While this article is about society’s attitudes towards families that enjoy travelling together, so much of what is written can also be true of families in general, and especially of families of children with autism. I agree that there does seem to be a shrinking number of places where children are welcomed and accepted. The author makes the valid point that while children have poor impulse control, the adults who are complaining should be able to control their emotions and resolve the situation in a mature fashion. I love her final recommendation that if absolute silence is that important, then invest in some noise-cancelling headphones.
parenting
1-2-3 Magic – $10 Brisbane
Centacare and MyTime are offering a 3 session parenting program at Kangaroo Point (Brisbane) for $10. Fortnightly from Wed 10 October.
The difficult parent
The difficult parent is a very encouraging article, outlining the reality of parenting a child with special needs, and the “above and beyond” nature of their advocacy, even when it’s uncomfortable for them.
Feeding tips
Tips for children with feeding disorders, by Kathryn (Singing through the rain blog). She outlines 12 tips for helping children with feeding issues, using the SOS approach to feeding (Sequential Oral Sensory).
“The SOS Approach to Feeding is a developmental feeding therapy that allows a child to interact with and learn about foods in a playful, non-stressful way. It helps increase a child’s comfort level by exploring different properties of the foods, including the color, shape, texture, smell and taste. The child is encouraged to progress up a series of steps to eating using “play with purpose” activities. Parent education and involvement are an essential part of this feeding program.” – couragecenter.org
Kids with disabilities need to learn…
Adult with disabilities shares what kids with disabilities need to learn, by Andrew Pulrang.
What skills do children with disabilities need to become independent adults? There are plenty of transition planning guides and parenting tips to help answer this question. I would like to offer some ideas to consider, as an adult who was once a child with disabilities.
At times it may seem like independence is determined by the type and level of disability a person has, but it isn’t. People with all kinds of disabilities live independently. What they have in common is a set of key skills and habits… (very sensible and practical list!)
Judith Heumann, one of the leaders of the disability rights movement, helped define Independent Living, when she said, “Independence is not about doing things for yourself. It is about having control over how things are done.” You can be independent and in control, even if you literally can’t lift a finger or speak an audible word. You just need the right tools and supports.
Picky Eater Strategies
3 Picky Eater Strategies that Work, by Sarah Remmer. They may work for you … they may not, but they’re practical and simple, and similar to what we’ve used in feeding therapy (SOS approach by Dr Kay Toomey- Sequential Oral Sensory).
Just for interest, this post has the 32 steps to eating chart, plus some description about how it was implemented.
Little lawyers
How (Not) to argue with gifted children, by Carol Bainbridge. Some good suggestions here for how to keep from arguing with your “little lawyer” (whether or not they have a diagnosis of giftedness!):
“Gifted children, especially the verbally gifted ones, are often compared to lawyers: they argue as if they are in court. The case they are usually arguing is their own. They argue about rules, about punishment, discipline, bedtime, dinner. Basically, they’ll argue about nearly anything they don’t like or they want to avoid.”
Introverted parents
The benefits of being an introverted parent, by Kristen Howerton. Rather than seeing her introversion as a parental flaw, the author looked at her skillset as a parent, and recognised many areas in which her introversion was an asset. She may not invite all the neighbourhood kids over for afternoon tea, or play with all of her kids at once, but her overthinking/analysis helps her to stay in tune with them, she helps her kids process their feelings, enjoys one-on-one times with each of them etc.
Trouble with Bright Girls
The Trouble With Bright Girls, by Heidi Grant Halvorson (Psychology Today).
Bright girls believe that their abilities are innate and unchangeable, while bright boys believe that they can develop ability through effort and practice.
How do girls and boys develop these different views? Most likely, it has to do with the kinds of feedback we get from parents and teachers as young children. Girls, who develop self-control earlier and are better able to follow instructions, are often praised for their “goodness.” When we do well in school, we are told that we are “so smart,” “so clever, ” or ” such a good student.” This kind of praise implies that traits like smartness, cleverness, and goodness are qualities you either have or you don’t.
Boys, on the other hand, are a handful. Just trying to get boys to sit still and pay attention is a real challenge for any parent or teacher. As a result, boys are given a lot more feedback that emphasizes effort (e.g., “If you would just pay attention you could learn this,” “If you would just try a little harder you could get it right.”) The net result: When learning something new is truly difficult, girls take it as sign that they aren’t “good” and “smart”, and boys take it as a sign to pay attention and try harder.
Positive parenting
One of the things we struggled with when we received the first autism diagnosis, was what expectations we should have about our child’s behaviour. We didn’t want to expect behaviours she was incapable of, which would be unfair, but neither did we want to use autism to excuse everything. Many traditional parenting methods were ineffective for us, so we’ve just figured it out as we’ve gone along! Some of the links below contain strategies we’ve found effective (not autism-specific), plus a few that we’re interested in trying! They may not (and probably won’t!) work for everyone, but it’s definitely worth reading the links to glean whatever may be useful for your family.
Positive Parent Consequences Guide (SkinNurse blog).
What’s the deal with consequences (Positive Parents).
SkinNurse links to the Positive Parents article at the bottom of the post, but I thought both articles were good enough to share.
Throw the word “consequence” entirely out of your vocabulary and replace it with the term “problem-solving.”
Do you see how this changes the whole concept in your mind? Now it’s not about coming up with something to do to your child, but it’s about working with your child to find a solution. Having your child involved in the problem-solving process will not only teach him valuable lessons and instil self-discipline, but it will leave his dignity intact, and he’ll feel good about himself and his relationship with you.
A better way to say sorry (EsteticNurer blog).
The four part apology (EsteticNurer blog).
Both of these posts are from the same author, and cover the same four points (I’m sorry for…, This is wrong because…, In the future, I will…, Will you forgive me?), but the first post gives examples from the classroom, and the second from the home- both are very good.
Seven steps to encourage honesty in our kids and put an end to lying (EsteticNurer blog).
How to deal with lying in children and teens (Empowering Parents).
I believe that with kids, lying is a faulty problem–solving skill. It’s our job as parents to teach our children how to solve those problems in more constructive ways. Here are a few of the reasons why kids lie.
Beyond Anger Management: What’s behind the mask? (Free Spirit Publishing).
Many students used anger to mask other emotions. It was easier to say they felt mad than to admit feeling hurt, abandoned, disappointed, lonely, or betrayed.
A neat activity involving drawing on both sides of a paper plate to unpack the emotions involved.
Tattling vs reporting (EsteticNurer blog).
Am I Tattling or Reporting? Tattling is when I get someone in trouble. Reporting is when I get someone out of trouble.
Plus an acronym for “Before you speak, THINK”.
Getting rid of “It’s not fair!” (EsteticNurer blog).
A great example of how a teacher demonstrates fairness to her class. She asks everyone where their boo-boo is, then puts a bandaid on the same spot for every student. Fair doesn’t mean the same. We are all different so what we need is not always the same.
lovenlearning 