And I don’t want to do anything.

This week was another very long week. Demands just went higher and higher and I’m noting a pattern with the docs that doesn’t impress me much. I’ll leave it at that, of course.

In return I end up with just more neck and hand pain. The other day I could barely hold my pen and I started looking into fat pens. There’s a lot out there but it’s still not a great selection. If you’re interested just search fat pens or pens for arthritis and they’ll pop up. I got a pack of ten but they are black ink. It seems very difficult to get blue ink… sigh!

I just took it for a test drive while making some notes for children’s books. While at the St. Jacob’s event I met some great people and one of them, Sandra, is just starting a series of How-to’s on her YouTube Channel. If you’re interested you can check them out here… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chZdU-5Cpqs&t=390s

Of course I knew most of what she had to say in this episode of Write what you know but I did make a couple of notes on mashing things together to make the book fun and add conflict.

Last night was our KW Symphony performing The Magical World of Harry Potter. They encouraged the audience to dress up in your house colours so I pulled out my Gryffindor scarf that my daughter gave me as a gift and I took Hedwig and my wand with me! It really was a great concert! They had some dancers, a choir for the only two choral pieces ever done and a narrator who summarized each book/movie very well… and with great humour! It was lots of fun seeing adults and children alike dressing up in their Hogwarts gear and coming out!

As for my own writing, well, I’m back at square one. I have to go back to two weeks ago when I said I needed to start editing book two in order to go crashing into book three. Unfortunately I hit another wall where I actually asked myself, out loud “Where is this going? Once that question gets asked and you can’t see a way through, well, it’s time to back up the train and figure out the alternate way through.

Kind of like life, I guess. When you hit roadblocks you take a step back and try to figure things out. Fat pens was a single step in the right direction. Of course I have to ask myself if I take one to work or if I just use them at home. I have a pen in my hand for most of the day at work BUT everyone will notice and I have been using blue and now I’m going to switch to black? Personally, I hate black ink… but for the time being I’ll wait and figure it out!

Well, this is a long weekend and I have things to do and an extra day to them! I am going to take my leave and see what I can accomplish despite not wanting to do anything!

Have a good one and Happy Family Day!

I know not everyone gets excited by Valentine’s and I respect that. I’ve had years where it was just another day and, eventually, along came the movie I Hate Valentine’s Day. Is it a brilliant movie? No but it’s fun and gives you a chance to have a few laughs at the expense of someone else’s misery… which is made easier because it’s fiction but, like all fiction, could happen!

There are so many reasons to hate Valentine’s Day but let me remind everyone of one thing… what the day represents the most is LOVE. The world without love would have us all at war, all the time. It would be a very dark, dismal existence.

So if you hate Valentine’s Day because you don’t have someone, or that person is far away, or you got dumped the week before last year then lift your head high anyway and realize that your family loves you, your friends love you… you are not alone.

We have a school in our area that is cancelling Valentine’s Day. Do you remember giving everyone in the class a Valentine? Well, I remember that from my daughter’s time in grade school. In my time in grade school we actually gave Valentine’s to those people we liked because, as we know, we don’t get along with everyone.

The school claimed that not only are the students too diverse but when that backfired they claimed it was too expensive which made it difficult for all students to participate. Okay, I can walk into the dollar store and get a pack of 30 Valentine’s cards made for a class of 30 students for $1.50. Alternatively there is always paper and crayons and markers and kids could get creative and make their own at home. The ultimate, and most important, lesson in Valentine’s Day is LOVE. It’s important for kids to understand that love comes from different sources and there are different types of love. I’m not sure if the school has changed its mind about it after all the backlash but there are so many alternatives besides cancelling.

This world needs more love and respect for each other. Kindness should come before selfishness which seems to be the norm now over kindness.

So let’s all celebrate tomorrow in some capacity. Even if you phone your mom, dad or a sibling just to say I love you.

Be in the moment and experience the day!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Whew! I’m glad I’ve made it to the weekend!

We had one doctor off this week so it freed up Monday morning. As shared previously, I went to the doctor that morning because of the pain in my hands and neck. He did order blood and x-rays of my hands. The x-rays show osteoarthritis but no inflammatory arthritis and the blood was also clear of inflammatory markers… now, on the flip side of the labs, the inflammatory markers don’t always show up until the disease has progressed significantly. In combination with the x-rays though I’m free of something like a Rheumatoid, for now.

However, when he examined my hands, he diagnosed my right thumb issues as tendinitis. I can have hand therapy. Lastly, my blood did show my thyroid is out of whack! It’s “borderline” so he was going to monitor it but when I looked up all the symptoms of hypothyroid I was actually shocked that I had more than half! Yes, I realize that I’m a nurse, but I look at the results, know that adjustments to medications need to made and was aware of the fatigue and weight issues that commonly come with this issue but I was not aware of things like joint pain, muscle aches, memory loss, dry skin and even depression!

So add this problem to my Seasonal Affective and it kind of starts making sense. When I wrote to him saying that I have been experiencing these symptoms, some for the last 18 months, he didn’t hesitate to order meds for me which haven’t appeared on my profile yet at the pharmacy so I think something got lost.

It has actually lifted my spirits a bit knowing this… I know that sounds crazy but I think it’s related to knowing that something is wrong and even if it’s something that can be simply managed I was right. And that some things might change for me in the coming months.

Wednesday morning I took off because there was only one doctor and she’s easy to work with and I managed, at that time, to write what I did to the doctor with my symptoms. It felt good sleeping in for the morning and just being until 1:00.

Then Thursday I got out of bed and I could hear Tigger breathing. Not panting like he’d run a marathon but just walking and sitting and I could hear him. I’ve wanted to take him to the vet for a while because of his “dry heaves/chuffing” and finally made the appointment. Yesterday afternoon we headed out the door and he was so quiet I thought taking him out in his carrier killed him! Anyway, he curled up in the corner of it and turned his head away from me!

He checks out there. Lungs are clear, tummy is soft. The vet had no concerns and explained it as Tigger has very long hair! So he’s now got all his shots again and is sound asleep on the floor here right now.

So very little writing this week. As I had mentioned, I got a five-year, One Line A Day journal that I have kept up with. I seem to have missed two entries which I quickly caught up the following mornings but I’m doing my best.

I keep looking at the stuffed bears and wanting to write their stories. I might just say what the h*** and just write my stories, my way!

So go for it! You have a story to tell… just tell it!

It is almost 9:00 and I’m at home, writing this post! My partner at work is working this morning and I don’t start until 1:00. That gets to be two weeks in a row but next Monday I go to the doctor and I made a 9:30 appointment so I can get any tests done that he might request!

I needed that night of rest though. I was up twice but many hours in between which means good, solid sleeping… something I don’t do very often!

And the better part is, that up until now, nobody knows I’m home this morning!

On the flip side, I started writing the third book of my trilogy yesterday. It’s not what I had planned but there it is! I had planned on starting the editing process with hopes that I would then come up with the ending. The alternative was to start the third book, have both complete before editing and then dive in and split the two appropriately!

I don’t know why ending the second book is so difficult. I’ve never been a big fan of ending my books… it seems so final and I miss the characters for a while before I can write a new book. Then I keep thinking of the old characters and I want to write them a new book but that doesn’t always work. I’d love to go back and tell another Haven story but then I feel like I hit it out of the park with Haven of Secrets which really is my bestseller and what if I can’t top that? What if I don’t want to top it?

Ah, the joys of being an author!

The other joy is that on July 1st I will be out selling my books again at the trailer just like last year! Definitely exciting and I’ll see if I can come up with some other cool stuff by then. I should have my trilogy done by then but probably not much else. I’m not going to make any wagers on that!

Lastly, I’m still trying to figure out the children’s book thing. I have all these thoughts about the adventures Benji and Blue could go on but I don’t know how to write them because I got TOO much into some of my research and there is supposed to be a lesson… I know that I integrate things into my writing… my opinions, yes but also words of wisdom between characters… but if two bears go on an adventure or are just exploring what am I teaching?

So I remain stuck with ideas in my head… for now!

I will take my leave as I have other things to do before I venture off for work later but for now… enjoy my tea and take a peek at my abandoned website!

Since the Sparkles event in St. Jacobs, no, even before really, I have had thoughts of writing a children’s book. Before that event I kept wondering about writing some children’s stories about Hope and the like.

Then, for Christmas, one of my gifts was the Walmart bear. If you haven’t seen him, look him up! He was brought to life in the Christmas TV commercials which was adorable. Well, he has a face that looks like it could talk to you in any moment!

In my mind he could have so many stories to tell. I know he’s probably licensed and/or copyrighted but he can still be my inspiration!

The biggest issue I have is an illustrator! My daughter used to be great at art but I don’t know if she’d be willing to give it a shot…

The second issue I have is knowing very little about writing a story for a child since I haven’t read stories to a child in 15 years when my daughter started to read on her own!

So I’m going to read some articles and take a short course for some suggestions and ideas and hope I can come up with something really good for my little Benji Bear!

There is this extra light streaming through my window this morning and it’s so unrecognizable I had to post on Facebook to see if someone can tell me what it is!

With the exception of about ten minutes a week ago this is the first time I’ve seen this in 2023! I’m totally shocked!

I wish my own light bulb was working! I realized yesterday after going through my recent work that everything I had written down for my plan for the second book… well, I’ve missed a lot of it. So I have two options… I either continue with what I have, finish it the way I want to finish it and then add large chunks during editing OR trash the whole thing and start over… I wanted this book done by the end of November and now it might never be done! There were people I was supposed to include more than I have and I feel like I’m packing everything into what I’m writing now.

I know an author’s work doesn’t come out and go straight to publication but this is the frustrating part. I know I have made magic out of so many similar situations but I always had more time to write than I do and I always felt better than I do right now.

Speaking of that, I finally made an appointment with the doctor. February 6 is the day. And as soon as I got off the phone I had that instant fear that comes with taking the first step to finding out if there’s a problem. My mom and I chatted about that last night. That instant gut-punch twinge when you do something or something happens that is unexpected and makes you really unsure because the outcome may not be what you want it to be!

Okay, I had a sudden epiphany and I need to go write that down!

Later my friends!

So I’m a little behind… forgive me! Friday I started that what-if post and never got the chance to finish it. Since it wasn’t that bad a post I decided to finish it on what has been the best day of this year!

Friday LJ asked if I wanted to go for a drive yesterday. Of course I knew where to… Goderich, of course! I was NOT feeling it though. The thought of not having that time at home on a Saturday when I get so little time there at all was stomach churning because I feel like everyone forgets how little time I get at home… and that I still have a home which requires things like cleaning and cats to cuddle!

Needless to say, I also was looking forward to going to the town where I’m happiest… where I’m most at peace. So I agreed & at 10:30 we set out. We weren’t in a hurry and there was very little traffic.

I got excited as we climbed the hill because I knew what was on the other side… the Walmart plaza. A few kilometres away was my favourite store, Finchers, the courthouse square and…

The BEACH!

We spent some time down there. I took pictures with my actual camera which has been a long time!

Finally we went for lunch and the time came to head home.

It was the 7th of January, seven days into this New Year, and the first day in months (really) that I felt normal, happy and like I was home. We laughed, we weren’t in a hurry, I was relaxed and I got to do some shopping.

I know what the message is here… I think the volume is at the maximum for this message.

The question to myself is how do I get there? Between you and me… I have applied for a job there… it’s an extremely long shot but I know if it’s meant to be, it will be. I

I think it’s a matter of time. If Haven of Secrets sold about 3,000 more times than copies already sold I could be there!

We all do it so here’s an exercise for you… how many times have you sat and wondered what your life would be like if you had or had not… insert event here?

I’m spending a lot of time thinking about that these days and it goes all the way back!

What if I had stayed for my fifth year of high school and had the chance to explore courses outside of sciences? Would I have still gone into nursing? Would I have discovered writing instead? Could I be a reporter? A full-time author? Or maybe something that I haven’t discovered ever?

What if I hadn’t got married to the person I did or when I did? Would I have met someone else? Would we still be together? Would I have had more than one child? But then… would my Sam be my Sam? No, she’d be different and I wouldn’t want to change her!

What if I had stayed working at Canada Trust? This is quite the loaded question because it pairs off with a different what-if? I could be a branch manager by now or maybe I’d still be a full-time teller. I wanted to move from the branch and into the corporate side of things.

BUT… I was also starting a wedding business in the days I worked there and it was picking up in 1998 when I had five weddings that summer. So what-if I had continued with that and left Canada Trust? Could I have an incredibly successful wedding business by now? And still be a writer? In that case I would have time to write!

Of course there are others… what if I had chosen to stay at the doctor’s office where I had been for 12 years when I left? I could have switched my day off to Friday and have permanent long weekends!

But where do we draw the line? Where do we allow ourselves the chance to dream versus feeling regret? I have regrets. My faith tells me that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be but I also think that there are always a couple of options. Like one of those Choose Your Own Adventure books if you remember those!

So I’ll leave you with those thoughts this evening!

My upfront apologies for any errors in this post. It seems that I have two things happen before I’m about to get a migraine… I either feel so tired I could put my head down and pass out OR my lower visual fields disappear! This morning is my visual fields. It’s very disconcerting, especially when you have to down the stairs!

What a wonderful gift on this last day of 2022… may as well go out of it on the meds I take for migraines… although I have to be thankful that they work for me.

Aside from that I wanted to quickly (before the pain actually arrives) look back on the year, briefly.

The first phrase that comes to mind is “What a bunch of bullshit!” The line originated in the movie Major League when Tom Berenger’s character, Jake, tells his ex-girlfriend, Lynn, (played by Rene Russo and while standing in the library) that he had to see a stewardess (movie was made in 1989) naked because she bet him that she had a better body than Lynn. This is her return line.

Despite some boredom, I was very much enjoying working from home and the trailer. Of course I could have done away with the impromptu rush to the trailer on April 20 to empty her out to make room for a new one. Of course I like the new one better but it wasn’t what I had going through my mind a year ago!

Next I got let go from that job and have returned to working out of the house which seems to be causing an increased presence of pain in my body including my neck and hands. Yesterday was a very tough day with a young person being diagnosed with diabetes and an ultrasound coming back that a fetus is not going to survive. Those are tough days emotionally… one of the many reasons I never saw myself back in this setting after leaving last time.

Then there is the huge impact on my writing. Most days I’m exhausted. I have no energy to even drive home let alone pick up a pen to write. Yet somehow I managed to publish not one, but two books this year. I got the third installment of my Mysteries of the Past series out and I got the first book of a new trilogy out. I had a successful book sale at the trailer this summer but a totally unsuccessful one a month ago.

I wanted to have book 2 out a month ago and I am at Chapter 6. I have, I think, four tabs minimum open with courses that I want to take/do for writing. I don’t even have time for that!

All I want to do is be able to come up with ideas for writing, write them and put them out there for you to read!

Oh, and another author that traded books with me sent me an amazing comment after he finished reading it! He desperately wanted to read Haven of Secrets and so I traded him for one of his anecdotal books. His comment lifted my spirits!

I am so glad he enjoyed reading that novel as I’m very proud of it! Don’t you think it would make a great movie?

Well, I can now see again but I can feel the inklings creeping up on the right side of my head. It’s time to take some meds!

I wish you all a Happy New Year and all the best in 2023!

My favourite time of the year! I could do without the snow… or at least this much snow! Not really sure, after what we’ve endured these last couple of years, why we had to have a major winter snowstorm that is making travel so difficult!

It’s not keeping me at home… I’m going to spend time with my entire family! I feel bad for those who have to change their plans because of all this… it’s certainly not fair!

I’ve been grateful for the time off. I have been holding out for these four days. Of course there’s three and a half days of work before another three in a row off but I have desperately needed this time.

And I’ve been looking for that magic answer in all of this. Clearly I’m not happy, still. And grumpy doc decided on Thursday that he was going to question why I did something when all I was doing was trying to be proactive and plan ahead. Even the other nurse wasn’t sure about the tone he used and I was left wondering if we’re about to venture back down that rabbit hole again.

All that aside the great thing has been the ability to spend some time writing! Yes, I’m back at it. I even ended up getting my calendars out so that I could plan the remaining two books of the trilogy!

I’m extremely disappointed because I had wanted the second book out by now. Yes, I’m going to keep saying it. I can’t change it but I can feel disappointed in the inability for me to do so. It didn’t help that I ended up not liking what I wrote and felt the need to change it BUT that was too hard to do from paper. I needed the time to sit at my laptop with it in front of me and rework it. I managed to do that yesterday and that’s when I got the calendars out so I can track where things are heading!

I think I have a pretty good grip on it now so let’s see where it goes!

I hope you are all having a wonderful day!

Merry Christmas!