Little lawyers

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How (Not) to argue with gifted children, by Carol Bainbridge. Some good suggestions here for how to keep from arguing with your “little lawyer” (whether or not they have a diagnosis of giftedness!):

“Gifted children, especially the verbally gifted ones, are often compared to lawyers: they argue as if they are in court. The case they are usually arguing is their own. They argue about rules, about punishment, discipline, bedtime, dinner. Basically, they’ll argue about nearly anything they don’t like or they want to avoid.”

Less decisions, less stress

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Less decisions, less stress, by Shawna (Not the former things blog).

“I am done with decisions. What other decisions are weighing me down unnecessarily? Are there ways I can streamline my days so that my brain isn’t in a constant state of having to figure out the next and the next and the next decision to be made? I decided to try to streamline the decisions I am making everyday in just two categories. These two are the ones that complicate my days in ways that bring subtle, yet consistent stress. I began eliminating decisions pertaining to clothing and food.”

She explained how she simplified in these areas, and recommended eliminating whichever decisions “complicate [your] days in ways that bring subtle, yet consistent stress.”

The kindness effect

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To the hairdresser who change how people saw my child with special needs, by Meredith Howell (The Mighty). The author relates a story of the judgment she and her child experienced in the hairdresser’s waiting room- and how the hairdresser’s kindness and accommodation of her child’s needs changed the attitude of the entire waiting room.  I have seen this happen myself- it only takes one person to stand alongside the family, to change that toxic group mentality.

Introverted parents

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The benefits of being an introverted parent, by Kristen Howerton. Rather than seeing her introversion as a parental flaw, the author looked at her skillset as a parent, and recognised many areas in which her introversion was an asset. She may not invite all the neighbourhood kids over for afternoon tea, or play with all of her kids at once, but her overthinking/analysis helps her to stay in tune with them, she helps her kids process their feelings, enjoys one-on-one times with each of them etc.

Upcoming events/courses

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A few more local events are coming up in the Brisbane South/Ipswich area (apologies for the lateness in sharing these, we’ve had quite a bit going on!):

Baby Bridges – I’ve written a little about Baby Bridges and the Developing Childhood program previously, and a new 6 week class is starting Wed 22 July (Brisbane)

Sensory Movie Day– List of upcoming movies and dates, at multiple locations.

Browns Park A4 Flyer 2015– National Stress Down Day, free community event from Focal (Ipswich), with lots of activities, an NDIS info session etc.

NDIS Info sessions– ongoing, in multiple areas.

YFS also has NDIS info sessions available in multiple areas around Logan.

Mum-advocates

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Famous Special Needs Moms, by Kerith (Brielleandme blog). In the absence of famous special needs moms to use their celebrity to highlight disability causes and make an impact, Kerith writes:

We aren’t famous, but as special needs moms, we are all role models. We teach people how to treat our children. We extend the cause of disability rights with every IEP meeting and every time we question why a business isn’t more accessible.
We have to work harder. Every public act we make. Every battle with our child’s school. Every blog post we write. Every book we write. They all make a difference, no matter how minute they may seem.

I am not a famous special needs mom. But, I am contributing to the cause. 

I learned very quickly that advocacy wasn’t optional. Tiring, but worth the effort (our children are always worth the effort!).  Like Kerith, I hope that my many little acts of advocacy will eventually add up too!

Conversations around diagnosis

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A conversation that comes up from time to time in ASD groups, is people venting their frustration about how others respond when they share news about an ASD diagnosis.  There are certain comments that seem to arise frequently, and I did smile at the answers that Leigh Forbes wrote to these in her article So, did you grow out of it? (Life on the Spectrum blog).

Here is a response I wrote to a similar conversation last week:

I don’t get too bothered by that comment [but he doesn’t look autistic]. When I think back to our pre-diagnosis days, when I knew very little about autism- if someone had told me that their child had autism, I wouldn’t have known how to respond. If it was someone close to me, I might have asked some questions about how they felt about it, and how it affected the child etc; but a stranger- no idea! When you think about it, it’s quite difficult to think of something to say on the spot, so I accept that they’re trying to acknowledge what I’ve shared, even if their response is a bit clumsy. If nothing else, it’s an opportunity to connect, and share a bit of autism awareness! 🙂

Aspie life experiences

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I’ve just discovered a new-to-me blog called Life on the Spectrum. Some great articles, including a few about adult female diagnosis and life experience.  It’s this latter topic that I’m linking to here:

Symptoms of Asperger Syndrome– a very honest list of everyday life experiences, eg

People call you “sad” for being interested in interesting stuff.
You don’t understand what’s so funny about teasing. You feel you’re being mocked.
You are exhausted by always pretending to be normal, but fearful the Real You will be rejected.
You laugh later, and more loudly, than everyone else.
You feel “different” from most people, and feel that you don’t “fit in”.

Assaulted by the detail– her description of “detail assault” is very thorough and understandable, especially with the specific example she provided.

We aspies can’t help consciously processing a huge amount of input at any given moment, whereas others can just subconsciously filter it out. It doesn’t have to be a sudden event either; a large amount of general input can render me completely dysfunctional given enough time. It’s all about the quantity.

Please, spare a thought for everything else that’s going on in an aspie’s head and, if you spot him going off on a mental tangent, realise his distraction might be conscious, but it’s not necessarily voluntary.

Trouble with Bright Girls

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The Trouble With Bright Girls, by Heidi Grant Halvorson (Psychology Today).

Bright girls believe that their abilities are innate and unchangeable, while bright boys believe that they can develop ability through effort and practice.

How do girls and boys develop these different views? Most likely, it has to do with the kinds of feedback we get from parents and teachers as young children. Girls, who develop self-control earlier and are better able to follow instructions, are often praised for their “goodness.” When we do well in school, we are told that we are “so smart,” “so clever, ” or ” such a good student.” This kind of praise implies that traits like smartness, cleverness, and goodness are qualities you either have or you don’t.

Boys, on the other hand, are a handful. Just trying to get boys to sit still and pay attention is a real challenge for any parent or teacher. As a result, boys are given a lot more feedback that emphasizes effort (e.g., “If you would just pay attention you could learn this,” “If you would just try a little harder you could get it right.”) The net result: When learning something new is truly difficult, girls take it as sign that they aren’t “good” and “smart”, and boys take it as a sign to pay attention and try harder.