Lifetime of emetophobia – She may have grown up living in an unpredictable war zone, but Batya Orlofsky had a far bigger fear… A debilitating phobia of vomiting – emetophobia – that made daily life an ongoing, stressful struggle for her. As our first Thrive Programme Coach® in Israel, Batya shares her story of how she came to The Thrive Programme, and just how much overcoming her emetophobia and learning to thrive has transformed her life (and her family life too)!
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“Growing up, I always thought I was different. I was weird, crazy, stupid… I had a very strong fear, and it made no sense. I was always afraid when a classmate or a sibling was unwell, I was always afraid when people would drink alcohol near me, I was even afraid when someone had hiccups! Why? Because maybe they would throw up, and if that happened, I just couldn’t cope. If someone was sick around me, or if I felt unwell, well, that would be the end of me. I wouldn’t manage, I would panic, and that would be terrible, the worst possible thing I could imagine!
I never told anyone about my fear because I was embarrassed, why was I so weird?? What was wrong with me?? I didn’t tell my parents, my siblings or my friends. I would always just avoid people who I feared may be sick and avoided situations where I may be around people who are sick (bars, parties, kids, hospitals….).
“Being afraid of vomit meant I was afraid of my own kids! Being alone with them, even when they were healthy, with every meal I was on alert for danger. Being constantly on alert made me agitated. My emotions were quick to change, I was in and out of panic mode, I would get angry at the kids/my husband more easily…”
I remember this one time, I must have been about 10 years old, I was in a summer camp that I was really excited to go to. A few days in, my friend who was sitting across from me on the bus at the time, threw up. I never went back to camp. That was it. I didn’t tell my parents why, they had no idea, I just said I didn’t like camp (which was untrue) and that I didn’t want to go back. My mom tried to convince me to go but I told her I really couldn’t stand the camp and refused to go back.
As I got older, into my teens, I met someone who told me she had this fear, it sounded all too familiar, she was afraid of throwing up, and she was afraid of others throwing up too! I couldn’t believe I was not alone. A year later a close friend of mine told me she had this fear too, and not only that, but this fear had a name! “It’s called Emetophobia, google it!” she told me, and I did, and lo and behold, it was true! I wasn’t alone! In fact, it’s actually very common!
“A very innocent post I read turned my life around completely! A simple post, just one line, said: “Has anyone here ever heard of The Thrive Programme?” That one simple question changed my life forever”
This new realization changed everything for me. I now realized I’m not all that weird or crazy, in fact, I found a whole community of Emetophobes and support groups on Facebook. It was on these groups that I realized it’s not only really common, but it also changes from one person to the next. One associates one thing with being sick and therefore they are scared of that, while others have completely different associations. I also realized that being on these groups made things worse for me because people shared things that were scary to them which then also became scary to me, like germs, stomach bugs and triggering foods. That said, one good thing did come out of these groups. A very innocent post I read turned my life around completely! A simple post, just one line, said: “Has anyone here ever heard of The Thrive Programme?”.
That one simple question changed my life forever. And I wish I could find that post so that I can thank the person who wrote it.
As an Emetophobe always looking for a magical cure, naturally, I googled The Thrive Programme. What I came up with was hard to believe, it just seemed too good to be true! At the same time, the more I read about it the more sense it made. It all just seemed so… Logical.
You have to understand, I have gone to therapy, I was told my Emetophobia made sense, it was perfectly reasonable for me to have Emetophobia! After all, I got married young (I was 18), and had 3 little kids by the time I was 21. So, yeah, of course I would develop some sort of phobia! Of course I’d have anxiety! But when I told my therapist I had Emetophobia for as long as I can remember, her response was “it must be related to your childhood, most likely trauma”. And every session was another trip to the past, trying to find problems. Some were real, some less. Yes, there were things in my childhood I wish didn’t happen, but honestly, this just wasn’t for me. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself, not about my past, not about my present or my future. And to me, the validation was not comforting, it was holding me back. I didn’t see how I was going to get better by putting myself into depression and validating my fears by saying, basically, my life sucks so it all makes sense.
“I had a session, and some follow ups… within a few weeks, I couldn’t believe how I was feeling”
That’s why The Thrive Programme was so refreshing. It wasn’t about my past, it wasn’t about validation. It was about logic. It was about my brain, how it works, how I got here and best of all- how to change it! How to better myself, how to manage my thinking and emotions, how to live my life to the fullest and how to get rid of this damn phobia!
So, it began. To be honest, it was slow. I tried to take myself through the programme, not hire a consultant because it was cheaper. But that just wasn’t working… I felt better, but not as good as I hoped. It was taking too long, I kept procrastinating, making excuses, after all, I had 3 small children, I had a house to run and I was working. It was too much to do on my own and I finally gave in. So I had a session, and some follow ups… within a few weeks, I couldn’t believe how I was feeling.
Keep in mind, Emetophobia involves a lot more than just a fear of vomit. Being afraid of vomit meant I was afraid of my own kids! Being alone with them, even when they were healthy, with every meal I was on alert for danger. Being constantly on alert made me agitated. My emotions were quick to change, I was in and out of panic mode, I would get angry at the kids/my husband more easily than an average, calm person because I was rarely clam. There was always something. And I felt defeated. I felt like the worst mother in the world because when my child needed me most, when my child wasn’t feeling well, I couldn’t be around him/her. And even on a good day, when my kids were fine, I was still on guard and therefore yelling, overreacting to their every move.
“After going through The Thrive Programme, I not only overcame my Emetophobia, but I also became a completely new person”
My lifetime of emetophobia took a toll on my family, not only due to fear of vomit and my hypervigilance, but also because it came with many other symptoms, like catastrophizing, brooding and perfectionism, which I later learned was not uncommon for Emetophobes. I was an extreme perfectionist, not letting anything go, my house had to be perfect, my kids and husband had to be perfect, appearance was everything! Living up to my standards was nearly impossible.
After going through The Thrive Programme, I not only overcame my Emetophobia, but I also became a completely new person. I can be alone with my kids, I can take care of them when they are sick, and I’ve had 2 more kids since. I find myself to be more calm, less stressed. My husband and my kids are happier as I am much more in control of my emotions. I have learned to enjoy my kids instead of stress over them. I love my life! Sure, sometimes life is stressful, but I can handle it, I don’t stress over the small stuff anymore, I feel confident, in control and happy! I am now a mother of 5 little Thrivers and I work as a Thrive consultant helping others learn to Thrive. I still like my house to be neat and clean, I still like things in order, I still like when things are perfect. But I learned something that while I may have known this before, I never fully believed it to be true:
Life isn’t always perfect. Life isn’t always great. But that’s ok! We do our best, we can try, we can have goals, we can aim for the stars, the trick is- when things don’t go as planned, when we don’t make it to the top, don’t put yourself down! Try a new way, be comfortable with imperfection, don’t stress. Because at the end of the day, YOU and only you can control your thoughts, your emotions, your reactions. As Thomas Edison once said: “I have not failed, I found 10,000 ways that didn’t work!” You’re not a failure because your house isn’t perfect. You’re not a failure if you didn’t manage to fold laundry or do dishes and you’re not a failure if you haven’t overcome your fear or anxiety yet, you just have to try a new way. For me, that way was The Thrive Programme, and I could not recommend it more!!
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Batya Orlofsky is a fully Licensed Thrive Programme Coach® seeing clients both locally in Israel (in Moshav Yonatan), and around the world via online sessions! Visit her website to find out more information about her and for contact details to get in touch directly:
Website: Click here. Lifetime of emetophobia.
