I Am An Octopus

I'm the moron who stared at the window-wipers on the bus on the way home on the second day of school and wondered, "Well, Gosh, I wonder if I could more accurately represent that curve through the use of cycloids or parametric equations." The one who JUST figured out that cupcakes are CALLED cupcakes because they are small, cup-sized cakes. The one who just can't help but ask "What has two thumbs and doesn't give a rat's ass?" when random pseudointellectuals try to convince her that conceptual art ISN'T a waste of time. Mostly, I'm a painter of death, destruction, and--sometimes--very briefly--and very seldomly--drug use, naughty words, and minor, life-altering disabilities. (Or I'm a bioremediation engineer. Or I might be a thermonuclear dietician. Or I might polish your shoes and purfiy your water every day. That really depends on how many of "them" I feel I can deal with.)