Writing on the Wolf's Walls

Hmmm...well, this is it ladies and gents. The very LAST entry. So maybe this is an occasion, to review my transition.

Where should I start? I guess, I'll start where it ends. At the moment I am a regular smoker (cigarettes), getting a comic book company of the ground with the help of people who are both friends and partners now (thanks to this project of ours), still single, no longer a virgin (big whoop, right?), without any particular religion, but still containing a fairly healthy worldview, Neil Gaiman is still my favorite storyteller and I don't think I'll ever stop idolising Alan Moore. I try not to hold double standards and avoid making large generalizations about the people in this world. Of course, my eyes can't get enough of pretty ladies, my body still has a taste for cold beer and I hold an immense amount of respect for Native spirituality at its core. There's also a job I have lined up working with "Clean Water Action" in the Fall, which is yet another Environmental Conservation group. Next semester I'll be living in a single room within the Graduate Dorms at MSU. I am currently the proud guardian of a bi-color eyed rat named MAXIMUS Zeus and hold the honor of being good friends with Mr. Mystic the stark black rabbit. 

What else? I believe that anything is possible and that today's mainstream society lacks a complete handle on how to grapple the mysteries of perception/relativity. I'm quite certain I'm comfortable with my ideas on the Cycles of Nature to the point where I don't see my mind changing, but rather gaining more and more incentive to stand firm on that subject. Time seems more fluid to me now, especially with this odd aging rate of mine and at the moment World Shaper is trying to chip off the last remaining piece of the sculpture that will be me. 

My favorite foods include a variety of fish, pretty much any meaty sort of crab (the bigger the better), most fruits and vegetables, well prepared potatoes (not raw though), wild game (particularly venison, caribou, goose and coon) and I don't mind eating a select few insects. 

Biggest Fear? Hmm...I really don't know yet...OH!!!!...waking up one day to find that everything I love about the Earth is gone. 

Music wise? I'm all about Hendrix, Zeppelin, The Beatles (favorite of which is Lennon), Joplin, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony and Eminem. Pretty much classic rock and old school gangster rap, but lately (thanks to the first few groups mentioned) I've been slinking into blues and as a result will be seeing B.B. King come July 6.

Greatest fantasy? Being a traveling, swashbuckling bard who has sex in graveyards (with living women) and has the mystique of Robin Hood and the Green Knight wrapped entirely around and throughout him. 

Oh...and I still smoke weed. That won't stop, it'll just take a back seat. Plus, the History Channel rocks, so does "Lost" and "The Sopranoes", Xena: Warrior Princess is still THE SHIT. I've got a crazy taste for Lovecraft and am trying to ease my way into Kafka while realizing that my favorite poets just might be Frost and Whitman. 

My favorite poems of all time are "Stopping by the woods on a Snowy Evening", "A Noiseless Patient Spider" and "Tyger". I have about 74 pages of my own poems collected and maybe more when I get what I have scribbled in my notebooks. I still sketch and still like SOME anime (Cowboy Bebop and Samurai Champloo). 

I've also got a chip on my right shoulder and an Eagle on my left, plus a Spider in my soul. 

That's about it, I hope this is good enough a note to leave everyone on. I'll see you when I see you if I see you, it's been good. Keep living and thriving and being the best you could possibly be. Fuck Bush jr....VOTE in '08 (preferably for Clinton, but that's totally your choice) and be the change you wish to see in the world.

Goodbye, Ciao, Adios and all that good stuff. Have a great Summer. 

On May 30th I'm leaving to work at the camp this Summer, just like I have done for the past 2 Summers. I'm very excited and feeling as if this is one of those moments where it's not a matter of me escaping, like it used to be, but instead returning to something sacred to me. There is so much waiting for me and I'm content with the idea that this Summer will be so much greater, so much more different and special than any Summer I've ever had...excluding the one that set me on this path.

So, I've also been thinking and reading and then thinking more only to live a little greater...nonetheless, I came to the realization that it's time for me to let go. I can't hold on to my past just as much as other people can't. There is no time, there is no space, there is no feeling of obligation lurking in my body which tells me that I need to ever go back. Truth be told, I was insane for most of the time this journal was going and now that I'm not insane anymore, now that I have meds to balance me out and this whole other worldview to validate my relevence in this society...I feel like I can't play by the old rules anymore.

There comes a point in (hopefully everyone's) life where you literally have to grow up. You have to really ask yourself about the Bigger Picture and live according to that. You have to make tough decisions, break bonds with people you thought you'd never find reason to leave, do some pretty shocking things that no one thought you were capable of doing, SAY pretty truthful things (as relates to yourself). One day, I just woke up and had the Will to Live to Die. I realized that I'm not immortal and that I need to do whatever it is I'm going to do before I die or become too jaded or weak to move on or even give a damn. 

Where I'm going with this is that I don't care about these little things anymore. It's time for me to live for the bigger things, because for a long time I've been told that I couldn't handle "The Real World" that I was "Sheltered". My cousin said that to me, and what I told him was:

"Do you realize I have knowledge of what species is being wiped out at this minute? You know I can see the genocide happening around you? So, when you talk about how I've never seen real life, because I've never seen anyone got shot and killed...I don't care, because I'm watching this entire world die."

With that said, I don't have time to be on lj anymore. I'm leaving this time for good and I'm not starting up another blog or account anywhere else. Soon I'll be closing down my "myspace" aswell. So...if you're in my life right now, you ARE, there is no more "Looking in from the outside" which is what lj allows people to do with their "friends" these days. 

Ciao old friends. It's been strange.

-Kenneth Dean Jackson

I'm reading it for a second time and starting to notice a pattern I don't think anyone else has ever seen before. Already, I'm closing in on page 200 and that's not even really half the book yet, but I still see it. Tell you what though? It's 10 times funnier if you perceive what I perceive while I'm reading it for the 2nd time. It's a very dark sort of humor, but still, very funny. 

Oh yeah...

Praise The Spithra.

Up! up! my Friend, and quit your books;
Or surely you'll grow double:
Up! up! my Friend, and clear your looks;
Why all this toil and trouble?

The sun, above the mountain's head,
A freshening lustre mellow
Through all the long green fields has spread,
His first sweet evening yellow.

Books! 'tis a dull and endless strife:
Come, hear the woodland linnet,
How sweet his music! on my life,
There's more of wisdom in it.

And hark! how blithe the throstle sings!
He, too, is no mean preacher:
Come forth into the light of things,
Let Nature be your Teacher.

She has a world of ready wealth,
Our minds and hearts to bless
Spontaneous wisdom breathed by health,
Truth breathed by cheerfulness.

One impulse from a vernal wood
May teach you more of man,
Of moral evil and of good,
Than all the sages can.

Sweet is the lore which Nature brings;
Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:
We murder to dissect.

Enough of Science and of Art;
Close up those barren leaves;
Come forth, and bring with you a heart
That watches and receives.