That’s what I feel like! I feel like one second I can see a clear path ahead then the next minute takes that all away.

I have been all over the place these days. Going into the interview on Monday (yes, it got moved from last Thursday) I was feeling really positive. After, I didn’t know what to make of it. I was very confused.

I was grateful this was a short week and yesterday we talked a lot about Good Friday and the crucifixion. Last night I went to bed certain that I should be going out there and doing something entirely different and unique yet researching that this morning brought up NOTHING!

So I feel like I’m back at square one. I feel like I get feelings but then I fail. And my biggest issue is I don’t have the time to sit and do what I need to do!

I’m managing to work through my to-do list including going through the trailer stuff and making a list of what I need. This morning I felt the first urges to sit down to write something but a headache came on so fast I couldn’t have predicted it!

When I first started writing I never thought it would all be this hard. I didn’t think it would be something that I would develop such a huge passion for and be determined that this is what I want to do!

There is a course I signed up for to transfer my RN skills to writing but, again, it takes time. And it’s not that I don’t have what it takes.

To you writers, it’s a long haul and a lot of the time it’s depressing. And gives you headaches! It’s like a job in itself but one you may or may not get paid to do.

May we all, one day, see success!!

I’m doing my best to follow my own advice. Trying to take one step at a time, one day at a time. How is that working? Some days it’s okay; some days, not so easy.

I write about faith today because friends are being forced to move. There are other issues surrounding this entire issue but when we hugged goodbye last night I said “whether you believe it or not, it’s all in God’s time”.

This morning I realized that LJ and I would handle the situation so differently and without all the shouting that was going on at the start of our visit last evening.

I have sympathy, I most definitely do and I’m not trying to play that down. I’m merely emphasizing that each of us thinks different, behaves different and much of that is based on our backgrounds. Each one of us is different because we have different histories.

As for me, yeah, I’m barely hanging in. Work is wearing me out so bad that I’m falling into bed. Thursday afternoon I took to doing a bit of filing and I chose to do it in the quiet area of the office where I could sit on the floor… not only could I NOT sit cross-legged because of back and hip pain but I also couldn’t get off the floor! That and my neck pain and my hand… well, it’s a lot of reasons to pray for tomorrow… that’s when my interview got moved to from Thursday which is why I have been silent.

Hopefully you haven’t stopped praying for me as I haven’t stopped. And I’m still excited about it!

There are many things right now that I’m doing my best to keep faith in; to keep looking forward and taking one step at a time. I think it’s human nature to just automatically want to jump ahead. We overthink and if there was an Oscar or a Nobel prize for that, I’d take it, hands down! I overthink every part of everything that is in my future. I want to leap ahead in my monster truck and take out everything in my way but then I have to remind myself that that’s not how it works.

So what are your greatest issues when it comes to that? Do you do the same? Do you have a way to break it all down? I guess it’s a bit like writing… we start to tell a story and we break it down. Sometimes we don’t know where it’s going but eventually we get through the dam in our minds and the water starts to flow again.

I’ll keep you posted, as always.

I feel so deprived of time and understanding. I made a list… no, I STARTED a list of things I need to do but haven’t because I just don’t have the time. I have clothes I have ordered that are still in their plastic wrap because I haven’t had time to open them and try them on. I have stuff to throw out but don’t have time. I need to go through what I brought home from the trailer, make a list of what I need to replace and buy it and I don’t have time. The last two Saturdays have been spent at shows and then time elsewhere but that means less time at home to cross things off my list.

I crave time. And the other issue is that my people don’t understand why I can’t do these things on, say, a Monday evening when I’m home all evening after work. Ummm… because I worked over 8 hours, came home, made supper and all I want to do is pass out on the couch rather than cleaning out my fridge or changing clothes a bazillion times! Why? Because, generally, I’m close to 10,000 steps a day.

I’m struggling to find focus or fun these days as life feels like a chore. Now I’m wondering what is going on with the electricity where I live. I don’t know if there are issues with the power company (they were here the day this all started) or if it’s my section because of all the water that surrounds us.

Anyway, is there anyone out there who wants my headaches? I’m giving them away for free!

And yes, I have been managing to cross a few things off my list… taxes are almost done and I’ve made my list for the trailer.

So yesterday, I know I posted very briefly about my interview and wished I would have added more context… maybe I will do that… IF it progresses to the next steps!

But I had an AWFUL IBS attack yesterday and was almost out of commission. The fact that I pulled off the interview was impressive even to me!

What was so sad about it is the thought that this weekend is the RV Show! Yes, we were supposed to go THREE years ago… right when everything got shut down so this is a LONG time in the making.

Yeah, yeah ,we have our trailer, why go to the RV Show?

My mom, dad and I went every year before Covid. It was our way of getting into gear for the trailer! Their model was always there and we’d sit in it like we were home.

For three years we’ve missed that so here we go! LJ and I were supposed to go three years ago, it would have been our first. This is our first together and we’re going on four years already in July.

Anyway, with that interview yesterday it definitely made me excited despite running to the bathroom 20 times. It actually made me feel like picking up a pen and writing but I didn’t have the energy! The energy, was gone!

So, I’m off to look at RVs and imagine the sunset view from my bedroom window up there.

Maybe, for those of you around here, I’ll see you there!

I finished the initial interview an hour ago and I’m very excited!

It would be making a difference in the world of transplants and each one like a puzzle to put together plus room for promotions!

Everything about the interview felt like it was talking to me. I’ll find out Monday or Tuesday if I’m chosen for the next interview and maybe by the end of next week I will have a positive answer!

I haven’t felt good about a lot up until now. I’d be working from home again and reviewing charts that are way more interesting than what I was doing for Medchart (except the lymphoma case).

So say a few words for me!

Life is supposed to be a gift. One we cherish every day and yet the cycle of life includes death. It’s the one thing humanity has in common.

This week has not been fun. Too many deaths. I’m not going to get into the who right now.

We just never know when it will happen. We take for granted those around us, those close to us and those not even that close to us. We stress and worry. We put things off until tomorrow and sometimes there isn’t a tomorrow.

When I fought my own personal health issues and came out ahead the one thing I wanted to do was take a step back and be able to take the time to smell the roses once in a while.

Though my work-from-home job was exciting at first, it waned because of a lack of work. But it did give me time to look around and enjoy life more. Now I feel like I’m merely going through the motions rushing to work, home, to work again and, well, you get the idea. I also spend my days closing in on 10,000 steps a day IN AN OFFICE! That’s how much running I do.

The recent deaths… they make a person step back and take inventory sometimes… it makes us reevaluate what we want and don’t want.

I’m beyond grateful to have an interview on Friday afternoon.

For that, I will keep you posted.

Goodnight.

As I sit here drinking the last of my tea I am pondering what happens in life and why? I know that nobody alive has ever figured that out and I know that I won’t be handed that answer either but I can still ask!

As I’ve said in my recent posts, I have a lot of regrets. But there’s not much I can do to go back and change them. What’s interesting is I decided to watch The Way Home on W Channel and the pond is the time travel ‘machine’. Even up to now they haven’t been able to save the little boy’s life. They thought they did but he still didn’t make it so the plot thickens. Unless Lake Huron has developed time travel properties I won’t be able to go back in time and tell myself what to do or not do!

It makes for an interesting story though. I know that in Back to the Future everything changes and for the better. Marty gets his dad to stop hiding and defend himself and it makes all the difference for the whole family. But what if each of us was able to at least write what we thought life would have been like and would we have ended up at this point anyway?

I’m sure that the people we meet are there for a reason so does that mean had I ended up in journalism that all my current co-workers would have gone down different paths as well?

I love asking questions that there are no answers to.

Anyway, got a lot of my tax stuff together this week. I have receipts and entries to go and then I can sit at the computer and get them entered. That will be a load off.

I also went to physio for my initial assessment and we, for the time being, are going to work on the tendonitis in my thumb. Initial goal is to protect it to get it to heal. Then work on strengthening it so this, hopefully, doesn’t happen again. It will be more than the five sessions initially booked… that was just to get me on the schedule. I will take my planner on Monday and work out some of the others. I go twice this week, twice next week and I have to book two for the week after. Then it goes to once a week before it drops to every other week. I also have to wear a brace… sigh. Obviously not for everything and not around the clock. I would not be typing this if I had it on as my thumb is immobile in it. Yes, I know it will help protect and prevent further injury… it mostly takes time to adjust. It will be most important to wear it at work until I find something else. I did get an email about arranging an interview so that’s an excellent sign!

And in the writing department… nope. Not happening. I think I need to get the taxes out of the way for my creative brain juices to flow again. I think a lot is going through my mind right now that I need to stop before I can go ahead with the writing again.

I’m glad I’m finally getting it together and getting regular blog posts up. Just as I get into a routine I’ll be at the trailer and fighting for computer time!

Here’s hoping for the nicer weather and the changing of the winds… I could do without the changing of the time though. Blech!

The weather goes beyond what I can handle. I don’t know where you all are in the world but we got dumped on with 27 cm of snow which is just on the edge of 11 inches! I know other places got more but other places got less, with some areas only getting rain.

This has finished me off and, after doing my best out there, I don’t know if I’ll even get out of my parking spot. If that’s the case I don’t have a clue what I’ll do unless someone with way more muscle can come along and help me clear more snow away!

The last two weeks have not been good for me. Being the only nurse in the office for half of that had me running off my feet and the paper just won’t stop. By Thursday afternoon my tendonitis was so bad that I couldn’t even twist the needle off an empty syringe to put it on a pre-filled syringe. Lora had to step in and take over.

As for that, though, I have called and scheduled some physiotherapy. Hopefully five sessions will be enough to get me exercises and all of that.

Between my hands and the snow I have been very depressed this week. I finally got LJ on board with me needing find a different job where I’m not killing my hands every time I walk through the door, where I’m not able to keep up with the pace, where it’s impacting my already bad parts… back, lumbar spine and making my neck worse and I definitely need the increased income.

Very little writing is getting done. I’ve had headaches again for the last three days which is understandable with the weather but it doesn’t make it any easier.

Yesterday I got so much done around the house and it felt awesome. Those little things just seem to be so short-lived. Today with the snow has basically erased yesterday’s feelings of accomplishment.

The little happy parts aren’t enough of a boost to keep me going.

I want summer.

It’s been off and on these days with all the horrible weather changes we’ve been forced to endure! I’m sorry but What the…??? Freezing rain, snow, a little snow, a lot of snow and then wash it all away with higher temperatures and regular rain. Sorry, but despite hating snow I’m a little more prepared for it in JANUARY and FEBRUARY! NOT the END of February heading into the spring months! Let’s get it right!

Otherwise… well, on my own at work for half the week and, as predicted Wednesday and Thursday morning were uneventful… then the storm came for Thursday afternoon and Friday morning. Only two more of these days to go.

It’s a far cry from that beautiful day off on Monday when I got so much accomplished! I reviewed my writing workshop so I can run it this summer at the trailer, I got tons of editing done and then yesterday I sat down to pick it up and I had to go over everything because I totally forgot everything I had done.

Now I’m back at the weekend and my head just suddenly started pounding and my neck is killing me. I’ve taken my meds so hopefully I won’t feel like this in an hour.

So what’s on your agenda this weekend? I wanted to keep editing, write this post, make some flower arrangements, enter in all the changes I made Monday to the Writing Workshop so I can finalize all that stuff and tuck it away and just be prepared and I wanted and I wanted to get an appointment for some hand therapy but they don’t want to answer their phones on Friday afternoons so I have a decision to make… I either call from work and try to get through OR I go somewhere else where I might not get the same therapy but at least I can get through to them to book an appointment. Working on my own the last three days really made me aware of the pain and the limitations in my hands and that I need to do something.

So I’m going to curl up with a Hallmark movie for now, have some lunch and then watch BASEBALL at 1:00! Yes, it’s back! My Toronto Blue Jays have their first spring training game of the season!

YES!

It is a holiday. Family Day to be specific and I am off work.

And this has to be the BEST day I’ve had since sometime around Christmas! I have accomplished a list of stuff that had to be done. My writing is sitting open on the couch because it’s the only thing I can’t focus on right now but I did manage to:

Get my income tax stuff all together in a very large pile
Throw out a pile of paper
Apply for at least three jobs
Edit my writing workshop material so I can have it added to the schedule to teach it at Lake Huron Resort this summer
Find a number of old articles I started to write and want to either edit or finish

I think that’s it, at least for now but I’m not done though I am wearing out!

What I’m trying to say is this has been an amazing and energetic day. My hands have been less sore because I’m not hauling items around or searching through sheaves of paper looking for a needle in a haystack… the one report that nobody else can find in a chart.

THIS is what I want. THIS is how I want to feel… every day.

I know I’m facing some challenges… there’s a LOT on my mind and even more on my mind. Between a job I’m not loving, health challenges–new and old, and just the unknown in the future, I feel totally mixed up!

I know that I need more time off work and I think that in two weeks I’m going to take full advantage of the neediest doc’s absence to do so. It will give me a break (although a decreased paycheque) and it will be a good test for my partner in crime there to work for the other two docs. I’ve only had her work for one so far so it will do her good to work for the two of them because when I take vacation she might have all three (IF I’m still there by vacation season) by herself.

At this point, I’ve accomplished a lot and I’m proud of that. I feel great about that and I’m relaxed. I think I know what I need to do… but I have to figure out how to do it.