It’s surprising how I’ve written zero blog entries in 2017 when a lot actually happened in 2017. Spring 2017 was my best semester in terms of academics, Summer 2017 was my best summer in terms of work life balance, Fall 2017 was my most hectic semester in terms of juggling school, job hunting, and extracurriculars, and Winter 2017 was my most edifying break since Summer 2014. In general, 2017 was a very eventful year: I went skiing for the first time, spent winter break in Boston, participated in a hardware hackathon, spent spring break in the U.S. Virgin Islands where I went paddleboarding and parasailing for the first time, interned in San Francisco for the summer, rode in a paddle boat for the first time, hiked a total of 21 miles in Yosemite National Park, biked across the Golden Gate Bridge, went on a spontaneous road trip to Philly and New York for Thanksgiving break, biked around west Manhattan, accepted my first full time job, choreographed a Kpop dance for the first time, finally took (and passed!) my last general institute requirement – biology, and served as a counselor for 6th-7th graders for the first time during Winter Student Spiritual Convocation.

2017 challenged me in every aspect of my life. I remember being super stressed during September and October because I was doing a lot of interviewing that required traveling, and the combination of the two drained me mentally and physically. But I thank God for reassuring me while I was uncertain of my professional future. Speaking of being stressed, I used to find social interactions stressful because I tried too hard to please everyone, but from exposure to people with varying backgrounds, interests, and values, I realized that pleasing everyone is not only impossible but unnecessary. Through interactions with other interns in my 10 week summer internship, peers during vacation trips, and 6th-7th graders as a counselor during a weeklong church seminar, I learned how to connect with different people and not take things too personally. I also surprised myself with how adventurous I can be. I quite spontaneously went on a 14.5 hike with little knowledge of what the terrain would be like and agreed to go biking in two different unfamiliar cities after not riding a bike for maybe 8 years?! While nothing seriously bad happened except that I tore a pair of pants at the knee from falling of my bike in Manhattan, NY, I definitely felt challenged physically and am still shocked and amazed at how daring I was to complete such physically demanding activities. Aside from discovering my adventurous self, I also discovered how easily my emotions can affect my work – usually by unhealthily destroying or building motivation. For a good portion of Fall semester, I slept at 3:00am on average because I was frustrated with schoolwork and dumbly chose to sacrifice sleep.

I spent the last two weeks of 2017 reflecting a lot not only on the past year but also on my 3.5 years in college, and it made me embark on a journey of rediscovery. I realized that while I have picked up new interests since I got to college such as dance and photography and am slowly transforming from being an introvert to being an extravert, I have sadly deprioritized certain activities that I previously made the effort to habitually do. Those activities include journaling, blogging, and reading the Bible regularly for personal spiritual cultivation. I believe the biggest change was I developed an uneasiness of being alone. I sought to always be in the company of others. This explains why I slowly neglected the above mentioned activities – they are all more effectively done alone. It’s unfortunate how in the process of trying to “find myself” in the exciting phase of college, I’ve forgotten how to find value, comfort, and contentment in having alone time. Without well-utilized alone time, I was living too much in the moment and became too dependent on the presence of others for happiness. A huge side effect was lack of self-reflection, and thus lack of self-improvement, which is a cause I used to passionately champion. Because of this realization, I’ve determined to train myself to treasure and make good use of my alone time, especially in these last few months before I start living the work life and actually adulting. That being said, here’s to a year hopefully full of productivity, God’s blessings, and continual self-growth. :)

From the muse in me,

~ marG