Apparently, according to using a bit of one of my LJ posts for this.....






Does this mean I should be scared of myself? I really do find this rather amusing.

So I'm trying to get my energy back. Trying to not be the worry-wart that I am over things I have no control of. I worry about people, it's like (as one of my friends from art school put it once) I am the mom. Not that I feel as if I'm the best mom by any means, but I try. I try to be compassionate and sympathetic. Maybe that makes me come off as fake, I don't know. I would like to think that I'm a genuine person. Even though I do tend to bitch and rant a lot. God do I ever complain. I think what's gotten me the worst lately is the sheer lack of friends I have. Except online. Is it bad that all the friends I really deem as good friends are the ones I have over the internets who live pretty much way out of my proximity? I care about all you guys, I do, with all my heart. Because you are the ones that keep me sane, who listen when I'm all ranty-pants about stupid shit. You put up with me (at least I think you do) and my whining. I want to thank all of you who have been there, in some capacity or another, because I don't do enough thanking. And I am grateful.

I think right now, I'm plowing ahead solely because of friends (the online ones because you guys are better than the shallow prats that apparently don't give a damn in this town), my mom, and my little girl. Sure the munchkin sucks most of the energy right out of me, but when she smiles or laughs it's so goddamn worth it.

So to those of you who might feel neglected, or are pissed at me, or have other issues with me being online (or not online), I want to know about it. And I do want you to hopefully at least know on some level that I am here for you. Even if I'm not online. E-mail is always open, I always reply. And hell, if you want my phone number, ask me and I'll e-mail it to you so you can call me. I miss people, I really do.

Anyway, I think I'm done posting for the day on this topic. Did my workout this morning, got Emma down for a nap, and now I think I'm going to work on the commission of doom for a while before she wakes up. Then we're off to my mom's house for the afternoon/evening.

If you need a pick me up as far as happy music, the new Train CD (cheesy as some of you might think it is) "Save Me San Francisco" is a good one to listen to.

I love you guys, I really do. I hope I say that enough.

So I find myself sitting here wanting and not wanting to do something. I want to be creative, I have about a thousand things floating around in my head that I want to do, hell I even have stuff that I need to do. Am I doing any of those things? Nope. I think my go drive is broken. I'm lacking any kind of motivation what-so-ever, of course it doesn't help that my art-juju-ness seems to be broken. Lately I have to scrap everything I attempt to draw because I don't like any of it. Bah. And here I have some really cool trades/gifts/entries/randoms that I want to do. Apparently that's not happening. It really sucks feeling like I'm creatively dead. I don't know if it's exhaustion, stress, or what. Flargghflfgrmmff. I want to do something, yet I also want to sit and do nothing. I don't like this. Really what I need to do is work on a freaking coloring commission that I have to get done. Don't feel like doing that either. Damnit. Stupid brain.

And by screwed I mean FUCKED, completely and totally FUCKED. So I am subbing today, and got to attend a lovely staff meeting. Of course staff meetings are inherrantly boring as all hell, but basically I got to find out that there is pretty much no way in hell that I'm going to get a teaching job in this district in the foreseeable future. Ever. They're cutting everywhere to try and save money. Basically if any teaching position opens up they're going to fill it with someone who is already employed with the school district - REGARDLESS of the fact that they're qualified for that position or not. This is to "keep people from being laid off" apparently. To preserve people who already have jobs within the district. So that fucks any of us who are waiting for positions that we are qualified for in favor of someone who has been with the district longer and is not so qualified, or not qualified at all. Honestly, how fair is that? Life isn't fair, sure, but that's just royally fucking over people who would like to have an opportunity k thanx.

Basically that means I get to cling to my barely-more-than-minimum-wage retail job at a bookstore and the job I have subbing for teachers that I could teach better than but won't get the chance to. Hooray for clawing your way to a teaching licence you'll never use, paying money for something that is a worthless scrap of paper, and basically running yourself ragged for absolutely FUCKING NOTHING!!!

Needless to say finding this out on top of being sick is not helping me in the slightest. I'm angry, bitter, and just royally fed up with everything right now. Where's the justice in this world? Apparently there isn't any. I'm tired of the bullshit. So. Fucking. Tired.

Hey, for those of you who don't already know and were wondering about Lee's eye surgery, here's an update. She left me a voicemail to let me know (and so I could tell all of you) that her surgery went fine and she's home resting. No problems with the anesthesia this time and hopefully there will continue to be no problems. Keep her in your thoughts, though. She is home now, she's eating okay, and so far so good. I'll keep a journal update going as I know more. Thanks!

For all of you guys who might be wondering, worried, or otherwise want to know what's going on, I called Lee today. Turns out there were complications when they put her under the anesthesia. She ended up getting fluid in her lungs and couldn't breathe. She's doing all right now, she'll be in the hospital overnight but should be home tomorrow. They'll have to try again with the surgery in a couple weeks. She assured me that she's all right, just feeling cruddy because of coughing and whatnot, and tired. Hopefully she'll be able to give you all more details when she's home.

Soooo...I figured I ought to do this, being the consummate sap that I am. It's terrible really how much I enjoy romance. I am, in this regard, the stereotypical girly girl, clinging to a pillow and giggling. Ok, maybe not THAT bad. I am not (for a good example) interested whatsoever in whiny teen wangst wannabe romances. *coffTWILIGHTcoff* If you're going to try and impress me with a romantic scene, even as sappy as I am, it has to have some real substance.

I suppose if I'm going to be giving examples, I could be naming off movies and that kind of thing, specific scenes in which I approve (and even heartily applaud) the romance.

Let me begin how a friend of mine ended. The princess and the rogue. Love it. Doesn't matter that it has been overdone and overused and is prone to cliche. I. LOVE. It! The Empire Strikes Back is a prime example of this. Seriously, Han and Leia? Spot on. Also in the event of Firefly despite the fact it's a TV series and not a movie, though I suppose Serenity might count, there is the scoundrel/princess dynamic as well. And often it is the whole idea of characters starting out with an extreme dislike of one another (for whatever reason) who end up attracted and/or madly in love with each other. Of course once they figure it out, they're not particularly willing to admit it, which can bring much amusement to the supporting characters and the audience with the awkardness that follows. And the BANTER the BANTER! I always love love love the banter between characters of this type (though they don't always have to be princess/rogue, they can also just be characters that may not like each other in the first place). See also examples - Beauty and the Beast and

I am also a huge fan of the tragic love story. Again, quite possibly another overly used cliche. But I can't help that I enjoy it. I'm an angst monger, I do enjoy angst (in appropriate situations and used well of course) and what better way to give me satisfaction in that but by tormenting the characters! Underworld: Rise of the Lycans is my most recent favorite example of this. The stolen moments, the way the characters look at each other when they believe no one is watching, the way they hold out hope that someday there might be a chance they can be together. But it has to be done well, if it isn't it gets too whiny and TEENAGEWANGSTY! for my taste. Another example of this I highly enjoy is in 300 because you know that he's not going to come back. At the same time she understands why he is going, what he has to do, and is strong regardless. They also don't have to say sappy parting words, they know how they feel about each other. And another example (with a happy ending even) is Ladyhawke in which a curse keeps the lovers apart. Very fairy-tale esque.

I also highly enjoy the idea of characters that have been friends for a while who realize that "oh hey, I think I LIKE this other character!" One of my favorite examples of this (though I'm not always one for chick flicks) is Someone Like You where the male lead is a known player and isn't really the type that the female lead would date, and they end up as roommates, though they were friends before that, and figure out during the course of the movie that they really like each other in more than just a platonic fashion.

Unrequited love (though not in a TEENANGST! pathetic way) is another theme I enjoy in romance. I would have to say my favorite example of this is Labyrinth because in Jareth's twisted way he really is in love with Sarah, but of course the feelings aren't mutual. Also I did somewhat enjoy the unrequited dynamic in The Dark Knight with Bruce and Rachel (before she gets blown up). It gives him more humanity I think, that he's Bruce Wayne and yet the girl he wants most just happens to want to marry a guy that's not him.

Another approach I enjoy is a more classic one I guess, where you have a relationship that's either getting stale or just losing that new shiny aspect. You have one character that is willing to call it quits and who may even decide to date other people or what have you. Then you have the one character that is determined to prove that the relationship is worth saving. The Rocketeer is one of my favorite examples of this.

Granted a lot of times I can get sucked in to the generic romantic drivel that makes you go "awwwww" but mostly what I am drawn to has substance. The reason the scenes I love have good substance is because of well written characters. If the characters don't have a good dynamic, then whatever you're trying to do with them is pointless. And if you HAVE to try and put romantic dialogue in there somewhere for the love of GOD find a writer that doesn't make it sound STUPID! (*coughTWILIGHTcough* and *coughPREQUELSTARWARScough*)

I don't know what it is about certain past relationships, but sometimes one of mine comes back to haunt me occasionally. Not necessarily in a bad way. Just unexpected. I took a nap today and ended up dreaming about the person in question. It was strange because all the old feelings were still there. I guess sometimes when you let someone so deeply into your heart, a part of them always lives there.

Davina's image meme. Pictures only is the rule. Here we go, under the cut so that it'll save all your flists.

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If you guys want to know what any of these are (if they aren't already obvious) post a comment and I'll tell you. :)

Gacked from pariahsdream.

1. Reply to this post, and I will pick six of your icons.
2. Make a post (including the meme info) and talk about the icons I chose.
3. Other people can then comment to you and make their own posts.
4. This will create a never-ending cycle of icon glee.



1. "mirrormask" (I made this one from some promo stuff for the movie Mirrormask)
I really enjoyed the movie Mirrormask, even though on some levels it was quite bizzarre and I've found a lot of people didn't like it. At the moment this one serves as my default icon, mostly because I think it's pretty (if a bit on the darker side XD).</i>

2. "jeezy creezy" (Icon by almostaday)
This is one of my Eddie Izzard icons. I fell in love with him after one of my friends introduced me to his stand up comedy. This is from a bit off his show "Dress to Kill" which is laugh out loud funny if you ever get the chance to catch it. I use this one mostly for things that are either WTF kinds of things or for more low-key "hello, what's this?" kinds of things.</i>

3. "no flag no country" (Icon by ainabarad_icons)
Another Eddie icon (I do have a lot of them because I enjoy him so much), this one is just a general kind of haha! fun! icon I use. Again from his "Dress to Kill" stand-up comedy show. I giggle every time I think of this bit.</i>

4. "han leia sap" (Icon by mrbnatural)
If you know me at all you know that I am a complete and utter romantic sap. SAP!!! This icon definitely plays to that, and I've ALWAYS loved the Han and Leia pairing, it's my favorite in Star Wars. Probably one of my favorite fandom pairings ever. I generally use this icon when I'm feeling sappy, or there's some kind of sap involved. ^___^ </i>

5. "grim reaping" (Icon by almostaday)
Hahaha, another Eddie icon. I did say there were a lot of them. I can't remember which bit of his this was from, but it amusing me to no end. I like this icon for when I'm irritated on someone else's behalf, or when I'm feeling random and one of my other icons just doesn't seem to fit the mood. It entertains me. I want some grim-reaping equipment!

6. "jack lurk" (Icon by padabee)
I'm not sure how long I've had this icon, probably one of the most used out of my current lot. How can you not love Jack Sparrow? I mean really, he's my favorite PotC character, and is constantly hilarious. This is my "lurk" icon, for when I'm just meandering through people's entries, or hovering, or not doing much of anything in particular other than well...lurking!



Anyone else up for this? Haha, it's fun!