Wujud suara berbisik dalam kepala, Luahkan sahaja setiap bibit dirasa, Tentang apa yang jelas bergema, Tentang dia tentang aku tentang dia juga,
Wahai hati masih tak cukup lagi? Dibelenggu harapan palsu basi, Mengharap si dia datang kembali, Hasil bacaan nujum mencari ya dan pasti,
Yang berpusing-pusing bermain di kepala, Bukan roulette atau karosel metafora, Yang jelas dan pasti berlegar tentang dia, Dia penuhi suasana atmosfera,
Sudah dan pasti ini tentang cinta, Untuk khas satu-satunya Hang Li Po hamba, Sejauh lautan benua tetap ku cuba, Amarah langit petir pun tak terasa, Namaku majnun tapi kau bukan Laila.
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Have I ever crossed your mind? Is a question, That always crossed my mind,
You are always on my mind, Is a thought, That is always in my mind,
How can I find the answer? For my question, Only you have the answer,
We no longer talk, It’s been months, We no longer talk,
Will things change in the future? Or things will never be like it used to be, I hope things change for the better in the future,
Is there a future for us, I’m being wishful, There is a future for both of us.
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I talked about this in my last session with my therapist and I thought of it differently now. Yes, I am calling myself out on this one.
Here are my current thoughts on what happiness is today;
I used to believe that to love and be loved is something that I need in life to feel happy. Now, I see it as an expectation. From my perspective, to have someone love me and to be able to love someone who will make me happy is my own expectation of the situation. Looking back, I was in a different mental state and environment. I’ve learned so much since then.
Nowadays, for me, happiness can be anything. Getting myself a new notebook that I’ll never use, roaming the street while enjoying the view, eating a warm hearty meal, writing a simple line and so much more. To be able to feel happy no matter how small is still happiness. Even feeling grateful for the smallest thing can sprout that feeling of happiness in me. So, I know, I live every single day.
Out of all those, I still can’t get rid of this loneliness inside me. It doesn’t really come as intense or frequent as before. However, when it hit, it hits really hard. No matter how comfortable I am on my own, I feel lacking in the sense of companionship and deeper connection. I need to work this out in my next therapy session.
I’m sure that this is actually a multi-layered thought on its own. I’m also working on something so that I could find a community to share my energy with. Of course, it is a creative community that promotes growth. In a way, I have a lot of plans and am quite busy with my schedule. All I need now is to build things and enjoy this journey now. In a way, it makes me feel happy and excited to see where I can go from here too.
So, what’s your happiness?
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Which part of this road we called life are you at? Are you standing and looking back? To the same road you’ve passed, But you can retrace your steps, Nor you can return,
Are you looking to the front? Gazing into the long stretching road, Until you can’t see anything, On the furthest unknown horizon,
Are you walking on the road? Being aware of your every step, And repairing the cracks from previous disasters, While paving new roads to your destination,
Regardless where you are, It’s your journey and a path only known to you.
How many of you are listening to podcasts? I’ve been listening to a podcast called Room 201. I’ve known about the podcast from following Su San on Instagram and she is also the instructor at A Lusher Mind. I joined a program called Mind Gardening with Arts program and I wrote about my whole experience.
Back to the Room 201 podcast and why it made me feel inspired and motivated. Starting from episode 7 until the present (at the moment of this post), Su San was having wonderful and creative guests talk about their journey in their crafts.
What I found really inspiring and motivating is how they came from different backgrounds and went on a journey that not everyone is willing to take. I really respect the guests and I can’t help but to relate on the journey I am going through now.
Not only that, but it’s also about how on their journey they had to make a tough decision, go through difficult challenges, and who’s there to support them to be where they are now. They are too relatable and I really feel each episode is the boost that I need to keep on going on my journey.
Su San started to invite guests starting episode 7. I shared the link to the episode below. You can also listen to the full podcast here.
So, if you’re looking for inspiration and motivation. I highly recommend you listen to Room 201 Podcast by Su San. I hope you will experience the same thing as I did and help you on your journey as well.
If you are feeling the same way as I did, feeling lost in your creative pursuit, unmotivated to do your crafts or you really need something fresh to engage your creative side, I highly recommend the Mind Gardening With Arts Program by A Lusher Mind. You can find out the programs they have on their website here.
In every step that I took lately, I learned to enjoy each one of it, A step feels heavier, The view was rough to watch, Another step feels lighter, The view was serene and bright, And in some steps, I stepped on rocks, I stumbled on nothing, I fell down too,
Did I mention that it is a cycle? And the cycle is endless too.
Write Ally! Write! 