• What was it about?
  • Published in 2018, Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing, is a book by therapist, minister and researcher, Jay Stringer. Utilizing research gathered from over 3,800 men and women, Stringer aims to help those mired in “unwanted sexual behavior” (i.e. pornography, adultery, etc.) to explore the “why” behind their behavior and pursue a better path of purpose and freedom.
• What did I like?
  • Stringer is not shy about critiquing the accountability or “surveillance” culture that can typically pervade Christian attempts to battle sexual sin like pornography. For instance, he doesn’t believe that merely seeking to control people’s behavior (or screen use) will have a lasting positive effect in their sexual struggles. Rather, Stringer believes those dealing with “unwanted sexual behavior” need to understand why they engage in the behavior they do, what it says about them and their desires, what is missing in their lives – and what God has for them. All of this is best done in consistent, empathetic community. In some ways, I really appreciate that Stringer comes at battling sin like pornography from a different perspective. It’s all too easy to just focus on the negative behavior – and neglect the reasons and motivations behind the sinful activity. 
  • Stringer drew connections between lust and feelings such as anger and meaninglessness that I hadn’t considered much before. For example, people can turn to pornography not just because they want to see something titillating and forbidden, but also because they are angry about something or someone in their life. They can use porn as a way to escape or get back at others. They can use it to feel like they have some kind of power or control in a life that feels overwhelming. Or because their life feels meaningless, they turn to porn as a temporary balm to what feels like boring, pointless experience. 
  • At times, Stringer has a poetic way of writing that makes his ideas seem both fresh and compelling. For instance, consider this evocative quote: “…healing is never fulfilled through cessation of sin; even evil would agree to that armistice. God, on the other hand, wants your heart to bloom with beauty, seeking after it so fervently that you begin to wonder if you might become one with beauty itself. Whereas addiction robs your desire, beauty plays your desire like a violin, drawing you to join others in a symphony.” 
• What did I not like?
  • Stringer explores how a person’s past, like dysfunctional family dynamics, influence a person’s participation in unwanted sexual behavior. This provides a helpful counter-balance to books that just focus on a person’s sin without considering the context of their lives. However, I think Stringer swings the pendulum too far. He doesn’t talk enough about the sinfulness of sin. Our lust and “unwanted sexual behavior” is not just influenced by our past or present circumstances, but something we intentionally choose to do that is wrong, heinous in the sight of God and worthy of eternal judgment. Stringer periodically brings up the Gospel, but he doesn’t spend enough time showing us why Jesus was on the Cross in the first place. Jesus died to deal with our sin and our separation from God. Every time we lust, look at porn, have pre-marital or extra-marital sex, we’re not just being influenced by our past or present circumstances. It’s also a treasonous display of unbelief and rebellion in the face of God who created us for His glory.
  • From what I gathered, Stringer is not a fan of what I will call “mere accountability,” where we just have people sign up for Covenant Eyes and then text them when they fail and tell them to confess, read their Bible and pray more. Yes, I, too, have found this to be inadequate to truly help people find freedom from addiction to things like porn. It’s one of the reasons why I was open to reading a recommended book like this. However, while accountability and surveillance may not be the panacea to people’s porn problems, they’re also not useless. They play an important role in humbling people, opening up their lives and screen usage to others and encouraging them to consider making other choices. Ultimately, they’re simply one way of taking Jesus seriously when He calls us to take radical steps to fight our sin (Matt. 5:27-30).
• What got me thinking?
  • In light of my concerns noted above, Stringer’s book is not the first book I would recommend to someone struggling with sexual sin. I typically recommend Finally Free by Heath Lambert if someone is addicted to pornography. However, Stringer’s book did give me plenty of ideas of questions to ask myself or those I seek to help.
  • Ultimately, Stringer’s book is a reminder to me that successfully battling sexual sin takes thoughtfulness, intentionality, persistence and community. And all through that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ needs to be front and center. Without the Gospel, we are simply victims of our past. Without the Gospel, we are simply hopeless addicts. However, in Christ, we are made new. We don’t have to be slaves to our sinful passions any longer. We have purpose. We can experience good, God-given pleasure and delight. We can thrive in Christian community and actually use the stories of our brokenness to serve and bless others. As Stringer says toward the end of the book, “Central to the gospel we proclaim is a belief that God is active in our story, inviting us to participate with him in restoring all things. For this reason, God loves to invite us to use our story – the broken family, lack of purpose, lustful, angry, shame-full stories-to bring personal and communal healing. In community, the trampled grapes of our collective stories are gathered and transformed into something more stunning than we could have ever conceived. God is the Master Vinter, taking stories of sexual shame and transforming them into the very wines of blessing. In God’s economy, nothing about your sexual brokenness is wasted; it’s all part of the redemption brew.”

• What was it about?
  • Published in 1970, Adams’ book is a response and clarion call for Christian counselors, and all Christians, in general, to pursue competence in Biblical counseling. Counseling should not be left in the hands of secular psychiatrists who are not guided by Biblical truth and presuppositions.
• What did I like?
  • Adams boldly challenges the modern paradigms of mental health care and counseling. It’s refreshing to hear from someone who is conversant in their methods and ideologies, but is committed to the primacy and power of Scripture being unleashed in people’s lives.
  • The book covers a wide range of topics, providing plenty of counseling insight on matters such marriage, communication, confession, Christian teaching / schoooling, etc.
  • Sometimes I find counseling to overwhelming and confusing. I’m not always sure how to counsel others or what to say. Adams’ book was like a booster shot of confidence to me. While certain issues require professional medical attention, there are a lot of issues that wise, discerning, Biblically-knowledgeable Christians can help others with.
• What did I not like?
  • Adams contends that nouthetic counseling works much more quickly than secular counseling. This may be true, but I also think there is a danger into bulldozing into people’s lives with the Bible and not spending adequate time listening and understanding where they are coming from first.
  • I wish the book contained a sample counseling conversation or extended example of what nouthetic counseling looks like in practice. Adams gave some success stories throughout the book, but how did those come about practically? Sometimes it feels like the nouthetic counselor just knows the right thing to say at the right time. But what happens – when you don’t know what to say? Or what happens when you’ve already said what you believe the Bible says on the issue, but the people or situation aren’t changing? I’m sure a second read of the book might clarify some of this for me, but I’m walking away wishing I had more detail in that regard.
• What got me thinking?
  • Early in the book, Adams contends that Biblical, nouthetic counseling calls people to take responsibility for their life. Instead of blaming their environment, their parents, early sexual experiences or sickness / lack of mental health, people need to acknowledge the brokenness in their lives and take responsibility for how they are responding to it. Are they aware of God? Are they taking inventory of what is going on in their heart? Are they confessing and forsaking sin? Are they seeking to instill godly patterns in their life? Are they taking responsibility where they can and should?
  • It’s all too easy to treat everyone as a victim. Rather, pulling from an article I was recently reading in the Journal of Biblical Counseling, all of us are sinners, sufferers – and if we know Christ, saints. Yes, we may have been horribly wronged and mistreated in our lives. But by the grace and power of Christ, we don’t have to be slaves to our past, parents or previous choices. By the power of the Spirit working within us and through the timeless, living truth of Scripture, we can think and live differently. And with help from authors like Jay Adams and others, we can even learn bit by bit to care well for others, too.

I recently finished listening to the audiobook of Jason Schreier’s 2017 book, Blood, Sweat, and Pixels: The Triumphant, Turbulent Stories Behind How Video Games Are Made. The book chronicles the development of 10 different video games, including games like Pillars of Eternity, Diablo III, The Witcher 3 and Stardew Valley. Here’s a few thoughts I had on the book and its reporting on game development:

• The game development world is filled with a wide diversity of people, many of whom are passionate about games and crafting a wide variety of experiences for others to enjoy. Sadly, the industry also tends toward workaholism (i.e. “crunch”) which is driven both by developers’ desire to create great games and business pressures to release games in a timely manner and keep cash flow strong. It’s certainly not a job or industry for the faint of heart.

• Each game designer is made in the image of an awesome, creative God who gives them the capacity and strength to fashion these remarkable works of art. When you step behind the curtain of how games are made and consider how much goes into each game that is made, it’s truly incredible to think about. The beauty, attention to detail, interactive storytelling and engaging mechanics take these developers so much time and effort to bring to life. Even though these developers are fallen like the rest of us and creation – and can use their God-given powers to create idols and propagate falsehoods, there is still much that we can praise God for when it comes to games and the creative, dedicated people who make them.

• Instead of being quick to criticize games and game developers, let’s first be on the lookout for what is true, good and beautiful about these games (see Phil. 4:8). Where we can, let’s try to engage thoughtfully and with a generous spirit, being quick to see the good and slow to get angry. Sure, there are bad games out there, games with bugs or tremendous amounts of objectionable content. There are even practices in the industry that are less than friendly to consumers (and downright predatory at worst). However, behind each pixel, level and storyline are flesh and blood humans like you or I who gave their blood, sweat and sometimes even tears to make these games for our entertainment and in some cases, our enlightenment, too. Practice discernment, give constructive feedback, reject what we need to reject, yes. But treat others and their work how you would like to be treated. Games and the people who make them certainly aren’t perfect. But neither are the people who play them, the people who can sometimes forget just how hard it is to make a game others can enjoy.