very lucky to have each other. And even though they leave me out of their little communications, I know they’re texting daily and it makes my heart happy. 😊 what makes me sad is that everyone doesn’t have that. B is missing Dan and I’m missing Jim. And B doesn’t even have another option like I do. Still I don’t dare go first because — well because we know why. I am back to wanting what I can’t say out loud. No one is reading my mind. No one felt what I felt. 

Three years ago on this day, a certain someone, my Papa, was trying to FB message me a picture of my three siblings, but it wouldn’t go through because I was persona non grata and blocked by the original poster. Then through an alternative source, my sister, I got the picture. We acknowledged that while ours wasn’t a traditional relationship, traditional was boring and overrated. We claimed each other. And that lasted for a hot minute. April 10, 2023 to September 18, 2023. Now some three years later, there is a passive agreement to wish each other well and to live in a parallel universe. It is actually kind of cool because it’s like having a guardian angel, who’s really alive just living in the Pacific Northwest. and the actual guardian angel, my dearly departed she sister, Angie. Who I never knew but claim all the same is for sure watching over me as we approach April 23rd which is the passing of our mama and ‘oh my gosh’ I need to freaking find David. My brother through Cathy. That’s it. I’m texting Debbie.

I don’t recall exactly how it came up during our conference, but I was specifically asked so I answered, I am the youngest of eight. I am the second youngest of 12. I am the second oldest of five (that we know of) and I’m the oldest of three. I have to add the snark because I am convinced there are more out there —floating around — waiting to somehow find us. I think I’ve always been a wannabe quant and the odds are in our favor.

If you’ve made it to the bottom of this ramble and you have any clue WTF, I’m talking about hats off to you. You earn bonus points. And if you wonder why I’ve been escaping into music, now you know. My love to the world.

As always, more to come.

PS one of the articles I read said to post a picture if you thought the relationship should be recognized. And I almost did that like I seriously almost did that but I stopped myself because I feel like I’m alone in my belief that it should be recognized.