I feel you in this memory.
Vibrant like dust.
Speckled in the shining light you shimmered.
When the moon drew old.
And Saturn’s rings fell.
The ice age came upon my heart.
The powerful goodbye, the struggled smile.
Trapped now in my amber mind.
You’re a faded star, the core at my centre.
Which swirls around with love and lava.
Fallen empires and fallen stars.
Shooting across our fluttering souls.
Yet god’s volcanic change of heart.
Became our endless Pompeii.
I stood there waiting, next to a dream.
Thick inky memories puffed up over the sky.
Placing the thought of you, heavy like a stone.
Into my stream of consciousness once again.
Nothing leads to nothing.
It vanishes because it no longer can.
It never was.
And slowly ran, into the depths like a slumbering ghost.
Yet my heart is lapped at by the tide and water lilies.
Each one opening up to the sky, blinding me.
Waiting for the rains, wanting the tears from above.
The fragrance covers the air.
The moment squeezes my heart.
Wrenching the faith and love out through every pour.
I reach across the sea of sorrow and pull you towards;
A dying man.
A crying man.
Something longing for both an end, and a beginning.
I dream away this dream and settle once more to sleep.
Once again, under a blanket of sorrow.
The Drowning world glistens.
Trapped in tears.
It smears its salty view across my memory still.
But a year ago, humming as if only a day away.
The pillars of life crumbled.
I drowned a wicked death.
Wrapped in sympathy and synergetic sadness.
Cough once to stay alive.
Cough once more to live through.
I pulled the seaweed and the sorrow from my lungs.
But watched as you slipped into the deep.
Now the days have peeled away.
And the earth danced around the sun.
A ballet with solar steps and remembrance.
Reducing me now, here to this cosmic tear.
Keeping all that I remember, and all that I forgot.
Holding your ghost.
Like holding onto the sea in space.
I woke to find the absence heavy in the air.
Ghosts murmuring while the birds still slept.
Fragipan moments speckling my soul.
The beekeepers and dream shapers always on spinning wheels.
Pulling and pushing at this world.
Coating our eyelids with ashes and honey.
My mother’s requiem now gathers the dust of days.
Marched over like a military parade.
All smiles and weeping.
All promised pain.
The fragile state of existence buckles.
Shattering and reforming the world, and each day, anew.
We pull at the ribbons, tightening to shut.
Closing the wound which spills out dragons and butterflies.
This heart cannot hurt forever.
It will not continue to beat infinitely.
Down to the riverbed, pollute the waters with regret.
Cough out the loss and the bones of pain.
Fill the void once more with flowers.
Go on again.
Uncovering eyes and wavering temperance.
Tremors still reside in the soul.
In memories which shake for answers.
Alone in the nervousness.
Deliberate is god’s deliberating.
Cold, as those stones of Solomon.
With an unapologetic turn of phrase.
I’m forced to consider this new reality.
Whilst piratical angels sweep and scour.
Rushing for tiny fragments of humility.
All bones and belief.
Remains of a life cut short, yet painfully endured.
The moments grow out of my fingertips.
Time calcified in nails which scrape once more at existence.
And I lay down in such silence.
Remembering those who no longer populate this realm.
Those who breathe new atmospheres.
Tinged with golden saccharine.
I see the castle and insomnia.
And usher in absence asphyxiation, lost again of all control.
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…and tomorrow threatens.
Debout sur cette rive une fois de plus.
Sur le bord de l’existence.
Je voussens dans le vent.
Je me sense arrosé dans le marée.
Est-ce que je me vois marcher sur cette plage?
Ou je me sens perdu dans un million de grains de sable.
–
Stand on this shore once again.
On the edge of existence.
I’m standing in the wind.
I feel watered in the tide.
Do I see myself walking on this beach?
Or feel lost in a million grains of sand.
Around our heads.
The flowers fall.
Crowning, yearning.
This history of touch.
Memory of want.
Speckles the skin.
Compressed by time.
Lost by lies.
Rusted and old now.
Tired, like a dream.
Once sold.
PIECES OF TIME
Have you seen?
Have you seen this life we lead?
Fragments of space locked in time.
I stand on this beach, with each grain beneath my feet.
Ground down from rocks and God grinding his teeth.
This sea has washed a thousand shores.
These tears have dried a million times before.
Did I miss something? The big reveal?
My hands are empty as I forget how this feels.
Closing my eyes I feel it wash over me.
These pieces of time we cling to like driftwood.
Was I wrong to run? Or weak to stay?
(I don’t know so please don’t answer)
I cling faster now, each splinter a memory driving its way to my heart.
You can find me here, holding your hand.
Encircling this moment that I wish to stretch out for eternity.
Don’t pity me.
Let us disappear and fall once again into your own jealousy.
Leapfrogging to another piece of your own space and time.
Alone again.
We watch as the beach rises and the moon turns over.
Capturing us forever in this bottle on the sand.
The red country hung before us.
Our life now a great adventure.
Your love was all I needed.
Your smile I planned to treasure.
Days crumbled, eyes tightened.
We were no longer tender.
The gulf began to widen.
I couldn’t stay.
Ten years in, I hoped you believed.
All of my love and my heart on this sleeve.
I cannot cry, I cannot lie. All I can do is die inside;
On the day that I had to go.
You told me to meet you.
Down by the Yarra river.
I wanted to keep us.
In my heart that had begun to quiver.
Life shifted, dreams folded.
My instincts ignored for worse or better.
We cried and imploded.
And then I left.
In all of my time, I barely ever touched what really was mine.
Life briefly showed me, everything that never really ever could be.
A cruel revealing, a maddening feeling of seeing all that would never last.
The joke from above, putting such beautiful future quickly in the past.
Havoc and Consequence 