Tag Archives: smoking

college

First Paper

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So I’ve been struggling all morning trying to finish my first paper that’s due today. Still more to do with the class, but this is the beginning of the end. I struggled all weekend and had trouble with it.

I struggled last night and fell asleep. I woke up at 430 this morning and struggled with it again.

And I can’t write.  I am saying the same stupid crap in different stupid ways. Over and over.

And I realized…this is the part where I panic, where I pace and drink much coffee and smoke dangerous amounts of cigarettes as a means of coping with the stress of so much writing.

I refuse to smoke, so it would appear that I can’t write.  I’m getting that “Just one won’t hurt you, and you’ll be able to write” voice in my head.

But I know what happens when I just have one.

I want to scream. Seriously.

It doesn’t help that it’s writing about writing, which is the dullest topic ever.

ARGH.

personal

Well, Isn’t that Special

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I thought I had the need-to, need-to, need-to smoke thing completely beat. I don’t crave it with coffee, after dinner, while driving, etc., etc., etc.

But apparently I still do when I’m very, very, very angry.

And I am. Very, very, very angry.

It’s bad enough when I realize that my buttons are being purposely pushed. It’s even worse when it involves my cats.

For the record, I don’t have children. I know that parents will say (rightly, perhaps) that “it’s not the same.” But, given that I’m missing the human equivalent, these are my kids. My kids that I had to give up custody of them after Katrina because of housing issues. My kids that were staying with someone who supposedly cared enough about cats and who supposedly cared enough about me to take care of them.

Continue reading Well, Isn’t that Special →

blogging, Journey, semester break

Spark Becomes a Flame

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I won’t write about “Jambi” tonight, I promise.

I will say that, after having the CD, 10,000 Days, for a couple of months now, tonight was the first time I’d listened to it all the way through.

What an awesome, awesome CD.

Wait, I wasn’t going to talk about music.

When I first began blogging, Brahnamin was one of the first people I met in the blogging community. I was impressed by his humor and graphics; I was inspired by his rawness.

His post entitled Only as Weak as our Deepest Secrets is a perfect example of why I’m such a fan of this man.

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personal, semester break

Something about Mary

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One of the most memorable lessons in humility and compassion I’ve ever had was given through a woman named Mary. It was several years ago, and I was working in admissions at the local hospital.

She was an alcoholic and an addict, and was making noises from her room.

She was ignored. We were full of alcoholics and addicts that night; the ER was packed, and they were all making noises from their rooms.

When they’re going through detox, they’re all making noises from their room. And when they’re addicts and alcoholics, they’re so easily ignorable.

I remember the end part of that night like it was yesterday. It was busy; I was exhausted. I hated my job and was wondering why I was even there. I didn’t like my co-workers and I couldn’t stand the utterly superior nurses in Medical ER.

I was really, really unhappy.

But then I met Mary.

Continue reading Something about Mary →