Chinese New Year

Posted by fiveloaf on February 8, 2026

Chinese New Year has been traumatic for me since some forty years ago when our life took a drastic turn. I did not expect the phobia to last and replays itself yearly, but nevertheless, it serves as a reminder to me, to be weary of dubious pretentious characters.

I had a kind unassuming dad, a man of few words but hardworking, and ever since the day he got lucky winning the social welfare lottery in 1966, he left his job as a cashier, bought a few properties and initiated several businesses. Dad helmed several important positions in his own clan, ethnic, school and political associations. He particularly loves sports, is a champion at table tennis, and he is fond of music, all kinds, taught himself to play several instruments and is good at singing. Despite his busy schedule, he was there for us, a father figure, took us to his farm on Sundays, and acclimated us between his flurry of social activities. Most distinctively, he is kind and generous to a fault which I am convinced must be due to his childhood hardships, one who survived the war. He is there for just about anyone, his own siblings included who were in need of his assistance throughout their daily struggles, never dodged, and in the end, got buried under irrecoverable debts from those he once helped.

Mom was different. She is a bit offbeat and modern. A year younger than my dad, fortune was in her family’s imprint. Despite her pompous character, she did not inherit grandma’s nor her uncle’s shrewdness, and is susceptible to sob stories. She gave handouts to anyone in need, even on the streets but mostly gravitates herself towards the welfare of her own biological family. But in her final moments, she got plummeted, buried under others misfortune and plight. Mom was never a homemaker. She rarely cooks, relies on maids and employees to help her in household chores while she wiles away with her social class, but nevertheless, she tried to raise us, often at times, outdoing her capabilities and gets sidetracked by her two vagrant brothers as well as appeasing to the needs of her siblings, her social class of politicians and Tai Tais.

Surmounting differences indeed between my mom and dad, yet they found commonality in dancing, and in association matters. From dad’s reaction, I could feel he prefers mom to be homey, which she wasn’t built for. But her socialising attracted trays of other’s sob stories, which became a balancing test of mercy or kindness and that bits off a large chunk of his once good fortune. Mom’s grouses centred around women with an affinity for good looking men, which leads to many disputes between both of them and we as children, were caught in between, witnessing some terrifying moments of kungfu at play. Amid tears, our pleas never got heard because we were puny then and eventually, as fate had decided, they both pulled each others rugs, and along with it, goes our home, their businesses as well as our properties. Even our education prospects got curtailed. My sister’s studies in the UK were forfeited, my brother failed his SPM and a blur cock skirt chaser like myself got ejected to Singapore where I needed to work to study.

My mom’s scorn knows no boundaries as many a time, she and her bunch of nosey Tai Tais was busily calibrating and tracking down dad’s movements as well as their own, even engaging Sherlock Holmes to fill the missing pieces. She damaged dad’s reputation unsparingly with her uncanny blasting without realising the impact it will generate and because most of my dad’s businesses and property is in her name, she pulled the final brakes, calls herself boss leaving just one so he could gasp for air, to see it collapsing one by one. And dad found himself managing that shop staying upstairs, sharing it with his sibling and family whom helped run the business until his dying days.

Chinese New Year was fun in the beginning of our childhood years before the tussle began. We once had three or four Lion Dance troupes performing yearly, not discounting the many greeting cards alongside visitors coming by the hundreds, including those from government ministers. We had stacks of goodies, drinks and red packets lined up for each and every visitor, not forgetting beggars and paupers all lining up outside temple walls. Dad makes it a point to grace five or six temples yearly bringing us along with him before we visit the elders. As kids, we were like happy radios not knowing the significance of each kowtow, each greeting, each cookie and dried fruit, but we were fully dressed up bright and gay sipping F&N Sarsi and Orange carbonated drinks and getting paid for it. And our altar were filled with an allay of meat, dishes and sweets to appease the anointed spirits.

But one Chinese New Year day, I found my mom, whom once graces centerstage between her battalion of misfired goons, all alone, staring at vacant spaces, shattered by the eerie silence where it once was a bustle, year in year out. That image vividly stays, imprinted and entrenched in my memory and it pops out yearly. Not because we weren’t hospitable nor accommodating, but because it occurs to me then, that societies wheel can only be coxed with money. And money is the primal glue that binds friendship and people to you. As usual, the goodies were stacked, but no one cares to visit. Not even the lion dance troupes. Everyone dismounts from the carnival they were once a part of. And I thought mom and dad had true caring friends. They don’t. Except for a handful who knew what gratefulness is, the rest are just leeches looming in the swarm looking for blood to suck. And the emptiness went on consequentially year after year after year.

Confucius has a saying. If you are poor and you live in the city, no souls will visit you. But if you are rich and you live in the mountains, souls will strive to visit you even if the journey is ordeal. Not exactly word for word. Eversince that time, Chinese New Year meant nothing to me. Really. But I don’t loom in sadness. Whatever that happens, has happened. Society’s mishap. Kindness is a good trait that does not yield reciprocal affection. And sob stories are often designed not out of desperate needs, but to milk you before others does. It just hardens my spirit. Just to put it on record. I am the only archiver in my extended family.

Kris Lee 2026.

God

Posted by fiveloaf on January 20, 2026

If God is so magnificent, all knowing, and powerful
and we lowly humans are not, why then when we were made in his image and likeness, weren’t we gifted his magnificence, his all knowing ability and power, that we have to be born a helpless tiny tot through a grimacing mother in anguish, then grow up to toil under the scorching sun, armed with the littlest that we know of, sieving through dirt and mud, scouring through the forest and mountains, sailing through the rugged seas, to find ourselves classified into different tribes according to trades, birthplace and surnames, and have feuds against other tribes, spilling blood along the way as we explore, discover, and develop through our own initiative, effort and imagination, inventions and methods that could gradually transform this blue planet into a better place to live in, only to cease living within a fraction of time?

Like leaves on the tree, we wilt, being replaced by younger leaves, generation after generation, and consciously exposed to a variety of religions, not just one. Why did God allow so many religions to co-exist just like the variety of flora and fauna found around us? To confuse? Or that God washes his hands off us the minute we were created, and let us live by free will? But the trees and ferns lives in unison, each minding its own, sharing the same sun and rain, yet they don’t fight unlike creatures and men. It must be because they don’t go in search of food nor are they endowed with legs.

Hence, is God by chance, a man made? Just who separates geniuses and blockheads? God or schools for learning? Because we are altogether sprouting and toiling together under one big umbrella called Mother Earth. Why weren’t we made like trees and ferns? The pretty and the ugly, the good and the bad, the smart and the stupid, the rich and the poor, the responsible and the lackadaisical, the ambitious and the laidback, the orderly and the chaotic, why weren’t we lumped together? And why do God promote the mix between different beliefs, cultures, lifestyles, languages and watch the discordances happening right in front of our eyes instead of encouraging unity? What is Gods mission and vision then? And where do we go from here? To a life ever after within a span of a hundred years or so for each humanoid?

With his magnificence and greatness, he could surely allow only geniuses, stop accidents and war, promote peace, vanishes diseases, and rescue poverty. God can allow only the good to thrive, so why didn’t God make that happen? For what good is the bad? Was it an oversight? Or did we fall from grace? Where was God when we disobeyed? So is God for real or just a myth? We will never know for sure.

Religion divides us. But does all religions point to one God alone? This is another question mark.

We will never know for sure. Because the theologians and religious scholars hardly if ever questions the research about God. Is it because they know the truth? Or that we as lowly humans weren’t endowed with his magnificence, power and knowledge to grasp and accept the truth. Or that the truth is too overwhelming for our simple minds to decipher and heed. So most of us just live and let live, ludicrously falling in line with the system calibrated by governments which were created to ensure order and keep liberal market trends alive to reap us. Again, where was God when weapons, drugs and the love of money began?

Our life is filled with mysteries. Plenty of it. Many claim that it is our soul that gives us life. Without a soul, we are just a lifeless block of meat. And thus our soul activates our body. Thus, is our soul giventh by God? How about our body then? Because when the soul leaves, our body rot. So where does our soul go to? Cleansed and recycled to be flown to another infant? Or back to God? And what does God do with each and every soul thereafter unless there’s a place so huge, it could accommodate generations of dead earthlings, not forgetting there are geniuses as well as gobloks. Do God discards the bad into the fire and saves only the good? Why didn’t God make only the good so that God doesn’t need to build a giant incinerator? Or that he saves all beit good or bad? Which means God collects souls. Then transport them to another world? Are there other life forms that God has planted if we sieve though the billions of stars? Where does God live? Where is heaven and where is hell as most of us are made to believe? Does he have a mission for us or are we to live with eternal uncertainty? Why doesn’t God allow us his magnificence, his knowledge, his power?

As usual, God doesn’t speak back. As we are left to toil on our own.

One possible hypothesis is that the minute we men has achieved through science an acceptable degree of living, God will transport us up like crops in the farm, and had us planted to pollute our universe to start other life forms. And in the end, we would become masters of the universe. Do our souls need oxygen? But why does he want us to evolve when he could have made us a full grown like him right from the beginning? He could have filled the universe up with our kind who looks like him and behaves like him right from the beginning. So why didn’t God? Or could it be that God doesn’t want us to be like him? Therefore the absence of magnificence, knowledge and power. But why? God only wanted to build an army of followers? Who could turn to him and defend him in times of calamity? Do God have enemies? But if we were to be made like God, suffering would not have happened right? So what is our purpose then? God granted us a piece of land to do at will? Like we humans won a special prize or something?
Or that this world is just an illusion and multifaceted which explains how we can be transported into our dreams and back to our sleeping body in split seconds?
Or that we are just an experiment to him?

And the reason why God hides the truth about human existence and our mission is too complex for us to grasp and comprehend let alone decipher. And so, to simplify things, religion had us to believe that there is only heaven and hell, and heaven means being besides God after death and enjoy his glory, and hell means entering the incinerator and be banished forever.

Or that in the end, after humankind has built this world into an acceptable kind that pleases God, maybe our world is up for grabs by the highest bidder? Again, who are the bidders?

Who knows..

⁃ Kris Lee 2026.

Handphone

Posted by fiveloaf on September 27, 2025

What about trust?
Love is a complex issue made worse by the invention of the handphone. If one party keeps on checking on their partners handphone, it simply means there is trust issue. Trust is the foundation or bedrock of love. If there is no trust, how can there be love? That said, it also means you don’t love your partner enough, let alone trust them. Everyone lives three lives daily. A public life, a personal life and a private life. A public life is what you do in public that everyone gets to know or see. The perception strangers have on you. A personal life is what only your family or close friends gets to know about. It is what you do in the close confines of your home that only those close to you knows about. For example the worries you share, how you use the fridge, the type of shampoo you use. Things that only those close to you knew about. Like the way you snore. Or when you share your financial difficulties, your education progress, or career setbacks. But there is this inner sanctum in everyone that no personal family and friends knows about let alone penetrate into. Those are things like your thoughts, your fetish, your stress kept hidden, or your uncanny habit of wearing ladies underwear on your head when you sleep, or watching soap operas, or how you sit facing the water tank on the toilet bowl. That is your private life. Embarrassing things which you do that you can’t share, And because inventors understands these three lives each and everyone of us lives through, they invented convenient things for your comfort and reassurance. Those gadgets can ensure us that our private life is safe. That simple button on the phone is called the ‘password’. Breaking that password and you are intruding. Giving away the password means you are a blady goblok. This also means your partner doesn’t love you enough. If trust is invaded, so is love. And if love is invaded, then, it is better to stay single. No one should, or could invade the holy of holies. Because if every couple does that, and one partner compels the other to give it away, I question the love they have for each other. The minute there is a law compelling your partner to reveal the password, I can safely say this world is in big trouble. Love and trust cannot be compelled, neither should there be conditions. Unnecessary conditions, like chains, is tying the freedom of the person you love. Too many conditions and you become a prisoner. Breaking into one’s inner sanctum is an intrusion of privacy that should not have happened, if you truly love someone. Stop being nosy. Because if someone truly loves you, rest assure they know how to conduct themselves towards you, so that you feel safe. And secure. The ultimate unconditional love. So, have more confidence in yourself and your partner you want or already have. Don’t doubt them. And this world would become a better place. The minute one partner ask for it, it is time to work on your relationship. Or let go. Rest all your concerns to God.

Midnight Flowers

Posted by fiveloaf on March 18, 2024

There are clans existing in night spaces. Sworn sisters united often by lingo and by country of origin~ bonded by ties of kinship, and rooted by familiarity with culture and lifestyle. Sisterhood intrinsically offers basic benefits of security, and belonging. Living in a country not of one’s own, threats from bullies and unruly guests cannot be discounted; thus, having each other for consultation is a plus. What more, off days are earmarked by echoes of laughter and gossips, fun activities, temple visits, and home entertainment. In other ways, sisterhood offers fresh leads.

In the moonlight industry, there are also, the loners. Those who prefer to distance themselves from any group, class or caste. They toil alone, are resilient and they captain their own ship. They do not answer to anyone nor do they fancy forming bonds of kinship. Strong individuals who segregate themselves, only to be absorbed into their own humdrum life, lost in their own reverie, and wades through difficulties without a whimper or alarm.

There are obvious cultural differences that exist between clans from different countries, each having their own peculiar taste of fashion sensibility, and their own morale of what the service industry is about. And each clan caters to the degree of conduct deemed acceptable by their guests. Nevertheless, each clan offers different moods, colours, variety and fun. Between clans, there is friendly rivalry, yet sometimes, envy and enmity. Rules of conduct were never regulated. Thus, some pushes the limit and displays suggestive behaviour, amid scorns from those who find their conduct unacceptable. Whilst others puts on a brave smile, despite inside their hearts and thoughts, rains rivers of tears.

But day in, day out, these social workers, beit with or without clans or those belonging to different clans, scout in between tables looking for prospects who enjoys a little banter, their presence and their company. Sometimes they win, at other times, they lose. But many are brilliant face readers who could read through the pockets of strangers. When there are little or no guests, these social workers creates opportunities for themselves~ moonlighting outside familiar surroundings, luring their clients with them. Still, most return home to their abode once they feel intoxicated, while others enjoy comfort elsewhere, being pacified while sedated by promiscuous guests. There are those whose drinks were tampered with, and rights infringed upon, because they miscalculated the intentions of their guests. Whilst others had ridden safely home through trusted familiar associates, some had lewd images taken of them, and tips stolen.

Morning is a time to knock off remnants of hung over leftover from the night before. Most social workers spends their entire wake up period rolling on their bed communicating with ardent admirers, whereas others spends time watching video clips, wardrobe upkeep, personal grooming and workout routines. Despite it all, there are those who tend to their family needs both home and abroad, and entertaining lunch and dinner invites. Whereas the adventurous gamble, hoping to double their income. Many others took on other jobs to keep themselves afloat.

There is no right or wrong in the routes each of these women takes. But travelling thousands of miles for the sake of livelihood and survival, there must be stories these bravehearts carries. Still, they trod, amazingly resilient to all the risks, culture shock, immigration complications, alcohol burnout, and sexual harassment to name but a few. Many of them are single moms, both abroad and locally, when their hearts were fluttered with false promises of a good future. Their experiences taught some to be more vigilant but some still does fall for the charm of guests though their hearts told them not to do so. There are too many accounts of sob stories best known to themselves. But it still boils to a better life which everyone desires. But for the sake of their family, society should not be too quick to judge, and mean to deny them a good life, we ourselves want.

Such is their story.

Midnight flowers they are, clan, or no clan. When their luminosity fades during daylight, come twilight, again they will glow and sing inside the hearts of sick, desperate, and lonely men, in search of company.

Such is their story.

An advice

Posted by fiveloaf on September 26, 2023

Met a man in his early thirties a few days ago.
A good man while I was waiting for a friend. He saw me sitting alone on the kerb and so he approached me asking if I was in trouble because according to him, I looked distressed. I was not. He asked me if I was hungry and if I am he is willing to offer me some money for food though he says he doesn’t have much. He stays upstairs facing the apartment entrance lobby where I waited for my friend, and that he has observed me for awhile from his apartment before he decided to come down and approached me. And if he could help.

He walks with a limp with one ankle in bandage. I asked him about his limp. That was when he told me that he is recovering from a bad fall and showed me his injuries, one of which was on his spine which according to him, has undergone six operations. I asked him how he fell. He told me he jumped down from the flyover heading towards Penang bridge but did not die. For a second, I was stunned.

This man used to have a decent job as an executive in a factory. Until unbeknownst to him, he began to be inflicted with what he suspected was bouts of depression. Which forces him to do weird things. And gradually found himself incapable of helping himself.

He is sane in fact, unlike the perception I had of him which I had seen encountering some mental cases I have see in my course of living. I think this fall had him reflect back on the many good and some bad things he did in his past because he told me, a stranger, his many deeds. Which could be the consequence of him leaping down the flyover. He told me that each time he sees an animal being rolled over by passing cars, he will never hesitate to stop his car and give them a proper burial. He told me that one day he saw a piece of black cloth on the road with rusty nails inside. And after he cleared the road, that was when he began to have hallucinations and bad dreams . He reflected on many things he did when he was younger. And he thought everything that happened to him was a retribution. I think he was trying to discover the cause of his mental state of mind.

To me, I feel that he has done many good favours which far outweighs the menial things he did. In fact, I like this man, a lot. He asked me many questions which I am quite capable of discerning and help clear his doubts.

To me, here is a good man, maybe born to a poorer family but it is clear to me he suffers from something many people suffers from. Which is that he overthinks. Things like how money became the centre of living and what he can do with his life after the fall. Obviously he can’t go back to his previous job but I hope he will. I suggested Paralympics. But he told me he wasn’t keen on sports. I gave him hope and other options and try to clear his mind. And gave him some fatherly advice, the littlest I know about. He was sobbing as he recalled his life.

To cu the story short, never have I encountered such a good man with an indeed pleasant face. And a good heart. Though he isn’t as studious, I thought he deserve the best. I told him the next time I see him again, I want to see him as a young executive who has managed to pull back his life. After a failed suicide attempt which could not have been driven by his mental state but of things he touched. After so much goodness he has done for others. Even to me. It doesn’t matter if he is educated, or not as rich. But I thought to myself. That if I ever have a son, it would be him. For sure it would be him.

In our vicious world, a person like him would indeed be a blessing. It is indeed rare. Whilst others in the world goes through their humdrum life, here is a good man who outshines my shadow. Very unlike the many I know whom are selfish to themselves, striving for success which we can’t carry with us when we die, if we die. I salute this young man. Saved by his deeds.
And to the many younger generations outside, I wish to offer some advice. Our hand takes and holds, and our legs kick. If you ever see things lying besides or on the roadside or on your personal patio or the entrance to your home, never ever use your hand to pick it up. But you can use your leg to kick it aside. Charms are still abused by many people. But it cannot be transferred to you if you use your legs. But never ever use your hands.It sounds folkloric, but the practice did not change since thy kingdom come. Do not ever for once think you’d be protected because of your faith. Exorcism and deliverance applies to good people with strong faith.

I wish him the best.

For Love’s Sake

Posted by fiveloaf on December 27, 2022

How some women ended up feeling empty in their relationships is because they like to impose conditions and expectations before getting serious with their partner. And are prepared to forsake love if their requirements are not met. They did not marry for love’s sake alone, the so called ‘unconditional love’, or attempt to walk the journey of adventure, of discovery and of acceptance. They marry to please themselves.

Many tied materialism with love. Craftily scheming for the bungalow and Mercedes their friends have without wanting to strife for it. And when they finally got married to a partner who have all that they possibly wanted, and their contribution to the relationship is a meagre suitcase, they compromise on pertinent matters which includes compatibility. Thus when the toil and strife and involvement which makes relationships complete, sweet and fulfilled aren’t there, the void they feel is very real, just when they thought their anxiety is over.

And that’s why God always emphasise on unconditional love. Something they can’t give. Nor accept. Though it is gospel truth.

Truths All Good Christians Must Know (and its many myths that should be addressed)

Posted by fiveloaf on May 19, 2022

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( FOR CHRISTIANS ONLY )

It is almost two decades now I have distanced myself from church. And I have my reasons. I don’t easily fall in line, I can’t conform to rites and rituals, and I have always been an individualist. I am in direct contrast to what others regard as a faithful follower. And I did not know God through the church. Thus, with or without church, my faith did not wane. And my ember did not diminish like an isolated coal they told me it would. But one thing did happen though. After I have turned away from church , not even a single soul from church has ever called me, nor say hello. And it’s been twenty years since. I won’t second guess their erratic behaviour not that I am bothered. But I was given the impression that there’s a line that segregates believers who goes to church, and those who don’t, or have left. They use a term for out-standing characters like me. I’m known as a ‘lapsed Catholic’. For whatever that means. And I think they feel better to be able to classify me so as to tell me that I am not one of them. Also, don’t go to them if I needed any favours. If it is a science lab, they would have placed me inside a jar and labelled ‘heretic specimen.’
“As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand. One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind…” (Romans 14:1-23)

Personally, I believe that faith is a journey. And to each, our own. This journey of mine had me hover over and under the pews- where once I was inside the church looking out, now, I’m on aerial view, looking in. I am particularly appalled by those who easily succumb to authority and be led by the nose, and others who tacitly sandwiched fear in-between the bread of life. These are the majority which makes up the congregation- an adulterated version of the ‘Poor Fellow-Soldiers of Christ’ and of the ‘Temple of Solomon’, also known as the ‘Order of Solomon’s Temple’, or the ‘Knights Templar’ – defenders of faith who would fight tooth and grit with anyone who doubts that their God is the greatest. How ironical. But if their God is the greatest, why then do they fear?
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7)

For out-standing souls like me, please be enlightened. It’s a privilege to recce God’s garden and circumambulate one full circle while others are still caught up inside. Without being given the ladder to scale over, one may not understand what the opposing scenery looks like, to make informed opinions. Unlike me who have a full macro view uninterrupted. I’d rather enjoy the fresh air and be caught trespassing, than paying blind obeisance to what the church wanted us to believe in.

The Words of God are simple and straightforward. Yet many lack depth to scour its grace and wisdom. And true discipleship calls for individuals to give up everything and follow him. Yet I wonder how many denominations still observe this faithfully?
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.” (Matthew 23:23-24)
“So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple”. (Luke 14:33)
“And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.”(Mark 10:21).
“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them.” (1 John 2:15)

Throughout those years in church, I have encountered the most obstinate of believers. Those in true hypocrisy who worships the strangest, those who pray to prey, and those who gossips the fiercest. And to those lost sheeps forever looking for signs and wonders to affirm their faith, I now have the unfortunate unpleasant chore to respond to, their myopic perception of God. I am no biblical scholar, a behavioural scientist nor a theologian. But if everyone were to take a step backwards tying everything we know to the basics of love, we could be seeing happier days ahead, than feeling somber, anticipating the final hours of God’s arrival any sooner. Like everybody else, I dread to be misled. Because one day, those misled may be preaching on the pulpit.
“I may be able to speak the languages of men and even of angels, but if I do not have love, I will sound like noisy brass. If I have the gift of speaking God’s Word and if I understand all secrets, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I know all things and if I have the gift of faith so I can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give everything I have to feed poor people and if I give my body to be burned, but do not have love, it will not help me.” (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)
“Love does not give up. Love is kind. Love is not jealous. Love does not put itself up as being important. Love has no pride. Love does not do the wrong thing. Love never thinks of itself. Love does not get angry. Love does not remember the suffering that comes from being hurt by someone. Love is not happy with sin. Love is happy with the truth. Love takes everything that comes without giving up. Love believes all things. Love hopes for all things. Love keeps on in all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Inside every church are always some delusional Jim Jones in the making. Hallucinators who beckoned they have earned wings- believing themselves to be God’s chosen gate-keeper or messenger of some kind. All because they have managed to garner some followers. Indeed they have. Retirees, pensioners, the golden age club and sinners whom resorted to the church hoping for some form of redemption or free entertainment to kill time. And so these hallucinators seek God inside the pages of the Old Testament without knowing it’s relevance, reviving worship and dance like David did without knowing its significance, arrived at the gates of the New Testament without mastering the Beatitudes, and back they went again to the drama of the Old Testament, preferring the authoritarian and punitive God than the forgiving one. And that is how, like a warrant officer, they stick their noses into every cadets butt, faulting everyone else’s conduct and private business thus giving unconditional love a brand new meaning by inserting them with multitudes of decree. Didn’t they know any better? That the veil had been broken?
“And the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom” (Mark 15:38)
“Therefore, brethren, since we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He inaugurated for us through the veil, that is, His flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God…” (Hebrews 10:19-22)

The most unfortunate amongst these characters may I emphasise again, are these ‘fault finders’- backdoor Warrant Officers who could uncover sin everywhere, under every stone and carpet, except for their own backyard. These characters could see no wrong in themselves, and shows no contrite- comfortably forgetting the speck in their own eyes and forgetting that the Lord is first and foremost, “an all forgiving God”.
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” (Matthew 6:4)
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. (Matthew 7:3-5)
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
“But if you do not forgive others their sins,
your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6: 15)

Next are the ‘fence builders’ – those who thought that God the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit belongs exclusively to believers only and no one else, thus disassociating themselves from the marginalised, the destitute, the underprivileged and the non-believers. They too tasked themselves to build wedges between believers and their loved ones of different faiths, urging them to stay away from customs, traditions, conjugal and funeral rites because they believe it is better not offend their jealous God than to embrace love for their own family. Doesn’t these individuals understand that “the greatest is love”? (1 Corinthians 13:13). How then are they “to go forth and multiply” (Genesis 9:1) and “make disciples of all generations” (Matthew 28:18-20), having decided that building boundaries, fences, wedges, and cages is amiable?
“Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.” (Romans 13:8)

Then, there are the ‘fear mongers’. Individuals whom instead of believing and emphasising the glory and majesty of the almighty God whom created the world, believed more in abominations and the harsh punishment meted by God, thus allowing evil to manifest. These individuals spread fear and are scared of everything under the sun, maybe their own shadows even. Imagine the damage they could cause up on the pulpit, spinning confusion in the minds of catechumens at a time when they were taught forgiveness, more so when their faith journey is still at it’s infancy? The fear of the darkness, death, other gods, mythological creatures, traditions and customs, is unnecessary because they are but little elements that makes up the colourful world, if you believe in the all powerful God that is.
“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.” (1 John 4:18)
One should thus, not shift one’s focus from the God of kindness and compassion, towards darkness, garbage and filth, thereby reducing God’s brilliance, radiance, magnificence and significance whom they will ironically fight tooth and nail to claim that He is the most coveted of all Gods when ridiculed. The Crusaders did severe damage to the Christian world. They went on to wage war using Jesus’s mighty name not knowing our God is all for peace? And whatever happened to the God “whom created the world and everything inside it?” (Genesis 1 & 2) which means everything good or bad belongs to the kingdom of God?

And then, there are in our midst the ‘divine hallucinators’- preachers whose madness grew in tandem with their hallucination. These are the individuals who claim to have seen god, raised the dead and boasts of converting tens of thousands of people into the faith within a few years. Oh really?!
“Some could not resist “letting their right hand know what their left hand is doing” (Matthew 6:3-4)
“Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity.” (Ecclesiastes 1:2)
It is obvious error if these divine preachers doesn’t realise that those who stood inside rallies are in some ways or another, have been touched by the Holy Spirit? And if these hallucinators could raise the dead, they would have made headlines by now and kidnapped by the intelligence to do just that. Raise the dead!
In the bible, except for Moses and Isaiah, no one could have claimed to have seen God.
“No man hath seen God” (John 1:18) (1 John 4:12)
“God is spirit, a form of life which is invisible to the naked eye” (1 John 1:17), (John 4:24).
“God can be seen directly by angels because they are spirit creatures” (Matthew 18:10)
“No one can see me and stay alive” (Exodus 33:20)
And it was written that Moses had once saw the “angel of God as a flame” (Exodus 3:1-10), and besides this, God’s back, because God allows him to.
“Then I will take my hand away, and you will see my back but not my face” (Exodus 33:23). Isaiah on the other hand, has physically seen God.
“I saw the Lord. He was sitting on his throne, high and exalted, and his robe filled the whole temple.” (Isaiah 6:1)
“And yet with my own eyes, I have seen the King, the Lord Almighty“ (Isaiah 6:5).
In the Book of 2 Enoch (rejected by the Jewish and withdrawn from the Christian bible), Enoch at age 365, was taken to heaven, and managed to see God in the seventh and tenth heaven. The seventh, was from a distance, the tenth, face to face.
In (1 Kings 19:11-23), Elijah who was transported to heaven in a flaming chariot has not seen God but has spoken with God. Many prophets like Elijah has also had visions of God including Ezekiel, and many have engaged in conversations with Him.
One may argue that everyone who had seen Jesus during his thirty-three years on earth hath seen God, since the bible has surmised that God, the Son and Holy Spirit are infinitely one, while we as mortals are also “made in his own image and likeness” (Genesis 1:26-27), but then again, no one has ever seen God “in all His divine glory and holiness except in his human condition”, where he veils himself to be amongst us, appearing in the form of Jesus. The question is, do we really need to see God to believe he existed?
“Blessed are those who has not seen me, and yet had believed’”? (John 20:29)

There is clearly a distinction between God’s kingdom and the kingdom we lived in as Jesus himself clearly stated in front of Pontius Pilate. And because his kingdom is not of this world, so are his blessings and gifts of the spiritual kind.
“My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jewish leaders. But now my kingdom is from another place.” (John 18:36)
“Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of services, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who activates all of them in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. To one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the discernment of spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. All these are activated by one and the same Spirit, who allots to each one individually just as the Spirit chooses.” (1 Corinthians 12:4-11)
But with these seven gifts- wisdom, understanding, right judgement, courage, knowledge, reverence, wonder in awe of God’s presence (Isaiah 11:2-3), doth every believer, some with more gifts than others, were giventh unwarranted blessings which serves as a springboard for discipleship. Inside the scriptures, the gifts of the Holy Spirit are the roots of the tree, and the fruits of the Holy Spirit are, the fruits of that tree. And if we are led by the Spirit and open to God’s gifts, the fruits of the Holy Spirit will be evident in our lives- the virtues of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Galatians 5:22) And the harvest would be aplenty.
Where blessings are concern, God has generously reminded believers to
“Seek ye first the kingdom of God and it’s righteousness, and all things shall be added unto you” (Matthew 6:33)
“May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.” (Psalm 20:4)
“The blessing of the Lord brings wealth, without painful toil for it.” (Proverbs 10:22)
“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” (Romans 12:14)
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)
The reason why I broach this subject is because of the numerous request for intercession of the greedy kind. Healing from certain sicknesses, illnesses or diseases is understandable but praying for bigger houses? reveals a lack of understanding of the kind of blessings God has in store for us because God has never specifically mentioned wealth as a guarantee for our unceasing faith except to Solomon. And God too specifically asked of us to bless those who persecute us. Can you?
So, it is indeed a misnomer to assume that when a person is endowed with good looks, power, fame or fortune, or born with it, that means God is well pleased with him- therefore blessing him with direct tangible advantage, greatness, influence, and wealth over others. And those who don’t is not in God’s favour. From the scriptures, it is very clear that God shows no impartiality. Moreover, Jesus himself was born poor. Rather, there are many instances where God expresses his concerns about material gain particularly the means in which wealth is gained, and how the love for money could easily distract the rich from entering the kingdom of god. That is one of the mortal sins which could not be pardoned . Mortal sins identified by the church includes homicide, abortion, infanticide, fratricide, patricide, and matricide, sodomy, oppression of the poor and injustice to the wage earner.
“Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” (Matthew 19:24)
“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.” (1 Timothy 6:10)
“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.” (Matthew 6:24)
“Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar, and to give to God what belongs to God”(Mark 12:17).
“He who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves wealth with his income; this also is vanity. When goods increase, they increase who eat them, and what advantage has their owner but to see them with his eyes? Sweet is the sleep of a laborer, whether he eats little or much, but the full stomach of the rich will not let him sleep.” (Ecclesiastes 5:10-12)

The perception of Idolatry also needs to be addressed. It is one of the primary divides between the Protestants and Catholics. Idolatry in primeval times has everything to do with animism and pagan worshipping. Animism encompasses the beliefs that all material phenomena have agency, that there exists no categorical distinction between the spiritual and physical world, and that soul, spirit exists not only in humans, but also in animals, plants, rocks, geographic features or other entities of the natural environment- water sprites, vegetation deities, tree spirits etc. In the early days, pointing to the empty sky is not enough. Understanding the concept of God requires objectification and thus, megaliths, trees as gods and statues were commonplace. Even in the medieval era, objectification was needed to completely understand the concept of God, hence the many icons, statues and frescoes in temple and home surrounds created for adoration, as commemoration or plain hero worshipping the almighty, just like the many coins minted in Byzantium (395CE -1453AD) which depicts the image of Jesus.
In biblical days, idolatry arises from a personal disdain of the jealous god, Yahweh who was worshipped alongside a female deity, Mother Goddess known as Asherah. Asherah was hypothetically Yahweh’s wife (and the wife of other Gods as well). But Asherah’s shrines were everywhere, more popular than Yahweh’s. And they were also found besides Yahweh’s shrines. Yahweh found that upsetting, calls every child who worships him and her together, a whore, and called for its destruction.
“You shall not plant any tree as an Asherah beside the altar of the Lord your God that you shall make.” (Deuteronomy 16:21)
“When the men of the town rose early in the morning, behold, the altar of Baal was broken down, and the Asherah beside it was cut down, and the second bull was offered on the altar that had been built.” (Judges 6:28)
“And they abandoned all the commandments of the Lord their God, and made for themselves metal images of two calves; and they made an Asherah and worshiped all the host of heaven and served Baal.” (2Kings 17:16)
“And I will root out your Asherah images from among you and destroy your cities.” (Micah 5:14)
In today’s context, idolatry is something one indulges in, does excessively out of habit or an obsession which affects one’s duty and obligation towards God and family. And for as long as the fetishism, obsession and habit does not interfere with one’s duty and belief, it is not considered abomination. Therefore, the display and collection of statues, figurines, religious paraphernalia, relics, including prayer verses hung at home. How so ?
Because reverence or piety happens to be one of the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit. And piety brings one back to one’s own origin. Piety has everything to do with obedience, respect and paying homage to one’s ascendant, with ‘God as head of the family’, therefore, not unless one prays to a different God, or neglects his own God, is his actions considered idolatry.

There exists a great disparity of opinions concerning other matters. And I for one do not succumb to makeshift authority, with each fraternity forming their own doctrine and preference, especially those who curtail our good sense and empathy towards others in need. As God’s children, good sense must always prevail. The gift of wisdom is imbued within us to discern and surmise each opinion, not forgetting the gift of courage to correct the wrong, no matter how little or many followers the other party has. We should be glad indeed for the gift of knowledge and the larger brains we, as earthlings, are endowed with. For if not, we could not have reigned dominion over all the other creatures on the earth. Each of us should be bright enough to discern between right from wrong, good from bad, godly from evil, shallow from deep, clean from dirty, and healthy from the sickly. And to process every bit of information thrown at us- whether they are relevant and applicable in today’s context, measured against the values of love, forgiveness and kindness.
But humans are born sinners and our fallibility began with the ‘Original Sin’ as was committed by Adam, and because by that one incident, as expressed by St Augustine, no one is spared from falling into the abyss of doom.
The church has clearly defined three types of sin- Mortal sins, Venial sins and Cardinal sins. But sin is what you do which inconvenience or causes harm to others. One can arrive at what kind of sin was committed, by asking the following three questions:
1. Did the act involve a grave matter?
2. Was the act committed with full knowledge of the wrongdoing that had been done in the act?
3. Was the act done with full consent of the will?
If all three questions are answered in the affirmative, the criteria for a mortal sin have been met. If any one of the three questions is answered in the negative, only the criteria for a venial sin have been met. And Venial Sins is easily forgivable unlike mortal sins. Mortal sins are unforgivable and may I repeat that which includes homicide, abortion, infanticide, fratricide, patricide, and matricide, sodomy, oppression of the poor and injustice to the wage earner. In the Catholic context, forgiveness would entail:
1. Acts of Contrition – feeling sorrowful
2. Disclosure – confide to God
3. Penance – doing something eg. reciting of prayers to make amends for it.
St Paul mentions that when we sin, we need not fear that we are condemned by God and that there is no more justification and grace we deserve. God’s relationship with us is not broken unless or until we deliberately and irrevocably sever it by ‘moving away’ from God. There is also no such thing as flipping between grace and penalty. Believers ‘have and always been’ in the state of grace.
“Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned” (Romans 5:12)
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23)
“And when the LORD smelled the pleasing aroma, the LORD said in his heart, “I will never again curse the ground because of man, for the intention of man’s heart is evil from his youth. Neither will I ever again strike down every living creature as I have done.” (Genesis 8:21)
“Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.” (Psalm 51:5)
“Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)
“But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7)
“If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.” (1 John 1:8)
There are seven types of cardinal sin. Lust, greed, gluttony, sloth, wrath, envy and pride. Most of these sins with the sole exception of sloth, are perverse or corrupt versions of love for something or another: lust, gluttony, and greed are all excessive or disordered love of good things; sloth is a deficiency of love; wrath, envy, and pride are perverted love directed toward other’s harm. Sins from lust to envy are generally associated with pride, which has been labeled as the ‘Father of all sins.’
I will not dwell in detail all the cardinal sins except for one which is lust, which in general, is the least understood but the one believers are most interested in which explains the increase in popularity of porn sites. This deserves some attention because most preachers direct them to sexual innuendos. However, it is not so. Lust, or ‘lechery’ is intense longing, and is ‘usually’ thought of as intense or unbridled sexual desire which ‘may’ lead to fortification including adultery, rape, bestiality and other sinful sexual acts. However, lust also means unbridled desire in general; the lust for money, power, and other things are equally as sinful.
Lust is also thought to be of the least serious of cardinal sins as it is an abuse of a faculty that humans share with animals, and sins of the flesh are ‘less grievous’ than spiritual sins eg. turning away from God.
*But do not despair for there exists restitution for sins. For no sin is unpardonable, except for mortal sins and that is the promise of God.
“Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” (Proverbs 28:13)
“Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.” (Micah 7:18)
“And so I tell you, every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven.” (Matthew 12:31)

So spare me! But prohibitions from drinking, smoking, cohabiting and generously offering lifts to members of the opposite sex are but menial and should not be amplified if they happen in moderation, is consensual, and done with pure intentions. Again, sin is what you do which inconveniences or cause harm to others. Believers always like to stress that our body is the temple of the Lord. (1 Corinthians 6:19) Yes, I don’t disagree nor doubt that a temple is not a sacred place. Therefore for health reasons, we need to safeguard it from abuse. And a healthy body broods a healthy mindset. This has everything to do with the boundaries we set for ourselves but not an ultimatum or imposition which comes with disparaging penalty only the jealous heart that lobbies for punitive sentencing hopes for.
“I have the right to do anything,’ you say—but not everything is beneficial. ‘I have the right to do anything’—but I will not be mastered by anything.” (1 Corinthians 6:12)
Remember, Jesus himself turned water into wine, the first of his first miracle.
“The Wedding at Cana” (John 2:1-11)
Thus I am certain the entire community or country need not be penalised- putting the brakes on taxi services, school-buses and co-ed schooling since every good person is assumed to have the tendency to let their throbbing manhood rule over faith, decency, integrity and good judgement.
And who are we to deprive singles or separated couples no longer in love the probity of happiness in cohabiting?
As Christians, we must believe that everything comes from God who made the day as well as nights, and rain as well as sunshine (Genesis 1 & 2). And as Christians, we should not be paranoid and prohibit everything, frightening ourselves and disassociating ourselves from unpleasant situations, when caring for our community is part of our social responsibility.

So, do not simply believe in what others say or do blindly, for fear of being chastised, worse, made unpopular because we happened to be more inquisitive than others. The gift of courage, one of the seven gifts of the holy spirit, encourages us to be bold and stand our ground.
“And the lord commended the unjust steward, because he had done wisely; for the children of this world are in their generation wiser than the children of light.” (Luke 16:8)
Likewise, it is not about how many times we have read the bible from beginning till end, but about our contrite heart and how much we understand about charity and learnt from it. And to all the ‘doubting Thomases’ whose glory rests on tangible proofs and miracles they witness during faith healing, my concern is what if one day God decided to take away everything and there is no longer any miracles to perform that you can see with your own eyes, would they be as faithful to God, or would they moved on to other faiths? Seriously, I want to know.
“Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe… “ (John 20:24-29)

Maybe God doesn’t deserve me or I don’t deserve God so likewise I can’t blame the congregation for being self-absorbed. For they are the fruits of what the church teaches.
My desert experience wasn’t only forty days as Jesus had experience, but more like years cowering in fear of being stalked by the evil one whom I was told hides under the cloak of Jesus. Fact is it is just a figment of an over imaginative mind given the opportunity to lead catechumens such as me. The implications was severe and I suffered because of misinformation. No one deserves to walk that road I did long ago. And it could be prevented by addressing the misconceptions I am doing now. Thus I felt it timely to say something. Of course I can’t address all. Except those within my ability to grasp.
My concern is this . What good can a brilliant God do, armed with an army of blind, paranoid, conceited, uninformed followers whom were all assigned to stand up and fight against demons and wrongdoings?
“For a good tree does not bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. For every tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they gather grapes from a bramble bush. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:43-45)

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” (Galatians 5:1)

Abusing trust

Posted by fiveloaf on September 26, 2021

“Most women teaches their female friends to always be on guard throughout their nuptial ties so that they do become a victim of betrayal, if it ever does happen.
To me, that only means that you probably don’t know what love is about or ever truly loved your partner, with all the mistrust that is happening.
Now why do I say so?
Because love is after all blind!
And if you’re not one who is blinded, probably there’s never so much as a thing called “love” to begin with!
Be proud that you are blinded, because love is when two souls are bonded in holy matrimony and became one. And thus, you are required to perform your vows as a single entity by sharing and giving to one another. That is also the moment of truth when you realise that you are one person who is capable of giving fully your heart to love. That you trust the other person completely. That’s what love is about. And that’s what God wants, nevermind what others say.
And if you do not know how to love another fully and give your complete trust to your partner, but follow your friends advice and remain cautious, then, I’m sorry but you are better off single. So is your friend. Than to cheat your partner for a lifetime with that barricade of mistrust forever looming in the shadow of your union.
Yes, unfortunate things do happen in relationships if you do not follow your friends advice. But whatever it is, just regard it as your partner’s loss for abusing your trust and failing to see through your well-meaninged intentions and generosity by giving fully your love towards the relationship.”

China Dolls ni

Posted by fiveloaf on March 15, 2021

“Out of curiosity, I registered with a dating site, earning myself 20 requests daily. From China doll swindlers trying to do a quick kill, and elderly women expecting to hook up some single handsome rich men. Lol… lol… they are all snapped up long ago dear! Don’t expect handsome men to be monks for life ya?

As the register of marriages gets filled up, the probability of dating single handsome rich men dwindles by the day. Even for those who are not handsome, nor rich.

The reasons why singles remain singles at a mature age are many. Just as many as why leftovers remain leftovers. I am not saying there are no longer decent older men around up for grabs. But for those who remain single, many have fallen in, others have fallen out. To some, it is a choice they hold on to for life. And they won’t let go of that choice. Some value freedom, others, because they do not have freedom owing to family or financial obligations. But for the many who remained single, it is because they suffer from a lifetime of communication difficulties, emotional disconnection, apart from physical and mental anomalies.

If you are older, but still wanted to attract single handsome men, looks like you have to settle for those that were once married. So watch what you write and wish for on your dating profile. If you had never been short of request to chat, if you are older, chances are these men are all married.

Otherwise you will need to continuously spruce up your image, to compete with those China dolls when it comes to looks. Which most men are attracted to. I won’t lie to you. They are your benchmark. Many pretty married women got dumped and cheated by their straying husbands in search of China dolls, no matter how well they take care of themselves.

Sprucing up your looks may win you attention, but that will also earn you countless heartbreaks too. If men are attracted to you physically, you can bet they’ll say anything, including lying about their marriage, just to bed you. For those who are honest and good, are not many. There are, but not many.

The internet has opened up the Pandora’s box that made stray dogs out of men. But men being men, were all born strays. They are all born hunters since primitive ages. Since young, men were designed to make life uncomfortable and silly for everyone. And that’s the truth.

Conclusion- I deregister myself from the dating app for good. Because I have a weakness. I am sapiosexual. I can’t feed on just looks alone. That alone makes me yawn.”

An Ancient Love Poem

Posted by fiveloaf on December 4, 2020

(Someone copied this poem and made an atrocious ending to it thus making it very distasteful and offensive when it is meant to be just that, a beautiful lighthearted poem on making love. I encountered it in the 80s when I was a student in Singapore and managed to keep a copy of it which I posted it now. I don’t claim to be the author and I am not plagiarising it. I will give credit when due (please convince me ) because the author’s name was not on my copy, but certainly I am not going to acknowledge the one, a professor in the US shared. His version doesn’t even rhyme well or sound correct if I may be so bold to say)

This is as original as it sounds.

Adam & Eve, as everyone knows

Lived in a garden, without any clothes

And in the garden, there were two little leaves

One covered Adam, the other Eve

As the story goes, needless to say

Along came the wind, which blew them away

And the wondering sight, that made Adam stare

Was Eve’s rookie, all covered with hair

The night was calm, with a silvery moon

And soon they both found, a place to spoon

And the amazing sight, that met Eve’s eyes

Was Adam’s ‘thing’, as it started to rise

Adam thrust, with all his might

For his was big, and hers was small and tight

And forward and backward, he did stride

Till friction made Eve, all juicy inside

She jerks and moan, as he teases her darts

Her legs spread wider, as he pistons her tart

Then all of a sudden, Eve gave a loud shrill

As Adam’s ‘thing’, began to spill

Adam was so spent, but down Eve went

She sucks him wildly and devour his content

She made him twitch, and pleases him good

As Adam kept spurting, till he ran out of food

Three months later, all went well

Six months later, ‘What a swell!’

Nine months later, what a shock!

Out comes a baby, with a nine inch c’ck!

(Author Unknown)

What Women Wants

Posted by fiveloaf on December 2, 2020

Seven (7) doors to her heart.

Some say five (5).

There had been disputes concerning ways to win a women to your side.

Here’s mine.

Attention

Attention is being aware of others, besides ourselves, and being the focus of someone’s loving attention. Every woman needs someone who is there to listen to their deepest feelings and needs, and understands her intentions, and fears. Every woman needs that kind of attention to thrive, to be the best they can be. It shows that you care and want her to be around.

Admiration

Admiration is why she grooms herself daily and spends substantial time and savings on skin care and clothes, to look magical to you. When she is constantly admired, she can feel your undivided presence which affirms her self worth, boosts her esteem, and gives her self confidence. It allays her fears and insecurity and warms herself up to you.

Acceptance

In order to be intimate, woman needs to feel safe, accepted, relaxed, and worthy. Trying to challenge her good sense, oppose or challenge her, will not win you love, respect, or understanding. If you accept her for who she is, it means that you are seeing the truth in her within your relationship. That will calm her and give her a sense of stability and safety. It makes her feel homey as she welcomes you into her life and her inner thoughts.

Appreciation

Appreciating her efforts makes her feel good about herself and increases the chances of her love connection with you. Showing her gratitude and validating her efforts reinforces your good relationship. That she knows she can be of help in times of need and contribute to your well being. Women cares when they are in love. Not knowing when to reciprocate her thoughtfulness by showing her appreciation makes her feel rejected.

Affection

As humans, we all need emotional, spiritual and physical affection. It requires some direct behaviors that show us the proof of these things. Affection is often a code word for sex but oftentimes, there can be sex just by being attentive, unexpectedly hugging her from behind, showering her with surprise gifts, sending note cards, dropping her a line when you are busy, these are some keys that makes her feel wanted.

Allowing

Allowing means letting her be who she is, and not trying to control her, change her, cage her, or force her into a mould she finds irrational, intolerable or humiliating. Allowing is the essence of unconditional love. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t set limits in your relationship with her. You can. But setting limits is done to protect your relationship and yourself; whereas controlling is making her do what you want. Acceptance doesn’t make sense without allowing.

Affirmation

Affirming is to express agreement with, or commitment to uphold and support her thoughts and ideas, or her words or actions. To agree or concur with her gives her the emotional support and encouragement she needs, that what she does is all correct.

I stand open to be corrected. But try not to be abusive with your language.

(Author Unknown)

Overcoming Grief

Posted by fiveloaf on November 15, 2020

Grief is a state of loss. An emotional upheaval that one feels beit over a divorce, loss of job, death of a loved one. It manifests in 7 stages, some experts argued 5- but it all depends on our equilibrium, our attachment to that party, the circumstances that brought about the loss, and the severity inflicted by the tragedy. The various stages are sequential but rubbery, with no affixed period, and an aggrieved party may sail across, mixing up or skipping some stages in between, and recover in no time at all. The 7 stages are: shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression, upward turn, reconstruction and working through, and finally, acceptance. But to ride through grief, one must know firstly how grief happens.

Religion has been the pinnacle of mankind. It is responsible for our lifestyle, the constant unrest between nations, civic consciousness, moral conduct and governance. It shapes us to become who and what we are today. However, what most people overlooked is the well known mantra of ‘Giving more so that one could receive.’ An extreme example would be “If anyone slaps you on your right cheek, offer him your left also.” Deep, mysterious parable that is. But a powerful one. That is another topic of discussion altogether.

Giving is an act of love, and giving begins with one being emphatic, generous, happy, caring, or simply, being dutiful. No one will give to their enemies where love doesn’t co-exist. And the more you love someone, the more you will give.

But taking or receiving is inevitable. Taking begins with the suckling of our mothers breasts, till one receives education, and finally when one is fit to take on the world. That dependence comes from one’s natural parents, guardians or sponsors. It is this constant state of receiving that one can mistakenly inherit the dogma of entitlement, thus quite often, a receiver will never know when to give back. Even after they grow into successful adults. Sometimes they defer their plans, others went chasing after rainbows. As a result, their caregivers are neglected because giving is not reciprocated. Until that fateful moment of loss arrives.

The receiver is then confronted with guilt, regret, denial , blaming oneself, the “ifs” I were to do this and that, the longing to do more which they did not initiate when their loved ones is still alive, because there exists an imbalance between giving and receiving. If one would have given enough or more than one receives, grief is short lived. But that is a natural frailty of man. To put off affirmations, praises, visits, giving of gifts. All these can be taught, but never will they ever be fully executed.

But managing grief is entirely different. The rites encountered in certain religions helps the aggrieved to let go. They are the hidden gems subtly designed with human emotions in mind. This if one could afford to, a full rite is better than half-baked ones. The action of burning incense is letting go, the serving of meals and drinks and the giving away of sweets to well wishers is letting go, the throwing of gluttonous rice, the offering of candles, the placing of wreathes and flowers on the casket, the singing of hymns, the shouting of mantras, the placing of bones into urns, throwing flowers into the pit, these rituals were all designed with giving in mind. If one couldn’t afford to, the giving away of the deceased possessions to the poor and underprivileged is another way of letting go. And when one gives, one will gradually let go. And the more one let go, the natural progression lightens our heart to recovery.

So it is right to say that hidden beneath all religions, beit right or wrong, our forefathers whom has designed all these sacred rites and mantras had us in mind. To help us heal.

Conglomerate

Posted by fiveloaf on October 27, 2020

If everyone dies old, heaven is but a large conglomerate of senior citizens.

Every time it Rains

Posted by fiveloaf on October 11, 2020

Every time it rains,

I imagine

cuddling you in my arms ,

and smell your hair..

The trickles,

reminds me of the seconds

on the face of

a clock,

and how much we have wasted

over trivial matters..

when we could use them

for love..

I have never forgotten

to love you

Even when it rains

Every time it rains

Let it stream down your heart

and gutter into a pool

Filled with love

In my heart

Let it striate the fog

off our windows

And remove the gale from our eyes

Each time it rains

Every time it rains..

-Kris Lee 2020.

Believe and Trust

Posted by fiveloaf on September 16, 2020

One has to believe in a person before you can trust them. You can’t say I believe you, but I don’t trust you. Neither is it right to say that I trusted you, but I don’t believe you. That kind of statement is purely unacceptable.

Burnt Sand

Posted by fiveloaf on August 26, 2020

The seabirds have flown

The grasses have turned brown

What are we but burnt sand

If hearts that bind no longer shine

But wilt in the golden meadow.

Sin Free?

Posted by fiveloaf on June 30, 2020

~For Christians Only~

When Jesus say “if your eyes had cause you to sin, pluck it out”, what he meant was exactly what he says. That the mere act of oogling at a man or women with lust, harbouring the desire to act on it or to fantasise or imagine lewd scenes is enough to make you a sinner. Never mind if you stay faithful to your legitimate companion till your golden years or beyond. Otherwise He could just ask you to wash your eyes, drip some eye solution and you are back to normal, instead of plucking them out. And he meant both eyes because no one pair of eyes can focus on two things at the same time. Not unless you are squint-eyed.

Thus the act of refraining yourself from being physical with somebody who is not your spouse does not warrant you the coveted trophy of being ‘sin free’. And sin is not exclusive of the flesh. It might win you praises from both your wife or your in laws or the general public but not He who owns the heavenly kingdom. And He did not specify the age that one should not ogle thus you can still be a sinner when you are a teenager or stay unmarried.

In other words, no one can claim themselves to be sin free. And lust is but one of the seven sins beside greed, gluttony, pride, anger, vanity and laziness. And acknowledging yourself to be sinful is to recognise that one essential trait which makes us human, the consolation is that if you believe in Him, ‘he will absolve you from your sins for as long as you acknowledge and admit to your weakness’. His role is similar to that of your parents who pardons you from the mistakes you made.

If you cannot understand this simple verse, please stop being a Christian. Being in denial of this simple teaching is planting doubt and corrupting your own mind. Creating your own interpretation is pride and vanity, two forms of sin.

Having said this, I welcome you back to this world as a human, I appreciate everyone’s effort for trying to be godly or god like, but stop celebrating outward physical faithfulness as an achievement. The propensity of behaving ugly is a prerequisite of the human make you are. All men are born sinners as St Paul says. Never more true.”

⁃ Kris Lee 2020.

Live Matters No Matter the Colour

Posted by fiveloaf on June 5, 2020

Black lives matter I know, but so are other colors. It might be trendy that when one person dims the light in support of the other, and others follow, let It not be a sinister plot against your arch enemy, or follow moody trends just because you want to feel accepted . Let it genuinely be that you are outrage and demur violence against mankind, no matter what color they are. Polarization is at its worse when race becomes the main coterie, but it is not as worst as having blind supporters who cheer for no good reason. Perhaps it is opportune and timely that more discourse should happen to iron out man’s folly. But not within the four walls of deceit, of treachery, suppression or selfish motives. Truth lies within your own heart. Ending racism is about removing suspicion and creating trust . Without that, merely looking beyond colours is certainly not good enough. Dimming the light without discouraging marginalization and you are just a blady fool that became a tool for those who doesn’t fully understand the values of our ubiquitous existence.

She Slips into Her Lingerie

Posted by fiveloaf on May 23, 2020

She slips into her lingerie

Unperturbed by the grace she has received in all her years of sacrifices and sweltering for a good family

Although it gave her a sense of satisfaction

When everything falls into place

Nothing seems to work well where affairs of the heart and physical longing is concern

it is lost in the midst of it all

Not that she is complaining

But in her endeavor for a better tomorrow

She is still, after all, a woman

Silhouetted inside her own compound

Which is not just a garden

But a playground she hasn’t had the privilege to explore when younger

In all her nakedness

Therein lives the effeminate man tied and knotted to her for good..

To her

He is but an innuendo who pleases no one but himself

With her needs and craving bloating within

She hungers for some wayward touch

Someone who could unbox her insatiable needs with care and respect a woman craves

Someone with enough resilience to sail the storm

Someone who understands when her soil needs wetting

And leave moist on her leaves

So she could eagerly wrap her petals around him

With the same attention, care and understanding given her

A wild orchid longing to bloom

Her craving now screams louder than the crashing of waterfall happening below

And thus she rhythmically nurtures herself

Oblivious to the melodrama and reverie

Triggering herself in alternate low high arousal

Immersing her thoughts in the most luscious of cosplay

Herself as the protagonist

At other times, the willing slave

She’s on fire…

With each contraction, she jolts to the spasms reacting on her crotch

Harnessing her to wince in delight

She abandons all thoughts of the man bequeathed

For he hasn’t a clue where her hot button situates

He understands neither her needs to have her gape widened to subdue the itch

But her imagery lover does

She yearns for his unassuming gallantry

And strong reassuring arms with a thrust that could make her clamp onto his hips wickedly

And gyrate his hump

She longs for her senses to be awakened

Because she is all woman

Her needs may be inconclusive

But right now, all she cares is to soar above the clouds

With a man who could coax the child out of her

She longs to be touched, teased, kissed and kneaded

She longs to be the wholesome woman before the coming of age

To even out the missed opportunities in her teens she so often reminisces

And in her latter years as a damsel caught in distress inside a restrictive society

She wants to be carried under his pinions and more

Much more…

Again

she slips back into her lingerie

Again she loses herself in her own thoughts and caresses

But all those delights are but momentary pleasures

For as the sun sets

What which lasts was her struggle with silence and loneliness tormenting her in the fading twilight

As she straddles silently, her grief awaits her in the cuffed room

Of false pretenses…

True Love

Posted by fiveloaf on May 10, 2020

True love rejoices in truth; in being honest, and transparent; whereas fake love hides in the darkness of lies

True love makes sacrifices; whereas fake love is only selfish upon themselves

True love lasts forever, unlike physical needs or material existence; whereas fake love dies, when it is only after the flesh

True love grows, and inspires you to be a better person; whereas fake love loves fighting and heated arguments, doesn’t know how to resolve problems calmly, and destroys your good life

True love loves you and loves itself, it looks after its own health and well being, so that you could have a stronger relationship; whereas fake love hates itself, giving you more undeserving pains and problems

True love acts with trembling, not only talks but act with passion, excitement and energy; whereas fake love is nonchalant, never cares, and always give excuses instead of fulfilling promises

True love is hopeful, include you into their future plans, and never give up fighting for you; whereas fake love easily gives up, has no permanent plan for your relationship, and doesn’t treat you as important

True love is faithful, dependable and believes in you despite your shortcoming; whereas fake love is unbelieving, until they are 100% sure of you

True love is loyal, displays strong commitment, and will never cheat on you; whereas fake love is a cheater

True love trusts, and have confidence in your actions, they think positively; whereas fake love doubts, and only harbors negativity about you

True love knows and makes effort to know and understand you, so they could love you better, can read your mind and feel your emotions; whereas fake love just doesn’t get it, doesn’t understand what’s going on with you, and doesn’t care about your thoughts and feelings

True love is wise, mature, and righteous; whereas fake love is foolish, childish, inconsiderate, reckless and narrow minded

True love may be painful, but it protects you and shields you from anything that will hinder growth; whereas fake love hurts, it only gives you momentous satisfaction, it is toxic

True love is honorable, respectful of your opinions, and ambition; whereas fake love is rude, arrogant, and disregards your self worth

True love is joyful, happy, and likes to see others happy; whereas fake love is bitter, filled with negativity, and holds grudges

True love is grateful, thankful and blessed when you are around, and appreciates everything you gave; whereas fake love is envious, feels you are unlucky, and jealous of your possessions

True love feels fulfilled; whereas fake love always feels empty, greedy, and unsatisfied

True love is humble, admits to mistakes, and takes the blame unto himself; whereas fake love is proud, boastful, a credit grabber, and never admit to mistakes

True love is patient, enduring, and forgiving; whereas fake love is easily angered, quick to judge, and punishes you without mercy

True love is kind to you, generous, and compassionate; whereas fake love is cruel, gives you pain and treats you badly

(Author Unknown)

fiveloaf

Monologs of a Water Tiger

Tag Archives: relationship

Chinese New Year

God

Handphone

Midnight Flowers

An advice

For Love’s Sake

Truths All Good Christians Must Know (and its many myths that should be addressed)

Abusing trust

China Dolls ni

An Ancient Love Poem

What Women Wants

Overcoming Grief

Conglomerate

Every time it Rains

Believe and Trust

Burnt Sand

Sin Free?

Live Matters No Matter the Colour

She Slips into Her Lingerie

True Love