Life Lessons from a Toddler

In the past two months, I have often been babysitting my 17-month-old niece. And I would like to say two things. First, all my respect to the parents who have to deal with toddlers every day. And second, I never imagined that one day a tiny human being could teach me some life lessons.

So yeah, here is what my one-and-a-half-year-old niece taught me in two months.

About Emotional Intelligence
If there is one thing that blows my mind about my niece, it is her ability to know whether I’m happy or sad, pleased or mad, just by looking at my face or hearing the tiny changes in my tone of voice. She immediately makes her cute angel face if she realizes I’m mad about a “bêtise” she made. She’s even able to distinguish a true smile from a fake one at a level that even I, as an adult, can’t reach.

This tiny creature is one of the most emotionally intelligent people I have ever met. And she didn’t learn how to do it in books. She just looks at faces.

About Learning
She crawled before she walked.
She pronounced “rabbit” in French as “Papin” for months before saying it correctly: “Lapin.”
She hated playing with Lego because she couldn’t put two blocks together.

And now she’s running, she’s pronouncing almost all objects in two languages, and Lego has become her favorite activity, she is building skyscrapers all on her own now.

Her learning process is simple: start with the basics, make mistakes, and keep trying even when it’s hard.

About Boundaries
I set boundaries from the first day about what is allowed and what is forbidden with me. Of course, I faced some rebellion at the beginning, but I didn’t give in. Now she respects me more than her parents. And the irony is, she loves me even more.

Boundaries don’t make people hate you; they make them love you respectfully.

About Relationships
She has a doll called Olivia, and she hates it. She plays with every single toy she has, but when it comes to Olivia, she just ignores her as if she doesn’t exist. Until today, we haven’t figured out the reason for this lame behavior toward Olivia.

Sometimes it happens that you don’t like someone—just ignore them.

About Enjoying the Moment
She loves drinking water from a glass. But what she loves even more is putting her hand in a glass full of water. She knows that we will take the glass away if she starts doing that, but she does it anyway.

She chooses her wet hand over quenching her thirst. She lives by the idea that a moment of joy is worth a lifetime of thirst.

About Women
Sometimes she asks me to help her lift a book, even though I know she can lift ten. Sometimes she’s afraid to go into another room alone, even though she’s done it several times before and in the dark. Sometimes she pretends to fall and overdramatizes it, just to get attention.

Now I understand women. I will never blame you. It’s not your fault, you were born with it.

Toddlers are the incarnation of the authentic and natural state of humans before being influenced by traditions, social codes, and external expectations. I think we should observe them more often to learn how to deal with life as adults.

Dear (future) parents,

Building a family is not a race,
not something you have to do just because you’ve found someone
or because you’ve reached a certain age.
It’s not about checking off a box on a list of life goals.

Building a family is a journey.
A path you take when you feel ready—
ready to love, to care,
and to carry not just your own dreams,
but the hopes of someone else.
It means being responsible—
for your partner,
for your children,
and even for the little pets you welcome into your home.

A family is built on love, patience, and being there.
It needs two strong pillars—
two people who share the job of caring and supporting.
One might be called “Mom,” the other “Dad,”
but more than names, what matters is presence.
When one of those pillars is missing,
the children often feel it.
They try to fill the gap.
They grow up too fast,
taking on roles that aren’t theirs,
losing pieces of their childhood in the process.

They may look for love and safety in the wrong places,
and carry confusion and pain they don’t understand.

To build a family is to build a safe place.
A place where everyone feels loved and heard.
Where laughter is shared,
and where mistakes are met with kindness.
A home where love isn’t perfect—but it’s real.

So don’t rush into building a family.
Wait until your heart is steady,
until you’re ready to give without keeping score.
Because a family made with love and care
becomes something lasting—
a quiet kind of forever.

You’re Lucky If You Started With the Basics

After many failed attempts, I finally finished reading one of the most boring books: Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman. Most readers, including me, find this book too dense or too dry to read. Its academic writing style and length are just… lame. Even after finishing it, I didn’t understand the hype around why it is widely regarded as one of the most influential books on decision-making and human cognition.

That changed when I read other bestsellers on the same subject, which were obviously easier to digest.. I was amazed at how the majority of them developed their ideas out of Thinking, Fast and Slow. While reading these books, I felt like I already knew everything they were talking about. I had my own opinions, I could critically challenge theirs, and I felt like I was an expert in decision-making and human cognition. I could easily filter books to distinguish the good ones from the bad ones. And I discovered that I was lucky enough to start reading about cognitive psychology with a foundational book like Thinking, Fast and Slow.

This experience taught me how important—even essential—it is to start with the basics if I want to learn something new.

Starting with the basics is my philosophy in life. When someone asks me to recommend a first men fragrance to buy, I always suggest Dior Sauvage or Bleu de Chanel. Why? Because they are the basics of perfumery—the ones that will teach you how a fragrance should perform, how a scent should please your surroundings, and how a perfume is supposed to be in general. Some people may challenge me, saying that everyone is wearing them and that you need to choose a fragrance that is unique, one that stands out from the crowd and reflects your personality. I always counter with this: I know some people who unfortunately chose strange perfumes as their first fragrance just to feel different, but they ended up developing a terrible taste in fragrances. So start with the basics to develop the ability to distinguish the good from the bad, and only then choose a niche one.

This concept applies to every aspect of life. When I was in college, one of my classmates was from an old-money family—one of those very rich families—and one day I was surprised to see her asking the professor if she could leave early to pick up a toddler from school. She wasn’t a mom; she was working as a babysitter! In my head, I always thought that people born with a silver spoon in their mouth don’t have to do such small jobs; they can just ask daddy for money. But later, I understood that wealth is preserved for generations in these families because parents teach their children how to earn money from scratch and how to value it at a very young age. They do so by pushing them to work hard and earn their own money from basic jobs such as babysitting.

Jirō Ono, considered as the best sushi chef in the world, his apprentices spend up to 1–2 years doing a single task before advancing: Cooking an omelet. It may look a such basic and easy thing to do for us, but for Jiro it’s a true test of a sushi chef’s skill, precision, and understanding of balance.

Of course, no one wants to work as a babysitter if they can jump straight into a CEO position. Of course, it’s boring to read a dry book in a world where you can get the information from a short TikTok video. But I consider these boring things and small steps the strong foundations that give you the ability to be resilient, think critically, and build your own authentic personality. You’re really lucky if you have the chance to start with the basics.

There is a reason why they get millions

There is a reason why France is the most visited country in the world.
There is a reason why Dior Sauvage is the most sold perfume in the world.
There is a reason why Avatar was, for a long time, at the top of box office revenue.

Paris

Before visiting Paris for the first time, I was always hearing negative comments from people here and there… “Paris is not that beautiful,” “It’s not that romantic,” “The Eiffel Tower is overhyped.” I was like, okay, that’s going to be a hell of an experience when I get there… But then why do 18 million people still visit Paris every year if it is that bad?

The day came when I landed in Paris, and I finally had the answer to my question.

Paris is not that beautiful?! Objectively speaking, Paris is the most beautiful city in the world, and by far. In Paris, you don’t need to do any activity; you just walk around the city, watch the streets and the buildings, and you will feel completely stunned and fulfilled.

Paris is not that romantic?! Okay, just walk along the Seine River with your girlfriend and see how unconsciously your hand reaches hers. If you have feelings for someone and you’re afraid of confessing, stay away from the Seine — because for sure, you will get the courage to kiss them there.

The Eiffel Tower is overhyped?! Statistically speaking, it’s the most photographed monument in the world. Aesthetically speaking, people wait there for hours to see it magically sparkling. Personally speaking, the Eiffel Tower and the Arc de Triomphe are the top two most magnificent monuments in the world.

Last year, two friends came to visit Paris, and then they went to Milan and Barcelona. When I asked them their opinion about the other cities, they said, “We wish we had visited Milan and Barcelona before Paris. It literally out shadows them with its beauty; the other cities look dull now.”

Dior Sauvage

“Don’t buy Dior Sauvage.” That’s what every fragrance guru you see on TikTok will tell you if you’re searching for a good perfume.

But if you look at Sephora’s website, Dior Sauvage is still one of their best sellers in 2025. So why is Dior Sauvage still sold in millions if it is supposedly that bad?

Dior Sauvage was the first fragrance I owned. I tried others from Hermès, YSL, Givenchy… and I think, subjectively, that Dior Sauvage still outperforms them. I think it is one of the safest choices for most people, and it pleases almost every nose around you — and that’s the purpose of a perfume.

Fragrance gurus give no evident reason why they recommend staying away from Dior Sauvage; their only argument is, “Everyone is using it.” But if it smells good, why not recommend it?

Avatar

I watched Avatar six years after its release. The reason I delayed watching one of the most successful box office movies is because I thought the story, characters, and universe were ridiculous. I didn’t understand how some people sleeping in boxes to become animals and fight with other animals on another planet could be so appealing.

I remember the night I watched Avatar. I was badly looking for a great movie and had the idea to check the most successful box office films. The first one was Avatar, the second was Titanic. It was out of the question to watch Titanic for the hundredth time, so that’s how I discovered that masterpiece.

There is a reason why Michael Jackson is the King of Pop.
There is a reason why the iPhone is the most popular smartphone in the world.
There is a reason why Game of Thrones is the most talked-about series in the world.

When something continues to attract millions despite criticism, it’s worth asking why, and discovering it yourself — because popularity, when sustained, is rarely accidental.

The avoidant who tries to be secure

Writing “It’s February, Let’s Talk Love” was probably one of the most important posts in term of personal emotional awareness. Because it opened my eyes on how I perceive love and how I deal with it. This pushed me to read more often about attachment, relationships, and human psychology in order to “fix” myself.

If you read “It’s February, Let’s Talk Love”, you’ll discover that I have an Avoidant Attachment Style, which is characterized by emotional distance, a strong need for independence, and discomfort with vulnerability… Unfortunately, that avoidant style cost me a lot of relationships.

The Avoidant Attachment Style is one of the three known attachment styles:

Anxious Attachment Style: Characterized by a strong fear of abandonment, constant need for reassurance, and emotional dependence…
Secure Attachment Style: Characterized by comfort with emotional closeness, healthy independence, effective communication, trust in others, and confidence in the stability of the relationship.

My ultimate goal was to move from Avoidant Attachment Style to Secure Attachment Style. Then, finally, I would be able to experience a healthy and happy relationship.

Spoiler… From what I read, I found out that I can’t — or rather, it’s complicated — to move from one attachment style to another.
Because… It is related to profound reasons that lead to the development of that attachment style.
But… At least, I can minimize its impact so it doesn’t ruin my future relationships.

After digging deep into the subject of attachment styles, I understood why my relationships were falling apart. I used them as a reference and could categorize my past relations into three different types: Cringy, Heavy, and Scary.

Avoidant + Anxious = Cringy

On one side, you have someone who’s completely emotionally distant. On the other side, you have someone who’s craving emotions.
As an avoidant, I was perceiving this constant need for emotions from my partner as immature and childish — almost cringe-worthy. I believed that they should be emotionaly self-fulfilled.
I understand now that I was wrong. The human being needs affection from their partner in order to feel desired, secure, and happy.

Avoidant + Avoidant = Heavy

In this relationship, both parties are walking in opposite directions. They both like each other, but it’s hard for them to express it or even acknowledge it.
As an avoidant, I tend to use love languages like Acts of Service or Giving Gifts, which is great.
But what really nurtures a relationship are the more intimate love languages, like Words of Affirmation or Physical Touch.

Avoidant + Secure = Scary

One of the strategies that avoidants use to emotionally deactivate themselves from their partners is saying: “She/he is not the one.”
And the day the avoidant finds the perfect one — with a secure attachment style, who offers comfort and healthy independence — things start getting scary.
As an avoidant, I start to get worried, pessimistic, and anxious.
Questions might start rising: What if she hurts me once I get attached? What if I waste my time and then we separate? What if I can’t fulfill her emotional desires?
I simply activate the “I’m not ready to commit” strategy.
But why I was scared?…

Statistically speaking, you’re more likely to meet an avoidant or an anxious person.
These types of people constantly challenge your nervous system while being with them — something that secure people don’t do.
So, when by chance you meet a secure person, you think that something is wrong. You don’t feel it with that person.
Why don’t you experience the same challenging feelings you used to have with the others?
This is something completely new to you. And the unknown is scary.

Being an avoidant is probably the worst of the three attachment styles.
It’s not simple to get rid of it, because it’s usually developed in childhood. But, as I said before, there are some elements that can help overcome it — like communication and stopping the deactivating strategies.

Explain to your partner your attachment style and your love language.
So, when you suddenly unplug while things are flourishing, or when you offer a brand new iPhone while you partner needs to hear an “I love you,” they would understand.
Understand that this mismatch is part of the process, and it’s not a lack of interest or love.

Stop the behaviors you use to create emotional distance in relationships, including: avoiding commitment while staying in the relationship, focusing on a partner’s flaws, idealizing an ex, flirting with others, withholding verbal affection, pulling away after intimacy, keeping secrets, and avoiding physical closeness…

But most important of all: know yourself, understand your attachment style and your love language, and how others may perceive them. Try to work on them.
Then, when you meet your partner — or even if you’re already with someone — you’ll both be able to enjoy your relationship.

Here forever.

As any normal human being in this planet, there comes times in my life when I feel like every single piece on me is broken. Darkness surrounding, bad thoughts dominating, and physically aching. Nothing runs well, not even crawling.
When I experience these tough times, I feel like it’s the end—there is no way I can get through it. Because during these low moments, there are no signs of hope that, at least, I can hold onto to stand up.

It’s been two months since I’m stuck inside that black hole again, and frankly speaking, I still haven’t figured out how to escape it yet. But this time, it feels different. This time I have a sort of hope—a voice inside me that tells me: You can evade this trap. Everything will be alright. Don’t worry mate. And this voice spoke to me yesterday.

— Why exactly yesterday?
— Simply because I browsed my blog. This blog.

Yesterday, I realized that I write on this blog mostly when I’m not in my best days. While I was reading the old posts, I felt joy and peace—something I hadn’t experienced since two months. That gave me hope, a voice that told me: If you could survive the old dark times, you can surely survive the new ones. Somehow.

Yesterday, I realized that I created this blog to soothe myself—it’s a kind of refuge from the struggles of life to the peace of words.

Yesterday, I confirmed that blogging is the thing that gives me the last breath when there is none left. That’s why I keep coming back, even after taking breaks for years without writing.

Today, I realized that I created this blog ten years ago—and probably it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.

That’s why I’ll be here forever.

Clean shit, Train a bit, and Repeat

All day in bed, doing nothing but scrolling, eating, and repeating. Depression and anxiety hit you so hard. You broke, feel bad, and you hate your life. You want to change something, but you lack the motivation to take the first step. You don’t even know from where to start, as you’re stuck in a deep, dark pit, and nothing sounds right at the moment.

That night, at 3 am, you watched that “you can do it” video, and it gave you the feeling that you have the power to end poverty in the world, even though you don’t know how you would pay your next month’s bills. That night, you decided to start putting your life together, change yourself, and become a brand new person, promising to do it “tomorrow.”… What a liar.

Let’s be honest, we all know you won’t start tomorrow, or the day after. The reason being A. You want to go from 0 to a 100 in one day, and B. You have no idea where to start. So forget about the plan of becoming a brand new person; save it for another day. Instead, what you have to do is ‘Clean shit, Train a bit, and Repeat.’

Clean shit.
In my personal humble experience, I have never seen a depressed, feeling bad person living in a clean environment. You will always find them living in a garbage; dirty cloths thrown on the floor, 3 days dishes compiled on the sink, eating junk food… I don’t know if depression that leads to garbage environment or garbage environment that leads to depression; until it is proven, start to clean your space, your body and what you eat, this has an immediate feel good effect on you, and gives you the will power to change things.
Train a bit.
Humans have existed for 200.000 years, and during all this time, they were fighting for their survival, cultivating their food, and building their own houses. Human body is used to be active; the lazy life we know in modern society has started only in the 19th century. You can’t change 199.800 years of body habits in just 200 years.
Just start by going for a long walk in a park. Your body needs to move to wakeup and provide the energy you need to change things.
Repeat.
You have to establish a routine. It doesn’t matter what you will do in your day; you can wake up late, play video games, or read a book if you want. The most important, is to do the same thing, the same time, everyday. That will teach you consistency, which will help you to keep up fighting for the long run.

Inner peace, good shape, and consistency are all you need to scale up your life, and they are not that hard to achieve, as you may see. Of course, there are many other ways to attain them. My method is ‘Clean shit, train a bit, and repeat.’

1 Year, 9 (Uncomfortably Honest) Truths I Learned

About Family. If you have a loving family, you are lucky. Nothing in this world could be as healing as calling your parents and talking with them.

About Friends. If you want friends, work on yourself, succeed, and your phone won’t stop ringing. It’s all about mutual interests.

About Enemies. You are the main source of the shitty situations you’ve been in. Your exclusive best enemy, is you.

About Failure. The cause for your failure is ‘Procrastination.’ If you do what you have to do when you have to do it, everything will go as smooth as a hot knife through soft, warm butter.

About Success. It demands a supreme power to succeed. Whether it be God, a strong network, or becoming a superman.

About Happiness. Sadness is the foundation of happiness. You have to go through it first in order to value happiness. During those dark times, observe the little beautiful things around you, they are the sunshine that helps you to navigate. Happiness is found in little things.

About Sadness. The cure of sadness is finding an income source that keeps you busy and wealthy.

About Maturity. You’re a boy until you meet that woman, and then, you become a man. Some say, you become a man the day your daddy dies. Maturity is embracing responsibility.

About Death. To understand how colossal death is; just observe how drastically things change after the death of someone, nothing will ever be the same again.

It’s February, Let’s Talk Love

02.02.2023

That day, I was sitting in a stunning café in Kadıköy, sensing the slight breeze coming from the outside while I was enjoying my latte. At that moment, I asked myself… What if today is the last day of my life, what is the thing I didn’t do that I would regret the most.

Two things crossed my mind:

1. I regret not visiting South Korea. And the reason why I would like to go there, is because I believe that South Korea has the best coffee shops in the world. And only God knows how much I admire sitting in cafés and drinking a latte. So, me going to South Korea is like taking a kid to Disneyland.

2. I regret not experiencing real love. If I can quote myself that day, I described real love as an unconditional love; where you talk when you need to, you remain silent if you want to, and you are not forced to do anything. It is just an easy-going relation.

Why?

Why didn’t I experience the real love? Am I the problem or the girls I’ve been with were the issue? Deep down in me, I already knew the answer, but my ego didn’t let me admit it.

Until in one of those videos I’ve watched recently, they talked about something called “Attachment Style Test.” It is basically a test that you can take online, and it tells you what kind of person you are when it comes to getting attached to someone. I discovered that mine was “avoidant attachment style,” so I finally confirmed that I was the problem, and those innocent beautiful ex-ladies have nothing to do with it.

Me and Love

When it comes to loving someone, I’m VERY. VERY selective. I mean, if the girl doesn’t check a single box on my list, it won’t work. Sometimes I admit that the girl I’m with is wonderful, and even the people around me tell me that she is the one, but few months later, we separate. I’m kinda looking for a unicorn, that I know, I’m never gonna find.

Me and the Unicorn

Few months after the idea of “Not experiencing real love” crossed my mind, I went back to Istanbul again, I took an Airbnb planning to stay there for a week or so. In that Airbnb, I met the Unicorn. And within the first few hours of chatting with her, she already checked all the boxes.

She. Was. Perfect.

We were spending all the days and nights together, I didn’t feel the time running with her. I was supposed to stay for a week, but I kept extending it until I reached a month. I didn’t want to leave that place, just to spend more time with her. I was talking when I needed to, I was remaining silent if I wanted to, I wasn’t forced to do anything; it was just easy-going.

And for the first time in my life, something I’ve never thought about crossed my mind; I wanted to marry that girl. And this scared the shit out of me.

Me and Fear

You need to know something about me; I never ever get scared. To give you an idea at what scale nothing can scare me. Once I was on a plane, it was about to crash, everyone around me was screaming hell loud, and I didn’t even flinch. But when the idea of commitment came in mind, it was like the end of the world. Because… I’m not a unicorn yet.

You see that checklist I have for every girl; I discovered that I have the same for myself. I found out that if I get married now, I will not provide the life I drew in my head for my wife and children or guarantee the same level of luxury. My one and only fear in this life is not providing what my woman or my kid are asking for. This idea just put me on state I’ve never experienced before.

Well, I admit it, the fear took control over me, I didn’t even try to do something to develop this relation into a further step. It was a wonderful time we had, I went back to Paris, she stayed in Istanbul, and the fact that we were living in two different countries, helped me to get detached. This happy story is meant to be with a sad ending.

Me and the Future

Maybe I will read this story in the future and it might be my new regret. Maybe I will find another Unicorn. Or, maybe this is not the end of the story and there is a second part to be told. Waiting for the answer, what I will do is:

1. I will check out all the boxes on myself before I go to look for a unicorn.

2. I will work on my attachment style before I fall in love again.

3. I will go to South Korea and drink that latte.

The Beauty Blind

I’m a guy who has a skill, the skill of seeing everything new as a quite normal thing. I’m the kind of guy who even if you take him to planet Mars he would just say, “Yup, that’s good.”

It’s been 8 months since I moved out to live in Istanbul, which is, without any doubt, one of the most beautiful cities in the world. But every time my parents or my friends ask me about how Istanbul is, I just say, “Yeah, it’s good”…
Once a friend told me, “It’s been two years I’m living in Istanbul, and you are the first person I met who described Istanbul with that cold, frosty and short words.”

I always thought this is a good skill I have, the skill of seeing everything new as quite normal. Until, I saw a Snap of Lubna Alkhamis.

Lubna is the kind of a person that can take you to a peaceful and pleasant state of mind with a single picture or by spelling some few words with her magical voice.
So that day, Lubna posted a Snap where she wrote, “I wish I will never lose the gift of being amazed.’’
And at that exact moment, I understood that the skill I thought I have, is actually a gift I miserably lost. I lost the skill of seeing the beauty, and the gift of being amazed by the beauty I see.

I started wondering since when I became a beauty blind?
Of course, I searched in my weak memory for a single event where I said the word ‘wow’ after watching something new, and of course, I couldn’t find it. Then I surfed on all the pictures and videos I took in my previous trips, and by miracle I found one video I took in September 2017 in Koh Tao, Thailand, when I saw the Turtle Island and I literally said, “Wow, what a beauty.”

When I watched that video of 20 seconds, the feeling of amazement was reborn inside me again, and I witnessed how beautiful that was, and I decided to never ever loose that feeling anymore.

To do that, I followed the steps of my guru Lubna… Every day she takes pictures of New York, and she shares them with us. And by doing the same thing, I was able take more time to admire the amazing view I see, and then, capture that admiration with the best photo I can, to share it on my Instagram Stories.

I started doing that 15 days ago, and that took me from describing Istanbul as just Good, to Magical. Magical in the sense that in every corner of the town, you can discover something that will leave your mouth big open and your neck in pain since you’re looking around, up and down all the time.

So, wherever you are, just look around, you will see a ton of beautiful things there. It can be a flower, a pet, the sky, a color you like, even a sharp stone on the ground. There is beauty everywhere waiting for you to see it, and you will be amazed how that can change your day once you capture it.

Note: I’ll be posting the new photos or videos I take on my Instagram Zo_Captures.