The first month of the new year has flown by. Unsurprisingly, the weeks have become steadily full and intense. We are in the thick of it all. Thick of winter, thick of the school year, and thick of work commitments. As I type this post, about half a foot of snow has piled from tonight’s winter storm. This is just the beginning. Over the weekend, we had the season’s lowest temperature. They are talking about another storm already.  The Sunday school mid-terms are on the horizon for Ram, he finished his extra math tests last week and had his winter guitar recital over zoom last Sunday. Hari is making his course selections for the Junior year. So many permutations and combinations, choices galore! We keep having multiple conversations but he is the one doing all the heavy lifting. Working with his counsellor, talking to seniors and peers, charting out his Plan A, Plan B and Plan C. I find myself huffing and puffing, just trying to keep up with him. He has missed a lot of high school. We have gained a lot of family time. I am sad and happy for him at the same time. I am spending the bulk of the work week working. The work day starts at 8 am, goes till 6 om non-stop and yet I find myself behind. Covid virus is slowing down but it is also tricking us with its varying forms. Vaccines have hit roadblocks. Lots of rumbling and complaints about how hard it is to get appointments. It’s not our turn yet.  After 4 years of utter chaos and disruption, the new presidency has been such a breath of fresh air. We are all breathing lighter. On the self development front, my want-tos are fighting a fierce battle with my have-tos, and is working hard to carve out space and time for itself during the day. I can do better but I could have done worse too. 

On that note, tudlu for now, stay tuned!

It was a momentous day today. The 46th President and the first woman Vice President were sworn in. Everything about the ceremony was beautiful. From Lady Gaga’s rendition of The Star-Spangled Banner  to Jennifer Lopez’s singing of This Land is My Land and Garth Brooks’ Amazing Grace. There was so much pride, respect and poignancy to it.  The hidden gem that shined the brightest today was Amanda Gorman with the recitation of her inaugural poem The Hill we climb. She reminded us what power, energy and inspiration can be packed in a few words. The theme of the inauguration was America United and it was reflected in the audience, in the performers, and those that were in charge. 

The detoxing, the cleansing, and the healing have begun. As a nation we have gone through a lot, there is so much to do, and there are so many differences to reconcile. But today was a day to rejoice. To pause, soak in the moment and heave a collective sigh of relief.  

Jotting down the poem by Amanda Gorman for my own records.

When day comes we ask ourselves,

where can we find light in this never-ending shade?

The loss we carry,

a sea we must wade

We’ve braved the belly of the beast

We’ve learned that quiet isn’t always peace

And the norms and notions

of what just is

Isn’t always just-ice

And yet the dawn is ours

before we knew it

Somehow we do it

Somehow we’ve weathered and witnessed

a nation that isn’t broken

but simply unfinished

We the successors of a country and a time

Where a skinny Black girl

descended from slaves and raised by a single mother

can dream of becoming president

only to find herself reciting for one

And yes we are far from polished

far from pristine

but that doesn’t mean we are

striving to form a union that is perfect

We are striving to forge a union with purpose

To compose a country committed to all cultures, colors, characters and

conditions of man

And so we lift our gazes not to what stands between us

but what stands before us

We close the divide because we know, to put our future first,

we must first put our differences aside

We lay down our arms

so we can reach out our arms

to one another

We seek harm to none and harmony for all

Let the globe, if nothing else, say this is true:

That even as we grieved, we grew

That even as we hurt, we hoped

That even as we tired, we tried

That we’ll forever be tied together, victorious

Not because we will never again know defeat

but because we will never again sow division

Scripture tells us to envision

that everyone shall sit under their own vine and fig tree

And no one shall make them afraid

If we’re to live up to our own time

Then victory won’t lie in the blade

But in all the bridges we’ve made

That is the promise to glade

The hill we climb

If only we dare

It’s because being American is more than a pride we inherit,

it’s the past we step into

and how we repair it

We’ve seen a force that would shatter our nation

rather than share it

Would destroy our country if it meant delaying democracy

And this effort very nearly succeeded

But while democracy can be periodically delayed

it can never be permanently defeated

In this truth

in this faith we trust

For while we have our eyes on the future

history has its eyes on us

This is the era of just redemption

We feared at its inception

We did not feel prepared to be the heirs

of such a terrifying hour

but within it we found the power

to author a new chapter

To offer hope and laughter to ourselves

So while once we asked,

how could we possibly prevail over catastrophe?

Now we assert

How could catastrophe possibly prevail over us?

We will not march back to what was

but move to what shall be

A country that is bruised but whole,

benevolent but bold,

fierce and free

We will not be turned around

or interrupted by intimidation

because we know our inaction and inertia

will be the inheritance of the next generation

Our blunders become their burdens

But one thing is certain:

If we merge mercy with might,

and might with right,

then love becomes our legacy

and change our children’s birthright

So let us leave behind a country

better than the one we were left with

Every breath from my bronze-pounded chest,

we will raise this wounded world into a wondrous one

We will rise from the gold-limbed hills of the west,

we will rise from the windswept northeast

where our forefathers first realized revolution

We will rise from the lake-rimmed cities of the midwestern states,

we will rise from the sunbaked south

We will rebuild, reconcile and recover

and every known nook of our nation and

every corner called our country,

our people diverse and beautiful will emerge,

battered and beautiful

When day comes we step out of the shade,

aflame and unafraid

The new dawn blooms as we free it

For there is always light,

if only we’re brave enough to see it

If only we’re brave enough to be it

Covid hit home very close. My manni, mama’s wife, lost her battle against Covid yesterday afternoon. 

When I think of manni, the first thing that comes to mind is the sight of her draped in grey sari with blue border, her BHEL uniform sari. She would leave the house pretty early and come home at dusk after a long day at work. I recall her talking about the correspondence course she took to brush up her skills. As a working mom, now I understand the enormity of what she did then and I am in awe. When appa got transferred to Trichy and we were exploring options for our school, standing in the principal’s office at R.S.K. and making a case for our admission with mama and manni as our advocates is etched in my memory. As a 11-year old, I felt so protected with them by our side and will forever be grateful for that support. Manni was always affectionate to Sathya and I. She made us feel at home whenever we visited thatha and patti. 

You never know when you are going to talk to someone for the last time, isn’t it? It has been a decade since I met her. I don’t remember the last conversation I had with her. I deeply mourn her loss in a way that I am unable to explain. 

I am thankful that my mama and cousins were able to see her and get some closure. My heart aches for them and I pray for healing and strength. We will miss you manni.

Tomorrow I return to work  after having been out of office since the 23rd of December. I had every intention to catch up with pending work stuff to ease the transition into the work week but then why work when you can laze around? I promptly listened to that voice of reason and indulged in glorious nothingness. As I wrap up my vacation, here are the little things that brought much joy in the past few days. 

• The thrill of playing a new board game – Ticket to ride. Quite fun!
• Netflix binging exclusively with Hari.  Much fun was had watching Community. This is a feel good show that is hilarious and a total time pass. The kind that Hari and I like to watch.
• Sleepovers with Ram. Warms my heart like no other.
• All of us watching Mandalorian. Honestly, Baby Yoda hugging Mandalorian’s legs and asking to be lifted has to be the cutest thing ever. All of us would burst into awwwww…!!! How could we not with such cuteness overload?
• Sleeping in till 7:30 am every single day and not feeling rushed into doing anything at all. 
• Homemade plum cake and other Christmas treats from friends.
• Ram went above and beyond to make Christmas special for all of us. He made a scavenger hunt and a special handmade gift for each of us. “Amma, we are in a pandemic and it’s Christmas…..”  The words trailed for each of us to fill in what we wanted. To me, it was we have to squeeze pockets of happiness whenever we can. 
• Exchanging new year wishes with family and friends. 
• Baking no knead bread loaves. 
• Changing the theme on my blog page

Hope you all had some rest and relaxation over the holidays. Have a good back to work/school/routine week. 

Wishing you and yours a year of healing and a life that is back to the basics. We wish you physical, emotional and financial well being. We wish you warm hugs, handshakes, and the pleasure of seeing smiling faces. We wish for good old  playdates, get-togethers, and family reunions. We wish you simple joys and little moments. Browsing books in the library. Visiting your place of worship. An evening at a restaurant. Cheering your kids on stage or on the field. Festivities and holidays with no limitations. Adventures that extend beyond your local neighborhood. Here’s to healthier, happier, lighter, 2021. One that is filled with love, grace and kindness!

Together, we will get there, one day a time, one step at time. Today, we need to mask up, stay socially distant and keep each other safe.

2020 has been a year that has humbled us like no other. It has been a year in which life has given us a knock on our heads and a pat on our shoulders. It has shed light on our fears and vulnerabilities. It has shown us our enormous capacity to reinvent and reimagine. It has taught us how interconnected our lives are and how our well being and happiness are dependent on those around us. It has shown us that there is very little in life that we control. Yet, small acts of courage, and kindness will take us so much farther than we think. It has shown us the futility of looking back or looking ahead. This moment is given to us, let’s make it matter. It has been a year that has taught us to take solace in the mundane and march along with faith, love and gratitude. It is also a year that has taught that we can be compassionate to others only when we are compassionate to ourselves. Mostly, it has taught us that life is a gift, even when some days are harder than others.

My word for the year was Strive. It was my way of saying I will work and try harder to become better. The pandemic did add chaos to everyday life and it took a while to adjust and adapt to the different ways in which life had changed. The word that truly anchored me and helped me navigate the rigmarole of life this year is Reimagine. 

For this year, I am giving myself gold stars for focusing my time and energy on family and togetherness. For cutting some slack and not wallowing in self inflicted pressure. For trying new things and for working hard. For being very productive. I give myself demerits for lack of self discipline. Daily habits remain elusive. From being accepting of the current situation and circumstances, I started slacking. I allowed inertia to settle and have a strong hold on me.

I had created a list of 20 things I would do for 2020. Here’s how I did.

1. Come up with my 20 for 20 – yes!

2. Read 20 books – read and enjoyed a few. But mostly struggled with building a consistent reading habit. I realize that this is because I have a compulsive need to keeping doing things. Reading requires one to relax, to just be and soak in what the written word has to offer. It needs a certain mindset that I seem to be lacking. This one place that I wishes I had strived harder.

3. Weigh 10-15 pounds lighter – no, sadly, went in the other direction. I take responsibility for all the gluttony.

4. 10 baking sessions with Ram – did not keep count but would have done about 7 baking sessions with the child. Could not have done better.

5. Learn to make one Indian sweet like cashew/badam/milk burfi – yes, made kaju katli twice. As my friend says, every time it comes out well, it is a success.

6. Settle into a snack routine during the work week – partial success here, got into rhythm of making one home made snack per work week. Can do better here.

7. Get better at making chappathis – partial success here. Thanks to all the kneading and baking, making chappathi dough does not feel like a chore. 

8. Follow IPL with Hari – no, could not make myself to watch cricket! 

9. Watch one TV series or movie series or weekly movie session with Da – yes, watched Queen’s Gambit and what a delightful show it was!!!

10. Watch one TV series with Hari – yes, yes and yes! Parks and Recreations (loved it!), Never Have I ever (meh!), now on to Community (super fun!) and Brookline 99 (funny!). 

11. Learn to operate the TV Projector – yikes, no. It is no rocket science, this was an easy win I could have had.

12. Personalize Alexa Show options – no but frankly do not feel the need for it. 

13. Set up the underutilized shelves and storage spaces in the house – yes, did very well on this!

14. Residual clean up of the yard, remove weeds and plant perennials – yes, same as above!

15. Internalize dance items that can make up for one margam – what was I thinking? No where close to that but feel quite content with where I have come dance wise. 

16. Write 48 posts on my blog – wrote 61, wanted to write more, this one does not feel like an accomplishment just meeting a low bar I set up for myself. 

17. Learn to do eye make up – no.

18. Do a shutterfly album of Hari’s upnayanam – have been itching to do it but not made the time for it. 

19. Learn to recite Vishnu Sahsranamam fluently – some progress

20. Weekly rituals with kids – yes, thanks to the pandemic!

Some wins, some losses. There is always room to improve. Here’s to more learning, and growing in the coming year!

Last week, one night, Ram and I were cuddled up as I was grazing on the internet. Co-incidentally, there was a news article that had reassurance from Dr. Fauci that Santa has been vaccinated and that kids around the world have nothing to worry. The very next day, Ram wrote an email to Santa with questions – did the vaccine hurt? Has anyone other than Dr. Facci visited him? And then, he gave his wishlist. Santa sent back a descriptive reply stating how he felt honored to have received a shot from one of the famous doctors and went on to describe all the cool people that have visited him and Ms. Claus in the North Pole. Thanks to Da’s workplace for the very special opportunity to write to Santa, and for ensuring that Santa replies. It was a very nice touch to the festivities. 

As always, Ram  was the first one to be ready with christmas presents for all us. It’s all handmade and personalized. He was quite perplexed that the rest of the household was being complacent. “I can’t be the only one carrying the christmas spirit in this house guys. Mom, can you change the day in the countdown calendar tomorrow. And the rest of you, can you start working on your presents?”

As I write this, we are all watching a movie with the christmas tree lit up. We baked macadamia nut and chocolate chip cookie this year for Santa. We will know tomorrow who has been nice, who has been naughty in our household. Leaving you with Christmas wishes from Ram. Have a joyful and blessed holidays.