a tic tac for breakfast, a tic tac for lunch, and 3,000 calories for dinner minutes before bed
Zach Zimmerman
28.5K posts
Zach Zimmerman
@zzdoublezz
~ beloved comedian ~ check out my new podcast JUDGMENT DAY
- “can you explain this gap on ur resume” it was then that Jesus carried me
- my brother is so dumb he thought “Emilia Perez” was “Emily in Paris” in Spanish
- the most mortifying thing in my life has just taken place
- ur niece is Amelia Bedelia
- my aunt said she was thankful for the best family in the world and I said “when are they coming?” and it MURDERED
- so you underpay women?‘AGATHA ALL ALONG’ was reportedly Marvel Studios’ least expensive live-action Disney+ series to date. (Source: view.email.hollywoodreporter.com/?qs=cf053930d5…)
- when someone is really hot and also really nice, it's like, choose a lane
- it’s nice to see a Call Me By Your Name with a queer person in it
How do you serve cunt in a cosmic way?- my therapist changed my life when he taught me there are 4 types of conversation: 1) small talk (weather, etc) 2) swapping (you tell a story, I tell a story) 3) listening (you tell a story, I listen/validate) 4) problem-solving (you tell me a story, I help solve the problem)Normalize not bringing up a similar story about yourself when someone is telling you something about themselves, just listen
- your grandparents destroying the climate and LGBTQ rights on Tuesday
- its called dunkin donuts and i love itthinking about opening a bakery where everything is specifically made *without* love
- I may never recover. Dude asked what I was gonna wear and then cancelled the date.
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