Rick O’Neil – 1951-2015

His Happy Place!

Troop 30 ♥

Today marks the 10th anniversary of my husband going to his forever home. It’s never been easy, but today, being a milestone marker, is such a mixed bag of emotions. I really would have thought I would be further along with this. It seems I just can’t find a day that’s not laced with him somehow. I don’t live in sorrow, but the memories are always so entwined in my life.  Yet, at the same time, it seems like ‘that life’ was really someone else’s that I just observed, because it seems so very far away. It’s strange I know– a wrestle in my heart.

So, today, I was walking my dog, Houston, on the trail and the Lord spoke something beautiful to me. I wish I could have written it down so I would have the words; but it was more like I understood, and He then wrote it on my heart.

He said that this marks a new beginning. I know that sounds cliche’ but then He said, and it begins “Right Now!” and just as He said that, a fresh breeze suddenly whooshed around me. It was refreshing! Cooling and swift, yet gentle . . .

It carried hope.

He related building my life to that of a puzzle. This too, would seem cliche’, but yet, I have never heard it explained this way . . .

Again, I can’t remember the words so I will just try to describe it because this is for anyone, this is for you!

The life you are building is your creation, because you choose the pieces to fit. He doesn’t control our lives, but He leads us to situations and people to our path–the pieces in our life to choose from. Some we will try to include and they lock in for life. Others, no matter how hard you try, it just won’t work–won’t fit. We work and fuss, often focused on the one piece at hand, not taking the time to look up–see the broader picture. Does it please you? Is that how you wanted your life to look? When you’re not looking at the bigger picture, you may leave pieces in place that you never wanted to be. Your life builds around them and now there’s no changing what was. You can only continue to build-learn from it, change and build beyond. We must become aware in the moment and not try to force a piece that just doesn’t fit.

In the meantime, while you’re fussing over that one piece, life is passing you by!

So, actually He didn’t say any of that last paragraph except for that first sentence, so that just came out in the moment, just for fun.

What He did relate to me was this . . .

Most people begin a puzzle by finding all the outside edges. They piece them together to build the frame, the outer parameter, and then work to fill in the center. He reminded me of a puzzle I had when I was a kid. It was called “The Shape.” It had a free-form outer edge that was interesting. It was different and fun to put together.

That type of puzzle building, the first and most common, is easier. You have a clear framework to build on, but it’s rigid and locked-in. There is no room for free expression and your life is contained, limited and restricted.

Rather . . .

Each piece must come from your heart!

You build out of your heart and add to it from what you see in your heart. In this way it flows in whatever way your heart, your spirit, is leading you. Ever-evolving and ever-changing, creating beauty in your life from the rock solid foundation of your heart–the Spirit of God, within your own spirit.

Beautiful!

I think there would be less heartache and pain if we built our lives this way. Instead, we set our boundaries, fill in the blanks, and spend most of our lives trying to fix what never fit to begin with. Futile work!

So this is a rather odd and puzzling post, pardon the pun, but I couldn’t resist–born out of a heart that seems at polar opposites at times. Wrestling with a section of my puzzling life that I can no longer change and yet, even though it’s way deep inside the picture now, it still commands my attention . . .

A puzzle only God can fix!

Rest in peace my love. You will never be forgotten and I know that I will see you again one day. I just ask that, for now, you would allow me to Rest, in Peace!

“I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and be glad. O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together! I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. Look to him and be radiant; so your faces shall never be ashamed. This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. O taste and see that the Lord is good! Happy is the man who takes refuge in him!”

Psalm 34:1-8