One of the biggest issues with the furry fandom is that it IS so close knit. It's not anyone's fault, it's just the nature of fandoms that are brought together by a very specific theme or trait. For example, I go to visit Friend A and see Friend B at a con. A & B could very well know each other. This is where problems arise: when A & B don't get along, or downright hate each other.

In everyday life, this isn't nearly as common. You might have Friend A who is a co-worker you love to hang out with. Friend B is from your school years, Friend C is from some other shared interest group. Most likely, these 3 people will never meet unless you bring them together at a gathering.

By nature, I'm not a hateful person; I have a wide range of tolerance and believe that as said in Guardians of the Galaxy "[insert person] may be an a-hole, but not 100%, a dick." There are very few people that I absolutely HATE; they can be counted on one paw. As time moves on, hate is typically replace with apathy. I have learned that forgive and forget is better than holding grudges. It's not easy to let things go, but at the end of the day, does it really help to hold a grudge against someone?

This gets me into trouble however, as by being more tolerant, I'm naturally going to have a wider range of friends with different backgrounds and beliefs. Here in lies the problem when Friend A becomes a target in the fandom. Friend B and C wonder why I am friends with Friend A, so I've had to explain Friend A's actions.

I should not have to justify who I am friends with. Sadly, people respond with, "well you're also judged by whom you hangout with." Well I'm understanding that's more of a them problem than a me problem. Just because I hang out with Friend A doesn't mean that I agree with them. Seriously, you cannot tell me you haven't had a controversial friend that spouts off stuff that is questionable in nature? Ever play jackbox, CaH, etc? I rest my case.

I'm all for equal rights for everyone. I don't believe that people should be discriminated against for any reason. However, it's human nature not to feel comfortable with people that are not similar in thought and appearance. Maybe get out of your comfort zone and try talking with others that have dissimilar views, and have a civil debate. It's not easy, nor comfortable, however, you might learn a thing or two. And if it's civil, said person might learn as well. Understanding that person's thought process and background is key to understanding where they are coming from. Is it based on facts or emotion? Also, you and I aren't alone. Make sure your opinion is also not wildly emotion based. Having hard evidence behind it makes it much stronger and more reputable.

It's tough, and even a bit corny, but my company is advocating, "don't be on the attack, be curious." For example, if someone has a strong opinion that goes directly against yours, be open-minded and ask for more details. Maybe it was their upbringing or maybe it's because they had a run-in that caused them to think the way they do. There are always reasons about why people think they way they do. And by shutting them down, that isn't going to help anyone besides feeling aggressive and hateful toward said person. I, myself, need to take a step back at times and do better at this.

Wrapping this all together, a big issue with the close-knit nature of the fandom is that I feel there are only maybe 3 degrees of separation. Anywhere fur you point at to at a con, I bet will be separated by no more than 3 other people. This is an OPINION btw, I haven't tested this out, but once again, if you think about it, that means that you're pretty much connected with everyone else. And with a fandom that spurs from all walks of life, there are going to be differences, and there's no way to separate yourself fully from "them", unless you want to cut ties with the fandom altogether.

Yes, I know there are people in the fandom that aren't as pleasant to be around; for example, there are furs in it for the fame and clout. As ugly as that appears to many, that's no different than anywhere else. Is it wrong? That's strictly opinion. My personal belief is that using people and throwing people under the bus to get a leg up is wrong. This will gain more notoriety in the short term, however it will only get you so far. Remember the fandom is close knit? Eventually, they'll have no one left that supports them, and they will tumble and fall.

I've seen nasty feuding in my barbershop chorus and local community. Guess what? Fighting over publicity, notoriety, methodology, goals, etc. It's no different. But why let something bother you about someone you've only read or heard about? How do they impact YOU? I guarantee that those people are already getting the proverbial pitchforks and knives thrown at them. By dwelling on something that's totally out of your circle of influence wil make you do feel angry and hateful, and for what reason? If you felt that toward everyone you meet everyday, you're going to be really miserable.

Anyway, tl;dr:

Be curious about others, not attacking.
Don't let people affect you that are totally out of your circle.
I'm pretty accepting and tolerant of a lot of people.
I shouldn't need to justify friend A's actions,
Talk to Friend A yourself about their comments, hopefully in a civil tone. If it's not worth your time, then by all means don't discuss.
If Friend A has made a very uncouth comment that's received tons of backlash, it has already been discussed.
If we can't be friends because of a couple people that I like to hang around with, then that's your issue, not mine.
If you decide to hate me for putting up with friend A, then you need to evaluate your own thought process. "I hate you because you like this other person whom I hate." That REALLY makes logical sense

Disclaimer: Some people are assuming I support and defend the actions of what I am writing about. That is definitely not the case; I don't condone the actions of the events or statements of any of these individuals; each event garnered a lot of heat and angst from the fandom, and understandably so.

IndyFurCon mistaken posted that an very polarizing member of the fandom was going to have a stage show. The vague message was quickly misconstrued into that said person was going to be a "special guest" then twisted into him being "GoH" for the convention by several prominent furries. This quickly turned into a shitstorm with announcements of other special guests backing out, attacks at the convention, the board members, and also the person in the tweet.

Later, it was verified that he did not have his own slot or was any type if special guest, but the damage was already done. Old wounds re-opened, now festering again for both he and the convention, and the staff to deal with.

First of all, I know both the controversies and what both people tweeted back in the past, and yes, the backlash is deserving at the time. However, as we move forward, in most cases, years and years later, these people are still under attack for things that were said back in the day. What makes matters worse is all the half truths and lies that come out to support the arguments of the initial accusers. These added falsifications of the truth simply make it easier to pile on more and more. A random person can look at a thread and go "Geez, what a f*ckhead, I hate (them)", without ever have interacted with them.

This is what is sad with the call-out culture, is that social media is a great platform for piling on and people thrive on drama because it's "exciting." For those who remember the OJ Simpson trial, that was top story for weeks and months and any new info was sought after and absorbed like a sponge. People couldn't get enough of it, neither could news media as it was a soap opera. No one cared if he was innocent or guilty, they just wanted to know the juicy details of everything.

Moving forward to today, that's exactly with our current commander-in-chief does. This whole game is a publicity stunt for him, good attention, bad attention, misdirection, lies, he spouts out so much BS, that reporters can't keep track of it all and are constantly hunting in circles, trying to follow the trail. In fact, as much as I hate it, it's remarkably genius, leading the "dogs" astray in 500 different paths for them to track down. However, I'm pretty sure that he has no remorse for his actions, good or bad. He's a businessmen at heart, and successful people don't get into prominence by being nice and considerate. However, I will never agree nor like him, as this is how he's always been and continues acting toward others. Shrewd, sordid, and unmoral without regard to others.

I digress, going back the fandom, I dealt with backlash about a sex offender that was in the FWA photo this year. However, his transgressions were over 10 years ago; he served his time, he was tried and punished by the LAW. He has changed, however the memories from long ago still live on and any image of him is forever burned in people's minds that he's a sex offender.

The problem with social media is that it does not forget; it is timeless, messages and tweets can be used against said people forever. Before social media was so prominent, people weren't held to such high morals. Guess what, people have always acted the way they do. And, people do realize their shortcomings and change, not all people, but most do. In two of these three cases, they have gone above and beyond, trying to help out, volunteer, staff and really get engaged in the fandom by devoting hours and hours of time to help the fandom grow. However, their past transgressions continue to outweigh everything they do for the fandom, like it's never enough.

Is it fair that they should be judged for eternity? Should there be a horizon? Some would say yes, once a bad egg, always a bad egg, but I don't believe that. People can change.

If you're prominent in the fandom, then your voice is heard whether you want it to be or not. Well known figures in the fandom that have had a history of egregious statements, will always have a target on their backs. If a random person in the fandom with no prior history posts an uplifting or positive opinion; said person would get a lot of positive replies "yeah, I really needed that message," or "thanks, I really like what you said." However, that same person with a target will be attacked and called a hypocrite because of their "dark" past.

I reiterate that people can and do change, both for the good and bad, but before you pile onto someone or some statements think about these things:

1) Do I actually know the situation? Or is it all hearsay?
2) Adding my voice accomplishes what?
3) Why should I care and rile myself up about (said person/statement.)
4) Is it worth my time?

The fandom is so close knit; most of us know and interact with a ton of people. We don't get along with a lot of people that we interact with, but that's just human nature. Obviously, there are things that DO harm the fandom. Like, if someone in the fandom hates on [pick a targeted subset] and starts targeting them with death threats, then yes, something must be done. Verbal hate is a lot different that physical violence. We do need to stand up for views that impact us and are close to our hearts. However, being on the offensive and calling said person bigoted isn't the way to go about doing it.

Make wise judgments about said person based on interactions with them find out the facts, not hearsay from social media. If you decide that person isn't worth your time, then that's great, however, in most cases, they have no interaction with you, so unless said person impacts you directly, then just don't engage.

Lastly, I'll leave this thought with you. The worst case of all, is the totally innocent person, called out by someone because they had a fight or dispute, and instantly got persecuted by everyone over a lie. Even if the accuser admits later it was a lie, that person has already had their name drug through the mud and the damage is done. But most people that have heard that name now have a negative impression of them, and for what reason? None, except a big fat lie.

TL/DR; Don't spend your time fighting needless battles, especially on social media. Choose not to engage with the controversies of said people and you'll feel a lot better.

This journal is

partially friends ONLY

meaning some posts are public and some are private. If you'd like to be added, please drop me a line and introduce yourself, and I'll (more than likely) add you :)

[edited] changed the date to reflect 8/1/2018 since 2014 is in the past! :D

-Nbowa

I'll miss you, tzup

You taught me so much more than you'll ever know. Thank you, a million times over.

Thursday
Booked a flight for 5:40 AM. Woke up at 2:OOAM, found flight canceled. Called Delta, wait time 2 hours. Decided to d/l Delta App. Flight to MSP, IND, ATL arriving 5PM, decide to take that. Spent 3 hours in MSP in PGA store, got a lesson. Went to Indy, got a burger and fries at a local place, plane delayed an hour. Flight was rough, circled airport once due to traffic. Landed, 10 planes in queue due to no gates open. Pull into gate 25 mins later, no jetbridge crew. Get off, get luggage, Roby picks me up. We drop off luggage, room 4038, go out to eat with Ford and Bramble at Empire State South. Have a great tasting meal. Head back, go pick up staff badge and pullover and start working on lounge stuff. Put clips on 1500 tetris pieces. Also Receive Nbowa Money from Roby!

Friday
Get up, staff lounge discussion of stuff. Get Chik-Fil-A with Albaz and do poker at 11AM. Make cut finishing 2nd in first satellite. Decide to fursuit after shift is over. Hand out Nbowa Money to lots of people. Go to dealer Den, see Bushy briefly, then get 3D scan of my character. Head around and then back up. 6PM is heads up poker, play that, Ati gets me Firehouse Sub w/o Coke. Win 4 in a row against Cocoa and November and then lose to Drenthe and lose in losers bracket finishing 3rd. Head to headless lounge to discuss how to run the Fursuit Mingle and picture. Then head upstairs to hang out with people.

Saturday
Get up for staff lounge, get a quick meal, then head to main ballroom to set up for fursuit picture and mingle. Handed out 1/3 of tags, then organized picture. Started mingle, 1 hour, 4 stations. Not well attended. Headed to fursuit lounge for duties. Out of gatorade. Then headed to poker semi's. Had a good run, picking up quads and busting out Leon. Got to finals with mid-stack. Headed to lounge to work, then headed out with Roby for food at Krog's St Market. Watched lounge for a while, talked with Calamity, gave out tetris badges, then headed back upstairs. Had Sunitai over, Tisket, Ruby Dusty, Dune (finally made it out due to flights) and others. Talked with JD/Dantee for ages with Ati about Pillars, Albaz and Roby wanted to kill us.

Sunday
Discussion about fursuit games. Ordered 3D statue. Quick meal, then poker finals. 3 hours of sleep, not enough. Did ok, but lost 2/3 stack to Tayu on AK vs a rivered straight. Pushed all in with KQ and got called by KK and JJ. Ran up to fursuit games to set up, Shyy, Ati, November, Manick and i. First game, scooter race, 4 teams. Second was fursuit tetris tower blocks. Third, poker hands. 4th was Musical Chairs. Team 2 won. Very good games.

Relaxed with golf furs in room watching masters. Then went to strike at 6PM, loaded out everything. Headed back to watch Rose/Garcia playoff. Ordered pizza, then went to TP's for staff dinner. Relaxed in room, played cards. Packed up everything so Dox could transport.

Monday: Got up late, headed to Decatur to Leon's, but it was closed. Ate at the Brick House with Ati, Albaz, Mahrkale, Pawnce, Aspen. Headed back, relaxed. Ati left for softball, late fursuit with Albaz, me in Winston. Then headed to airport.

Arrived Thursday Evening, picked up by Phor. Dropped off, went to Freebirds with Ringer, Ati, Birk and several other Minnesotans. Scooter was delayed from Vancouver. Tried to buy alcohol, but no places in Texas sell after 9PM :P Fursuited for a bit.

Friday: Got up for opening ceremonies to harass Path. Met up with Tirrel, he was interviewed as GoH and then jumped into fursuit. I snuck backstage and met with Howl, to do the fursuit demo of opening.
Jumped out, got downstairs for sound check for our concert. Sound guys were great to work with, including Rhelandar. Went to eat with Arc, Piro, Stargel and JD, realized that GoH dinner was at 4:30 and it was 3:45, so only had a beer. Met up with Kyle in the line caught up, went to dinner. Dinner was at Miaggiano's, ate with Kyle and Tirrel, Dinner was really slow and unorganized. Went back, got drunk and ready for CatchFurase USA.
CatchFurase, no idea what I was doing, Jym the host, mics for my team with Jaiy didn't work, while Pepper and Fox did. Suited for a quite a while after. Late night Whataburger

Saturday, woke up late, missed parade, went to eat prepared for Furrhythmics first concert, got down at 1:30, and set up for 3:30 show. Had about 70 people, was a great audience.

Went to Magic Time Machine with Scooter, Ringer, Birk, Zeig, Stargel, and others from MN, had 12 total. Had Princess Peach, was slow, but great brisket, mmmmm! Shared the Roman Orgy! Came back, watched JD & Arc, then got in fursuit. Didn't feel well, so took a few pics, then went up stairs to crash.

Sunday, got up for fursuit games, very crowded, was picked to be the scorpian. Checked in on poker, then walked around taking macro pics. Stargel had to leave early. Same with Arc and Roweland. Handed out their cookies. Missed closing, played LCR with Scooter, Ati and Zeig, went to dinner at Flying Saucer late with JD, Acid & his friend, Ringer, Ati, Burk, Vermy, Willom.

Relaxed, hung out in room. Drank a few beers.

Monday: See everyone off, quickly do a fursuit selfie video. Came down, found Phor, was going to get a ride with him, but went to lunch with Dario, Yippee, Calamity, Keefur and others, Dario drove me downtown to see new hotel and gave a tour, also story about how he and Vermy because "unofficial" mascots for the Starz. Then dropped off at airport.

Flight delayed, got strnaded in Chicago, stayed in hotel with Huscoon and had dinner. Got back Tuesday noon to pay off roof.

Owning a house is always been a push that the USA has done for decades. Part of it was to expand the market. In 2008, it was apparent that the banking industry was way over-leveraged; giving people loans for up to 105% of the value of their house. When the values came crashing down, so did people's net worth's, many of which were way underwater (meaning they owed more than the property was worth.)

I'm not here to talk about that. Anything with speculation, there's an inherent risk, otherwise everyone would do it. In general, housing prices cannot outpace wages or they will soon become unaffordable and thus a correction in the market will happen.

So assume your house value keeps up with inflation or slightly edges out inflation. Well the cost of buying a home is not free. Typically closing costs are $2000-4000 on a $100k loan. Loans aren't free. If you take a 30 year mortgage out with say only 5% down, you'll have to pay PMI (secondary insurance in case you default) which is just more money out of pocket. Say you borrow $100,000 (just to make the numbers easy) and get a 30 year mortgage at 5% interest. (fair credit). You'll only have a $537 a month mortgage which is a dream in general. You'll have to pay almost the value of the property again over 30 years to buy it ($93,255). Also in the first FIVE years, you'll only have amassed $8,900 in principle. That's not much compared to the $23,000 in interest. That's a LOT of money thrown away, especially if you have to move.

Sure there are tax write offs but you're never getting the interest back. And now you have property tax to deal with as well, they kind of offset to a certain extent. And if your job isn't stable or you have to relocate, you have to start over. So right there you've spent $35k+ that you'll never get back.

During that same period if you would have rented for $500/month you'd be out $30k. Of course I'm using easy numbers, you can in most cases for any large area double those numbers.

WHEN TO BUY!!

You should (IMO) only start considering owning a home when you have met these criteria:

You can afford a house with a simple gross income calculator. Most sites say no more than 36% of your gross which to me is too much IMO, I'd use no more than 25% of your gross as an estimate.

You should have good credit. To get the best rates you typically need a credit score of 760 or better. If not, you're going to pay needless interest. If you get a 6% loan instead of a 5% on $100k of borrowed money on a fixed 30 year mortgage, you'll be paying $600/mo instead of $537 and you'll pay another $22k in interest in the life of the loan!

You should have savings. If you're barely making ends meet, then it's not wise to buy if the sudden loss of your job triggers financial panic. You should have 3 months of savings minimum.

You should be career-stable. This isn't easy to quantify. But as long as you have a job and earning potential and the ability to find another similiar job, then that's key. If you're with a company that may relocate you, buying isn't a very good option.

Also there is MAINTENANCE. Houses don't come with warranties. My house is very modest. It was built in 1959 and has issues. Over the course of 13 years I have installed new drain tile and a sump pump indoors to get the basement leak-proofed = $8800 after drywall damage and water seepage of $2k. New windows = $13k, New gutters = $1k, redone bathroom, $2k, New roof soon, and probably will want to add vinyl siding which is another $5-6k. And these aren't "emergencies." If I have the sewer line break, that's $7k, any plumbing issues could be a couple grand, along with replacement appliances like the washer/dryer, and fridge. I'm not including all the minor things I've had to fix over the years, like plugged pipes, broken furnace, etc.

So is this sounding that great? It's nice having my own space, but budget at least $400 a month for repairs that will need to occur.

Renting, you have none of these unexpected costs. Of course, if you can buy a house outright, that's the best, but who has a spare $200k laying around? Not many of us do.

The nice thing is that you are building equity and getting tax breaks. However, it comes at a cost. I've had to take out a $12k home equity loan before and it isn't fun. Of course, property is better than buying a car which has no payback ever.

If I was to do it over, I would have either rented for 3 years or moved in with my parents to save up. I bought a house back when my income was fairly low, so I stretched a bit to make ends meet. Now, I feel I'm stuck for a while as I'm about halfway through my mortgage. If I had waited and saved that money, especially living at home, I would be miles ahead, and probably have my house paid off in full.

Ultimately, that's the goal; not to have to pay rent. However, that's a very long term goal for almost all of us. Be smart with your money and don't rush into something you'll regret later.

Here's a great calculator to help you out!! http://www.realtor.com/mortgage/tools/rent-or-buy-calculator/

Thursday night: Headed up with Chutora - met Huscoon and Diz at Jimmy's Grotto for yummy Ponzas. Went to hotel, set up, promptly went to bed.

Friday: Romped around - ate at 5 guys. Attended Fox's show with Pepper, however he was late and Pandez told a story with Huscoon acting out. Gave panel "How to run a meet".

Saturday: Fursuit parade did 2x because it was short! Entered poker charity tournament with 3 rebuys. Attended Fox& Peppers show. Went to Mighty's room for drinks and sang songs.

Sunday: Fursuit games - Balloons, Red Light Green Light, Hot potato, Disrupted Huscoon's "Oh no we gave Huscoon a mic." got carried away and sent to auction in the Charity auction for $150 to Dezz. Ended up seeing last of hangover concert by Fox & Pepper

Drove back with Chu, and Kuma, talking about Beijing.

Student council was always a hit or miss thing for most kids in my class. You could tell the kids that just vied to be a part of it, thinking they were making a difference in our lives. Many of them would continue down the dark path toward politics, not necessarily in the limelight; but most as an accomplice to someone that deemed themselves important.

During my tenure in high school, technology was advancing at an alarming pace. An exciting announcement was made. My school had been chosen to test piloting new cutting edge technology! Each school room was to be retrofitted and equipped with a 19" CRT TV AND a VHS player. Move over CRT TV strapped on a rolling steel-grey metal cart! One by one these TVs were to be mounted on the wall! The school faculty would have the ability to set up live feeds and broadcast school-wide announcements using this new system. Hello video, goodbye PA system!! Also, for our enjoyment and entertainment, we were exposed to daily dose of "Channel One", a kids broadcast of the news that the school system agreed to promote. It was pretty rudimentary and most of us just laughed at it, but it gave us a much-needed seven minute lecture break at precisely 11:11AM along with several low quality George Foreman commercials pitching his world famous grill. At times, I'd be looking over at the clock waiting in anticipation for this moment, the minute hand seemingly stopped forever in its tracks. But I wasn't the only one waiting eagerly; several kids pointed out the time so we wouldn't miss the opening or our seven minutes of freedom.

Early in the semester in my junior year, the campaign for student council commenced. For the first time, it was announced that the classroom TVs were used instead of us all being herded down to the main auditorium for their promotional speeches. However, these elections were nearly a foregone conclusion. For the past two years, the school council seemingly had not changed. The class president was being challenged by a very weak opponent, thus a shoe in. I guess the student council president-elect was a decent choice, no scandals were ever uncovered and his name wasn't dragged through the mud. Actually, he was the envy of many. He must have had a brilliant 4D6 roll upon entering the world. He was quite popular, charismatic, as most class presidents tend to be. Aside from being president, he had straight As, was the captain of the football team AND could sing! What luck to be graced with everything in one package!

Before the elections for student council were to occur, each candidate gave their pitch as to why they were the best candidate, even though it was apparent the incumbents were going to win. "Secretary Steve" had a pre-recorded message for us all on the TV stating that he would be running unopposed, although he was gracious to be once again our class secretary.

Along came my friend "Mark". He was far from normal, geeky, quirky, always quoting things from Monty Python; however he was a good person. [Maybe he turned out furry, hmmmm?] We talked a ton at the back of the class of our "oral communications" class. I mean, could you fault us for talking in oral comm? Actually, my teacher didn't care one iota; she was a theater person and got to know my Dad very well through the local playhouse, so she let pretty much anything I did in her class slide without repercussion. I guess I was a teacher's pet of sorts, without having to do anything to deserve it! Right before the election, he brought up the student council and how rigged it was. I totally agreed with, but stated there's nothing that can be really done about it. He nodded in agreement, but held a scheming smirk on his face, lips sealed. I didn't know at the time he had a devised a plan in attempt dethrone Mr. Unopposed!

The next morning was election day. Each person in my grade could cast a single ballot for their candidate of choice. When I stepped into the main atrium of the school, I and dozens of others gasped as the hallways were littered all over with 8 1/2 by 11" "Vote Mark Secretary" papers, crudely copied with his big, pimple-covered face, plastered all over like wallpaper with a grin so wide and open even a fox would have been jealous. People started taking them down, laughing at them, defacing them, making them paper airplanes, throwing them into the trash, and using them for their own notes. However, much like the Foreman commercials beating us senseless about how quick burgers and other meats cook with the added health benefit, Mark's face and image burned into our brains and was the number one trending topic throughout the hallways. Much like the 7th grade incident, word spread like wildfire. This caused a schoolwide action plan; write-in time!!! Soon all of us were writing his name in against Secretary Steve!

The next day, the four familiar faces came on the TV live to accept their positions into student council. Steve announced that Mark had indeed won in a landslide in a 11th hour attempt to derail his third consecutive bid as secretary, however the student council rules stated that candidates had to be submitted prior to the election. There was a unison BOOOOOO that could be heard throughout the school halls. Oh well, the fun and Mark's 15 minutes of fame were over. Unless the next year...

Fast forwarding, to my senior year. The hopes, the dreams of many, shattered in a mass popularity contest, also known as Homecoming. It was nomination time for the homecoming King and Queen positions which seemingly several people placed this as their #1 life goal to be crowned. It was a simple process; students were asked to submit as many nominations for homecoming king and queen on a piece of paper as we wanted. The top ten ladies and gents' names would be tallied and put on the final form for vote. The most votes for king and queen were then crowned during the homecoming parade!

The girls were scrambling around all week to trying to look good, asking for anyone and everyone to nominate them. Fancy hair-dos, eye liner, make up, fancy clothing, all just a reflection of how shallow and self-loathing they were. The boys on the other hand were kind of laid back about the whole ordeal. The standard popular guys, including the class president were definitely going to get a shot at the crown. However, good ol' Mark's name resurfaced from the grave as he once again became the talk of the school. "Let's all write his name on the ballot, as a joke!" As word got around the halls, this seemed like a funny idea. So like many, I wrote down Mark on my nomination ballot along with a few other guys and gals I thought were worthy of the crown.

The day arrived; we sat in our home rooms and examined our ballots. Surprisingly, Mark had made it as one of the ten finalist! I was in disbelief but also laughed internally. Could he actually win this whole thing? I shrugged and marked my ballot and submitted it, not actually voting for him, but with my conscious vote who I thought was the best candidate.

Rumblings afterwards occurred in the hallways by the ladies, "Oh my God, did you see that Mark made it? You BETTER not have voted for him" they angrily accused all their friends. "No, no, I wouldn't vote for THAT loser." "Good." Those conversations echoed all throughout the corridors.

A week later the announcement came of the homecoming King and Queen came over the TV system. Big drumroll.... and the king is, "MARK!" I almost bust out laughing as his awkward smile filled the screen and the gal chosen was about as far away as possible from him but still able to be seen on the screen She was nearly in tears, which I believe were not of happiness and elation.

The festivities concluded that evening. I cared not to attend and didn't see the parade. However, I was able to relive the moment as it was captured perfectly in my yearbook. There they were, standing on the podium. Bridget, dressed all beautiful in her dress, fully done make-up bouquet and all, like a princess, trying to squeak out a smile at the camera. Mark, on the other hand with a smug smile, in sneakers, jeans, and a sweatshirt to fully match the momentous occasion! "Hey," I thought, "at least he combed his hair; that's my Mark!"

A second shining 15 minutes of fame for Mark before the senior year ended. That's pretty much where the story ends, as the graduation commenced and we parted our ways, drifting apart like so many school friends do. Equipped and ready for college with my own personal George Foreman Grill. :P

In retrospect, this following story is my fondest school memory of my middle school years. Back then, I thought I was getting old as my odometer had incremented into the double digits and swiftly accelerated into the teenage years. Of course, looking back, that was just silly talk!

Let me start by mentioning that my middle school was rough by Iowan standards. My school was located in a difficult neighborhood filled with many social-economically challenged kids, notorious for fights, suspensions and expulsions. I guess that sums up why I felt my 6th-8th grade education was a waste of time. Regardless of this, I survived, trudging through my days, being constantly bullied by others with very little retaliation from me. At times, I felt like a loner trying to find my way. Some days, I hung out with some less that ideal role models which caused me to receive disciplinary action from time to time. Looking back, I'm sure some of them did drugs. I felt like I needed to partake in their company, succumbing to peer pressure just so I could "fit in". I suppose at that age, that's what everyone does; the social hierarchy is large and complex. Friends that I could trust in elementary school suddenly weren't the same friends I thought they were.

Back before the days of kids having credit cards and cell phones, there was this: Cash, paper bills and coins used for buying grade D (at best) school lunches. Remember hearing the old jokes about bullies beating up kids for their lunch money? Yeah that happened at my school. There was always one other option, bring a sack lunch, prepared by your mom, packed in a brown paper bag. However, 75%+ of us kids chose the hot school lunch because it was easy and cheap. Beside, hot food always tasted better that a cold bologna sandwich, in my opinion. I fondly remember waiting for "pizza Friday" where the school served rectangular-shaped cardboard cutouts with a few pieces of brown mystery meat dashed with a tiny helping of white half-melted plastic stuff they deemed as cheese.

The lunchtime procession consisted of us all marching down two flights of stairs like soldiers into a windowless prison for a much needed 30 minute break from the mind numbing classwork. From there, the options were to sit down somewhere on a long white bench table and open your "cold" lunch, or get in line like cattle, grab a cartoon of milk and colored plastic divider tray, and be served several piles of low quality food. That was the choice of the masses, as we stepped across the hollow sounding laminate faux brick color flooring. Supposedly, the area was an old high school pool that was abandoned, but rumors of other things that were much more sordid existed below those creaky floors. Just to make things more ghostly, fallout shelter signs were placarded everywhere on the walls in this dimly lit area, in case of fallout from a nuclear winter. Regardless, the strange odors that wafted around made this environment feel mildly toxic, but I digress.

This was the daily grind; the routine that was laid out before us, consistent, unbending. Of course, pent up energy needs to be released, and lunchtime was that time. I'm sure we probably deserved the punishment that was to come, however that didn't mean we couldn't fight back!

It was 7th grade and something had happened. Maybe we were just being too noisy at lunch, I don't recall but we had done nothing outlandish like start a massive food fight. Regardless, the teachers had had enough with us. They had sentenced us to BUM BUM BUM, alphabetical seating! We all gasped in horror as we digested this decree. I sat back and processed this internally, "so, unless I am good friends coincidentally with another 'Smith' [in my case], I was to be either sit and try and do small talk with some nearly random stranger or go about my lunch quietly and then leave?" I continued pondering as I started to get more and more upset. "It's bad enough recess was removed from our schedule, and now this: A half hour of sitting by someone I don't know or even worse, can't stand? Outrageous!"

I wasn't the only one with this opinion. Kids like to talk, of course. Usually it's to spread rumors about "Tommy" and what he did or didn't do or to alert others where the bullies are. However, this single proclamation unified my entire 7th grade class and we weren't going to let it stand. In the hallways, discussion occurred as to what we could do. Quiet chatter formed in small groups until we had all somehow formulated a plan en-mass. We were ALL going to rebel: Not with fights, not with anger, but with a STRIKE! A FOOD STRIKE! The plan: Come Monday, we agreed to either bring a sack lunch or go hungry, forgoing the $1.25 a meal slop their called "lunch." The idea caught on like wildfire, as more and more kids caught wind about this strike, the more everyone liked it as a solution. "Don't eat, let the school prepare and waste food, losing tons of money." I remember telling my mom this, and she thought it was a fun and bold thing for us all to organize. She happily made me a lunch for the first time I think in my entire life.

The following week when lunchtime came, all of us sat down quietly in the lunchroom, hardly a word, about half of us with a sack lunch and the rest with nothing. I remember counting only eight kids going through the lunch line that day; all special needs kids. The teachers motioned for us to get in line, but no one budged. We all sat quietly until the clock hand ticked and the buzzer went off, us returning to class.

The next day, the same thing happened, none of us went through the line; all this piping hot food product just sitting there. The school had to prepare it per government requirements, but no one was buying up their slog; even for the cheap price of a buck twenty-five.

On Wednesday, there were more people with sack lunches and it was the same story, no one was buying and we didn't seem to care! However this day ended differently; the teacher in charge interrupted our silence, announcing, "From now on, we will allow you to sit freely where ever we wanted, effectively immediately." The loudest roar I had ever heard from us kids emanated throughout the prison walls, much louder than any spirit rally, echoing back up the stairs. We were freed; we had won this battle!

Looking back, I still don't know how this all got organized and but yet, how effective our strike was. It's something we felt was important to all of us; like they, the machine had stripped us from our last refuge, our 30 minutes of freedom of with friends from the drudgery of the classroom. I remember my mother commenting much later how my principal actually thought we kids brilliant for devising such a plan, and that it made her smile internally. Nothing that organized happened again with my classmates until my high school years. However, a very silly story did ensue that I will have to tell at another time!

[TL;DR: We are always 4 feet from death on the roadways. Self trigger, make yourself aware of situations and apply to everything you do! Almost all accidents are avoidable!]

Let me start with this: Do you know how many people die in the USA alone on our roadways? 30,000-40,000 a year! That's atrocious. That's on par with number of deaths by firearms in the USA.

Most of you know by now that we lost our Quasi right after MFF2016. His loss was hard for many, including me. The sheriff reported that he went to pass and (apparently) did not see an oncoming car, which killed the driver of the other car immediately, while he suffered for a few hours before finally passing.

This tragic loss has again made me really aware just how dangerous driving is. Thinking back, with all the lessons I've learned, [the chore of] driving becomes very complacent as we tend to feel like we're protected in armor. In most cases, we happily (or begrudgingly) get into our cars every day, take off and arrive at our destinations without incident.

When I was 14, a friend working for insurance and claims for a trucking stated, "On a 2 lane road, when a semi is oncoming, you are 4 feet from DEATH." That was eye-opening; that's not a lot of wiggle room if you think about it. You hear about crossover accidents happening all time on two lane highways, a driver falls asleep or crosses the center line for whatever reason. MOST of the time, it's a benign incident as the person either corrects, gets back in the lane, or even runs into the ditch, relatively unharmed. However, it's those 0.01% of the time an innocent oncoming vehicle gets careened at highway speed. For this reason, I dislike driving 2 lane roads at night. It's not that I won't; I'm not scared, it's just not as safe. Why do something that increases your odds of death by 4 times when you can choose a safer path of travel, like an interstate.

Another thought that came to me after this horrific accident; I was in Ireland, I had met this guy, Tommy, at a bridge club (card game, yes I'm old). We became friends and throughout the winter and spring, became my bridge during my time in Ireland. About halfway through my residence there, we entered a weekend tournament; finished in the top third of the field, and had a lot of fun, but that's not relevant.

You have to understand that Irish roads are indeed dangerous. There are hedge rows everywhere lined with earthen, rock walls, there is no room to maneuver, blind corners, and entrances back right up to the road. After the tournament, I remember I had just walked out and was slightly in the roadway, still thinking about the tournament and some hands we had played when Tommy grabs me by my coat and pulls me toward him. A split second later, a car goes whizzing by, within a few feet of me. He says a few choice words about the driver under his breath, while I thank him profusely.

After winding down, we get into his car and head back. He drives about 30-35MPH, holding up a long line of cars that want to get back to town. Now in my mind, I think he is driving slowly because his vision was bad. Maybe it was? I see car after car whiz by us. I, myself, start to get a bit peeved at how slow we are going and ask if he needs me to drive. He noticed my slight feelings of frustrating, turns to me and says, "Sean, we'll get home when we get home. What's another 5-10 minutes? These roads are death traps; I know I drive slowly, but really, does it matter? We'll get there!"

I thought about this at the time, and really, he's right! I'll get home 5 minutes later and be fine. I relaxed a bit and soon we were indeed home.

Moving toward modern times, my company has rolled out a program called "Safestart", which talks about key causes of injuries. Almost every accident including a near miss, injury, or unfortunately, a death, can be attributed to these states: Anger/Frustration, Rushing, Complacency, and Fatigue. These cause errors in judgement such as Mind not on Task, Eyes not on Task, Line of Fire, and Loss of Balance/Traction or Grip. At first when I started taking courses in this program it seemed hokey, but now that I've been exposed to it, and understood its message, I realize it's so true and can be applied always!

Back to our unfortunate loss, I was told by a friend that Quasi had very bad road rage, that he was an angry driver. He probably got behind what he deemed a slow moving vehicle, got Frustrated with how slow they were going and decided to pass. Maybe he was not looking at the road ahead but angrily at the driver? He then put himself in the Line of Fire, which in most cases, like he had probably done 9999 times before. And with so much frequency, he was possible complacent in doing so. But the result was the most unfortunate and tragic of all.

Now you're wondering about the oncoming driver. They were totally screwed, right? Well maybe. The section of road was straight; were they paying super close attention to the oncoming vehicle(s)? Anytime an oncoming car is approaching at night, it is a dangerous situation. If they were, they might have seen two sets of headlights (maybe not) with tailgating and intending to pass. I'm definitely not making excuses at all or making light of the situation, but maybe the driver wasn't looking ahead or messing around on their phone. There might have been a chance he/she could have predicted what was about to happen. That sounds dumb that the innocent victim had a slight part in this tragedy, but think about this.

In an urban area especially, I'm hyper aware at lights with no traffic waiting on the red side. I'm constantly looking out for a car that might had not seen the light and blaze right through it, so I can prepare to react. I will have my foot hovering over the brake just a bit. 999 times out of a 1000, nothing happens, but sure enough about a month ago, I was watching for cross-traffic, and this guy decides that his red light isn't good enough for him and pulls out in front of me. I slam on my breaks, narrowly missing him. Had I not been paying attention, I would have smashed right into his driver's side door, and who knows, he might be dead. However, a few angry stares later at him was all that had transpired.

I, myself have to admit that it's easy to get bored on the road. On long drives, I need to do a better job with staying focused. The road less traveled from the Quad Cities to Chicago has very little traffic, it's straight, flat, very few interchanges, etc. But complacency can lead to an accident, where you or something else puts you in the Line of Fire. Maybe a motorbike had pulled over on the side of the road, or a deer carcass, or other obstruction fills a lane. Now granted, there is a much smaller risk with this type of roadway, but that's also what gets you into trouble in the first place!

Unfortunately, the real solution is self driving cars, which I am in favor.

My dad was driving my stepmom and me to a family event on Christmas. I can tell he definitely doesn't have good night vision anymore and it was raining. I've noticed before that he can't see the lines in the road when they are wet, and will often veer onto the shoulder or in the middle. We get behind a vehicle doing 45MPH on the interstate and my dad gets instantly frustrated. I say, "Dad, we'll get there, don't worry." He fires back, "Well this POS driver is going so slow." I try and calm him down, "Dad, it's fine, we'll get there." We arrive to the relatives without incident, but could there have been one? Possibly. On the way back, I offered/told him I was going to drive. I could almost hear a sense of relief in his voice when I told him. I need to sit down with him and explain to him the whole Safestart thing before he ends up in an accident.

Now, let's revisit my anecdote from Ireland and Tommy pulling me into the sidewalk area. I could have been a statistic; I will never know if I was too close to the roadway (thank goodness) but I wasn't focused, my mind wasn't on task as I was thinking about other things (Complacent) and I had inadvertently stepped near or into an oncoming car's path (line of fire). Most people would analyze this as, "dumb ass driver, driving way too fast, couldn't he see people were around?" Or the sad version in print, "Speeding driver hits poor, innocent kid and kills him." But in reality, I can easily be partly to blame as well. Sure, it would have been unfortunate timing for me, however, I could have easily have seen the driver coming if I had been looking around actively.

Anyway, just think about all of this when you drive. And driving is only one application, this can be applied all the time. Every day, you can be inadvertently putting yourself into harm's way. It could be as stupidly simple as walking around the house at night without the lights on and stepping on something or stubbing your toe (complacency or mind not on task; which puts you in the line of fire or if you trip over it, loss of balance or traction). Another example is falling on the ice heading to a meeting (rushing, loss of balance/traction), or hitting your head on a table when picking up something underneath it (complacency, rushing which leads to mind not on task, line of fire. And most of these things you write off in your head as being silly, "oh that was stupid, duh". With a little bit of self awareness and self triggering, they ALL could have been avoided. Turn on that light, or move said object from the floor, slow down and look at the glossy pavement, or notice the table, pick up the object and look up after, etc.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read. Take this to heart the next time you're in a foul mood, late to an appointment, or even in a great mood about a wonderful event that has just happened in your life. Don't loose focus! I hope you can learn from this and realize that a lot of accidents could be avoided in the right frame of mine. I don't want you to become a statistic as well; and I'll try and not do the same. *Big lion hugz*

Arrival on Wednesday (Nov 30) night with Tama and Tsukari. I've never done that before; but Wednesday, things were already hopping! Rrruff gets us adjoining rooms on the 10th Floor; such a good doggy! :) We have a double room with Atimist, Delako, Mosfet, Scooter, Geno, Beherit. We can't get the door unlocked because it's keyed, so Rrruff enlists the German furs to use their lock picking kit!

Go to dinner with Roby, Mirko, Rrruff, Manick and Acai to the Publican. Get the $65 chef's selection, and it was AMAZING!!! We thought 6-7 courses; we got at least 12 with a huge pot of cookies to top it off. We head to Aviary afterwards for amazing cocktails (An Alinea group)

Thursday: Up to pick up Windscar from the airport, Roby tagging along. Eat at IHOP, then do final grocery shopping at Target. Head back to hotel and drop off stuff. Meet Geno for the first time, and others are arriving slowly. I fursuit for a while, then head up for dinner at Crisp, with Roby, Huscoon, Albaz, Diz, Tirrel, Rivard, Ati, Ringer, Birk. I get flashed by a traffic camera, and we also see an accident as the roads are just packed. We get back, I jump quickly into suit for Rahne's set, and then into formal ware and head to the top shelf party with Scooter and Beherit. I get back and crash out.

Friday: Quartet practice in the morning for an hour. Then lunch at Fogo with Rrruff, Tskuari, Tama, Albaz, Rivard, Chu, Mosfet, Geno, Birk, Ringer, Storm, Lykanos, Scooter, Beherit, Orio, Blimp, Ati, Huscoon, Tinker, Diz, Roby, Delako, ZorroFuego. Then relax, prep up for the Variety Show tech rehearsal with Dusk, Fibre, Cooper, Roweland, Arc, Stargel, Lykanos, Ringer, Tama, Ati, JD, Piro. We go through the set in the hallway, drawing a small audience then we do our run through. After our Furrhythmics quartet does our tech rehearsal. We split up, and then I prep for party and relax. 9PM party starts slowly but gets rolling by 11PM it's fully packed. I get a noise complaint at 12:30 and have to kick half the people out. Wraps up by 3:30.

Saturday: Quick eats, then get into fursuit for the Fursuit Menagerie. It's a mess, but after being there for an hour, it starts to make sense. I feel it has merit; just better execution is all. I then walk to the paws photoshoot in the convention center and about die because indoor paws SUCK. After, prep for the variety show, grab all my props and vest. 7:00PM SHOWTIME! Starts on time, and goes off without a hitch. Lots of great acts; we do our "Furry Fandom Baby" and "Go the Distance" and end with "One Day More" with a bonus proposal from Dusk to Fibre that gets everyone crying. Afterwards, we have a party up in my room and order pizza and drink some more, being done with all of that.

Sunday: Relax, lazy lunch with Tama, Tsukari, Raichu, Toshabi and one more to Portillos, Toshabi in the back of my car :D. I fursuit up for the Fursuit games and romp around, then head to closing ceremonies where MFF has raised $78k and had over 7000 attendees. Slow wrap up, go to a final few parties, including Xzadfors. End up at tickle party with Chu and Deth. Then dinner.

Monday: Wrap up, figure out everything to get Tzup and Inuko back to Iowa, we fit everything in my car and Sly & Navs. Go to lunch with Omega, Ati, Tzup, Inuko, Scooter, Tama, Tsukari, then depart back to Iowa. Boo! Have a nice dinner at Franks's in Silvis. Then drop off Tskukari, say hi to Ciron and head back to Iowa, dropping off Tzup and Inuko at Nav's.

Got delayed until Friday - That was interesting. Was supposed to fly out Sept 28, but CR got hit with a massive flood, peaking on Sept 27.

I called United to help with moving my ticket, first agent: We'll move the ticket for free, but you have to pay fare difference of $400. I said I'd think about it and call back.
Second call, after I found a cheaper fare: "Sorry, we cannot move the ticket without a change fee."
Last ditch, I go to the airport and see a familiar face: "Ok, I moved the ticket for you." "That's it?" "Yup, did you want something else?". "Oh no, that's great!" No fee, no nothing!

I arrive on Sept 30th to IDA. Roby picks me up, we go to the Blue Lion to eat in Jackson, then head to DuBois to spend the night.

Oct 1: Gorgeous day, a bit cool, go fly fishing up in the mountains north of Dubois. Because it might be the only nice day, we stay there until sunset. Gorgeous area, like shooting fish in a barrel!
Dinner at DuBois at Nostalgia Bistro. 4 hour+ drive back up to Montana for our 3 night cabin stay. Becomes very foggy through the park and with no notice of a road closure, we have to detour an hour around to Canyon Village. We get to Montana, drive up a narrow, gravel road with no guardrail and arrive at 3AM

Oct 2: Misty/hazy day. We are in our nice cabin on Rock Creek road at 45.221498, -110.970464. Decide to take off late in the day to try and fish in the park but it's rainy as. We drive up the Beartooth Highway and see some signs of snow in the pass with no chance of visibility. We eat at Ox Pasture in Red Lodge then head back I-90 to the cabin.

Oct 3: We stay around the cabin, take fursuit pics and then head to the thermal feature in N. Yellowstone; the sulphur springs. Very eerie, and smell foul. We eat at their lodge in Yellowstone and head back, misty and dreary all day, with some of the passes closed due to snow.

Oct 4: We head out to try and get to the geysers and other thermal features. The pass in the park is closed; we head north to Livingston, eat a quick meal and then head south through W. Yellowstone gate. We arrive at the geysers at around 3PM and I decide to fursuit in the wet conditions. It starts snowing hard and I cannot see anything. Several people assume I'm a bear and work at Yellowstone, asking me when the geyser is to erupt next. We get the worst geyser spray of the day, and it's not even visible due to the snow. We head south and get caught in massive traffic to due snow fall on the pass. We end up staying in Snow King resort in Jackson and eat at The Kitchen with avaunt garde decor.

Oct 5: I have to fly out, passes are snow covered. I call United to see if I can fly out of Jackson, and they tell me it would cost the change fee. I ask Roby to drive me to Jackson Hole Airport and they are willing to move it for me because of the snowy conditions (if you need service, go see a gate agent in person, is the moral of this story!). I get booked on nearly an identical flight from Jackson Hole, so it saves 2 hours of driving. Roby drives us around Jenny Lake and the sun breaks through for 1/2 hour, so I am able to get some decent fursuit pics on Jenny Lake.

I arrive back to the airport and depart, flying out. I miss my chance at hot food, so I decide to get a sandwich and pop. $19.00 :P

Even with all the issues, it was a great trip; look forward to doing it again!

Do you ever wonder why people tend to not keep in touch with others?

This is my quick thoughts behind this subject. I believe there is a kind of logrithmic return. 1 out of 5 to 1 out of 10 people could be acquaintance on a random individual you meet. Then 1/100 could be friends. 1/1000 could be best friends... and then maybe 1/10000 would be a compatible, life partner. Something along those lines.

An average person in a fairly "normal" environment will meet several hundred people in their schooling. Probably 1/4-1/10 people walking up and down the hallways could be socially compatible, like could hold a long conversation, hang out at each other's place, or go to the movies together. Humans are social beings. So most of these could be acquaintances; you know something about them, maybe their parents, their jobs, if they have a pet, etc. They become friends just because you see them every day, as you go through the same motions and home work sets, tests, etc.

Wind back the clocks a bit. Think of from even birth to age 3 or 4. If you are lucky enough to have loving, caring parents, they raised you and so you have this loving bond. However, couldn't this have been the same for millions of other parents? Of course. Adoptions happen all the time and kids grow up just fine without biological parents. So the bond was formed because of environment.

Ok, think about if you lived in a city. You hung out with neighbor kids. Being young, and mostly naive, they were convenient. At the time they were friends. But out of convenience because of proximity, not necessarily because they were a good match or compatible with the same interests.

As we moved away from high school and went on our ways, those "convenient" connections of friends rapidly disappeared. Sure, at first "let's keep in touch." started to drift to weeks, months, then years apart if at all. However, college brings back new opportunities, once again because they are close proximity. Or if you joined a trade or went straight to work. The constant contact was lost; broken. So how many people in your class were real "friends" maybe a couple to a dozen.

Ok, so let's say you were totally transplanted to a different area, grew up there and had the same family. If you think about it, the same thing would have happened in another area, lots of people you can meet on your street, then engage in classroom exercises, then high school. People in general are social and can get along with others.

But true friends? What are they? Well if you think about hobbies (such a furry, or lifestyles if you want go that far) now you've been connected with people that have deep, emotional roots that drive them. But look, they are spread out, scattering the landscape. They are people you could have never met without the help of the internet and social media. However, because of it, I have gained most of my closest friends due to the fandom. Because we have the same starting interest we can go from there.

However it doesn't mean furry. Any hobby, activity can be that way, it just happens that furry binds me to my closest friends. But because of that, we are also able to meet other people that also more more like minded and then to filter out other hobbies, it's sort of a pre-screening. You're already starting from a hugely advantageous filter that will help you find other people that are compatible

Of course I made the mistake right away "OMG, you're a furry, i'm a furry, we're going to be great friends." BZZTT!!!

So I believe, we are able to find better friends due to social media and common interests pertaining to a niche hobby. Those relationships tend to be more meaningful.

Bringing this back around to family and the circle encompassing it, families try to be close-knit but after a generation or different parents and upbringings, there is a weaker and weaker bond. For me, having step-cousins, it's nice and all, but I have to attachment to them besides I know them. Don't get me wrong, I think they are great, however it could have been another family at the same time, and I'd have the same feelings about them. I get the same feelings honestly with some of my best friends' families as I'm considered part of their family as I've had tons of interactions with them.

In summary: I feel that we can fit in anywhere. I wasn't very well liked growing up, but I didn't have a bad childhoop. IMO, my parents are random; I didn't choose them as I was adopted. However, I believe that I could bee raised by a multitude of parents that would have led me to a fairly similar result in my life as long as they were supportive and caring, which I cannot take for granted in this day and age. If I had been going to school at a different state or city, I believe that I would have had similar acquaintances and friends and led down a fairly similar path, ultimately finding an interest group that works for me, ie. furry.

Thanks for reading my ramblings.

-Nbowa

Anyone that has used social media has seen the "friend" word thrown around a lot. Well what is a friend? Some people feel that if you know someone and hang out with them, they are a friend. However, I feel that friendship is more than that.

Social media uses the term "Friending" very loosely. You might not have a clue about this person that requested to talk to you but suddenly they are a friend?

To me, (preface: this is just my personal view) a friend is someone that has taken the time to get to know me and vice versa. It's not "oh wow, the weather was crazy yesterday." But more along the lines, "Oh, how did that training session go for work? I am sorry about your dog, how is he doing?" Much deeper conversation that just two strangers meeting in passing.

A friend, to me, is one that also will help you out in time of need and willing to talk about life issues and give you feedback, guidance or simply a sounding board.

I think I realized the distinction of this when a "friend" stop by from a work meeting and wanted to have dinner with me. We went out, chatted small talk, and our server asked us something, my "friend" said, "oh we're just acquaintances." I was taken aback at first; I was thinking that was really harsh for him to say in my mind.

Anyway, after he departed, I thought about it. Sure we knew each other, knew where each other lived and worked, but as far as anything else, I had no idea any of his interests, hobbies, anything really about his life partner. Yeah, I guess that was a justified use of "acquaintance."

I would say I have dozens of friends and hundreds of acquaintances. That's not a bad thing or a knock on ANYONE. I think there is just an important distinction and that helps also socially. Knowing of someone and knowing someone is two different things. And if we have a in depth conversation about other things besides weather, furry stuff, undies or whatever, then IMO, that's the start of a friendship and hopefully it continues from there. :)

And I don't mean in a sexual sense :P.

How do people keep up with seemingly hundreds of friends and family?

I feel very privileged that I am apart of the fandom and enjoy it dearly. I have met countless people; typically seeing them only a few times a year, but then reuniting at the next convention or meet like no time has passed.

However, there are others that I would definitely consider friends that I don't have this (in)frequent contact. This also goes for family as well. Things change in a year, and I'm stuck with memories from the past year or longer. So questions like, "How goes your partner?" "Oh we broke up/got divorced a year and a half ago, didn't you read Facebook or yada yada."

Then it's just foot in mouth and awkward silence. "Oh, I'm so very sorry," is all i can muster for a response.

Social media thrives with us interacting with each other, which is a double edged sword. It can get messages sent out efficiently to the masses. But it's very possible that same tweet or comment will go unnoticed by others or myself because it gets lost in the shuffle.

I typically see my relatives only once a year, which this year happened to be for Christmas. One of my cousins had been divorced and remarried since I saw him last, and I had no idea. Even worse, is that I don't know everyone well on my step-mom's side but they all know me, so I think they assume I just know everyone, which makes it even more awkward.

Robin Dunbar suggests there are is a maximum number of "stable" social relationships a person can experience. That number is between 100-250, typically 150 is used. Well in furry, we're one huge community; 150 is not even a meet up anymore in some places! I'm pretty sure I know more than 150 furries!

My point is, I don't want to feel like "I'm that guy, I'm too important or popufur or something" and then ignore others. I love to chit-chat but I do get burnt out as well. I get saddened when I see a "Merry Christmas, lion" from a 'friend' and the last time a message was sent was last Christmas. But then again, I don't always have the time to keep up with everyone, which is where the ~150 limit comes in.

I guess my "friends" are ones that talk way more in depth about things not really furry or life issues, not "bark, wags, scritches."

The term Friends is so blended these days. "Hey I friended you on Facebook, why haven't you friended me back?" I guess that's another post on it's own.

I guess tldr; I don't want to be that guy, however I do need meaningful conversation as well. I love seeing everyone, giving out hugs and small talk at events, but that doesn't necessarily mean we're friends, but more acquaintances. That's not a bad thing, it's just an important distinction to keep in mind.

I'll have to post about friends/acquaintances later....

Later!

First, let me start by saying that I am grateful of the SCOTUS ruling in favor of legalizing gay marriage everywhere in the USA. It something that needed to happen so citizens' rights aren't infringed upon.

Having said that, I feel badly for the clerk being forced to issue marriage licenses against her will.

Now wait a minute, isn't that contrary to what I just said? No. Here's my thought process.

Marriage is a religious ceremony as per the church and has been for "forever". Some churches can accept gay marriage and others don't have to recognize it. That's fine by me. The contentious point is that the Federal Government also uses the same word! From a religious standpoint, I totally understand why this could be an issue too.

What would have solved all of this sooner (IMO) is if the clerk had to hand out "civil union" or "madgridge" or certificates. Keep the word "marriage" in a religious sense and hand out documents that stay a couple has shown their love for each other and wants to live together for the rest of their lives. Why call it a "marriage" license? Once again, if church and state were seperated, then this would not be a big deal.

If a gay couple wants to get married in a religious ceremony, such as in a church, that's fine by me! However, in turn change the name of the issued Federal Government document. Issue said heterosexual couple a "civil union" document. Leave the two things separate; there would be less angst, and the issue would (mostly) go away!

In summary, one word, "Marriage" muddies this whole issue. Call the union under God: "Marriage" call the Federal Goverment's document, "Civil Union" or whatever, and we're good!

Thoughts? Or is this too simplistic??

Zebras are JERKS!

That is all.

States I've visited: 49.



Alabama: Visited Delako in Mobile and attended in a work seminar in Birmingham.
Alaska: Yet to visit:
Arizona: Visited several times: First time was in 2000 to watch Iowa State win their first ever bowl game against Pittsburgh! Other times, visiting friends blondefoxy and skuffcoyote.
Arkansas: Numerous occasions; relatives lived in Bella Vista and Rogers.
California: First time in 1999 to visit sabercat, and also attended 4 Further Confusions, 2007, 2009, 2011, 2014
Colorado: Visited numerous times for relatives. First time, 1985 for my grandparent's 50th anniversary near Breckenridge.
Connecticut: Visited several times for Furfright 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, visited Sunitai and Kelin in 2014.
Delaware: Went with ns33 and Dusk and others to DE Furbowl L.
Florida: Visited numerous times, one senior high school spring break trip, one college break trip, Megaplex 2009, 2010, 2011, 2013, 2014, visited rrruff as well.
Georgia: Numerous visits for FWA 2008-2014, watched a movie in Atlanta in 1998 enroute back from spring break trip.
Hawaii: Family trip in 1991 to visit Hawaiian islands of Oahu, Maui, Kawai, and Hawaii.
Idaho: Road Trip with tzup in 2011, stayed at Starved Rocks, State Park and camped out along the Snake River.
Illinois: Too many visits to count. MFFs 2005-2014
Indiana: High school choir convention in Feb 1996. Also IFC 13.
Iowa: Live here :P
Kansas: High school choir trip to Olathe, KS, 1995?
Kentucky: Camped out in S-Tree state park with Tzup. Also had lunch with Riffnote on way back from roadtrip with Purtz after MFF2013.
Louisiana: Visited Shreveport to watch ISU vs. Alabama in the 2001 Indepedance Bowl. Yelk missed 4 FGs that night and we lost by 1 :(
Maine: Visited with Tzup after staying with Padfox and Pup, Labor Day 2011. The traffic going back into Boston was backed up 60+ miles!! Visited Silvermane in Portland area in 2015.
Maryland: Most legitimate thing: Ate dinner with November, Dusk, Crimson and others at a nice BBQ place. Also stopped for breakfast at a truck stop on i-70 enroute to DC in 1995.
Massachusetts: Ate in Springfield enroute to Buffalo, NY, after FF 2009.
Michigan: Visited numerous times for FCN 2008-2013, MCFC 2014.
Minnesota: Visited numerous times, my dad ran the Twin Cities marathon several times, family yearly fishing trips, visit Snap & Thor
Mississippi: Ate dinner at Applebees in SouthHampton during MFM 2008.
Missouri: Visited numerous times for family trips including Ozarks, Hannibal, Mark Twain, St. Louis in0p.
Montana: Visited on massive road trip with Tzup to Glacier National Park in 2001 in a 1995 Saturn SLI.
Nebraska: Visited snapcat, firepup, and several others in Omaha, Central States District Convention held twice in Omaha.
Nevada: Visited Vegas 3 times, 1999 with ex, and Elliots Spring Gathering 2013 and 2014.
New Hampshire: Visited Padfox & Pup with Tzup in 2011. Went camping in the white mountains. Visited Pad & Pup with Rrruff in 2014 for Christmas and New Years.
New Jersey: Visited 2 times for Doodah Parade, 2009 & 2010, visited ,lj user="kookyfox"> in 2010 and Kooky & jdpuppy in 2012
New Mexico: Most legitimate: Lunch in Alburquerque in 2000 enroute to Phoenix. Drove over 8 hours in the state due to harsh conditions.
New York: Visited several times: Choir trip in 1995, Orchestra in 1996, Flew into LGA and rented car for FF, stayed with JD/Jimmy. Visited friends in Buffalo, NY.
North Carolina: Visited Asheville Zoo with Wally, visited jaeger_fuchs and Tig in 2009; Visited Rob & Saerak in 2011 and quick visit to Jaegar and Tig., Went fly fishing with roby_panther and stayed at his Aunt's place on Beech Mountain.
North Dakota: Visited Ferric and Moonblaze with Rruff in 2013 over the 4th of July.
Ohio: Numerous visits to Columbus to visit huscoon, Roby, Truegrave, Jack, Ford and others for various parties, B-days
Oklahoma: Visited relatives thrice in Lawton, Willow, and Martha.
Oregon: Caddied for Skuff in the 2011 Pub Links at Bandon Dunes
Pennsylvania: Attended AC 2007, 2009, stayed with Alshline after Superstorm Sandy hit FF 2012, also visited tosdragon and Alshline & Greyloch in 2013 with Purtz after MFF.
Rhode Island: Flew into and out of; rented car for FF 2008 (probably most illegitimate claim)
South Carolina: Attended work Network training conference in Greenville.
South Dakota: Two family trips to the Black Hills, Badlands, Wind Cave.
Tennessee:
Texas: Attended a Network Conference in Austin in 2008, met up with, Ip, Pacer, Reggie, Pouch. Attended TFF 2009, 2013.
Utah: Visited Sabercat in Salt Lake City with Tzup in 2001.
Vermont: Visited Sarge in Montpeilier; visited Von Trapp lodge, stayed near Stowe with Rrruff.
Virginia: Visited enroute from NC fishing trip 2010, stayed with Dusk in 2013 for DE furbowl.
Washington: Attended Rainfurrest 2009.
West Virginia: Mostly passed through; ate at Cracker Barrel and found only other living Asian with Roby, Malo, Jack.
Wisconsin: visited numerous times; family trips up to Sheboygan, for work, for visiting Jet & Hunter, Attended Wisconsin v. Nebraska tail gate and fursuited.
Wyoming: Visted Yellowstone with family.

I apologize if i've missed a few trips here or there. :P

So why am I still in Iowa? I ask myself that sometimes.

First of all, I was born and raised here in Iowa. I believe that a lot of people that grow up in a certain place have lots of connections and memories that are very strong; the familiarity of a certain locale is very, very influential.

Not many people move TO Iowa; You almost have to have a connection here existing. It's not like CA, FL, TX, AZ, etc all the states that are booming, relatively nice weather and lots of activities.

As I walked around downtown this weekend though, I really noticed how nice it is. Some things you don't worry about at all here in Cedar Rapids. Everything since the flood has been restored and it's clean. No graffiti, trash piled up, no panhandlers, dark alleys with no worries about being mugged, just in general very pleasant. It's almost a shame that there are so few shops downtown.

I noticed in Europe the community IS the downtown. Even in a city of 20,000 the city center is the main attraction and everyone goes there! While there are some bars and restaurants downtown, I worry that they will survive since there isn't the core shops and other attractions to lure people downtown.

But as far as a city, Cedar Rapids is about as nice as any small sized city in the US. Low crime, light traffic, unemployment less that 4.0%, etc. BUT Enough about that. Most people can boast about their own cities in one way or another.

Recently, I've had several acquaintances and close friends move away. So what's keeping me here? I still have other close friends of course, family which is huge too. But why am I constantly on the go? I feel like I need to get out and visit friends and hang out with them in other cities.

My job is my job; it has it's good points and bad points like most jobs. I adore my boss, and I really am loyal to him, but if he were to move on, then what? A month ago, he was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. When I got the news, I sobbed quietly in my cubicle. I guess all the stresses and issues I've dealt with cancer this year with other friends, family and co-workers had gotten to me.

So where am I going with all of this? I don't know. I always wonder should I be out marketing my self? I got a call from a headhunter the other day asking about my job, would I consider relocating? I wasn't ready for the barrage of questions as I don't know. As part of the furry fandom, there are awesome places to be around where there's a huge furry populous, but then again, most people I encounter are acquaintances. I know that sounds mean, but honestly, we don't know each other's names, what we do for a living, etc, things that people would know. And that's fine, but it doesn't allow for people to open up about themselves personally and for more than a face to face meeting with a few words exchanged.

A sample conversation, and we've all been there, "Hey! What's up? When did you get here? Awesome, me too, Did you have a good trip? Crazy weather here." And I'll admit,I'm not the most social being out there, the small talk is cool, I enjoy when people recognize me and say hi; but I can't call you a friend after that small talk, either.

The point is, that I could move somewhere where I have a lot of "friends" but are they close friends or are they more likely "acquaintances". I think the latter is more true. For me, I could pack up and move, but I get the sensation that the "grass is greener" and that when I arrived at said destination, I would find myself quite alone and isolated which is scary. So that's probably one of the big reasons I don't move. Moving for most people is either for friends or for their careers. I have one friend that moved away to CT for 5 years and now is back because his career took off, but ultimately he was alone and isolated so far away.

For me, I like the midwest, aside from the cold and snow so I would be hard pressed to be too far away from Iowa, especially as my dad gets older. I had a shocking revelation about his age as he told me that he and his wife said they would probably be selling the house down the road. I asked, "what, why?" And he replied, "well it's a lot to maintain and I don't want to be doing steps when I'm 80." 80... that's only 9 years away for my dad. I still envision him as a spring chicken. But I know those years will go fast; and I don't want to necessary move away, see him once or twice a year and then all of the sudden he's 85, in a nursing home. It's a scary though to be honest how fast things move.

Like most of my posts, i think I end up mindlessly rambling so I'll cut this one off here. As always, thanks for reading. I am still here in Iowa. :)

Random blog about my next car purchase...

I wrestle with buying cars. Can't I just buy something that will last for forever?

It's like with anything newer. It's got to be better equipped than what I have right now (2002 Subaru WRX). Next year is the year for me to sell/trade in. I'll need a new timing belt and new tires, so that's $1000 right there to spend. I really do think the car still has at least $3500 in value just because of the rarity of it and it's unmodded with the original tranny, but that's beside the point.

Base points that are a must: Good reviews, "Decent" fuel economy, safe, some nice features like bluetooth/CD, roomy with enough cargo space, reliability.


So I have several different trains of thought. Buy practical with a bit sportiness. Ford Focus, Mazda 3, 4 cylinder, ~150 HP hatchback. Pros: Has less pep than the Subaru, but takes regular vs. premium fuel and gets 35+ on the highway vs. the 25MPG I get now. Huge fuel savings. Cost less too; base models start new at around $22k, and a 3 year old model can be picked up for around $15k, so that's very reasonable (engineer in me).

2): Get a mini-SUV. Hyundai Santa FE/Ford Escape. Would have to get one with a few more miles than the hatchbacks, but still only 3-4 years old. Sit up higher, more legroom and storage, could even tow small things. Fuel economy is around 25MPG with regular with is still ok for me.

3): Get another WRX/older STI. The STi would be a midlife crisis car I cannot justify as an engineer, but boy it would be fun to drive and own. Positives: very familiar with Subaru's. Negatives, gas consumption, and older yet, 4-5 year old models with 75k miles.

I dunno, i can see benefits to each. As of now, I'm leaning toward the first category, but will keep shopping around. It's nice to not have to purchase tomorrow, but can chew on this for a while.

Regardless, cars are money pits! :P I won't deny that, and how much money we put into them to make them go. Electric would be awesome if only I didn't drive so far :/ Tesla, you could be my next next purchase!!!

I was talking with Gideon at EF (BTW, EF was amazing!!, some drama but overall just an excellent convention!!) and we were talking about his trip and experiences in Japan.

He mentioned that his friend rode his bike to the train station, unlocked(!) left it there, went to work, returned, picked his bike and rode home.

Upon his arrival, Gideon asked, "so what keeps people from stealing your bike?" His friend replied, "Why would anyone want to do that!" Gideon looked at me and said, "What a good answer!"

My mind just blew up. What a crazy world! Or is the rest of the world crazy? Most of the world advertizes making a quick buck. Get rich quick schemes, invest here, lotteries, etc. But Japan is of course about tradition and honor. I'm sure that if someone stole something, the family would shut the person so much that he would never do it again!

Living in Iowa, I'm fairly blessed that the crime rate is low. I've done careless things before as leave my bike attached to my car to go into a store; risking fate that no one would take it. I've had my wallet returned by the goodness of people's hearts at least 3 times as I've dropped it somewhere in a store. So I tend to believe most people are good-natured about things. But Japan seemingly takes this to a whole another level.

I take for granted that my friends locally do not take at my place when I have meets, and I've been blessed that people don't. I guess i'm way too trusting, but I feel like a society like Japan is something I would enjoy.

I don't steal; however the first thought when I see a bike is "wow, someone could steal that so easily", but over in Japan, that whole sense of stealing is totally erased; as it's not even a though in their minds! Imagine if we could leave our doors perpetually unlocked everywhere without worry; that alone would make the world a better place! I would love to live in that society, as I bet 99% of people would.

So my oldest and longest friend is getting married! He just turned 35 a few days back and is going to tie the knot!

We met in kindergarten while he was 5 and I was 6. 30 years ago! Crazy. We have probably hung out a thousand times together, before college, and after he moved back to Cedar Rapids. Over the years, he's found out about furry and me dating guys; like any friend, I was apprehensive about mentioning it but over time, it was no big deal, as it shouldn't be. However, we had never talked about his personal life...

Firstly, even 5 years ago, I didn't know if he was even interested in a relationship, but lo and behold about 18 months ago he started seeing a girl. At first, I wasn't sure if was going to have me meet her. He's very quiet about personal life and don't talk much about it, and I wasn't even sure if he wanted me to meet her.

The oddities of this were such; he didn't mention her to me until things had changed in his life. He found a job at USPS. He started carrying a cell phone (he's not much into tech stuff). And he found her on the internet!! (once again, not much in the way of tech).

As I was always the person to instigate hanging out, the freedom that he had suddenly changed. Our bi-weekly and his open schedule suddenly became chalk full of "I can't, going to visit the lady" etc. etc.

While this whole relationship perculated, I had kind of been stewing about him dating. General hang out times with him were suddenly lessened. And I had yet to know anything about her; at least I wanted to know what type of girl my longest friend was seeking!!!

One day I get a message that his girlfriend wanted to meet me. It took another 2 months and then we finally found a day to get together. Of course on that day, she had a massive migraine so I barely saw her. "Not the best first meeting but hey, it's a start" i thought.

Well again 2 weeks later we got to hang out again. This time she was to full health. Found out she's an artist, fairly quiet but has a nice sense of humor, kindhearted, fairly liberal and quite intelligent. ALMOST what I had envisioned. :) So all in all, I find my self very comfortable around her and don't feel like a third wheel.

So fast forwarding to today. She lives with him now and he made his commitment intentions with her. I really am happy for both of them, and that they will have a successful life together. I also no long feel this tension and stress like I've lost a long time friend through all of this, which I know was part of the strain. Now all I can wonder is the date for the wedding and what type they will have :) I offer my congrats to them both, as I really feel they are a great match for each other! :)