National disaster

Posted on 1 June 2009 by scooterbird

whatGranted the Orioles are not yet a “good” team, but there is some hope on the horizon, in the form of some refreshing young talent.  There is also the shining example of exactly how bad it can really get, and it is very conveniently located just down the road from us in a town which has always been smug about its supposed superiority to Baltimore.  It is therapy and schadenfreude all in one package, and its name is the Washington Nationals.

Exactly how bad it really is in the city where I now work, as opposed to my “home” city of Baltimore, was brought home in no uncertain terms today.  The Examiner, a franchised daily, flogged the Nationals on the very front page of its local edition today in a full page ad.  Ryan Zimmerman, the Nats’ talented (and quite lonely in that respect) 3rd baseman, was in the ad.  The other two figures shown, and I am absolutely not kidding when I say this, were the Nats’ eagle-headed costumed mascot, and…the guy who cruises around in a Segway between innings, firing t-shirts into the crowd with a compressed air cannon.

That was it.  Literally.  Those were the selling points for professional baseball in the nation’s capital.  Oh, and the mascot was in the middle, and was portrayed the largest of the three – the obvious main draw.  I hope I didn’t drool from my mouth gaping like that when I saw it and realized they were trying to sell tickets for the team.

Whew.  Thank God I’m a country boy, indeed.

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Panic in the streets

Posted on 30 October 2008 by scooterbird

alexToday is the seventieth anniversary of Orson Welles’ and the Mercury Theatre’s famous radio adaptation of H.G. Wells’ War of the Worlds. As a result of that broadcast, panicked residents of New Jersey mistakenly believed that Martians were attacking the Earth, and their state and the city of New York in particular. (That very fact was probably the one biggest tip-off that folks were dealing with a hoax. If you came all the way from Mars and could land on Earth just about anywhere, would you pick New Jersey?)
Continue reading →

Filed under: media, politics, sports, various musings | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

O say, am I free?

Posted on 1 September 2008 by scooterbird

warning-fascismThe New York Yankees have taken to chaining folks in place for a forced display of patriotism, including one which has no basis in any law or code whatsoever. I wasn’t too sure about the veracity of this information until I found the referenced article in the NYT; here’s the accompanying photograph.

Keep in mind that this depicts Yankee Stadium attendees standing to “God Bless America” during the seventh-inning stretch, not even “The Star-Spangled Banner” at the beginning of the game. Continue reading →

Filed under: politics | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

Marriage is a little bird, tweeting in a meadow…

Posted on 18 August 2008 by scooterbird

[Title=cult. non-seq. ref.; 10 pts.]

I don’t yet have the second part of my last post.  In fact, I’ve been avoiding all mention of politics for the past several weeks, ever since the Green convention.  I’ve been told by reliable sources that I haven’t missed much, which was rather my perception that led to the sabbatical in the first place.

I’m still thinking that I’m not quite ready to come back.  I’ve been paying a lot of attention lately to baseball and theatre and my kids and trying to get a better job.  I went bowling over the weekend, which I didn’t do well at, but I could console myself that I was a helluva lot better at it than Barack Obama.

You have to pay attention to politics in this country for the same reason you have to pay attention to deer by the side of the road while driving, because God alone knows what’s going to happen if you take your eyes off ’em.  This isn’t necessarily a criticism as much as it is one of the problems of democracy, or at least the democracy-cum-kleptocracy that we’ve developed…and yes, you can cue one of Jefferson’s quotes about liberty right here.  I’ve done a great deal of paying attention over the last several years, and sometimes it’s just good to let your mind dwell on other subjects for a bit. Continue reading →

Filed under: politics | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

Thinking caps

Posted on 16 May 2008 by scooterbird

Now I have a couple of credos I live by.  The first and foremost is that actions should have reasons behind them that make some objective sense.  If you don’t want to do that, at least have some other, more subjective reason.  Do it for art, do it for the Revolution, do it for some reason.  Don’t do it because you just happened to be plodding along and this was the default action.  Don’t do it because it was the thing that the teeming masses of that area were doing.  Question yourself, and question the dominant paradigm.  Of course, by introducing my comment in this fashion, you know that I’m about to talk about baseball caps.
Continue reading →

Filed under: sports | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

April Madness

Posted on 9 April 2008 by scooterbird

Well, let’s take a look at the news.  Starbucks is selling crack, Jonah Goldberg flies to Mars in his pajamas, and the Orioles are in first place.

No, wait.  One of those stories is real.  Double-you-tee-eff, over.

The O’s were the guests of the Texas Rangers last night in a scenario that must have been the invention of some cruel ESPN-addled crack baby servant of Bud “Darth” Selig.  Brian Burres was the starter for last year’s last meeting between these two teams, which ended in a beheading of epic proportions: the historic 30-3 shellacking at the Yards.  This was a re-do, complete with the same exact pitcher, only moving it to Arlington, Texas for the Rangers’ home opener.  And if anything, the O’s on paper are a worse team.

So of course what should happen but Burres goes six innings scattering seven hits for one solitary run, and the Orioles lay an 8-1 licking on the Rangers for their sixth straight win following their own opening day loss.  It’s loopy, unadulterated madness, and no, it can’t last…but I do intend to savor it for the time being.  Perhaps even moreso than the quick start, it’s also heartening to see them start to develop some personality as a team – playing with the old song “Orioles Magic” in the clubhouse and making light of Aubrey Huff’s off-season disparaging of Baltimore.

The Yards has a fancy new screen for showing the usual replays and such, but I’m told by reliable sources that they only use it to scan the crowd between innings.  We need a good animation or clip to play, one that fits this madness.  I say we use the clip from the movie 300, fresh off the *chans – ‘shop the cap of the opposing team onto the messenger as he stands at the edge of the well in front of Leonidas.  “This is blasphemy!  This is madness!”  “Madness…?  THIS – IS – BALTIMORE!!”  *boot*

Whateverthehell, it’s got to be better than that damned rally monkey.

Filed under: sports | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

If ever there was a destiny in baseball…

Posted on 24 March 2008 by scooterbird

The Dodgers have reported that Nomar Garciaparra (also known as Mr. Mia Hamm) is injured and won’t be starting the season as their third baseman as planned. Garciaparra’s backup, Andy LaRoche, also seems to be injured and isn’t that great of a hitter anyway, forcing the Dodgers to turn to some other prospects:

PHOENIX, Ariz. (AP)—Chin-Lung Hu is normally a shortstop, but injuries to Andy LaRoche and Nomar Garciaparra have thrust him into the mix at third base for the Los Angeles Dodgers.

Hu played second base for the first time last year at Triple-A Las Vegas, and has been taking grounders at third since before the Dodgers’ trip to China earlier this month. He also played some third for the Taiwanese national team.

The 24-year-old infielder said things move “a little faster” at third than at short, and that taking ground balls in practice doesn’t compare to game action. Even so, he said he’s up for the challenge if the Dodgers need to use him at third.

“I think I’d be fine if I played (third),” Hu said. “Last year was my first time at second base, and now I feel more comfortable at second base.”

Now given that Hu has now played at three of the four infield positions, I don’t think it’s too big of a stretch to play him at first base either, right?  So for the sake of argument, let’s put him there for now.

I did a bit of digging after this, and discovered that the Dodgers also have a kid pitching for them in the Gulf Coast League by the name of Michael Watt.  Given that the Dodgers’ regular second baseman, Jeff Kent, is as old as the hills, I think this would be a great time to bring the kid up and give him a chance.  I mean, pitching, second base…what’s the real diff, right?  Get him to hit a little bit and the kid’ll be fine!

Now, stay with me, here.  Say the Dodgers trade for Adam Dunn, the slugger from the Reds.  Plays left field, but hey, third base wouldn’t be that much of a stretch – left half of the field and all that.  And of course, you’d need to encourage the guy at his new position, so you could nickname him “Dunn-o”.  Like Hawaii Five-O.  Y’know, “nice play, Dunn-o,” and “way to hit it, Dunn-o!”

So the Dodgers’ new infield would be Hu’s on first, Watt’s on second, and A. “Dunn-o” on…what?  Why are you staring at me??

Is anyone listening?  Dodgers!!  Don’t blow this opportunity!! 

Filed under: sports | Tagged: , , , , , | 9 Comments »

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