Note to self, do not eat at Nathaniel's in Owen Sound.

Apparently, some patrons have told the owners they would have been "appalled" to have been served by a woman with a shaved head. Apparently, these sub-humans have never met anyone struggling with chemotherapy and radiation sickness and motherfucking cancer, motherfuckers!

"Nathaniels owner and chef Dan Hilliard defended his decision, saying the restaurant has certain standards."

What a coinky dink. I also have certain standards. Yeah. I refuse to eat at a restaurant that does not celebrate its employees' taking part in incredibly positive and powerful fundraisers for the Canadian Cancer Society.

Fuck you, Nathaniel's. Fuck you hard. If I'm ever in Owen Sound, you can bet I'll stop by and come in and tell you what I think of you and your shitty "standards."

So I just set my music player to random to see what would happen while I drank my beer and painted my toe nails. Voila. P.S. I forgot how good that peaches/strokes mashup was.

AC/DC - What Do You Do For Money Honey

The Clash - Clampdown

Willie Nelson - Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys

The Sadies - Little Sadie

Harvey Scales & The Seven Sounds - Don't You Ever Let It End

Shout Out Out Out Out - Dude You Feel Electrical

Peter Bjorn and John - Teen Love

The Neins Circa - Bull Days

Peaches Vs. The Strokes - Juicebox Rock (mashup)

The Beach Boys - I Can Hear Music

Hungarian State Opera Orchestra - Dell'Elisir Mirabile

The Spice Girls - Say You'll be There

The Misfits - She

Tom Tom Club - Booming & Zooming

The Rosebuds - Silja Line

Alice In Chains - Rooster

The Slits - Number One Enemy

Bettye LaVette - You Don't Know Me At All

James Brown - Give It Up

John Coltrane - I'm Old Fashioned

It's days after Easter, Bitches! I do NOT want to pay full price for Cadbury's cream eggs! GOD! I'm healing from the plague! I need chocolate!

I drink your Shamrock Milkshake! It does indeed bring all the boys to the yard.

Ahem. I just wanted to bring to your attention that I am drinking a delicious Shamrock Shake and you're not.

This, combined with listening to Rum, Sodomy and the Lash, means I have done my Irish duty. Even though I'm Scottish. Cuz we're all Irish today, yeah?

Oh hai. Nice plant.




In hiding.




Let's examine the evidence, shall we? Note chewed leaves and dirt surrounding the body.




They always return to the scene of the crime.




THIS is why I don't have plants, people. The Chairman believes everything in the universe exists to service him. I wish I could somehow set up a surveillance camera to show you the ABSOLUTE DELIGHT he takes in eating plants. My only solution to this issue to get like, 80 plants and hope he realizes he's outnumbered.

Sometimes, the Internet makes me feel like I'm in high school all over again.

Quick, somebody break up with me and then tell my best friend you're in love with her, make fun of my clothes and tell me I have a problem with authority.

I'll just go slam my door, blast some Nirvana and write angry poetry.

I love Ash Wednesday. Almost as much as I love Shrove Tuesday. Almost, but not quite. I mean, pancakes, amirite, Jesus?

Mainly I love it because it does me the favour of pointing out who the super-religious people are.

I greatly enjoy pointing out that they have ash on their foreheads. I suppose they can be smug and superior about it, knowing that their sins are forgiven and they will enjoy an eternal glory. Meanwhile, I only get to enjoy one day a year of pointing and laughing. I know they think I'm getting the short end of the stick, but... hahahaha! Ash!

New topic. Lent. Why should I give something up? I think, instead, I'm going to take up a disgusting habit for 40 days. It'll make me appreciate how good I am for the rest of the year, you know? Smoking, here we come!

****

It's storming. Again. I hate being in a city when it snows so fucking much. I don't mind it looking out my window, but treking around in it, getting my pants all wet, carrying multiple pairs of shoes in my bag. Bah. Humbug. I'd rather be skiing, you know?

Last night, it was so bad, that one of the reporters who lives in Kitchener-Waterloo crashed on my couch because the roads were so bad. It was fucking crazy and it is again. So this time, I'm prepared to have her stay. Last night, my apartment was a mess and I rushed around cleaning, but this time, it's guest-prepped.

I'm making beef stew too. Yum.

Look, I don't want to encourage the writer's strike, but I don't think I'm overstating things when I say last night's Late Night triad of Conan O'Brian, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert getting into physical altercations on each others' shows was the funniest thing I've seen since Norm MacDonald told Courtney Thorne Smith her new movie with Carrot Top should be called Box Office Poison.

Best line: As Conan looms over an oblivious Stewart and Colbert, Jon goes "Stephen... I feel like we're losing the light."

Second best line: "You know what your moment of zen is? Me! Going out to kick some gangly, Irish ass!"

In short, I really would totally watch it if they just fake beat each other up all night every night.

Sorry writers. I am a fickle bitch.

Added bonus: Jon had Tim Gunn on. Alllllll my sweet bitches! Together in one room. Fucking a.

Sorry Edwards. Maybe you can be somebody's vice president of middle-aged white maleness.

In other news: New Kids on the Block may be regrouping.

Because I know you all need to waste about half an hour watching videos of a crappy boy band: www.nkotb.com Enjoy!

Seriously, how did everybody on the face of the planet not know how horrible this was? I think my favourite part is the part where they dance.

This stuff is so bad, it makes me rethink my "*Nsync is the most hideous 'band' on the planet" proclamation. At least they figured out harmony.