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February 2nd, 2018
05:35 pm - In Like a Lion, Then (yes, well before March)
A very - odd day - so far. It's Brigit's Day; I can at last wear my little cross again. I have the beginnings of a sinus infection, so am starting antibiotics tonight. It's unfortunately been setting off a lot of light sensitivity, and - yeah, I found already that my coordination's off, but wow, my strength and balance are outright gone! Fell backwards when trying to get up and just do some simple standing/walking in place with PT, scraped my back on the edge of the bed:(. VERY frustrating! And, now, I need to figure something technological out that's likewise driving me nuts. I'll do it; it's a request and I want to be able to do this, but it's very confusing to me just now:(. LOL, long ago, when on my wedding day (some of you know this story) I broke my right foot and leg, and my matron of honor's car got towed in the pouring rain, a friend said to me, "You know why these things happen to you? Because Brigit knows you can handle them." I've kept those words in my mind ever since, and they've helped me through numerous challenges. Today, though messy, wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been, and I know this. Lol, welcome back, Brigit; I see you're announcing yourself with authority, as they say! To all of you, whichever way you celebrate today, be it Groundhog Day, Candlemas, or Brigit's Day, may you have a good one.
Current Mood:  amused
Current Location: home
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January 18th, 2018
12:45 pm - Marathon up Heartbreak Hill
A curious - and slightly frustrating - morning: did a lot of yoga, including...
wait for it...
...a very small Downward Dog!!
I am one step closer to a full Sun Salute:).
And that's called progress, folks.
And then, stuff went weird:
I was researching, you see, the origins of a French name (which required some fascinating reading). At least I now know it existed, though that was wow, waaaaaaay back in Roman-era Gaul... (which I still find amazing and am geeking out on*G*)... but then something happened: this time, the day-after-storm messup occurred by way of me waking around 3:30AM and going, "Ok, cool, sleep schedule's resetting." Oh, NO, Precious: konked out after meds/change/yoga/food, and whilst reading said very very neat French book (did I mention how neat it was? https://archive.org/details/lesnomsdelieudel01long).... Woke up a couple hours later, like 9AM, read some more, thinking, "Ok well that's all of it; on from here..." and konked again. Grr. Woke half an hour later after a bad dream, at 9:30AM, in time to see one of my favorite episodes of Supernatural (because Charlie ROCKS), finished researching said name (in the very very cool French book), and am DETERMINED to stay the fuck AWAKE the rest of today!
DAMMIT!
I'm going to go take noon meds/change/eat and study some druidry now.
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  annoyed
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January 6th, 2018
08:37 pm - Beginnings
Started working at my goals today: went 2x around living rm with PT, then attempted Sun Salute. Got as far as touching the floor and holding there, at least; then did a triangle and triangle twist, and standing side twist (I think called chair)... half an hour poking about and getting self re-familiarized with Four Horsemen game (and thanking myself for writing bug notes four years ago)... also did a very long and VERY intense meditation regarding the agricultural cycle. Phew. Ha ha, the question now becomes LOTRO or more game-testing. My current personal quest in Project Gorgon is to find a jungle that I know has to be in there, because of some of the plant life. Hm...
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  accomplished
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January 5th, 2018
06:42 pm - My Year of Improvement
This is the year when I get better, back to my baseline, or at least a reasonable version of it. This is the year I stop having to use a fucking walker half the time in the house, the year I manage to get outside and walk farther than just to the bottom of the stairs. This is the year I can go to events and use the damn wheelchair FOR LONG DISTANCES ONLY! This is the year I get better at conflict checking devices as well as onomastics. This is the year I get back to bardic her and there, too! This is the year I finish programming that game I was working on before the flare, and publish it somewhere, maybe on a website where others can play it. This is the year I can do a full sun salute without falling.
THIS IS THE YEAR, for all that. Some I can work on in little combinations; like the SCA stuff, or the stuff with regard to exercise, the stuff with regard to work. But I can do it.
Because, I know myself(s), and I'm only about half of that just now. I also know that I *still* have two active lupus flares, the most challenging being the CNS one. For example, when I woke around 1pm today, I had barely any memory of a storm, or any of the events of the past few days, so I had to look them all up. So... yeah, I know that some of this is going to be really challenging. However, when I first joined the SCA I had an active CNS flare, and I managed to do bardic, and evntually heraldic, stuff. And the gods only know I was writing during that entire time.
I CAN DO THIS.
Current Mood:  determined
Current Location: home
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December 25th, 2017
04:37 pm - Ahh, I managed some level of productivity despite storms:)
Today: some druidry study wherein I was reading of Pwyll and Pryderi, and it reminded me of my very first - and very bad - attempt at SCA bardic, where the then Baron and Baroness of Carolingia were kind enough to listen to someone at her first event ever (Falling Leaves 1997). The poem's still in my memory, though I haven't dragged it out much; I tend to prefer singing or storytelling:). But oh yeah I remember! Also did a bit of exercise; this storm system's been kicking my ass, either causing horrible insomnia or knocking me out a lot, so I've been taking it relatively easy, staying in the bedroom, playing a lot of LOTRO. (I got to help a Spanish-speaker who was looking for a kin/just someone to talk with, yesterday:) I like helping people!) Finally worked 2hrs on ILOI. Yep, some VERY curious submissions in this one!
Ok I think I'm done now; Moku' bugging me to go eat and stuff.
PS: "Doctor Who" tonight! I've had a marathon of it in the background for a couple days now:). There was a fascinating movie on earlier about the creation of the series, unfortunately I fell asleep about 45 mins in. *Sigh*
Current Location: home
Current Mood: accomplished
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December 20th, 2017
02:15 pm - AGAIN
So around 1:30 this morning, I got SLAMMED by what looks like the Return of the Flu: 99 temp, baaad musculo-skeletal aches/pain, sore throat, phlegm out of who knows where, intense chest congestion, some nausea and weakness:(. REALLY?? Again?? Had three gatorades plus one cup tea and passed out at last; was trying to distract myself from the crappiness with LOTRO, a little guardian (so, nice and simple to futz with). I miss game-testing Project Gorgon; just don't have the stamina for it currently:(. Woke at noon feeling slightly better; in less pain and the congestion seems to be calming down, throat less sore. We now have the beginning of lymph nodes though, ear to ear. Had two bowls of soup for lunch plus more gatorade (sigh). Must put up the tree today; tomorrow's Yule!
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  drained
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December 19th, 2017
03:43 pm - Around and Around We Go
I've been thinking on this topic as I stress some about it: weather. Storms in particular, actually. I know they hit me hard a lot of the time; that's actually not the issue I was considering, though.
By this digital age, most humans are expected to work on a certain culturally-socially-decided pattern. It's grilled into us even before birth that you go to bed at a certain hour, "scientists say" eight hours' sleep is optimal for good health, and most people are still "supposed to" work nine-to-five jobs. "Going out is good for you!" remains an axiom.
Storms interfere with all of this, on varying levels, and for different people. It's ingrained in us to grumble about having to wait in the rain at the bus stop, complain about snow, freak out about hurricanes and tornadoes, and wildfires. Humans do this without really thinking a lot of the time. And for people like me, when the barometric pressure drops - well, so do I. So yes, it's disruptive even to someone who can't work even part-time anymore.
But really, what are storms? I know when I was very little and still living on the coast, I used to absolutely love going out to watch the waves crash inland during nor' easters. I know it *felt* good; I didn't understand why at the time, it just did. I know my dad who taught me a ton about nature back then loves it when it snows because he says it's peaceful shoveling in the middle of the night. And I know I get a *high* from thunderstorms. But, my husband hates them, and my little vicious creature stays away from the windows when it snows because this is one home invader he can't fight off. And, well, when the barometer drops or it's a bright day following a storm, I'm kinda toast.
What are they, though? I have great respect for Caellach and Taranis; I bid them welcome when they come, I ask Caellach to help me weather the storms that rage through the winter months especially, and I revel in Taranis's power. Because storms are power; at least, they're a manifstation of the force of some god or other. Long ago, it seems people respected such power more than they do now; I know there are accounts of one of the Khans being terrified of lightning, and there are tales about the local gods of Hibernia setting off sea-storms and intense fog to protect the Island from invaders. The fact that people like me, with a number of disabilities including brain damage, would likely not have survived this long back then, makes it a little difficult to find a reference point, for me to say, "so I would have done this or that". But, surely, if they lived by the seasons, would the people of long ago not have had a somewhat different take on storms and what they mean?
...And therefore, shouldn't I?
Current Mood:  contemplative
Current Location: home
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December 15th, 2017
09:18 pm - Times I Want to Slap People, and So On
Well, today certainly kicked my ass but I was figuring it might, and it wasn't *too* bad... sort of. I did get the fun of the radiology trainee who was so green she actually forgot to take out the IV, and this being one of those days when I didn't even notice it myself till we got out to registration again and - oh, yeah, there's this thing still in my arm. The guy they sent me back down to *immediately* said, "Yeah... we're supposed to do paperwork when the test's over so we know everything's set - INCLUDING removing the IV, and I got the paper, so I figured all was set!" Yeah. At least I liked *him*; he exuded an air of COMPETENCE. She just drove me nuts the entire time:(. To make it even better, they insisted on giving me lasex; something regarding measurement of timing. I'm not sure how you calculate that with someone who's sort-of incontinent; if I am still I don't go, but "just tell me when you need to" doesn't work, because the instant I frigging move, there goes the bladder. Yes, I can more or less tell when I need to. No, I cannot hold it. So, yeah, messy, uncomfortable.. all of that. And that's just physical discomfort: the damn lasex also made me somewhat fuzzy-headed and I was already headed that way because I think of incoming storm, plus the irritation of that girl. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL PEOPLE I HATE BEING SPOKEN ABOUT IN THE THIRD PERSON IF I'M IN THE FUCKING ROOM?? After that great experience, we went to JJ's Deli across the street, where I medicated and had the most wonderful pickle in a while. It's the little things, you know. (Lol yes I had a very good Italian sub with it) And, I got to tell the Lobster about the Christmas Pickle thing that I'd only just learned of myself! For some reason my brain went "A tree, Sable, blasted and eradicated proper" when I looked out the window. Yeah. It does that kind of thing when the neurology's taken a hit.
On that note, started going more downhill on the way home, unfortunately. It did't get *too* bad, just really exhausted. I know I'm pooped when I can drop off on the bus; normally these days I can't fall asleep in moving vehicles; they feel uncomfortable, and I get anxiety attacks. Not this eve!
Home, changed AGAIN, (stupid lasex), got cleaned up, and passed out till around 7:30 or so. I feel mildly better by now, but have discovered by happenstance - hate that - brain's shut off the humor filter again. Sigh. It feels really weird having to explain that to people because, oh, it's not normal. Then again other senses like hunger have been going off and on lately, since the flu happened. I am therefore skinny as a rail, and yes I will hurt you if you tell me, "Good for you!" or something like that. It is NOT healthy, for me or ANYONE. Not something to aspire to, not something to wish for.
Ok now I'm rambling. Grr, and just when I hear my absolute least favorite commercial come on TV: "And you? What would you do for love?" Kid, you don't even have a clue what real love is, if that commercial's any fricking judge. I'm just - ok, I'm going to go shoot things. A lot of things.
Current Mood: irritated
Current Location: home
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December 12th, 2017
03:39 pm - another gametest from alpha
It's called "Project Gorgon" and I really like (most of) what they've done with it so far. You get points for dying in this game, better ones for dying in new and different ways. It actually will lead a person to eventually learn Necromancy! Other skills are tree-ed like that too, with one ability leading to another. Oddly enough, cooking is NOT one of these but if you cook fish, it raises your fishing level. Gardening and foraging are skills to develop, though the current gardening mechanic is very painful and tedius rather than relaxing. I've heard cheesemaking is worse; haven't tried that one yet.
They're also trying for a non-level game. So when my little Rakshasa Vibbit accidentally switched the numbers and got a teleport all the way out to the desert - by freakish irony, it was where the Rakshasa live - she could still quest a bit there, and hang out with this or that NPC.
Yeah, the "hanging out" thing is pretty nice. You can pick an NPC you want favor with, and they'll hang out with you while you're logged off: generally you either learn a skill from them after this, or you just gain favor which will lead to you getting better vendor prices with them or training (different from an automatic skill). Unfortunately you can't hang out with every NPC (I have an evil elf named Birchin who'd love to hang with this mushroom-obsessed guy, and I know Vibbit would like to hang at the inn in Serbule to get more cooking xp, or the gardener for gardening xp)
I remember really liking testing Starbound with the Lobster back when, and now that we're doing this one yeah same thing:). And it's one more way I can be helpful to others!
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December 3rd, 2017
05:03 am - Leaving Middle Earth for a Bit...
So, I've been sitting up around 6-7 hrs a day, almost daily, (and wow, my core muscles feel worked out from it). Been doing some Starbound again: as the devs added a very interesting archaeology skill, Lobster and I decided to build a museum to display all of it! So, we also built a hotel right next door (lol with the damndest elevator...) But, the other night, he stumbled on something and we both decided to try it! So I've spent some of the last two days game-testing a very new MMO, called Project Gorgon. It's run by a very small design outfit: husband and wife, actually. I even got my own Lobster interested in it enough to play it too, and he hates MMO's by now. But, this one's very innovative, rather unique, and I think it's a keeper!
Current Location: home
Current Mood: impressed
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