I think sometimes you've gotta rock it, but you don't always have to rock it on your own.

I don't have any doubts any more, whatever my future holds I know it belongs to Minoru and I.

I got confused along the way with everyone else's suggestions and opinions and I felt pressured to some how live up to that, to some how become what they wanted me to become but at the end of the day as everyone has pointed out this time is for me and my decisions and I know and feel that I cannot move forward without a certain someone sharing all my new experiences with me.

I trust him, he trusts me...and I think that that's about it really

:) it's nice to be content

and like I was saying in a previous post it takes an ultimate low for us to realize sometimes the best way to move forward and I reached my low and I have discovered my best way to move forward.

trust me?

a super star then have the fear the camera is here...

My phone sucks, but I am smart and did something awesome. I combined mine and Minoru's phone to a family plan because if we pay individual plans at $40 each (and I ALWAYS go over my minutes) it costs roughly for the both of us $90 or more, however MInoru NEVER uses his minutes so I got a $70 family plan for around 700 minutes and it will stay only $70!! wooo

so cheap

cuz I am so smart.

So, I guess I am suppose to update you on my happenings.

Work is better, I get 2 days off a week now a days, which is nice. :) I am getting my app together for the Message Therapy program I want to go to and I am still doing Voice Lessons once a week. I am also looking into Pilates and the Japanese langauge classes, I have a intro class for japanese tomorrow around 5pm to see if I like it and if so I am going to sign up. WOO

Pilates wise I am still contacting the teaching and I dunno how much I can afford but we'll see what she offers.

Yoga I still do, but I havent had time as of recent, so if I set up private lesson with pilates I know I will go. wooo

I really should start Ballet again soon, I have time in the mornings. I think I will, but again it all costs money so one step at a time.

I am off to work now :) hi ho hi ho off to work I go.

Also, I have been writing more. It is inspiring

I have ideas, many and I think this message therapy thing was a really smart idea and I have idea's surrounding it.

peacepeace

I am sitting here eating left over fries and bread from KFC as well as peace flavoured Calpico and this awesome grapefruit flavoured multi vitamin cold jello stuff that comes in a pouch all written in japanese O.o This is my dinner and I have thoroughly decided it is extremely and unusually enjoyable.

...I just finished my jello, it was very refreshing in this humid weather...

I got my first voice lesson in Hawaii, Friday at 11am. :) so excited, no clue what the guys costs though.

POO.

:)

ZEN! inspired me with "Play Cards, Go Dancing" and also made me cry, I think only people who know my grandparents would cry tho....

the following are his lyrics.

Play Cards, Go Dancing

I've been making plans to stay
But they're never quite threatening enough
I've been making plans to stay
But they're never quite threatening enough

This is much more than just the distance across the Atlantic
You're a lifetime away
You play cards and go dancing
Every night in your dreams you say
I already miss the birthday cards
Though they never said much
They kept my memories fresh
And that was more than enough

I've been making plans to stay
But they're never quite threatening enough
I've been making plans to stay
But they're never quite threatening enough

When did time
Start moving so?
And why am I?
Going so slow
I go so slow, so slow

You tipped over
When we all stood up at once
But you never let that baby go
No you never let that baby go
You held on, you held on
While you waited for her
Never once, never once
Letting what ails you keep you from being strong

I've been making plans to stay
But they're never quite threatening enough
I've been making plans to stay
But they're never quite threatening enough

So, on an unoriginal note this inspired me to do something for the grandparents which involves Zen hopefully if he is willing. We were talking about doing a song together or something and I thought it would be really nice to recompose (sp?) Danny Boy in a slight indie/modern version. That was grandad's favorite song...and I love it...and I always said I would sing it one day to him and I never did and I would love to make that for him....I have the music somewhere for the original version, I sang it in choir once....

Yours thoughts?

I may get together with one of my friends who is a guitarist and see what him and I can put together but I would really love it to be you (zen) and me.

POO anyway, I am still pounding forward with this massage therapy and going strong. but right now just figureing out the best program and facilities...I have 2 more veiwings of schools next week.

I am also trying to audition but this voice coach who I wanted to help me is not calling me back!! and if I dont get him I dont have enough confidence in myself to get the music prepared to the standard I want in time so I may wait for the next show. But cuz this guy isnt calling me back I am going to start looking for someone else.

my grammar sucks.

Work is a poo, and sucks, and is uninspiring...but I ROCK at my job.....sometimes....or I am just funny....

hopefully with this massage therapy I will strive forward more in what I want to do.

:)

WOOT

I am going to go to yoga more then 4 times a week to get my body back on track before I start ballet again....my body is so LAME RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my shoulders and neck hold all this stress and I cant move them and it takes forever to stretch out...so I will do yoga ALOT and hopefully in JUne I will start ballet along side that.....minus the hopefully I WILL...

I miss my family so much.

HALLIE IS COMING TO HAWAII FOREVER!!!!!!!!! YAYAYAYAYA I already saved money to visit her (it only costs $40) :P and I put a ton of my taxes refund in my savings so I am working towards visiting Japan (sorry CA, but I visited last year and I think Minoru really needs to see his family) and then in a year we will be back in CA living!!!

Ok, I am going to peace out and e-mail my friend.

Peace,

OUT

life is just a bowl of whole bran you wake up every morning and it`s there
　
I had a conversation yesterday that was kind of awkward and good.

To start at the beginning; I missed my period this month, not overly worried because this happens to me usually when my body is exhausted (which it had been this month) so I merely expected that, however just in case I took a pregancy test. Of course it was negative but it brought the fact up with Minoru and he was surprisingly excited if I was pregnant...then when I wasnt he was extremely disappointed.

SOO, me who was extremely happy finally asked a simple question: "Minoru, when do you want to have children"

his answer was right away "soon, now is OK too"

me....O.O

So, after me discussing with him we are not financially secure, we are not even married yet, and I dont want kids in Hawaii, and I only might think about it after at least 1 year of being married...

to his disappointment, but he did agree and understand but was sad.

Im just proud that I stuck to myself and said I want to have a career and things like that before we move to the step of having a family. and as one of my friends said in a comment "now is a time to focus on myself and Minoru and our relationship, not children"

So, thats what has kind of been in my head for a while.

Of course I understand I will have to compremise and have kids perhaps earlier then I wanted to but he will have to have them later, so it works out in the end.

But I would like people thoughts on this, I know I am young but it is arising in my situation at the moment so therefore I should be addressing it and thinking about it.

I think I address it pretty well and got my point across, he said he wants to have a family and I had to remind him a family doesnt have to have kids. Him and I getting married is already a family and we are only going to grow from there so therefore there is not need to want one, he already has one! he liked to think that way :) glad I got through.

Anyway, I am off to call my mum. :)

I am dry, I need some water and some understanding of my exsistance in this world. Perhaps I am merely being dramatic due to the fact that I am a 20 year old female who has just gotton engaged, we tend to lean towards the dramatic end of the scale. I do not want my life to be of husbands and babies, of course YES I want it to be filled with 1 husband and my babies as well as a long career of art and success and learning and literature and peace and creativity and most importantly theatre; to be even more specific MUSICAL Theatre.

YES ok, the majority of you will be thinking that for me to be only thinking of husbands and babies NOW at this age is INSANE!! but alas it is not, I am 20 (which is YOUNG) yet I am engaged (WHICH I AM BEYOND EXCITED AND HAPPY ABOUT) and yet my body and my mind needs nourishing I need more education...I was talking to Minoru about what my future holds and he was giving all these career opinions yet I feel I need more ...I need more knowledge!! Which is understandable since I am only 20 years old.

Everything for me now though falls back to Musical Theatre and Singing and Dancing, and to be honestly it mostly falls on Singing...I miss singing, I LOVE singing it is something that has always transported me...perhaps I should do something with purely singing...

and alas it all comes back to money.

which I do not have.

Can someone please donate me a life fund? thanks.

My sister is hugely pregnant; is it horrible that I keep picturing an elephant and having dreams about it too...I dunno just the way she describes it in her journal she seems like abnormally large in my minds eye. Of course this is not true, Mystical you are a very beautiful elephant-I MEAN WOMAN!

I`m engaged, and I got a ring...its beautiful, I may take pictures and pop it on my facebook for the veiwing of mainly my mother but for everyone else as well.

However, my fiance is suffering from serious back problems and has been out of work for today and perhaps the next 2 days. :( I am extremely worried...

Otherwise I am pottering around and telling people what to do at work as I am the BOSS, booyah! Hahaha not really but I am doing a good job I think but I have high hopes for the New Year which includes some more dancing, singing, and learning Japanese! as well as working towards a job that will help me in my future.

Well, peace out the cat is trying to eat the bunny.

XX

hello....I don`t know if anyone remembers me but my name is Celestial Zenith and I work at Satura Cakes as Assistant Manager and I live in Honolulu with my boyfriend who is Japanese and really good to me and funny and beautiful and did I mention really good to me? well, if I didn`t he is...just so you all know....

we live in a 1 bedroom apartment right next to Magic Island and Ala Moana beach park, it is always really humid here and sometimes rainy and windy too but it is mostly beautiful. You would call me a Haole (which means white person) here and sometimes the Hawaiian names comfuse me but generally everyone is really nice..sept the ones who are tooooo nice, if you know what I mean.

I do theatre, I just finished being a NYC hooker onstage which was a featured role in The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. I liked it and want to audition for the Producers but it all depends on work and everything...yeah...I work full time as Assistant Manager which is good but the pay sucks and I want more...phoohy...so maybe I am going to get another job or have to ask for more hours. or something...you know

did I mention my boyfriend? well, he is steki. Him, my friends, theatre, and work are pretty much my life right now...oh and paying off bloody school loans and car loans. Peace man, it sucks.

we just got a bunny, her name is whichee...long story...but we got her for free because nobody wanted her, she is beautiful and cute and hops around the house like she owns the place, but she is easily scared...anyway I am her mummy and Minoru is her daddy...he decided this...im all for it but he is the one who named the rabbit and I dont really want him naming our kids if thats the best his got. Awww, I love him for it though.

I`m happy :) I miss the mainland and california and Hallie and my sister and my mum and my siblings and even Phil who is now family, and Tamsin, and my new friends i made last year...but all is well and maybe next year I will visit London with Minoru to see the new baby and then I might be living in Japan next year which would be fun! who knows. it all depends on visa`s and lots of other things but I am taking it in stride and letting life take me on a ride (hehe I rhymed)...Japan would be cool, I mean I actually might learn another langauge fluently...that would be awesome....

I am applying to be American...I need to send my application but I have been lazy...actually I am really nervous about it but I need to find the address and everything before I send it...why am I being lazy? I dont know, I just feel like I have not gotten everything and therefore it will not be taken at all.

I love my mum, my sister, my older brother, my little brother, my Tamsin, my Hallie, my cats, my bunny, my friends, my life, my new nephew, and mostly my Minoru...

so much love in one life. Thats amazing...have you ever thought about that? rather then all the hate in the life and world have you ever just focused on all the love that surrounds you? Well, I do and it keeps me in my world of rainbows and oompa loompas which honestly is a fantastic world because it is truly reality...just my version of it.

Peace out y`all, I am making rice and beef and tofu for dinner and Minoru just came home :) I love him too along with this music I am playing and my relatives in England and my grandparents who are the most incredible people I knew and are my inspirations.

love love love love. please do not forget. please do not fight...which is also an awesome band involving my brother...check it

thank you

( I - you: By Celestial Tranquility. 5/22/03Collapse )

I am going through my old LJ from when I was 14 - 16...I was funny

damn, what happened? I am so serious now.

Life was so simple, hah I think I will make it again simple!! WAHOOO

Peace out Homies.

Word up.

i'm feeling that my emotions have been extremely weird of late, I have gone from indignant, rejected, embaressed, wanting to cry, not even knowing what emotion I am feeling, incredibly determined, incredibly tired, wanting nothing in the world, wanting everything in the world, and lastly want this rampant chaos to merely end and stop. finito.

I blame my period.

However, all in all my life is running fairly smoothly and I have just got a new spurt of inspiration from my friend Andrea and I will shortly be auditioning for several musicals and perhaps looking into an agency and how to get more classes for not so much money. I think Ballet Hawaii will offer a volunteer scholarship and I have discussed it with them but now that I have more time it may be more possible.

June 12, 13, and 14 I have the test for the GED and if I bring in 1 semester of my HCC credits I can have a diploma. rock on.

Then I am getting my SATS once I return from Cali and I will apply for UH Manoa. O.o

I am so....weirded out that my life is slowly working out.

However, I think suddenly I have an inspiration to establish myself in the theatre world here rather then just schooling. I am fed up of school I need to be on the stage.

lovers.

I love my boyfriend