Hair Balls
June 24, 2026
Me: Why do cat poop and hair balls have to be exactly the same shape?
Catering
June 23, 2026
Me: You’re not talking about catering a place with gas station dough nuts are you?
Man: I woke up this morning, and I was like, “What did I eat yesterday?”
Trash Can
June 22, 2026
Man: I was with a girl last night. I was like, “I’m with a girl, getting a trash can? This is not good.”
Wellness
June 21, 2026
Me: What is an “intravenous wellness lounge”?
Expired
June 20, 2026
Man: We have freezer pops in the bottom of the freezer.
Man’s Son: Those are expired.
Man: They’re just sugar. They don’t expire.
Man’s Son: Then why won’t Mom let me eat them?
Red Hot Pepper
June 19, 2026
Man: I had eaten so much food with red hot pepper that I starting having red diarrhea.
Single
June 18, 2026
Restaurant Hostess: Here’s your single onion.
Blueberry
June 17, 2026
Bartender: Michael, do you want orange or cranberry?
Friend Named Michael: Where’s Michael?
…
I’m right here.
…
Cranberry is fine.
Bartender: Did you say blueberry? Because I can do blueberry! I’ve got the stuff.
Mushrooms
June 16, 2026
Me: I’m not going to look a gift horse in the not-having-mushrooms.
Power Up
June 15, 2026
Restaurant Manager: Do you want me to make you a new one?
Me: No, I want to find the button.
Restaurant Manager: Don’t eat that, or you’ll power up.
Your Dialogue is Unrealistic. 