Why on earth do people post questions to communities seeming to ask for information, when in fact it's clear they've already made up their mind about an issue, no matter how much information they see that suggests their decision may not be the wisest course? If they want validation, there are a million and one places to find that without wasting people's time and taking up space on their friends pages.

Somewhat along those lines, I wish sometimes that I, too, was one of the sheeple. Baa. It must be really nice to be a sheep. Or, at least, what I think it must be like to be a sheep. To not think about things - about everything - to just do what the majority does and not feel any real qualms about it. Instead I do just about everything different from the majority, and then I tweak that enough that I don't even fit in with the minority. Sometimes I get so tired of being this way, but I can't stop thinking. Literally. My mind is always churning. This is probably evidence of some type of mental disturbance, which wouldn't surprise me greatly. To quote a quote in my profile, "And I just wish that I could be dumb. And then I wouldn't know better... ." Seriously, I wish my brain had some kind of off switch. I think it's basically obsessive thinking, but I'm not sure exactly, and it doesn't seem exactly that, based on what I've read, but it's close enough. I used to merely ascribe it to a 'high need for cognition,' thanks to all those psych classes, but I don't think that's it.

Now let's pull in more quotes. "There is nothing wrong with me, this is how I'm supposed to be" - that is what I try to tell myself. The next part of the song, of course, goes "in a land of make believe, that don't believe in me," and that isn't a very cheery thought after all.

At this time, one year ago, I was at Kennestone getting processed through admitting, and getting sent to a room. I think it was probably right around now that I nursed Jacob and then let them give me the Demerol. It was a good thing I was doped up on the Demerol, because it meant I really wasn't nervous about going under or any of that. Demerol is one of the only things I have encountered that can, essentially, tell my brain to shut up. It wasn't until they gave me that stuff that I even understood how people could become addicted to prescription pain killers, but now I get it. It's not about the high; it's about the utter oblivion.

So, Demerol or no Demerol, it's been a year, give or take four hours, since I had a gallbladder. It's also been a year since I had an attack. The trade was well worth it, even if my scars still itch something horrid from time to time.

I did get some lovely presents for my birthday. I got a total of $55 in gift cards to Media Play, a $25 gift card to Old Navy, S1 of The West Wing, and S1 of CSI:. Funny Story behind the last one: it was from my mom and dad, and she told me yesterday that she went back and forth for over a week over which season to get me. She wanted to get S1 because, you know, start at the beginning and all that, but she kept thinking 'But the second season is better!' and couldn't decide for a while.

She also revealed to me that she has 'always thought Sara and Greg would make a good couple.' Hee. My mom and I share shipping preferences. Too bad she probably would freak out about the thought of slash, because I suspect if she didn't, she could see the H/D potential.

I went to the Girl Scout office yesterday for nine hours, and I am now certified in CPR for Adults, First Aid, and CPR for children age 1 to age 8. We didn't cover CPR for infants because of time, and it's hard to find a class that is just CPR for infants, so that's a little disappointing, but eh. At least I'm certified, and I don't have to worry about a first-aider for troop meeting. Just a first aid kit, now.

It's actually cold here. We have some of the windows cracked - it's what we do mid-September every year, when we're sick of paying the electric bill for A/C - and it's been chilly the last two mornings. Brrr.

So, the bad news is, I had an attack on my birthday. The good news, this attack's nature made it abundantly clear that it's not a mid-back strain or sprain causing the problem. I mean, I've never heard of a sprain or strain where throwing up makes it better. Where an 'attack' of pain causes your liver to malfunction. Where drinking lots and lots and lots of water makes it better. (Lots of water means more than two gallons in a 12 hour time period.) But guess what? Every. Single. Thing. is explained by gallstones. Every symptom, every problem. I just have an 'atypical' pain presentation for gallstones/gallbladder problems.

But. The good news is, it doesn't matter if I sit on my couch, or if I go on a walk, or if I go to sleep without a bra. It does matter what I eat, but those other things? Don't matter. It doesn't matter how much I wear Jacob.. What matters is supporting my liver & gallbladder, and trying to figure out when will be a good time to have the surgery done. I don't want to wait too long - my liver is already pretty damaged, from all indications - and I know it will have to come out sometime, but if I could even get to when Jacob is 10 or 11 months instead of now, at not-quite-seven, it would be better.

I just have to figure out what I can eat. High-fiber, low-fat is recommended, but no legumes, which leaves me :( and sort of up the creek as far as dinner this week goes, I was going to make a nice big pot of 15 bean soup and we could eat on that practically all week. Then I realised that wouldn't work, and started thinking of other possibilities. The first one my mind leapt to was black beans and rice. Again with the legumes!

Ack. I just realised - peanut butter. Peanuts are legumes! No wonder... I've been eating peanut butter almost daily for the past couple of months. Oh, it makes me cry just thinking about all I could have been doing to help myself...