Understanding self-esteem.
Self-esteem is such an important element of good mental health, but for some people their self-esteem is very low ⚠️
Maybe you’re surprised to read that self-esteem is an important part of good mental health?
Let’s be clear what ‘self-esteem’ means. It’s simple: self-esteem is what YOU currently think and feel about YOU.
It’s not about other people’s opinion. It’s about YOUR OPINION of you but you might be basing your opinion on what you believe others may think of you!
People with low self-esteem think unfavourably of themselves and people with high self-esteem…. Well, they think the opposite.
YOU can have high self-esteem and it’s well-worth your while to invest time and effort into creating this for yourself. Starting now. Having low self-esteem affects your mental health which is reason enough to learn more about it, yes?
Self-esteem is not fixed, and it’s not inherited or caused by what happens to you in life. Read that again: it’s radical and it’s a surprise to some people.
Sure, if you enjoy a flurry of success you will find it easier to enjoy self-esteem, but success does not dictate self-esteem. This is why there are so many miserable millionaires: no amount of cash in the bank or status symbols will ever be enough to improve low self-esteem. They may hope that the next luxury mansion or superyacht or gorgeous spouse will be enough to make them feel secure and positive.
But high self esteem remains elusive until they realise self-esteem is generated INSIDE your head (by YOU) and not by your bank balance and status.
People with high self-esteem think positive, charitable, generous thoughts about themselves. Call this ‘self-love’ or ‘ego’ if you like, it doesn’t matter: the end goal is increasing self-esteem.
You know you can choose how you think, and – if you’ve been following this series – hopefully you’ll be starting to make different choices about the thoughts you allow into your mind. Remember, you can choose how you think and that includes making a choice about the WAY YOU THINK ABOUT YOURSELF.
Imagine self-esteem as a rechargeable battery – your self-esteem battery 🔋 You need to keep charge (positive thoughts towards/about yourself) flowing into the battery, or the battery will run low. You need to be actively putting charge into your battery – especially during stressful times such as these 🔌
To put charge into your battery, we use an excellent technique we call ‘Processing the Positives’. This may sound too simple to be effective, but trust us: it works. Processing the positives is easy to personalise and it’s rooted in positive psychology and the science of gratitude.
The really good news? You can start today.
Processing the positives is straightforward.
Action: Every day you need to list ten positive things about yourself and your life, and spend some time thinking about each of them in a powerful, positive way.
When you’re new to this, and especially if you’re a perfectionist, it can be quite a challenge. Your brain is simply not used to the task and some resistance is to be expected. This doesn’t mean you can’t; it merely means you need to put a little more persistent effort into it. Trust the process: it gets easier.
Immediately after you’ve read this, open your notebook or the notes page in your phone and start to write. ONLY write the positives; don’t let yourself cheat by thinking ‘yes, but…’
e.g. I made tea for my partner 🔋
NOT: I made tea for my partner but I added too much milk
I enjoyed sitting in the garden 🔋
NOT: I enjoyed sitting in the garden but I should have been doing chores
If you don’t know where to start – and some people with low self-esteem struggle to get started – think of a negative and flip it to a positive.
For example:
‘I’m too weak and spindly’ could be changed to ‘I have the opportunity to fall in love with exercise and develop some new eating habits over the next few weeks’ or ‘My body is healthy and strong’🔋
‘I’m heartbroken after my separation’ can be changed to ‘I have an opportunity for personal space and new connections as I recover from the relationship’🔋
It is important to have ten things on your list. Keep it somewhere you can refer to it regularly, and that you make time each day where you can spend time concentrating on processing your positives. Some people use their phone, others prefer to think in ink and use their journal or post it notes. The important thing is to find what works for you, and enjoy the process.
‘Processing’ means reflecting on how good you felt at the time; how your thought or care or contribution is a good reflection on you; how you were ‘in the moment’ or focusing your thoughts and attention on positive things.
Whenever you catch yourself feeling down or your battery needs a boost, get out your list and spend some time thinking through each item. If you’re really struggling, set a timer on your phone and reread your positives every hour. This helps to re-energise your thinking and help you change habits of old.
Enjoy this time focusing on the positive things about you and your life. Lots of thrivers continue this process even after they’ve completed the Thrive Programme course. We regularly receive photos of people’s houses decorated with ‘positives’: for example, in the kitchen so they’re easy to see when you’re making lunch or brewing a cup of tea; or around the bathroom mirror so you can process the positives when you brush your teeth in the morning.
HOW and WHERE you opt to process the positives is not the important factor. The important factor is that you CHOOSE TO DO IT.
Commit to this habit, updating your list every day with one or two positives, and within a couple of weeks you can expect to have much higher self-esteem, regardless of your starting point.
Understanding self-esteem, why not start your list with the fact you’re reading these posts and that you’re helping yourself take control of your mental health?
See you Monday 🙂
#thrivingathome
You can watch a Thrive Programme review here
You can read the FULL series of blogs/info posts on our dedicated #thrivingathome page here. Understanding self-esteem
