Times Forgotten

Abuse, Anxiety, Booze, denial, Game of Life, Game player, love, nature, Poetry, Prose, story, , , , ,

It’s an autumn evening in the cottage set between the mountains and the sea.  He pours her a large red wine at dinner time. Joining her by cracking the top of his beer can. There isn’t any food just yet. He needs to smoke his weed before he feels the need to eat. He’s not particularly bothered about the booze, it’s the smoke he wants to evoke. He’s high. He makes her want to cry.

He talks to the room
Sharing his thoughts from times past
How long will it last?

She joins in with the smoke. Craving for numbness, wanting to block him out. Ignored he cannot be. He tells her stories of the ex and the ex before that. The intrusive images float around her already damaged mind. She prepares a fire for some kind of warmth. She sits and stares at the vicious flame attacking the wood. Which reflects her husband. She feels the burn. He talks and talks and talks some more. Whilst playing his guitar and mournful music.

Her mood is sinking
She cry’s within, drinking more
Black out is welcome

Harvesting the Gloom

Full Moon, Habiun, Haiku, hope, nature, Poetry, positivity, story, writer,

As she sat under the stars and the moon, the clouds were playful with her gloom. She waited patiently for the dark blackened clouds to uncover her delight of the bright Harvest Moon. Her eyes wandered to the falling stars, serenading her with wishes that may come true. For she had a hundred wishes to be fullfilled. Distracted by the beauty of the darkened sky, keeping her heart beating. Finally the luminious moon makes an extraordinary appearance. Dulling her sadness.

Nature in the evening
Wild life in the day
Taking all the thoughts away

Never Never Will he Change

Abuse, Anxiety, denial, Game of Life, Game player, Games, love, Poetry, story, writer, , , , ,

He is no longer part of my life
Nowhere in sight
But the thoughts, the feelings
Still come as a shock
Those things he was saying
The looks and behaviour
He was displaying
I didn’t realise it was a game he was playing
His lyrics all make sense
‘I knew just what to say,
It’s just a game I play’
Never, Never
He ain’t all that clever
Emasculated once again
He acts the clown
His attitude changed
When I was no longer prepared
To play his game
He needed to get out
He could no longer stay
He’s worn out
He’s out of moves
He’s lost his lover
His vinegar woman is bitter
He can’t cope with change
He likes things to stay the same
This battle is over
He feels the scars
La La La
He is left alone

Underground

Abuse, Anxiety, denial, Game of Life, hope, Lockdown, nature, Poetry, story, writer, , ,

You can read it from top to bottom or the bottom to the top 🙂 Inspired by my garden mole.

I feel like a mole
Living in a hole
Living deep underground
Scrambling my way around
Searching through the darkness
Seeking the light
My burrow is never bright
All is out of sight
There is the mound
Do I dare to go out and look around?
I pop my head through
What shall I do?
My eyes they sting
The light is too bright
My heart it races
With fright
I turn and hideout
Back inside
I feel safe
Living deep underground
I am the mole
Living in my hole

Hopefully Not

Abuse, Anxiety, author, denial, Game of Life, Game player, hope, love, Poetry, story, writer, , , , ,

As this could be for good
He totally understood
And
Chose to ignore
Knowing I won’t take it any further
He will have a shock
I am angry
And
I am bold
My voice is getting stronger as he knows
I don’t give a fuck
Maybe I seem like an angry fucker
And
This is true
Angry with fucking you
Is there respect?
I don’t think so
Do I respect myself?
No, I don’t think so
So why should he respect me?
And
Why should I respect him?
Determined to destroy me
I don’t know which way to jump
As my mother would say
Chuck it out the fucking window

Silenced by the Drinking

Abuse, Anxiety, Booze, denial, Game of Life, Game player, Games, Lies, love, Poetry, story, writer, , , , , ,

Who the hell is he?
I haven’t got a clue
How do I not know?
Has he been pretending all this time?
Almost four years together
Drunk for over three
Is that why I didn’t see?
Am I actually going crazy?
Or is it what he is purposely doing to me?
Is he a liar?
Is he a wanking cheat?
He thinks he’s been discreet

Why couldn’t I see?
He never bothered with his family
His children were far from his mind
Not even a best friend
Was I just meant to be a rebound
From the girl younger than his daughter?

The alarm bells were ringing
But they were silenced by the drinking.
Who the hell is he?

Uncertainty

Anxiety, denial, Game of Life, love, Poetry, story, writer, , , ,

Uncertainty

There was a lot of emotions moved around yesterday
The body and mind need a way of displaying those feelings
The minds a reeling
The dreams and nightmares are there to help one recover
From the pain that is being suffered
Everyday seems like a ‘dark pit of despair’
Guide your dreams and they can take you anywhere
Unfortunately
Its time for change
All will be rearranged
Is it love you are mourning?
Or
The thought of a different yearning?
Yearning for similarity?
Yearning for things to stay to same?
You’ll find a new path
On a different patch of grass
But your tracks will just be the same