Once fused, now torn apart.
Meddling with the senses.
Ripped out of heaven.
Carved into stone.
You’re the sweet scent of death to me.
Down, at the bottom of this hidden heart.
Playing once more my pagan precision.
From head to between rib cages.
Little black stones.
Tucked between each vertebrae.
Shining when the moon appears.
Blooming in your blue possession.
Such magical decay.
Your approach to love.
Caressing and consuming.
Abandoning and left for dead.
A beating heart that wants you.
But doesn’t trust the condition.
You separate the light from me.
Distilling my soul to darkness.
My mind, taken by ghosts.
Stolen by this circumstance.
Yet I’m here still, in time.
Watching your eyes glass in indifference.
A cheek turned to god, a palm raised to cheek.
Punching the love out me.
Yet the molassed affection remains.
Clogged to my soul.
Settled under my skin.
Refusing to be washed away by tears.
Searched in this heart, I follow the straight line.
Directing back into the grey of time.
My memory now is hazy, but I arrive.
Twenty years late, like the light from the sun.
My mouth full of apologies, but finally.
Though fleeting and brilliant, a cosmic tear unleashed.
This air of history penetrates my memory.
Coughing up mea culpa for the first time.
I was once miles away from here, distant and cold.
Now I bury myself in your pain and sorrow.
Washing it over me like milky holy water.
Suffering inside of you, kissing away the pain.
My fingertips reach out and find your afflicted heart.
I pull it close and whisper, only for your soul to hear.
Je suis désolé de ce que j’ignorais.
Mais que je comprends maintenant parfaitement.
Carry these truths away, don’t bring them home.
Bury them deep inside my bones.
Fallen on ears so deaf and blind.
Refusing to allow the real inside.
So, you carry them, bury them, haul them away.
Set them on fire, to make me stay.
Ashes now, with smiles content.
The only way, that you relent.
I’ve seen your ghost, rush through my soul.
Staining lies and leaving holes.
That ache and bleed and drain my love.
Taking this heart to the skies above.
With such vulnerability, invites a trample uponess.
A doormat heart and soul.
What systems are in place which assuages this overthinking.
The flux between sun and moon.
Deliver me soon and unspool my wondering mind.
For it lingers in the doubt and the weeds.
Growing like sycamore sentiments which climb to the sky.
Bursting the clouds with their ignorant distrust.
Lay me down in the cool peaceful meadows of your kindness.
Wash me once more with tears and understanding.
I know not how I became covered in dust and dirt.
A hatred for self and suspicion of all.
Maybe the fall before, when my heart was pedestaled and annihilated.
Perhaps it grew back broken.
A bone and an organ riddled with weakness.
But grown back from nothing all the same.
Ghostly shivers rattle through the soul.
A search for meaning in the void.
Empty of everything bar ghosts.
They hover.
They linger.
They settle silently on each finger.
Nipping and pecking down to the bone.
Each whisper is to fix thyself.
Every cold breath points towards a salvation.
But no way, the chemicals combine.
They halt and offer delicious sublime.
Escape.
The haunting asphyxiates.
Choking the death out of me.
Bringing a new life.
Fogging over my eyes always shut.
And scraping back the eyelids to life.
Inside, these isotopes rebel.
Overthrow and repel the dying dawn.
Of sallow emptiness.
Of sad goodbyes and loneliness.
For the sol burns in my soul again.
And banishes all spirits.
I remain, better than ever.
Snowing in this heart again.
On the verge of emotionally dependent.
Trying not to gasp, or suck the bleeding air.
Eliminate or supplicate.
Little pills of love I struggle to swallow.
Bruised by this circumstance.
And hardened by this history.
Gasping once more.
You offer precious oxygen.
Up here, where the air is razor thin.
Heady, with thoughts of us.
Talk more of commitment.
Speak only of forever.
I puncture holes in the heart.
So the love can escape.
A little bit of ballast.
Some tiny space for me.
Humming like humidity, an urgency to remain.
Strong, like the grain imbedded in my heart.
Seeming to travel, like tiny rivers outwardly.
This aura heaves a sigh.
A steady complacent reply.
To being here, with you.
Easy to be lost in daydreaming.
Washed by the winds that shake nothing, only memories.
The dust in clogged areas of my mind.
God had other plans before.
His little tremors which shook my old world.
Making cracks, scaring the birds.
Now each day stretches in tangerine tenderness.
Dappled by sunshine and summer rains.
Soaking my feathers, lightening my eyes and heart.
To remain, if only for a while, steadies my soul.
Allowing the happiness to travel through the streams within.
Strengthening and undoing in waves all at once.
Migrating to nowhere but now and forever.
Intertwining catastrophic systems.
Bleaching my blood with fear.
This world is spinning.
Shaking each soul off the dirt beneath.
Cast out into cosmical adrift.
A fever rushes me like a ghost.
Pulling my eyelids open.
Trying to breathe while the moon crashes into my skull.
Each emotion prickles my skin like radiation.
Settling in my soul.
Hungry and full, the devil in the divine.
I push these bones out into space.
Catching my heartbeat which erratically reminds me,
that all is not well.
With each moment, the condition intensifies.
Peeling isotopes from my skin.
Trying to get back to a past now dead.
In dwindling air and sense I lift into a trance.
Floating away from what I know I must do.
So eloquent and troubled.
How deep the pool must sink.
The surface never rippled.
Never stuttered.
You never blinked.
And in our hearts we took to you.
Like water from the wine.
As thirsty disciples we followed.
Dedicated.
Yet out of time.
Now as you crumble into nothing.
As the mask begins to fall.
We hold you even higher.
And hang your heart up on the wall.
What process is this?
Little daggers of ice, piercing a beating heart.
Oh mother Mary won’t you help.
Sweep away the pain and apocalypse.
Drive out the devil and chalky residue of consequence.
Time collects now, not in a bottle.
But in the carboard bowls, slightly full.
Mostly struggling.
Preparing for the collapse.
We pray it all away, but still it flows.
Coming in with the tide and with trauma.
Maybe we need holy water.
To wash.
To burn.
Stinging the sins and the scene away.
Raising our Lazarus once more.
To walk the sands of time, to find the doorway to heaven.
Leaves me breathless.
You put your hands on this skin, and I succumb.
Unabated astral movements behind my eyes.
To know you from somewhere, is to feel you under my skin.
As my blood crashes down the sand dunes on the walls of my heart.
I left you, and found you there.
Waiting for me where the moon sinks.
Threatening never to return.
With honey wine still on your kiss, I will not function.
I slip into another consciousness.
Walking in a dream that quivers on god’s fingers.
Kiss me from dying, and wake me once more.
Let me disappear into your arms that comfort me.
Like a blanket against desert cold.
And I will wash these tears away in the pools of your eyes.
That offer such sweet safety swims.
To the desert floor.
A story unfolding at the speed of life.
Unplugged or imbedded.
They missed the Milky Way.
Drinking once more from a cup of stars.
Do these words seem familiar?
Rub it on your teeth.
Ugly and sweet
As they slide once more into focus.
Chewing on your past like a shark in a bathtub.
Filled to the brim with sorrow.
Eyes, that are empty.
Calling for tomorrow.
Now your moon hangs heavy in your heart.
Blue, like the subterfuge.
Shrieking past on a shooting star.
All light and brilliance.
Call it what you want, taste it like confusion.
Lifting into that lunar bloodstream.
But be sure to rinse your mouth with the irresistible.
And swallow the sublime.
Falling freeways that collapse like thunder.
Splattering dust into my open heart.
The sun shines on.
Blanketing our eyes with dizzying despair.
That road was to the sea.
The ocean that promised such departure.
The great wide expanse that echoed home.
So we look above.
Counting trails and streaks across the sky.
Fighter jets and passengers making their escape.
Crawling, flying and fretting to other cities.
Other sights of wonder.
My mind melts into now and I collect my possessions.
All packed into one golden shell that I carry in my pocket.
It whispers your name.
It breathes your air.
Cinnamon cords that play forever on my lungs.
I crack this pumpkin sky and break on through.
The open road, a littered landscape of longing.
Making my way to you once more.
Stabling the state of mind I’m in.
Begin the begin.
My bones lay like dust in your eyes.
Is that why you cry?
Seeing such emotion stripped bare.
Chalking up your mind.
Yet this heart beats in your mouth.
An oral fixation for the truth.
Tasting every rhythm. Every pulse.
I burned all this down around me.
To smoke out the ghosts of a past.
The ones you wanted dead.
So, now lay me down.
And kiss me back to life.
Through hollowed tears that paint the walls.
Cries a thought, uttered more in lament than desperation.
The lights fading.
A love abating.
The prayer for a heart on the edge of nothing.
What demons and ghosts stole it away.
Which angels plucked it from the earth.
Has god really written the last passage in its tale.
Or has the other heart deserved a second chance?
These questions lick at the mind of fate.
While others close their eyes to possibilities.
They lost the beat, the rhythm of love.
Those roots that went deep, tangled and clogged with mud.
Twisted with happenstance and rode the whispered jokes of time.
All beneath the silent wings, and bells ringing out a new era.
While eucalyptus air fills the lungs.
And we cough up the oil of yesterday.
For heaven can wait, while paradise before us blooms.
Wait for this dust to settle.
A hurt that’s wrapped tightly in a bandage.
Squeezed into numbness.
You asked me here, you want me to stay.
But to remain means deserting me.
Leaving myself alone to drift into space.
You handle my heart so divinely.
Picking off the dirt that reminds me of my past.
Scars that taught me not to break.
To catch you, half a world away; lost in the fog of tomorrow.
Cancelling time zones as the tock and the tick irritate.
And your kiss, inebriates it all.
This Atmosphere changes everything.
Up here, I cannot see the fall.
What did they tell you about this future?
While the TV played on and you half listened.
This heart you mangled and molded.
These flowers died a long time ago.
Who is to blame?
Distance. Family.
Your fake departure, when your heart wasn’t in it.
Made all too easy for you.
Red letter days and disappointments. Plastic friends.
Those that melt in the heat while the kitchen burns.
Who dries your eyes now?
Lazarus lies, housewives. Shopping that ego.
Choking on the need to be right.
All those lies have now been tagged.
Selfish. Self-aware. Convenient amnesia.
All built on your version of events.
Apologies now that are forbidden.
Poisonous to the tongue.
Under rug sweeping.
These broken pieces of a person you once knew.
Only you.
As you blur once more into everybody else.
That endless world they talk of.
A Drowned world.
It opened in my heart when the starry waves washed inside.
When you looked at me.
With that light of god in your eyes.
And in that moment, like that pebble in your hand.
You grasped at the infinite.
You consumed my soul.
And we would remain forever bound.
Like that pebble in the ferocious stream.
Washed endlessly by the cosmic current.
Until clean.
Through painted eyes I see your heart.
Overflowing, submerged in milk and honey.
In that kiss, I feel the tenderness.
Which my soul has yearned for.
But like a pebble in my shoe.
A reminder remains.
That stain on my heart will never fade.
And those mistakes I will keep in the back of mind.
Never ready, aching like a muscle in the heat.
Tired and silent, hoping for it to pass on by.
To float through like dreams of change.
Holding my breath.
Catching my heart.
It always comes, they always do.
Those feelings of love that split my cells.
Love. Love. Love.
Even when solitary sense surrounds.
It doubles down.
Attacking where I’m weakest.
You know how to make me feel.
Punching the darkness out of me.
Leaving halos around my heart.
You come on with your disease.
Spreading like an immunity that I will never possess.
Tasting the trauma of before, I hesitate to move.
Watching while the soul dances the dance.
Bones that break with ease, cannot protect a heart that bleeds.
For you, seep on through.
Forcing me to love you once more.
The block box held a human heart.
Clothed in bone and skin.
And within, through poked out holes.
It watched the world come and go.
Locked away for their own safety.
Hidden from sight to save the pain.
For love had ruined him time and again.
Threatening and early grave.
It hides a world you would not want.
Nor a state you would ever wish to be.
The eyes, maddened, would bore a hole.
The heart, saddened, choked off from love.
Source of its life.
The black box sits in the corner.
The insides slowly rotting.
But the mind, never forgotting.
The one that put him there to begin with.
And the one who would join him there in the end.
To lift into a dream.
A sky that fits into your hand.
Let loose like the heartstrings of a melody,
that taps at your soul.
You breathe the air I need to survive.
Blown backwards like a northwest gale.
Billowing underneath these feathered sails.
Crystalize the weight that hangs heavy like the edge of space.
Skimming the clouds of your floating world.
To dive into the air of thought that passes between us.
That leaves me shaking like a night terror.
A heartbeat like a sleep kick.
These strings are made with each joint decision.
Tasselled and tied the rigging of a wandering star.
Leaving my hands covered in stardust.
And lungs of love full to burst.
I go silently into that pastel sky.
Watching the moments as I go.
Lifting off deep into your soaring kingdom.
Lifting once more into a dream.
You’re the one who comes between us.
Coughing out your IQ.
Slipping your hand behind the couch of the night.
Always slipping away.
Leaving me choking on spent haemoglobin.
My mind is wild and my eyes are wide.
But they scarcely see you.
The black bruise of loneliness settles all around.
Weightless and bare.
In the dark, it all looks the same.
Then you set this all on fire.
Warming your hands by the great destruction.
Casting on gasoline comments of indifference.
These words from you are vulgar.
Yet I thank you for your time.
Breathing them in and setting up homes for them inside of me.
Precious fragile fragments of attention.
Your racing heart surprises, it brings me back.
Brings me down.
Simmering into something else.
I come back to you again in little pieces.
Littering your soul.
Place the blame, again and again.
Languished yet molten.
Repeated reframes.
You melt the words into my soul.
A watching raven.
Fleeing the cold.
Of your frozen heart, lodged in time.
Refusing to die.
Refuted such crimes.
This is your Valhalla, your watchful mount.
Where I’m nailed to a cross.
Impossible to surmount.
Like those black raven eyes, you carve into my heart.
Waiting to walk my apocalypse.
Waiting for the dark.
But let the ink, snuff out all the hope.
Tend to my gallows.
With turpentine and rope.
For in the dark I’ll move, as all cats look the same.
And spark up a supernova.
Of our love, flared out in your name.
The dark will intensely turn from black into white.
Your soul will be cleansed.
By diamonds and this might.
Then only God will watch, as we crumble into the sky.
Into a blanket of feathers.
An eternal bed for you and I.
Havoc and Consequence 