Gonna talk about some asian pops because hell why not:



SJM comebacks are the best comebacks. I... really like Swing... it grew on me like the worst fungus. I'm going to do a terrible job of explaining this so I'll just say at about 1:49, with Ryeowook's part? The vaguely steel drum thing going on in the back? I don't know, I like it a lot. ... the dubstep breakdown happened and it's whatever but otherwise YAY GREAT SONG. And Mi is so cute in the music video... he did his happy sunshine smile, help, do I even care about the rest of Suju anymore I don't know everything is Zhou Mi and nothing hurts
ok ok let me try, Ryeowook is WERQIN it the whole video, and lmao Sungmin's gotten so soft in the past few years, it's pretty cute (.///.) um Siwon's mustache is upsetting, Donghae is cute, Henry is cute, Eunhyuk continues to do nothing for me, Kyu... really amped up the dead fish eyes for this one. At least pretend like you've having fun, dumbdumb.



Re: last entry, Kyary was awesome. Trippy, and her 12-year-old back-up dancers kind of had more talent in their pinkies than in her entire body, but gawd she's cute. A perfect pop product. And most of the weeaboos there were dressed cutely rather than embarrassingly. Like, they actually put effort into their lolita get-ups? It was sweet as hell seeing all those lolis wandering around NYC. I didn't realize she had covered a Capsule song (Super Scooter Happy!) on her last album, but she performed it at the concert and I jammed. Capsule formed a sizable portion of my... lingering attachment? to j-pop in middle/high school so it was really nostalgic for me. Happy ni naru~



My Nell album came in the mail the other day and oh my god. The packaging on that fucker. It came with a dozen or so semi-translucent GORGEOUS large postcards with lyrics printed on them, a beautiful booklet, and 2 CDs, one of new songs and one of their last 3 EPs. If any of y'all are the sort to spend money on albums and like Nell, this one is SO WORTH IT. Initially I was super pouty about it not coming with a poster, but instead I got like a dozen lovely mini-posters. WAY COOLER. The whole album is amazeballs, go check it out if you haven't already.

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My new favorite method of procrastination is definitely online shopping, which is not only a time suck but EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. I kind of... ran out of money early this month (I mostly blame the absurdly high bill for electric/heat in this endless winter but also you know, dropping $20 here and there on various things... including, say, that Nell album) and thankfully my parents are understanding and want me to focus on my studies (vs. trying to find a minimum wage job in the area less than 2 months before graduation) so I got a loan from them, but... yeah. It was a lot easier to justify impulse clothing buys back when I had a meal plan and dorm housing.

I obviously update my LJ roughly never but as I tweeted earlier this year:



This means a lot of things.
This means body positivity - yeah I'm a little fat. So be it. I have lovely eyes and nice tits. Boom.
This means self respect.
This means recognizing when I can do better, and not settling for something that is degrading and painful - namely in relationships.
This means recognizing that it's just not worth fucking trying with some people - again, if someone is causing me pain and making me feel less than loved, they. are. not. worth it. If this means backing out of organizations or other activities that I used to love, so be it. Environments and situations can change drastically but people rarely do.
This means indulging myself, with some limitations - it is okay to love ice cream. It is okay to eat pizza. It is okay to wear a big slouchy sweater and worry less about impressing other people. They will be more impressed if I'm comfortable and happy.
Of course, I should really take the stairs, or walk to the coffee shop rather than drive. And when I do? I'm going to celebrate my successes.

It's a little strange, I kind of put America on hold when I was in Korea? which is how unresolved situations from 2012 popped up again, because I kind of forfeited half of 2013... to have my OWN. ADVENTURE. All mine. No boy trouble, a predictable amount of friend drama but nothing drastic, god. I am so fucking proud of myself for pulling off Korea, even though there were definitely times when I wanted to scream from frustration (usually involving a language barrier or my struggles with language classes). You can do it. Love yourself, treat yourself to some fucking adventures.

The friends I do have, and the surprising amount of love and care that comes out of Twitter, were a rock in 2013. They've continued to be so in 2014. OASIS has been totally exhilarating, mostly because I'm not the sort of person who usually reaches out and makes new friends, or joins new groups, or does something that makes me nervous or uncomfortable.

SO. In attempt to be more positive, more grateful, and less passive-aggressive, I think I'm going to take up journaling again. It's really cathartic.

"But here is the truth of nostalgia: we don’t feel it for who we were, but who we weren’t. We feel it for all the possibilities that were open to us, but that we didn’t take. Time is like wax, dripping from a candle flame. In the moment, it is molten and falling, with the capability to transform into any shape. Then the moment passes, and the wax hits the table top and solidifies into the shape it will always be. It becomes the past, a solid single record of what happened, still holding in its wild curves and contours the potential of every shape it could have held.

It is impossible - no matter how blessed you are by luck or the government or some remote, invisible deity gently steering your life with hands made of moonlight and wind - it is impossible not to feel a little sad, looking at that bit of wax. That bit of the past. It is impossible not to think of all the wild forms that wax now will never take... It can be overwhelming, this splattered, inert wax recording every turn not taken.

... But then you remember - that we are even now in another bit of molten wax. We are in a moment that is still falling, still volatile, and we will never be anywhere else. We will always be in that most dangerous, most exciting, most possible time of all: the Now. Where we never can know what shape the next moment will take. Stay tuned next for, well…let’s just find out together, shall we?"

- Cecil Baldwin, "Welcome To Night Vale", episode 21

the general problem with life is that it's difficult to define parameters of "success".
"success" for me, right now, with no large time obligations in the roughly 3 weeks until I leave for a semester in Korea, is doing something instead of sitting on my ass all day online.
something, though!
it could mean trying to navigate Yonsei's ridiculous online course catalog and try not to have a mental breakdown about it.
it could mean trying to teach myself a little more Korean because I've pretty literally forgotten everything.

even stupid shit most normal people consider leisure activities:
it could mean sitting down with a book, preferably a classic or something that I've been meaning to read.
it could mean setting up the Wii Fit, going for a jog (never going to happen) or something to facilitate this whole weight loss thing I've decided I'm moderately more serious about.
it could mean pulling up a recipe I've pinned on Pinterest and attempting to cook something, preferably of the healthy variety (see above).
it could mean actually finishing Assassin's Creed III or Pokemon Conquest - yes, even video games count, because they're something I've been meaning to complete.

it's so stupid. instead I find myself refreshing twitter all day, attending to Happy Street or Pocket Planes or one of my other completely mundane and mindless iPhone games.
the only thing I've done today that is beneficial to anything is play with my dog for maybe a half hour. and listen to some new bands on my Band of The Day app. and decide to eat carrots instead of more Chex Muddy Buddies. (I have an obsession with muddy buddies THEY'RE TOO GOOD. DIET RUINERS.)

the impulse would be to blame my inability for anything to hold my attention on my ADHD, but that's the easy way out. for now, I'll call January 22nd a "day off" and get my shit together tomorrow. right? TOMORROW. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER DAY. (there is a running theme with my LJ entries. namely that I can't get my shit together.)

It's kind of a shame I'm untalented and inarticulate, because very few things make me happier than music.

It's most of the reason I started doing university radio - not because I particularly like talking on and on as if I have more than a handful of listeners, but because I get really excited about music and want to TELL THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT HOW GREAT THIS MUSIC IS.

I wish I could be involved in the production of good music, but I'm pretty inept at actual musicality. I'm decent at clarinet (11 years experience will do that to you) but I don't have any originality, of course - in terms of music, I can read well but I can't write. And lord knows I don't want to be a clarinetist for a career.
Speaking of writing, I'm pretty inarticulate when it comes to writing music reviews, probably because I don't have any background in music production. I read album reviews and get overwhelmed by the specificity (and by my apparent lack of taste, thanks Pitchfork). I suppose like any type of writing, you have to be trained in it, and I only took one year of incredibly bullshit Intro to Journalism in high school...

I don't know where I'm going with this. The solution to my problem would probably be to start a music blog, but my taste is all over the charts regarding genres, and prone to frequent bouts of nostalgia, so I'm not sure who I would be catering to?
Maybe I'll start one just for me. It might be cathartic. I have so many emotions attached to certain songs/albums/artists that it's almost silly, and I think I need an outlet. I don't want to bother people on my various other social media sites... but then again, maybe I do? I kind of just want people to listen, and get the same joy I get from discovering (or rediscovering) great music...

(life is ok. it's 4am in the middle of finals week and I accidentally woke up at 3:30pm today because I fucked up my sleep schedule. I am in the middle of writing a paper on Vanity Fair that is nearly a month late because I've had big issues getting my shit together for the past couple months. I'm not sure exactly how to convince my English professor to not fail me. I'm so scared of failing my other exams because I got so behind on reading, but it's so easy to push down the bubbles of panic in favor of whatever mindless activity I'm procrastinating with, I guess including writing this entry. everything lately has been on the path of least resistance and I don't feel fulfilled or accomplished (whatever that means) but life is ok.)

oh, 5jib is going to be fun.