Carry these truths away, don’t bring them home.
Bury them deep inside my bones.
Fallen on ears so deaf and blind.
Refusing to allow the real inside.
So, you carry them, bury them, haul them away.
Set them on fire, to make me stay.
Ashes now, with smiles content.
The only way, that you relent.
I’ve seen your ghost, rush through my soul.
Staining lies and leaving holes.
That ache and bleed and drain my love.
Taking this heart to the skies above.
With such vulnerability, invites a trample uponess.
A doormat heart and soul.
What systems are in place which assuages this overthinking.
The flux between sun and moon.
Deliver me soon and unspool my wondering mind.
For it lingers in the doubt and the weeds.
Growing like sycamore sentiments which climb to the sky.
Bursting the clouds with their ignorant distrust.
Lay me down in the cool peaceful meadows of your kindness.
Wash me once more with tears and understanding.
I know not how I became covered in dust and dirt.
A hatred for self and suspicion of all.
Maybe the fall before, when my heart was pedestaled and annihilated.
Perhaps it grew back broken.
A bone and an organ riddled with weakness.
But grown back from nothing all the same.
Ghostly shivers rattle through the soul.
A search for meaning in the void.
Empty of everything bar ghosts.
They hover.
They linger.
They settle silently on each finger.
Nipping and pecking down to the bone.
Each whisper is to fix thyself.
Every cold breath points towards a salvation.
But no way, the chemicals combine.
They halt and offer delicious sublime.
Escape.
The haunting asphyxiates.
Choking the death out of me.
Bringing a new life.
Fogging over my eyes always shut.
And scraping back the eyelids to life.
Inside, these isotopes rebel.
Overthrow and repel the dying dawn.
Of sallow emptiness.
Of sad goodbyes and loneliness.
For the sol burns in my soul again.
And banishes all spirits.
I remain, better than ever.
Soul from sole.
Rock from the mountain of God.
Set in motion ever presently, yet a million miles ago.
I sat in time, floating in all that was the same.
The cosmic tears that flooded me.
Were the same as those you tasted.
Scorch away this skin.
Let this blood flow and evaporate the ortho-cyclen.
Speed the cycle, and speed around the moon.
I’m coming soon.
Humming like humidity, an urgency to remain.
Strong, like the grain imbedded in my heart.
Seeming to travel, like tiny rivers outwardly.
This aura heaves a sigh.
A steady complacent reply.
To being here, with you.
Easy to be lost in daydreaming.
Washed by the winds that shake nothing, only memories.
The dust in clogged areas of my mind.
God had other plans before.
His little tremors which shook my old world.
Making cracks, scaring the birds.
Now each day stretches in tangerine tenderness.
Dappled by sunshine and summer rains.
Soaking my feathers, lightening my eyes and heart.
To remain, if only for a while, steadies my soul.
Allowing the happiness to travel through the streams within.
Strengthening and undoing in waves all at once.
Migrating to nowhere but now and forever.
Clouds collapse as I pass on through.
Padding this prison with colour.
Explosions in my eyes.
Memories shiver out like masturbation.
Leaving residue across my smile.
You were once dark like charcoal.
Crumble to kiss, choking my mind.
Infiltrating the lungs of life.
Returning now, from a trip to your heart.
Licked and loved, reborn into frantic shimmers.
Colours which dance like the sun across a ceiling.
Splintered out through the stained glass of my soul.
Where once I stumbled, I now walk.
Framing these moments that splutter dreams.
Magic and flared, fireworks of indescribable possibilities.
I dream now in colour.
I bury the past in grey.
Living out the future in shocking stains which stay.
Such kindness has undone me.
Split the seams and spilled my soul.
Out, drifting in the open water.
Like flowers floating on a pond.
With a liquid sky it smothers.
Clinging to petaled feelings of life.
Change coming, in tidal processions.
Little white horses pummelingly abound.
Nothing lies below, but everything.
Hidden and waiting, like a pearl in a clam.
The silence now like my sadness.
Solitary and only for me.
The shores slips away.
Tangerine days fold into each other.
As each island of emotion passes.
I wave but never settle.
Never laying flags on anything that isn’t mine.
And swim, onwards into blues, blue, and blu.
The destination is unknown, yet assured;
it’ll be back where I began.
Gilled and scaled, bleached and regrown.
Like a starfish.
As a shark.
A soul, returning to the ocean above, called home.
Heavy bones weighted like illuminati.
Dark and porous, prone to fits of flight.
Suspended now in sleep as the moon watches.
Casting an orbous eye over this place.
It came without sound, scooping out the soul.
Lifting it up into that lunar landscape.
The silent soul stealer, the moon dancer of dreams.
To be played with only upon consentation with the darkness.
The body, cast aside while the moths played havoc.
Is that starlight in the blood?
Foreign dust in cells that shake and split.
Do these craters mimic the grief that marks me?
If all this is what I see, what lies beyond the solar scene.
That moon gravity and grey seam of space.
Is it just another place.
For me to plan my escape?
That’s my soul out there.
She cried, watching the snow and the raven feathers covering all the eye could see.
Those creatures beyond had jumped the barricades and made for the glowing mass.
She had begun to fade, peeling away like days off a calendar.
Washed out like turpentine.
Remember us.
I called, as if shouting into the wind; aiming my words now up into the heavens.
The smile faulted, trembling now at the door of the great beyond.
The quiet pressed in and the slashes of existence ripped across my vision.
Her life, now illuminated, and she made to give me her hand.
Nothing, air and absence.
And she was gone.
Uncovering eyes and wavering temperance.
Tremors still reside in the soul.
In memories which shake for answers.
Alone in the nervousness.
Deliberate is god’s deliberating.
Cold, as those stones of Solomon.
With an unapologetic turn of phrase.
I’m forced to consider this new reality.
Whilst piratical angels sweep and scour.
Rushing for tiny fragments of humility.
All bones and belief.
Remains of a life cut short, yet painfully endured.
The moments grow out of my fingertips.
Time calcified in nails which scrape once more at existence.
And I lay down in such silence.
Remembering those who no longer populate this realm.
Those who breathe new atmospheres.
Tinged with golden saccharine.
I see the castle and insomnia.
And usher in absence asphyxiation, lost again of all control.
Intertwining catastrophic systems.
Bleaching my blood with fear.
This world is spinning.
Shaking each soul off the dirt beneath.
Cast out into cosmical adrift.
A fever rushes me like a ghost.
Pulling my eyelids open.
Trying to breathe while the moon crashes into my skull.
Each emotion prickles my skin like radiation.
Settling in my soul.
Hungry and full, the devil in the divine.
I push these bones out into space.
Catching my heartbeat which erratically reminds me,
that all is not well.
With each moment, the condition intensifies.
Peeling isotopes from my skin.
Trying to get back to a past now dead.
In dwindling air and sense I lift into a trance.
Floating away from what I know I must do.
A Void that aches into eternity.
This need to fill the expanding space.
Silenced by the angels, who hush their lips.
And shake their heads.
Nothing really matters, as the skin drifts away.
My soul, pulled away from bone.
Coughing over the cosmos.
Settles now on strange new terrain.
Melted by time and burnt by the suns which swallow.
Pick out the dead from between my nails.
While shaking into fear and excitement once more.
Bathe in the sound of something unknown.
This broken galaxy which continues to dance.
To music no one will ever hear.
Lost compass, sliding off a map.
The ends of the world, as the world ends.
Jettisoning everything of surplus.
Keeping only what is sacred.
What is precious.
I leave a trail, across the sky like a distant dream.
Exploded into nothing, vanished as the night rolls over.
Yet locked in the DNA that rains down.
Are memories and fragments of this soul.
Particles of god and echoes of love.
Like you I am no longer.
And without you, I am nothing once more.
The memories had settled, like a layer of dust.
The sediment of life.
All quiet, only snow making a descent to disturb the spirit.
Time washing their feet.
Soaking it in like a golden virus.
Lining the lungs with platinum.
So easy to remain unmoved.
To close the eyes and drift away.
For the birds to lift the life out through the window.
But it was there still.
The pebble in the mind.
The needle in the side.
A notion of incomplete.
A spot of milk on the sideboard of the soul.
The eyelids flutter dustily.
The mouth parts slowly like the red sea.
A miracle come in to being, of a body that moves with hope.
Of a yearning to do, what it still does not know.
Lifting out of the dream.
To do what it was put here to do.
A completion, before it moves on.
And knows what it does not yet know.
The suffering of fools.
With each new day they add their stain.
A clogging to the air that you breathe.
Beneath the end, that’s where they’ll find you.
So strong and complete.
Underneath.
You want it all so badly.
This revelation to tomorrow.
To be remembered and loved for the skeleton inside.
As you bathe in a bath of bleach.
And rinse your soul with turpentine.
Uproot the dirt and the dark that keeps you hidden.
That keeps you displayed for a world of passer-by’s.
This great reveal, behind the curtain.
Under the skin.
Is the world you live in.
That endless world they talk of.
A Drowned world.
It opened in my heart when the starry waves washed inside.
When you looked at me.
With that light of god in your eyes.
And in that moment, like that pebble in your hand.
You grasped at the infinite.
You consumed my soul.
And we would remain forever bound.
Like that pebble in the ferocious stream.
Washed endlessly by the cosmic current.
Until clean.
Through painted eyes I see your heart.
Overflowing, submerged in milk and honey.
In that kiss, I feel the tenderness.
Which my soul has yearned for.
But like a pebble in my shoe.
A reminder remains.
That stain on my heart will never fade.
And those mistakes I will keep in the back of mind.
Never ready, aching like a muscle in the heat.
Tired and silent, hoping for it to pass on by.
To float through like dreams of change.
Holding my breath.
Catching my heart.
It always comes, they always do.
Those feelings of love that split my cells.
Love. Love. Love.
Even when solitary sense surrounds.
It doubles down.
Attacking where I’m weakest.
You know how to make me feel.
Punching the darkness out of me.
Leaving halos around my heart.
You come on with your disease.
Spreading like an immunity that I will never possess.
Tasting the trauma of before, I hesitate to move.
Watching while the soul dances the dance.
Bones that break with ease, cannot protect a heart that bleeds.
For you, seep on through.
Forcing me to love you once more.
Place the blame, again and again.
Languished yet molten.
Repeated reframes.
You melt the words into my soul.
A watching raven.
Fleeing the cold.
Of your frozen heart, lodged in time.
Refusing to die.
Refuted such crimes.
This is your Valhalla, your watchful mount.
Where I’m nailed to a cross.
Impossible to surmount.
Like those black raven eyes, you carve into my heart.
Waiting to walk my apocalypse.
Waiting for the dark.
But let the ink, snuff out all the hope.
Tend to my gallows.
With turpentine and rope.
For in the dark I’ll move, as all cats look the same.
And spark up a supernova.
Of our love, flared out in your name.
The dark will intensely turn from black into white.
Your soul will be cleansed.
By diamonds and this might.
Then only God will watch, as we crumble into the sky.
Into a blanket of feathers.
An eternal bed for you and I.
The sun illuminates such maddening visions.
Of logical paths I dare not tread.
A way to your soul that is covered in thorns.
The heat burns and chars like the wattle trees.
My bones like their branches.
Crumbling and dead.
Yet words you whisper on the Nullarbor winds.
Reach me over oceans.
Washing into my veins like scented magic poison.
An oxygen for my heart which longs to be with you.
So I twist towards the sun, though it burns in your direction.
Blaring up from below the equator.
Through a lens of love and reproach.
Like a plant feeling a new growth, bursting from my skin.
A love is grown again within.
Hoping to be potted, once again in your dusty soil.
When the universe rests, and slumbers in my mind.
And all around me is still.
I take this chance to apologise.
For who I have become. For who I wanted to be.
An apology for me.
Within these cracks and slithers of my soul.
That remain unfettered to moral decay.
I brush the hurt away.
And send myself flowers.
Hoping to turn over those leaves, and find you there.
Dreams ignite like a Chagall construction.
You and I, flying over rooftops.
Exploding in colour.
I lay you down and crawl into your skin.
Kissing you intimately, feeling my way.
Your body entices and your heart entraps.
Yet it is your soul I’m after.
The bruised, damaged, fraying thing.
Shaking and asking to have life breathed in.
Frantically unable to be cupped in my hands.
It runs from me like a feather on the breeze.
Escaping like a Bharatanatyam movement.
Colours and light, burning my sad lonely grey into nothing.
Love on your fingertips, sticky from the centre of me.
Though this may be transitory, I give in and go under.
Falling for you again as the waves crash over.
Disappearing in such wonder and the perfumed smoke of you.
Coughing up clouds of devotion, and descending like the setting sun.
Weighted, not by gravity.
Or the tear that hangs like lead on a golden cheek.
But pulled and suffocated by a lack of understanding.
A love you swept underneath those neatly placed rugs.
Pushed me to the back pages of the book you barely read.
Maddening words and itchy eyes.
The scratch on your heart you cannot itch.
You replace my thoughts, pull them away like calendar days.
Leaving me wandering in a limbo with ghosts as friends.
Familiar now, to those empty souls.
Who roam and moan in a void you will not listen to.
But the love is there, I saw it fly like a sparrow into your ribs.
It flutters madly, though you clipped its wings.
Locking it away, with your tiny golden key; kept under your tongue.
Behind all the masks on your face.
A world now sees only callousness and indifference.
But you are so different.
Underneath.
Your voice, it calls me higher.
Cracking this concrete world which tethers us.
The challenge in arriving, with a heart still heaving.
Shaken to the core, for the love you try to give.
You turned away and I was lost again.
A return settles in my soul.
With eyes that learned to love once more.
And hands that try to heal.
Don’t speak to me yet, for I may shatter.
Listening to such sweet benediction.
From lips I wish to meet.
To taste again love’s magic.
These expecting steps, lead me further.
As I clumsily tumble into now.
You say you want me.
But the moon begins to weep.
As you begin to wash away my sadness.
Kissing the scars, some made by you, in low starlight.
Skin to skin.
Drenched now in honey, sticky within.
Sweet sparkles.
With strung up stars waiting to explode.
Disintegrating now into brilliant lights of diamonds.
It pulls you to the ground.
Rips inside you.
Plunging into your soul like skeleton hands.
That fear of a solitary future.
The stain of a nothing left behind.
In the absence of another.
You throw up your love onto new terrain.
Heavy now, with a new solo gravity.
The weight of the world.
The weight of a tear.
Crashing inside you.
An inky wave of resolve and refusal.
For your heart was sewn and stitched to another.
And now the wound is left to bleed into nothing.
Havoc and Consequence 