Experiencing Humility
It is humbling to have to ask for help from one's child. Not that that is a bad thing--I'm not saying it's humiliating, just humbling, and I think that being humbled is probably good for everybody once in a while. When you are old, you also have to consider that to some extent the tables have been slowly turning, and the parent you were, the one who was the giver, the helper, is now going to be more and more the one who needs help, who has to learn to receive, and to receive gratefully and graciously.
In every parent / child relationship, there are going to be tensions. (And I'm referring to adult children here.) You and your child will not see everything the same way, or choose to do everything the same way. Each of you knows what buttons to push that will cause a knee-jerk reaction in the other, whether for hurt or anger or other emotion. And each of you has things going on, perhaps behind the scenes, in his or her life that will complicate your response to your relationship, parent to child or child to parent. So both the past and the present, to say nothing of future considerations, will be part of it too.
Sarah and I worked through a lot of these sorts of things today. Last Friday, I had to ask for her help. I was dealing with some complicated situations relating to our pending sale of the house which were keeping me from paying sufficient attention to Ricardo and his needs. I was shocked to find that this had been happening, and concerned enough about him to ask her to step in and make sure he got what he needed. She arranged to leave work in the morning and quickly came to help, and has been helping out for the last couple of days.
She and I have managed, over the years, to become more and more honest in our communication with each other, and so today we were able to talk from the heart about our feelings in our changing situation, not without tears on my part and some wrenching admissions from both of us, and a fair bit of laughter. I'm left a bit drained emotionally, but feeling glad for the chance to be open to one another. And humbled by the very great love between us.
In every parent / child relationship, there are going to be tensions. (And I'm referring to adult children here.) You and your child will not see everything the same way, or choose to do everything the same way. Each of you knows what buttons to push that will cause a knee-jerk reaction in the other, whether for hurt or anger or other emotion. And each of you has things going on, perhaps behind the scenes, in his or her life that will complicate your response to your relationship, parent to child or child to parent. So both the past and the present, to say nothing of future considerations, will be part of it too.
Sarah and I worked through a lot of these sorts of things today. Last Friday, I had to ask for her help. I was dealing with some complicated situations relating to our pending sale of the house which were keeping me from paying sufficient attention to Ricardo and his needs. I was shocked to find that this had been happening, and concerned enough about him to ask her to step in and make sure he got what he needed. She arranged to leave work in the morning and quickly came to help, and has been helping out for the last couple of days.
She and I have managed, over the years, to become more and more honest in our communication with each other, and so today we were able to talk from the heart about our feelings in our changing situation, not without tears on my part and some wrenching admissions from both of us, and a fair bit of laughter. I'm left a bit drained emotionally, but feeling glad for the chance to be open to one another. And humbled by the very great love between us.