NewsThump
39K posts
NewsThump
@newsthump
Former blue check. Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot. @[email protected]
- NEWS! The Queen could afford Prince Andrew’s settlement by making her own packed lunch and ditching Netflix, insists Kirstie Allsopp bit.ly/36884dK
- "I invented the Internet" "No you didn't" "I can see through brick walls" "No you can't" "I own fourteen dinosaurs, all alive" "Please stop"
- If you think a tub of Ben & Jerry’s is overpriced, you’re going to shit your pants when you find out how much we paid for PPE that doesn’t work...Can I have a large scoop of statistically inaccurate virtue signalling with my grossly overpriced ice cream please.
- Replying to @andy_murray and @davidschneiderBREAKING! Man who spent years promoting Australian-style immigration system now furious at Australian-style immigration system
- Interesting Fact of the Day: If Robert Jenrick were to catch 50 fare dodgers a day, recouping £2.90 each time for the taxpayer, it would take him well over 1,000 years to recoup the amount the taxpayer lost when he helped a major Tory donor avoid a £45m tax bill back in 2020.
- NEWS! Huge queue forms at Palace on news that Prince Andrew is giving away money to people he’s never met bit.ly/3HMnceR
- NEWS! British news presenters to go on strike until their employers remove any risk of encountering Mick Lynch newsthump.com/2022/06/22/bri…
- NEWS! Pope loses will to live after meeting JD Vance
- BREAKING! Matt Hancock’s wife hospitalised with prolonged laughing fit after the former Health Secretary publicly dumped by UN for someone they like better
- BREAKING! Prince Andrew’s lawyers insist current lawsuit could set “dangerous precedent” that rich people are no longer protected when they pay people off after doing terrible things to them
