unselko

So--today the subject clauses are removed on the contract for sale of our house.  Hooray!  It is truly sold!  The terribly efficient home inspection man the buyers had hired, and who was all over the house yesterday inspecting and then meeting with the buyers and their agent, did not put them off from buying.  I don't know what he told them, and I don't want to.  We had disclosed every single thing we knew about, and they still offered more than the asking price, so I guess they really like the place.  What an incredible relief!  Now we can get on with the next phase--moving.

Today we got possession of our new place, the 2-bedroom condo, and I got the painters in to begin stripping the wallpaper and then (naturally) painting.  Then all the carpeting needs to be cleaned, drapes ordered, and maybe some kitchen and bathroom renovation.  We'll be moving in a couple of weeks.

It is humbling to have to ask for help from one's child.  Not that that is a bad thing--I'm not saying it's humiliating, just humbling, and I think that being humbled is probably good for everybody once in a while.  When you are old, you also have to consider that to some extent the tables have been slowly turning, and the parent you were, the one who was the giver, the helper, is now going to be more and more the one who needs help, who has to learn to receive, and to receive gratefully and graciously.

In every parent / child relationship, there are going to be tensions.  (And I'm referring to adult children here.)  You and your child will not see everything the same way, or choose to do everything the same way.  Each of you knows what buttons to push that will cause a knee-jerk reaction in the other, whether for hurt or anger or other emotion.  And each of you has things going on, perhaps behind the scenes, in his or her life that will complicate your response to your relationship, parent to child or child to parent.  So both the past and the present, to say nothing of future considerations, will be part of it too.

Sarah and I worked through a lot of these sorts of things today.  Last Friday, I had to ask for her help. I was dealing with some complicated situations relating to our pending sale of the house which were keeping me from paying sufficient attention to Ricardo and his needs.  I was shocked to find that this had been happening, and concerned enough about him to ask her to step in and make sure he got what he needed.  She arranged to leave work in the morning and quickly came to help, and has been helping out for the last couple of days.

She and I have managed, over the years, to become more and more honest in our communication with each other, and so today we were able to talk from the heart about our feelings in our changing situation, not without tears on my part and some wrenching admissions from both of us, and a fair bit of laughter. I'm left a bit drained emotionally, but feeling glad for the chance to be open to one another.  And humbled by the very great love between us.

Today the painters started work on the house interior.  They're doing a fine job, neutralizing everything, but I feel like one of those homeowners on a This House is Hard to Sell type of program, wailing "but it doesn't look like my house any more!"  I'm telling myself that I just want the house to sell, get over it, but it's a little disorienting.

Ricardo is finding the whole process particularly confusing and upsetting.  His poor brain is not responding well, forgetting something we just talked about, not noticing parcels that are piled to be carried downstairs, getting thoroughly confused about what we will be doing next.  I tried making a list for him, but he said that seeing all the items ( I think there were only 5) made him terribly upset.  I'm sympathetic but don't know how to make things easier or less stressful for him.  Maybe there is no way, and we'lll just have to wait until we get settled in before he can return to ordinary functioning.

I give him credit for admitting what is going on for him and how he feels about it.  I can imagine that men hate to admit not being able to cope, and it certainly must be hard for him that I have to do most of the work, because he has always been one to do his full share and more.  It's even worse for him because under this stress, he needs even more help with things like just getting dressed.  And when I'm stressed, my ability to be patient suffers, but he never complains if I'm impatient with him.  He's really a hero through all this.

Today we took shopping bags of clothes as well as many framed prints and paintings to the St. Vincent de Paul Thrift Store, then took bags of magazines to the recycling center (Ricardo collected model railroad magazines, I collected quilting and sewing ones).  And there's still more stuff to go through and get rid of.  What haunts me now is the realization that no matter how much stuff we discard, when we start to open boxes and put things away in the new place, it will seem like an endless task.

There will come a time, though, when we are happily settled in, enjoying our new digs.  I'll hang on to that image--it will happen! 

So I started out very well in February with posting every day, but the beginning of the Olympics just shut me right down!  There was so much to watch and to enjoy, and I happily threw over LiveJournal and just gave all my free time to Olympics viewing.  And in case you've been living on another planet (or in another hemisphere), our Vancouver Olympics were a huge success, both for Vancouver and for Canada.  Everyone loved the party atmosphere of the city, public transportation stepped up and delivered, a great time was had by all.  Canada is still in recovery mode--we're not used to such massive success.

While all that was going on, I kept looking at condos and found a great place for us.  It's on the 18th floor of an older concrete building (the new places have significantly less square footage), has two bedrooms and two bathrooms, one of which has a walk-in shower for Ricardo, three balconies because it's a corner unit, and really great views, of both the mountains to the northeast and the Strait of Georgia to the south.  It's also next to a large, well-used forested park and five minutes' walk from our daughter Sarah's place.

We put in a bid, over the asking price as there were three other bids at the same time, and were successful!  Then there was financing to arrange, since until we get this place sold we own two properties, and a great many stressful meetings to be had and arrangements to be made, all of which fell to me since Ricardo cannot do very much.  Of course he has been kept fully in the picture and gives me his advice and opinions, which is good, and I'm able to represent him as I know his mind.  But still, I'm the front ma...person, and I've had to be careful to rest and relax so I can do a good job.

Our son-in-law is re-caulking the tub tomorrow, and our daughter will be helping Ricardo to sort through and get rid of things, while I finalize the tidying of the sewing room.  The painters come next week, and then the week after that we should be putting the house on the market.  Real estate seems to be hot around here again, so I have hopes that it won't take long to find a buyer.

So you see, while the Olympics were going on I just didn't have a minute to tell you all that!  It's really the fault of the Olympics!

The short of it is that we have bought a condo, perfect for us and our needs, which does not allow pets.  In reading the minutes of its meetings I can see that people (a very few, but still...) have been reported for having pets, fined, and been forced to get rid of the pet.

We found a place that would accept Edgar, and today we took him there.  It was wrenching to say goodbye, and I shed many tears.  Ricardo was very affected too, but is not a crying type of guy.  

I don't have any guilt regarding Edgar, because eleven years ago we saved him from an unfortunate situation and have given him a happy home in which he flourished.  Ricardo's needs must prevail now.  I'll give you the story of what's been going on with regard to housing in tomorrow's post, but I won't say anything more about Edgar.  That would be just too painful. 

Getting rid of more stuff, I realized that part of my angst is about gardens that now, with moving to a condo, will never happen.

I will never plant that small but select rose garden, using only fragrant roses.

I will never try growing clematis through the evergreens that line the edge of my tiny backyard.

I will not have a garden filled with differing varieties of rudbeckia.

There are many years that I paid little attention to my small garden, letting it hobble along on its own, but I loved the naturalized foxgloves, the herb patch, and especially the daphne odora bushes, with their fragrant flowers that reminded me of Sacred Heart Elementary School in Portland, where we girls would break off the little flowers and tuck them into the buttonholes of the Pendleton jackets we wore over our uniforms. 
I always had bigger plans, plans to make it independent of watering ( I got a long way on that), plans to fill it with flowers at spring, summer and fall (less successful, but I did have a few plants for each season). 

I would not have thought that the garden was something I would shed tears over.

Today is Sarah's birthday, and I forgot until now about making a post because I was so focused on completing her gifts and getting them over to her house.

I had talked to her a few days before, and she didn't want a fuss made, no dinner out, nothing special, and I knew she would not like a birthday cake. I had it in mind to make her favourite cookies, ones which are very low in fat and reduced in sugar but still delicious:  Double Chocolate Cookies from an Ann Lindsay cookbook.   These are not easy to make, given the above constraints, but I got them baked, cooled, and wrapped, and I think I did a pretty good job.

I also wanted to make her some bookmarks.  When she was little, she made me bookmarks for my birthdays, and I still have several of them, use them regularly, and enjoy the scenes she drew on them.  Coming full circle, now I don't have much money for gifts, so I thought she might enjoy something homemade.  I cut pictures of beautiful garden scenes, glued them to cardboard, and inked some poetry on the backs;  then I found a small photo of a group of baby llamas looking with great curiousity at the camera, so I used that too.  My quilting rulers and cutting wheel were helpful in trimming everything to look professional, and the result satisfied me.

I have keys to her place, so I was able to arrange a nice surprise for her to find after work.  I hope she likes her presents!  

At last night's meeting of our parish's Catholic Book Club, we discussed the fact that next month will mark our first anniversary.  A year in operation and still going strong!  That's better than other book clubs I've belonged to, and I'm proud of us.

We've ranged from a high of 12 to a low of 3 at meetings, and we have a solid core of 5, including our pastor, Father Cicero, who is a committed and enthusiastic member.  We've read books that we otherwise would never have picked up, fiction and non-fiction, all with a Catholic connection.  Last night we went round the table saying which of the books we've read we liked best and which we liked least, and that was fun.  My favourite so far was Merton's Seven Storey Mountain, and when I said that, Pierre reminded me that I hadn't been that enthusiastic when we first discussed it.  I thought about that on the way home and realized that Merton's writing is so clear, his style so engaging, that I remember his story very well and can picture the various scenes in my mind, and that's probably why I now consider it a favourite.  Others mentioned Willa Cather's Death Comes for the Archbishop as a big favourite.

We're considering Dante's Inferno for the future, along with Augustine's Confessions. There are also a couple of plays we may take on, notably T. S. Eliot's Murder in the Cathedral, but we have a good list to choose from, and it seems as though every month someone suggests at least one addition to it. 

Having people who enjoy reading and who are not reluctant to express opinions has been important to our success, and as we have come to know one another better, our discussion has been increasingly interesting.  Some prefer fiction or biography, some have a taste for philosophy, but we've been able to accomodate everyone's choices with no hurt feelings.  The fellowship has been most enjoyable, and Father Cicero's hospitality in hosting many meetings in the rectory has made us very comfortable.

I am looking forward to seeing what Year Two will bring.

Well, the upstairs hall closet is now totally clean and pretty.  Whereas before there were four shelves crowded with old and unused stuff, now there are three shelves with attractive towels and sheets, and one shelf with essential pharmaceuticals.  Mind you, I have also have boxes packed with sheets and towels, and a box with OTC pharma stuff, because that little closet doesn't hold enough of these essentials, but what I want to do is suggest to possible buyers that, oh yes, see, there is a closet for all these things, yes indeed.  It's the impression that's important, I think, just so that questions are not raised in the buyer's mind. 

The packing grind goes on, happily broken up yesterday by Sarah's excellent Super Bowl dinner.  Everything was delicious, but special mention goes to her lemon and chocolate tart.  That may be the best dessert ever!  And then the Saints won!  I was rooting for them, while everyone else cheered on the Colts, so you can imagine lots of shrieks and groans as the game went one way and then another.  Lots of fun for all of us, and now Sarah is murmuring about having us over again during the soccer World Cup in June.  Yes please!