Category Archives: Lockdown

Underground

Abuse, Anxiety, denial, Game of Life, hope, Lockdown, nature, Poetry, story, writer, , ,

You can read it from top to bottom or the bottom to the top 🙂 Inspired by my garden mole.

I feel like a mole
Living in a hole
Living deep underground
Scrambling my way around
Searching through the darkness
Seeking the light
My burrow is never bright
All is out of sight
There is the mound
Do I dare to go out and look around?
I pop my head through
What shall I do?
My eyes they sting
The light is too bright
My heart it races
With fright
I turn and hideout
Back inside
I feel safe
Living deep underground
I am the mole
Living in my hole

Game Play

Abuse, author, Game of Life, Game player, Games, Lockdown, Poetry, story, writer, , , , ,

I am aware of all of these games
But my boards have
No names
No rules
No structure
Similar to
Snakes and Ladders
It has its ups and downs
Jenga
Build your wall and then one wrong move and it collapses
Mouse Trap
Caught in the trap
Screwball Scramble
Trying to keep things steady and not fall over the edge
Cluedo
Always looking for the clues to give the right answers
Battleship
Treading gently, one wrong move and boom
Shirades
Reading the body language and signals
Frustration
Getting around as quick as possible to get home safe
Chess
Always thinking three moves ahead. Building up your defence
The game of life

Fight of the Burning Light

Abuse, Anxiety, denial, Lies, Lockdown, love, Poetry, story, writer, , , , ,

The flame is lit
This time just a little bit
Flicker by flicker
Keeping the flame alive
Not understanding the hidden demise of my mind
Ailments, confusion, delusions
Not trusting one’s thoughts
There is still the flicker of the light
Things don’t seem right
Not leaving the house
Not a visitor in sight
Flicker by flicker
Questions, questions, questions
Not being able to find the answers
Charming and flirtatious
Shouting and then the glare
Then comes hysteria and fear
Do this, don’t do that
Are you doing it right?
Did I do it right?

Striking the match
The goal is in sight
I blink
That can’t be right
I no longer have any goals
All out of my reach
He is deceitful
He is the one holding the light

Distance makes the Heart Follow

Abuse, Anxiety, Booze, denial, hope, Lies, Lockdown, love, Poetry, story, writer, , , , , ,

Both there, but not there
She goes off into her usual stare
This night he decides he doesn’t care
From that night
These two just haven’t been right
What’s with that?
What’s the facts?
For she doesn’t know, and he won’t say
They’ve both given up the drink and weed
Is that something he needs to succeed?
They’ve only ever known each other from the other side of the glass
Yes, things have changed
Will they get through the exchange?
They are unarranged
No order, no lust
She thinks he only wants the thrust
Has their love expired?
Does he find her attractive, sexy or hot?
Or is it she’s thinking too much about that?
Will he ever open up and share his feelings?
Or does he continue to keep her reeling?
It leaves her with uncertainty
Nothing to believe in
It’s the most horrid of feelings

He talks the words that are expected
He sits quietly
She knows he’s projecting
She sits in her usual daze
She has felt happier days

Their lockdown time maybe their biggest, scariest time yet
But her lockdown started long ago

She has released herself from the sorrow
For his heart is hollow

War of the Mind

Abuse, Anxiety, denial, Lies, Lockdown, love, Poetry, story, writer, , , , ,

Barricaded in
Feeling no emotion or pain
I’m in lockdown
The wall is defending me of
The love wars
The thought wars
The emotion wars
The bricks and cement stay strong
No words
No kindness
No guilt
Is letting him in
Or letting it crumble
He seems all humble
But I will not allow him to eat the pie

Why?
You hurt me
You see
I am depressed
I am sad
I am tired
I am scared

My guilt of not wanting to make love
It shouldn’t be just a release
Love making is for sharing
Caring and much more
To be at one with one another
Three days pass
Your hormones you cannot control
But the emotion should be more

You never have to ask you say
My gut told me to ask
But I hear those words you say
My minds back at war
Should I ask?
Will he think I’m nuts?
I’m just paranoid
In this man I trust
He said he wouldn’t do it again
Get this in your head then

I finally asked
He admitted he committed the act

Horny I am not
Numb is what I am
I try, I try
I want to cry
I want to be
But I’m just not

How does he find me attractive when I am like this?
I want to kiss and cuddle
Feel safe and secure
He’s horny
That’s for sure
Subtle he is not
All he does is try and try
I want to cry

The war is exhausting
Say nothing
Stay in lockdown
The defence is working
The wall isn’t about to fall
Barricaded in
Who will win?

Defined

hope, Lockdown, nature, Poetry, positivity, story, writer, ,

Roots, Roots, Roots

Will they ever let loose?

Embedded, Embedded, Embedded

Running deep. Rising high

Fly, Fly, Fly

The wind let out a sigh

Sigh, Sigh, Sigh

The leaf was unable to reply

Power, Power, Power

The trunk is too strong

Silence, Silence, Silence

Nothing dared to stare

Dance, Dance, Dance

Swayed the flowers and the weeds

Seeds, Seeds, Seeds

Scattered. Not all succeed

Define, Define, Define

The many colours growing from the vine

Time, Time, Time

Distinctive and equally sublime

Interwine, Interwine, Interwine

Avoidance

Anxiety, author, hope, Lockdown, Poetry, story, writer, , ,

Avoidance

Creating my own annoyance
Sitting, thinking of all those things I want to do
Exhausting my mind
Feelings of tiredness, lethargy
Giving myself no empathy
Maybe today isn’t the day to act out the play
The stage will still be there tomorrow
What if I forget my lines?
What if I lose my script?
What if the stage fright doesn’t leave tonight?
Then tomorrow will be the same fight
Hopefully tomorrow I will have a new mask
Then these questions
I will not need to ask
Get through today
Forget about the act
Tomorrow can be another rehearsal

Some Might Say it’s a Cure

Anxiety, corona virus, Lockdown, Poetry, prescription, story, writer, , ,

The ideal prescription
For people with depression, anxiety and PTSD
‘DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE’
The government announced
Unless it’s for essential work, food shop, exercise, or medical and nothing more

Life has just become easier for me
Not having to see anybody
No worry or panic how life outside will be
No fighting with yourself to get out of bed
Struggling with the darkness of what’s in your head

The thought of Corona virus is very scary
But when you constantly battle with this that and the other
It becomes a familiarity

The only thing I miss
Is not seeing
My friends and family

I awake knowing
I don’t have to pass over my front door

But I’m not sure this is the cure
What happens when lockdown is no more?

The cycle begins again
Instead of the anxiety of just going out
There’s the dread of catching this highly contagious disease
More pressure on the mental health teams

It’s a temporary rest
The next stage will be the biggest test yet