I can see how I would like my life to be
I am changing, rearranging,
resetting, nesting,
settling, settling into
my own skin.
I am getting to know myself, inside and out.
I like what I see and feel.
Finally, falling in love with me.
I dont need to
worry about things
that arise from the past.
I’m leaving it all behind. No longer living in rewind.
I’m just pressing play and dealing with each day.
That will do!
True love has finally come true.
I was the Spider caught in his Web
With his bridge line
The weaving got tighter
My heart became fainter
I was the water colours
Trying to blend in
He was the painter
Creating the obscure mix
He was the creator
He was the narrator
I was the character in his play
It made me sick in so many ways
It took me a while to realise
He was the cause
Of this broken product
He told me he loved me
But secretly
He was destroying me
I tried to escape so many times
He worked his magic
I was easily hypnotised
With his hidden lies
I am still trapped in his web
Although
I have broken his bridge thread
I’m left with words unsaid
Unsaid by me
As I was to afraid
Even though the cage has been broken
I have been left wide open
You are the reason
I am still reeling
With so many confusing feelings
There’s no logic in the things you did
But
These are the things that effect the way I live
I thank the moon for the darkened sky that has gone
I can try and be at one
Thank you!
Words Twisted
Hidden in the red mist
He didn’t use his fist
Mentality hidden in her own abyss
He obviously Knew this
Some words he felt were useless
Unless
It was him being obtuse
She is not looking for sympathy, only empathy
She is only just realising
That she is not lazy, or in fact crazy
His words were not easy to see through
He captured her into his lair
This, she could no longer bare
Sick of seeing that disapproving glare
Her own thoughts and feelings
Discovered all of the misleading words he was feeding
Words untangled
No longer did she feel strangled
This woman he could no longer handle
To much of a woman for him
Seeing him doesn’t please me
He’s there in the Spar
Greeting me
Questioning me still
Uni this, uni that
I’ve already asked him
Keep it as though I am a customer
And you are staff
But he won’t leave it at that
I’m drawn in
Answering, this and that
Giving him the facts
That can’t be right?
I’m back there
Complient
In his stare
Tomorrow we shall be divorced
So, why should I care about that?
Forget him
Forget him
Forget him
He’s not worth my time
But
Here I am writing about him in yet another rhyme
There he is carrying on like he’s done no wrong
Singing yet another la la la song
The mental abuse he induced
Isn’t much fun
Left me here feeling useless and numb
He has accomplished what he set out to produce
A word to the wise
If something doesn’t feel right
And
It feels a constant fight
Lay down your gloves
This isn’t love
It isn’t right
There shouldn’t be any disguise
Life is too short to live In fear
And
To pretend
Forget him
Forget him
Forget him
So
The perpetrator plays the victim
Why can’t people see through him?
He lives in another town
But still comes and works in mine
The transfer is there for the taking
What goes through his mind?
Why can’t he leave me behind?
He has no friends in his town
Never mind mine
He can play his games
But
HE CANNOT GASLIGHT ME ANY LONGER
He wont realise but I am now stronger
He really is a wrong un
He still tells me I will always be his one true love
If this was really true
Why would he make me out to be a shrew?
There must be better things for him to do
I will continue to buy my tobacco from ‘my’ local spar
It’s an autumn evening in the cottage set between the mountains and the sea. He pours her a large red wine at dinner time. Joining her by cracking the top of his beer can. There isn’t any food just yet. He needs to smoke his weed before he feels the need to eat. He’s not particularly bothered about the booze, it’s the smoke he wants to evoke. He’s high. He makes her want to cry.
He talks to the room
Sharing his thoughts from times past
How long will it last?
She joins in with the smoke. Craving for numbness, wanting to block him out. Ignored he cannot be. He tells her stories of the ex and the ex before that. The intrusive images float around her already damaged mind. She prepares a fire for some kind of warmth. She sits and stares at the vicious flame attacking the wood. Which reflects her husband. She feels the burn. He talks and talks and talks some more. Whilst playing his guitar and mournful music.
Her mood is sinking
She cry’s within, drinking more
Black out is welcome
He is no longer part of my life
Nowhere in sight
But the thoughts, the feelings
Still come as a shock
Those things he was saying
The looks and behaviour
He was displaying
I didn’t realise it was a game he was playing
His lyrics all make sense
‘I knew just what to say,
It’s just a game I play’
Never, Never
He ain’t all that clever
Emasculated once again
He acts the clown
His attitude changed
When I was no longer prepared
To play his game
He needed to get out
He could no longer stay
He’s worn out
He’s out of moves
He’s lost his lover
His vinegar woman is bitter
He can’t cope with change
He likes things to stay the same
This battle is over
He feels the scars
La La La
He is left alone
As this could be for good
He totally understood
And
Chose to ignore
Knowing I won’t take it any further
He will have a shock
I am angry
And
I am bold
My voice is getting stronger as he knows
I don’t give a fuck
Maybe I seem like an angry fucker
And
This is true
Angry with fucking you
Is there respect?
I don’t think so
Do I respect myself?
No, I don’t think so
So why should he respect me?
And
Why should I respect him?
Determined to destroy me
I don’t know which way to jump
As my mother would say
Chuck it out the fucking window
Who the hell is he?
I haven’t got a clue
How do I not know?
Has he been pretending all this time?
Almost four years together
Drunk for over three
Is that why I didn’t see?
Am I actually going crazy?
Or is it what he is purposely doing to me?
Is he a liar?
Is he a wanking cheat?
He thinks he’s been discreet
Why couldn’t I see?
He never bothered with his family
His children were far from his mind
Not even a best friend
Was I just meant to be a rebound
From the girl younger than his daughter?
The alarm bells were ringing
But they were silenced by the drinking.
Who the hell is he?
Daisy Green 